Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Most Important Meal

I am a breakfast guy. Pancakes, eggs, waffles, crepes, hash browns, I eat the shit out of that stuff. Happiness for me is being at a Greek diner at 9:30 in the morning enjoying the sunrise special. So, with that in mind I feel that I am somewhat of an expert on the whole subject. To me a good breakfast place does certain things either right or wrong. Sure, it may just be scrambled eggs to the masses but to me there is an art form to it. My training started back in my youth.

I have alluded to the Tuesday Morning Breakfast Club in the past and have never really explained the whole concept properly. Back in the summer of 1989 my friends and I got the bright idea to go to breakfast every Tuesday morning. We would then rate each place based on a number of different criteria. Then we would take these ratings and put them into Paul’s Apple II to code the data. In case you were wondering yes, we were kind of geeks and weren’t getting laid much.

The club consisted of me, and my friends Rob, Paul, Chris, Wally and Joe. We made it a mission to visit as many breakfast joints on the Southside as we could. We would meet at Paul and Chris’ house at around eight in the morning and from there head out to eat. I have no idea why we chose Tuesdays to do this and no idea why when we were all on summer break we felt like we needed to get up early and eat breakfast, other than we were bored and living in the suburbs. (And, again not getting laid much.)

But, I digress. I usually ordered the same thing no matter where we went. Every Greek diner in Chicago has some form of the 2x2. Usually it is 2 pancakes, 2 eggs and some form of 2 pieces of meat. I usually go with bacon but if a sausage patty is offered, I sometimes will call an audible. The good establishments will allow you to get the blueberry pancakes, which are a personal favorite. However, that is only if the blueberries are in the batter. Nothing is worse than getting blueberry pancakes and they just throw some blueberry sauce on top of regular pancakes. Those are death.

A good pancake will be cooked equally on both sides. Some places are lazy and one side of the cake is burnt while the flip side is raw. Also, don’t give me Bisquick, I could do that at home. Put some effort into creating your batter. As for eggs, I would rather have them over cooked then under. I am a simple man and usually just get scrambled. There is nothing sicker than trying to eat runny scrambled eggs. Eggs should be fluffy. It does not take a whole lot to make scrambled eggs so if you screw them up that speaks volumes.

Another nice thing some breakfast places do is give you the complimentary muffin basket when you sit down. (Jedi’s Garden on 95th and Southwest Highway is one place I know that does.) Also, when they throw you a complimentary glass of juice this is also a plus. This brings me to another point and that is cost.

The first thing I will look at when going to a new place is how much are they charging for a glass of orange juice. I went to one place recently and it was $3 for a small (at least what I consider small) glass. I get it if they are freshly squeezing it for you. However, most places when they say freshly squeezed mean, they bought Minute Maid freshly squeezed in bulk and pass it off as their own. A breakfast for me and Joyce should cost no more than $15. If it is more then that, sorry but it is overpriced.

Going out to breakfast is also a good way to not only start our day but to have a laid back casual meal with your (at least in our case) significant other. Joyce and I routinely get up early on Sunday’s and try to beat the church crowd to grab some chow. I can’t put my finger on it but there is a different mindset when you go out to eat in the morning as opposed to going out to dinner at night.

There is no decision to be made on what to order. I know what I am getting and I can predict with pretty good accuracy what Joyce will get. It is the beginning of the day and not the end. There is something to be said for starting the day enjoying a meal with your wife. At dinner the conversation is usually just a recap of how your day went. At breakfast you just started your day so, the conversation takes other turns. The fact that after twelve years of knowing each other, we haven’t run out of things to say to each other is a testament. (It also helps that Joyce doesn’t mind when I will re-tell, what I think is an amusing antidote that I am she sure has heard before, and yet she still laughs at my antics.)

For all of these reasons and many more I am a breakfast guy. There is something about a side of white toast with some grape jelly that keeps me sane. Lastly, being a breakfast guy is why I could never leave Chicago. For the most part I am not a chain fan and find the best places for breakfast to be your local grease pits not some IHOP or Denny’s. Sadly, as I travel most towns just don’t have the variety that Chicago offers.

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