When I Was Twenty-One

Blogs are a funny thing in that everyone looks at them differently. Everyone uses them for different reasons. I like to look at mine as a therapeutic tool. So, in that vein allow me to get a story that has been eating at me for some time off of my chest. It is rather personal and I don’t expect a lot of comments on it. It was a about something that happened to me that for some reason, has had a profound effect on me. So here goes.

My 36^th birthday was in June. Meaning that my 21^st birthday was fifteen years ago. So, the story I am about to tell is now all right to tell. Because the statute of limitations has passed and I can no longer get in trouble for re-telling the events of that night. I will tell what I can remember and what I was told of what went down that fateful evening. There are only two people I have ever told this tale to. One of them was my wife and the other was my friend Wally and that was only to compare notes. Chuck who was there with me that night never even heard this story.

For a little history let me tell you a little about my life in June 1990. I was working at Kmart and was at this point in the Pharmacy. The reason I was in the pharmacy was because Sue, a pharmacist had recruited me into it. I worked in Health and Beauty aids and that department was located right in front of the pharmacy. So, I was always around the area and one day Sue asked me if I wanted to become a Pharmacy Technician. I said yes thinking, it would be cool to be off of the floor.

Sue was nine years older than me, accomplished and well, kind of hot. She was dating this doctor and she was so out of my league in so many different ways that this caused me to be very comfortable around her. I figured there was no way this woman who had accomplished so much would have any interest in a teen age goof like myself. So, I never picked up on the signs. She invited me out all the time. We saw movies together, we ate together and as a matter of fact, I’d say I spent more time with her than her doctor boyfriend did. All of this seemed innocent to me as I was always talking to her about what current checkout girl I was hooking up with and she would fill me on what was going on with Dave, her then boyfriend.

This went on for a little over a year. I kind of looked up to Sue as she was always encouraging me about school and my life. I am not kidding when I say I never would have gone to DePaul with out her encouragement. She was always picking up the tab when we ate and when my car broke down she let me borrow her new Mercury Capri. As my twenty-first birthday approached she told me she wanted to take me out downtown.

I was a bit older than most of my friends so, I didn’t have a lot of people to go out with to celebrate the night with. My friend Chuck turned twenty-one in February making him the first official member of out posse to hit that magical age. His party is another blog in and of itself. So, I recruited him to come out that night along with another friend Jim. Jim was not yet twenty-one but he looked it and had a fake ID that was so convincing he never got rejected going into any bar.

So Sue picked me up at my house and the four of us were off to Rush Street in Chicago to hit Mother’s and all the other haunts of the area. It was actually June 22, 1990 the night before I turned twenty-one. It was on a Friday so I had to the whole weekend to celebrate. Because of this, technically I had to wait until midnight before I could enter bars but most just let me in. It didn’t hurt that Sue would flash the bouncers a smile and wink if we got any static. I proceeded to drink the night away in a stream of screwdrivers and shots of Sambuka. I was getting free drinks from most bars and Sue was buying the rest. By the time midnight rolled around I was beyond hammered.

We then went into some long forgotten bar on Rush Street. At this point the blackout I would eventually have starts to begin. I remember Sue and Jim went to the dance floor leaving Chuck and I at the bar. There in my drunken state I started talking to two young women. I remember telling them it was my birthday and making some headway with them before Chuck proceeded to vomit on the bar. Not at the bar but directly on top of it. As soon as I turned my head over to Chuck to see this revolting display, I turned my head back and those repulsed girls were gone. Being pretty drunk myself I flagged down Jim and Sue to get us the hell out of there before the bartender kicked our asses.

This would be the last event of the night I remember. Everything from this point on in the story I have sketched together from what Jim and Sue told me happened. I literally blacked out at this point. Apparently, Sue and Jim went to get the car leaving Chuck and I on the street to wait for them. They showed up and we headed back home. The first stop would be to my house as Chuck was spending the night there.

By the time we got there Chuck had passed out and Jim being the nice guy he was, took it upon himself to bring Chuck into my house. I must have waited outside with Sue where at some point apparently we started to make out. I still don’t know how far it really got, as sadly I don’t remember any of it. From what I was told we were going at it pretty good. At some point, Sue left and I passed out upstairs in my bedroom.

I was awakened in the middle of the next afternoon with a phone call from Jim. He started asking me about the night before and I told him I didn’t remember what happened. He than filled me on my actions. He told me he waited in the house while Sue and I were in her car doing God knows what. He than came up with a remark that still sums it all up. At Kmart if you were the mop-up boy your number would be ten and the page over the loud speaker would be “Ten with a mop to toys.” That usually meant you were moping up piss, if you were lucky. So, after Jim informed me of the night’s events he added, “I hope you are not going to try to take this further. I mean she is dating a doctor and you are ten with a mop.”

After getting off the phone with Jim, I showered and got in my car to grab something to eat. When I entered my car, I saw a note from Sue, apologizing and asking me to call her when I got up. So, I went in the house and called her. She asked me if I remembered anything and I told her I did not. She than asked me to meet her the next day (Sunday) at the Little Red School House. I told her I would. At this point, I was beyond confused. I had never thought of Sue in a sexual manner of any kind. Sure I found her attractive but the idea to make out with her was the furthest thing from any idea I ever had.

The next day I met Sue and we talked. She told me some things of which I won’t go into specific details but one of them was that she kind of dug me and that with inhibitions lowered we acted on feelings we both must have had. I was floored. She than began to explain how we must never tell anyone what happened. At that point I asked her just exactly what had happened? She said you really don’t remember? Unfortunately, I didn’t. She than informed me that it really was a good thing that I had blacked it all out. When I repentantly asked her what exactly went on she would not go into details. She seemed like she just wanted to put it all behind her. So, we hugged and said our goodbyes.

I had to work with her on the following Tuesday and to say it was awkward would be an understatement. We made the best of it but our working relationship would never be the same. We no longer ate or went to movies together. It was strictly professional and it got to the point where I kind of dreaded working with her. It eventually all turned sour. To this day I am not sure why as I never pursued a relationship with her or ever brought the incident back up. I still wish I knew what happened in that car. In many ways it haunts me. Did I have sex with her? I can’t imagine I did (I would have had a difficult time performing) but I still don’t know. Sue is the only one who really knows and as I have only seen her once in the last ten years it is doubtful I will ever find out and that kind of bothers me.