Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

Safety Helmets – I often sit back and wonder how any of us kids raised in the 70’s lived without riding our bikes without a safety helmet. In this lame ass safety Nazi society, a kid can’t fall off his bike, and scrape a knee anymore. Have you seen some of these kids, they have more protection than a hockey goalie and all they are simply doing is riding their bile to the park. I have a scar on my right knee to this day as a reminder of falling off of my bike. The thing is kids need to experience scrapes so that they can handle pain, otherwise we will continue to raise more and more wuss children, which we really don’t need.

People Who Don’t Flush Toilets – By people I mean men as I only frequent men’s bathroom’s. At work we don’t have automatic flushers on the toilets. We have them on the urinals, thank god. There is nothing more revolting than making a bee line to the john open the stall door, looking down and seeing a some bio hazard materials left in the toilet by some simpleton who was to lazy to flush it down. I mean are you that fucking dis-respectful to the rest of society that you feel the need to burden them with your waste?

People Who Bring Their Infants Into Work – OK, I get it. You had sex without a condom or before your mate pulled out and you now have a child. Big fucking deal. Is there anything more annoying than having a bunch of morons ogling a new born why the rest of the office is actually trying to work? Maybe, it is me but, I don’t get a gooey feeling all inside when I see a baby. If you are that self absorbed to think that anyone else gives a shit about your offspring than please seek help immediately.

Pop Up Ad’s During TV shows – I sit down to watch Arrested Development. I get into the show and I am attempting to follow the story line and the action on the screen when all of the sudden pops up this annoying ad on the bottom of the screen reminding me to watch the Simple Life. There is only so much I can take as these networks keep force-feeding ads down my throat. I have a remote so that when the show pauses for commercial I turn the channel. I don’t want to see pop up’s hawking some show I would never watch in the first place.

The Term Extreme – I must admit I stole this one from Harold and Kumar, but just by calling something extreme does not make it young and cool and hip. Soda can’t be extreme. I don’t care how much sugar or caffeine you put in it. We have a whole sporting culture based on the word extreme. I’m sorry some body jumping out of an airplane doing back flips performing stunts before falling to the earth is not extreme. They are just a mis-guided suburban poser who never faced real danger so they have to manufacture some to feel more of a man.

Athletes who “Praise God” – If you think God has nothing better to do than watch you run around a football field and score touchdowns then you really need a reality check. I guess if you pray harder than the other team you will win. Listen, if there is a God, I’m sure he has bigger fish to fry than some mid-November football game. Do me a favor and go back to the trainer’s room and load up on more roids and stop infecting us with your religious-jock nonsense.

Kids Under Twenty-Five Wearing Clash or Ramones Shirts – These were bands that hit before even I was in high school, and I am damn old. Sure modern punk is crap but don’t go around wearing shirts from bands that were around when you were a zygote. Most of these kids are posers who think by putting on a Sex Pistols shirt makes them cool. Sorry, it just makes you look like you are trying to glom onto some one else’s better music.

Mancow – For those not in Chicago and you don’t know who this guy is, you be thankful for that. This moron stole his entire act from Howard Stern and Steve Dahl and then goes onto to bash both men. He has no original ideas and leads the easily duped with his hypocritical ideals. He’s a Christian, who spews sex and hate. I mean I am all for dick and fart jokes but don’t hide behind the first amendment and than blame Liberals for all of the ills of society. Last I checked Michael Powell was a Republican and he was the one imposing those fines as the head of the FCC.

Beer In a Plastic Bottle – There is nothing worse tasting than beer coming out of a plastic. I don’t like liquid in plastic but beer is the worst idea of them all. I can live with can’s simply because that is what I grew up on. I prefer bottles but, who doesn’t. However when at a ballgame and you grab a MGD only to find them passing you over a plastic bottle of it I just want to puke. I like the taste of beer, which is why I drink it. I just don’t drink it to look cool or anything. So by putting it in plastic you are just taking any semblance of flavor and turning it into a chemical sludge.