It's Been Awhile

White People With Dreadlocks – Is there anything lamer than some smelly un-bathed born thirty years to late hippie, who thinks they look cool by wearing dread locks. Listen, dread locks are for Jamaican reggae singers who smoke large joints. Stop trying to pretend to be something you are not. No matter how much you like the song Buffalo Solider you are white and lame. Deal with it.

Parents Who Don’t Control Their Kids – You know the scene. You are in the grocery store or on a train and some kid is running around screaming, out of his mind and the parent is simply ignoring the situation and letting their kids run amuck. If you have become oblivious to you children’s obnoxious behavior than this is a problem. You need to discipline you kids before it is to late. Start acting like a parent and teach your kids some ground rules of how to act when out in public.

People Who Claim It’s “God’s Will” When A Disaster Hits – Bullshit! It is not God’s fucking will when a hurricane hits and kills children. It is a natural disaster and it sucks. There is no silver lining and if there is a God than he has some fucking explaining to do. Shit happens and when it does it lets morons sleep better at night by believing in some great place up in the sky where it is eternal bliss. It’s all bullshit. There is no Santa or Easter Bunny either and bad and tragic events occur because that is life. It sucks and it can be heart breaking but deal with it. We will all be better off once we all do.

PG 13 “Horror” Movies – Yet another sign that the bland vanilla society that the politically correct sector wants is closer. When I see a horror movie I want to see blood, carnage and tits. I want to hear the “F” bomb and I don’t need my violence watered down. I want to see quality kills and when mainstream Hollywood starts making horror movies that have to be sanitized so twelve year olds can get in than we have a major fucking problem. Horror movies are violent. Just like romantic comedies are full of lame un-realistic plot lines. If you don’t want to have bad dreams than please rent fucking Finding Nemo and stay out of my section of the video store.

Guys Who Don’t Know Guy Code – It is a shame that I even have to point this out but there are a lot of guys out there who just don’t get it. The codes are ages old and should be common sense. Sadly, it seems a lot of guys these days only think with their groin and would do anything to dupe a girl into the sack and that includes ratting on another guy to do so. Just to make it clear it is not cool, to talk about your friends past to his girlfriend or wife. Hey we all have a past and it is not your job to disclose a friends past misdeeds. It also not cool to date a friends ex-girlfriend. Unless you get the explicit OK from that friend it is a taboo. There are more rules but women read this and I don’t want them all in behind the curtain.

Smooth Jazz – An Oxymoron. The words smooth and jazz should never go together. There is nothing whiter than listening to some wind chimes and a flute and calling that music. No, that is white noise and it sucks. If you want that then go sit in an elevator or a doctor’s office and jam along with the Muzac. Jazz as an art form can be the greatest form of music on earth. When white people found it they raped and pillaged it and the result was Kenny G. For the love of God please stop buying this generic, soulless bland crap.

Abstinence Programs – These programs never work and are based on fantasy. Your kids are going to have sex no matter what you think. All these programs have done is lead to an increase in blowjobs and hand cream. So now technically a young girl can still be a virgin but have an oral yeast infection. Instead of teaching abstinence, lets teach safe sex and stop demonizing a natural act. Just like everything else in life you need to learn how to do something. If you tell kids to repress urges than some day, maybe when they are in college and finally give in they will go hog wild trying to make up for lost time. Give kids condom’s not mis-information.

People With WWJD Bracelets – The sad thing about these zealots is that for the most part they do the exact opposite of what Jesus would do. Jesus would not discriminate against homosexuals. Jesus hung around with the dregs of society when he and his posse where doing their thing. He embraced everyone and never discriminated nor did he censor. If you want to live like Jesus did, than quit your job, hang around with a prostitute and twelve friends who you’ve convinced you are the messiah, walk the desert for forty days and get hung up for your sins. All the while forgiving the very people hanging you up. That is how Jesus lived.

Ellen DeGeneres – The worst thing about her is that she has that annoying personality trait of thinking she is funny when in fact she is not. I wouldn’t care, it’s just that America you watch her lame ass softball talk show. Now, she is everywhere and has picked up the ball from the Rosie followers so that the daytime bored ass housewives have something else to escape with for an hour. Please let her go back to muff diving and leave the comedy to people who are actually funny.