Very Long Vegas Recap

I am back from Vegas. Even though I didn’t break the bank while I was there, I still had a lot of fun. Here is a rundown of the trip. I apologize in advance but this is a rather long post. But, at least I will have a written reminder of the goings on.

Sunday February 17^th
I flew in to town pretty early on United. I hate flying from O’Hare but I got the flight for five bucks so, I can not really bitch about it. I arrived and got to the rental car facility to pick up a car I had reserved. I like to rent a car in Vegas so, that I can get off of the strip when I want to. It took about 15 minutes and I got my luxurious Dodge Caliber. Again, I can’t bitch as I got it at a rate of $7.80 per day, but the car was nothing spectacular.

After getting in the car I drove to Bill’s Gambling Hall which is located right next to Bally’s where
I was staying. I like to park at Bill’s simply because it is easy to get in and out of their parking garage, while Bally’s shares a garage with Paris and it is more of a pain in the ass to navigate to and from. After parking the rental I walked over and got my room key. I saw my brother, Aunt, her husband Jim and my cousin Leyna with her boyfriend John and her friend Carolyn sitting at the main bar in Bally’s.

We exchanged pleasantries, then my brother and I dropped off our bags in our room and headed back downstairs to the bar. The men and women split up at this point as the women wanted to go for a walk and the men were hungry. Knowing we were going to be eating a larger meal that night, the boys decided to just head downstairs to Bally’s and eat something there. Our choices were between a Sbarro and a sandwich place. We opted for the Sbarro.

After finishing our pizza the girls met up with us and they decided they were hungry. But, they did not want Sbarro, so we set off on a journey to find a place for them to eat. Here is yet another example of the difference between men and women. I don’t particularly enjoy Sbarro but, I know it is just one meal so, I said fuck it and just ate up what they serve. I am not there to enjoy the meal. I am there to gain nourishment. Women, and I am generalizing here, have this weird need to savor every meal like it is their last.

But, I digress. I mentioned Caesars has a number of places to grab a quick bite so, we walked across the street. Sadly, either my memory is off or we could not find anything the ladies liked. So, they settled on some gelato stand. I was thirsty so, I ordered a beer for myself and John. For two beers it was $15 bucks. Now, I usually don’t pay for booze in Vegas because when you gamble they usually throw it to you for free. But, I was stuck and boy did they rape me. A can of Bud Light and a bottle of Corona for $15 bucks. That is worse the prices at a ball game.

Anyway, everyone finished their deserts and we left Caesars. We were to meet up at the bar at Bally’s again once my Dad and other two Aunt’s plane landed. So, I went back to the room for a re-boot and a shower before meeting up with the rest of the family. My Dad’s plane was delayed about a half hour so, I blew some cash at a poker machine in Bally’s waiting for him. At last everyone arrived and we debated where to grab a bite. We walked around when I suggested we check out the Planet Hollywood casino and see what they had to offer. No one was in the mood for a buffet so, we found a burger joint in Planet Hollywood and settled on that. I chose unwisely as I ordered a Patty Melt that was about the size of a White Castle.

After eating I lost some more money there. My brother, Dad and I walked to the Walgreen’s so we could stock up on some staples for the trip. After our Walgreen’s excursion we decided to meet our Aunts at a piano bar in Paris. That would be a mistake.

I am not a piano bar guy to begin with but, I figured how bad could it be. The answer was is it is worse then one could ever imagine. First off they had a two drink minimum and each drink was a rip-off. My Aunt ordered a $14 Pina Colada. There were two piano players and they both were cheesier then a box of Velveeta. It was a man and a woman. The Guy was telling lame jokes and warbling out bad music which included at one point Puff the Magic Dragon. (I wish I was kidding.)

As bad as he was the woman was much, much worse. Annoying would not be a strong enough adjective to describe her shtick. She ruined Brown Eyed Girl and then after it was mentioned to her it was my Dad’s birthday proceeded to serenade him. She called him up to the stage, sat him at the piano and sang a song where the lyrics included you’ve got the 60 and I’ve got the 9. Yes, I will have fresh material for my therapist. My Uncle Dan stayed for about five minutes before he looked my brother and I in the eye and said simply, “enjoy.”

I could not take it so, my brother and I high tailed it out of there and eventually hooked up with John and we explored Bill’s Gambling Hall. I lost some more cabbage there as the trip was not starting off well gambling wise. I did score a 99 cent margarita before we left. My Uncle Randy met up with us at Bill’s and we decided to try and see if our luck was any better at the Flamingo.

At the Flamingo, I broke even and got a couple of drinks so, I felt I came out ahead. After a while jet lag started to kick in so, we decided to head in for the night. We all started to walk back to Bally’s when I mentioned that the Westin had opened up a hotel and casino right behind Bill’s. I suggested we all go check it out. Boy, I wish we had just gone in for the night instead.

After passing a hooker cruising Flamingo Boulevard we walked into the Westin. The casino is rather small but, very nice. I found a $2 roulette wheel where I lost a twenty rather quickly. My brother and John were doing much better, so they stayed while I got up to try and find a blackjack table. I found one and sat down and started playing. I was doing decent for awhile, but there was some fucktard sitting at third base that had no idea how to play the game. He was screwing up the whole table. I should have just walked away when I saw how he was gambling but, I had a couple of drinks in me and I just sat there and lost my ass.

Finally, I got up and left the Westin with my ass still red and sore from the pounding I took. My brother, John and I headed back to Bally’s where we went up to the room and played some 500 rummy while listing to my Itunes catalog. Eventually, we wrapped up the game and crashed for the night.

Monday February 18^th
It was my Dad’s 60^th birthday. We had made plans the day before to meet at the Tropicana for their breakfast buffet. It is ten bucks and let’s face it, eggs are eggs. I have hit their buffet a number of times and it is pretty good for what you pay for. I polished off some mini-waffles and some pigs in a blanket there. We had planed on checking out a pinball museum that day in the afternoon. Since we were already at the Trop, a number of us decided to check out some of the casino’s on that end of the strip.

We grabbed the shuttle and headed off to Mandalay Bay. John and I sat at a bar where I drank a Sierra Nevada and played some video poker. I threw in a $20 and had like $15 left when I cashed out, so I don’t have much to bitch about there. We meet up with the posse and then shuttled off to the Luxor.

My luck at long last turned for the better at the Luxor. I found a video poker machine and turned a twenty into $40 bucks. Then I took that $40 to a blackjack table and turned that into $75 before I left. I have been to Vegas eight times and I have been to the Luxor on at least half of those trips. This was the first time I had any luck there. It was getting close to the time to meet everyone at the pinball museum so, we headed back to the Tropicana, where my car was parked.

We piled five of us into the Dodge, and found the place. I am a 1980’s video game geek and this place was built for geeks like me. They had a ton of pinball machines but they also had a number of old video games. I was playing Tempest and Rampage like it was 1985. And, I was at least getting something for my quarters there.

Eventually, we left the arcade and wondered back to Bally’s. We all had to get ready as we were going out to eat for my Dad’s birthday at an Italian Restaurant called, Casa Di Amore. They even had a limo that picked us up from the hotel and dropped us off at the restaurant.

We arrived and got seated. The place had a guy singing and playing piano. Sadly every song he played sounded exactly the same. I ordered a baked mostacholi and I must say it was pretty damn good. The bar is raised pretty high when it comes to Italian food and my meal held up. I also got a side of Italian sausage which was really spicy and really tasty.

Overall, I think our group would all rate the place as a hit as, nearly everyone had a good meal. We had a cake for my Dad and after eating and bullshitting at the restaurant for awhile we headed back to the strip. After farting around at Bally’s for a little while my Uncle Dan, Aunt Joanne, my brother, John, Leyna, her friend Carolyn, and I all ventured off on what I call our casino pub crawl.

We started off at the Flamingo. There I found a poker machine at the Garden bar. I sat at one machine while my Father sat right beside me. He hit for about $90 while I lost my $20 investment. But hey it was his birthday, so I was happy he won something. My Aunt was at an automated roulette wheel that was having a malfunction, so we left her and told her to meet us at the Imperial Palace.

The I.P. holds a special place in my heart as I actually stayed there on one trip when I was a Vegas rookie. It is old and has a let’s say more trailer park feel to it then most of the bigger casino’s on the strip. I again sat at a poker machine and played for awhile while getting some free beer. My brother was sitting to my left. To his left was this old bag at a poker machine. She started screaming and it turns out she hit a royal flush and won a little over $1,000. You would have thought she won a million the way she carried on. I again, lost my ass and all the money I had won earlier in the day at the Luxor was now gone.

After the I.P, it was on to Harrah’s. I carefully picked a poker machine and swore if I didn’t have better luck at the poker machine’s I was going to give them up for the trip. Sure enough I sat down at one, and started hitting. Eventually I turned my $20 into a $50 dollar profit. We were getting ready to leave so, I cashed out. I then saw John and Leyna at a roulette table. I put up the $50 and lost it in about ten minutes. It was unreal. I always bet black and red came up seven times in a row. So, I left the place with exactly what I started with.

From the I.P we decided to start slumming so, we headed over to the Casino Royale. Now, we had been in a number of nice casinos which all have lovely restrooms. However, it was at the Royale that my G.I. started to tell me, I had to purge the baked mostacholi.

Now, those not familiar with the Royale, it is basically a dump. Any casino with a Denny’s in it just screams class. The Royale only has one bathroom, but as Foreigner would say this was Urgent. I walked in and nearly slipped on the urine and water soaked floor. It was disgusting. Fortunately I was able to catch myself before I fell or I would have needed a shot of Penicillin.

After my movement, I hit a poker machine that, I was able to win ten bucks from. We were getting ready to leave and we were all meeting at the front entrance. My Uncle went to take a leak, so while we were waiting for him. I put two singles into a wheel of fortune penny slot. On my first spin nothing, on my second buzzers start going off as I won 2,000 pennies. Which is $20 bucks but still it was nice to win something.

We decided to head back and on the way to Bally’s we stopped in O’Shea’s. I put the twenty I won at the Royale into a poker machine. I was down to my last $1.25 when I hit a full boat. I eventually got it back up to my initial twenty dollar investment, and I said, fuck it and headed back to my room while my brother and John tipped back a couple of shots of Jack for a night cap.

Tuesday February 19^th
Every trip to Vegas, I try to schedule one day to do something away from the casinos. So, my brother, my Uncle Dan and my Aunt Jennie’s husband Jim all piled into my rent a car and headed off to the Red Rock Canyon. If you are ever in Vegas I highly suggest this trip. It is only a fifteen to twenty minute drive from the strip and costs only $5 per car load. There are 17 different spots along the drive where you can pull off and take a gander.

My brother was doing some serious exploring as me and my bad knee stayed somewhere near the top. We did the 13 mile trek around the canyon and took in the sights. My Uncle then suggested we hit Bonnie Springs. That would be a mistake. We drove into an old dusty dirt town. All they really had was a petting zoo, a bar and a restaurant.

Since four grown men going to a petting zoo is either gay or molester like we decided to hit the bar. We went in and sat down. The bartender said I will be right back. So, we sat there like idiots for five minutes before we finally got tired of waiting. We left there vowing never to return.

Once back on the road we were hungry so, we stopped at a Jack in the Box. I am huge fan of the Jack in the Box taco. They are greasy as hell but quite tasty. We don’t have them east of the Mississippi, so I grabbed some while I had the chance. After inhaling our grub we hit the Red Rock Casino which was nearby.

I had been to this casino one other time and I really like it. Yes, it is off the beaten path but it is worth the trip. It is a really nice design with enough going on to keep you there awhile. I found a blackjack table and sat down and got comfortable. I played for about an hour and turned my $50 stake into $90 before I left. Not a huge profit but enough to leave the place a winner.

We got back to Bally’s and re-booted in our rooms. We eventually headed downstairs and my brother and I met our cousin Kevin down by the bar at Bally’s. Kevin moved to Vegas a couple of years ago, so it was nice to catch up with him. The majority of the group was going to a show, so my brother and I piled into my cousin’s truck and headed downtown.

I know I am in the minority of Vegas travelers but I actually like downtown. I think the dealers are friendlier and the people more down to earth. You can actually find $5 blackjack tables and it is a whole lot less corporate then the strip. On one trip I stayed downtown and really enjoyed myself.

My cousin took us to a bar called Hogs and Heffers. It is a biker bar that my cousin knew a bartender at. They had 24 ounce cans of Pabst, so I was loving it. My cousin also started buying shots and I was felling pretty good. Since my brother had never seen downtown Vegas we decided to take a quick tour. We were out of beer so we ducked into the Golden Gate casino. While my brother was at the bar for re-fueling I sat down at a black jack table. I was on fire black jack wise as, I turned $40 into $90 in about five minutes. I promptly got up, cashed in my chips and headed back to Hogs and Heffers to drink some more. We were to meet the rest of our family back at Bally’s after they got out of their show. By the time we got there, I was half in the bag. I also had only eaten some fried greasy Jack in the Box tacos all day, so I was in some serious need of some food.

Since it was kind of late we settled on a burger place inside of Paris which kind of sucked. I ordered Ruben which was fatty as hell. After choking it down, we went into Paris to gamble a little. My Uncle hit four aces on a poker machine while I sat down and lost $20 in a different poker machine. Somehow in my drunken stupor I thought it was a good idea to grab the monorail to MGM to blow some money there.

I was pretty out of it and didn’t really need to go to anymore casinos, but what the hell. So, I got to MGM and played some more video poker. Amazingly, in my condition I was still able to muster a couple of brain cells that were still firing as I actually won a couple of bucks. Eventually, I got tired and stumbled to the monorail and headed in for the night.

Wednesday February 20^th
Our plan was to meet up at noon, and I could make a run to In and Out burger. I am an In and Out junkie. I thank God they are not in Chicago or I would have put on another 50 pounds. Still every time I am out west I try my best to make a visit.

My brother and I were up early so, we took a walk down the strip. My brother had to purchase some wares at CVS. We were right by the Monte Carlo, so we decided to pop our heads in. I sat down at a blackjack table for a bit and lost a small amount. The dealer was also kind of a prick so, I got up and cashed out my few remaining chips.

We ventured back to Bally’s to meet up with the rest of the gang. As we were waiting for everyone to come down, I found John sitting at a multi-hand poker machine. I sat beside him and put in a ten. On my third draw I got 4 kings. I cashed out $80 richer, hoping that would be a good omen for the day.

I took my Brother, Aunt and Uncle with me, and we placed are order at the In and Out. We brought them back to Bally’s and wolfed them down. I must say, maybe because I don’t get them often but I am already jonesing for them again as I gobbled two cheeseburgers in record time.

After eating we headed down to the sports book at Bally’s so that we could put our baseball bets in. I always put a $20 on the Cubs no matter what. I have never cashed in on them, but one day I hope to. I got 4-1 odds which kind of suck but, hey what can you do.

A splinter group I was in, decided to hit the Mirage so, five of us piled into the rental and drove there. They say it never rains in Vegas but, of course it did that day. I parked at the Mirage and as we were walking to the entrance it really started coming down. I wanted to check out the Beatles gift shop they had there. I saw some really cool items, (like a $10,000 Yellow Submarine jukebox.) I bought a deck of playing cards and wondered off into the casino.

I found a poker machine and lost $20 bucks in record time. I had ordered a water from a cocktail waitress. I was really thirsty so, I waited for it. I put in another ten into the same machine and lost that. I was now down $30 of the $80 I had won that morning. I got fed up waiting for the waitress so, I went to the bar and posted another $20 as I finally got my water. Basically I paid $50 for a bottle of water at the Mirage. Pissed off, I took the free shuttle to Treasure Island to see if I had better luck there. Sadly, I did not and lost another $20. All told I blew $70 of the $80 winnings in the two casinos’ in less then an hour.

Fed up, we climbed back into the rental car and headed back to Bally’s. I headed up to the room for a re-boot as we were meeting at the bar again latter that evening. Most of the group was going to see Bette Midler. Since I am under 50 and prefer tacos to hot dogs I passed on that show. My brother, Jim, my Aunt Angela and Uncle Randy all headed off to the Rio in the rental to kill some time as the rest of the group headed to Caesars for the show.

At the Rio, my luck still sucked as I blew some more cabbage there. I had officially lost my earlier winnings and then some. We did get to see their Mardi Gras show that flies over you as you gamble. After killing some time there, we were off to the Palms.

The Palms is another of my favorite casinos. I love the layout and it is a great place to gamble. I found a blackjack machine where you play like 8 hands at once. I put in a twenty and before it was over I had doubled my money so, I was happy. With still more time to kill, we crossed the street and headed into the Gold Coast.

The Gold Coast is an old and stuffy casino that does offer $2 Corona’s. I found a roulette table and played my usual numbers 8 and 13 as well as black. None of which came in and I blew my winnings from the Palms there in about ten minutes. The rest of the gang also took the pipe at the G.C., so we decided to head on out.

We got back to Bally’s to meet up with the rest of the family. My aunt then got a call from my other aunt. It seems my Uncle Dan who has vertigo, become dehydrated and was sitting way in the top row at Caesars. He went to get up and his vertigo kicked in. So, they had to call an ambulance and it kind of put a kink in our plans as one can imagine.

So, we decided to just hit the Paris buffet. I had eaten there before and still recommend it. They have a little something for everyone’s tastes. I highly suggest hitting the crape bar as they are pretty darn good. After leaving Paris, I tried my luck at Bally’s. I sat down at a roulette wheel. I had zero luck playing roulette the entire trip. I put in $20 and lost it. As soon as I got up, I mean the very next spin 8 came up, one of the numbers I always play. I then mentioned to Randy who was standing right next to me, if 13 comes up on the next spin I am going to go postal. Sure as shit, next spin comes up 13.

That was an omen. I knew it was time to pack it in. Still, I did not want to go out like that. So, I found that multi hand poker machine I hit the 4 kings on earlier in the day, and tried it again. Well, I should have just sat there, for four days as, I put in another $20 and turned it into $50 before retiring for the night.

All in all it was a fun trip. All told I visited twenty two different casinos’ which may be a new record for me. Sure I lost some money but I have had far worse trips. I am not planning on going back until my 40^th birthday which sadly is only a year and half away.