Nick's Guide to Courting Women

I am not what you would call a good looking man. I know this. I don’t have any problem with it either. I mean there are worse looking chuds out there, but I know my place in society. While many would bemoan their lot in life, I choose to look at it another way. I mean if I was better looking I would never have had a problem attracting women. Because, I wasn’t the best looking guy out there I had to modify my game and my personality. I think this has shaped me and made me the man I am today and for that I am grateful.

Of course this took some time. Really, the only way to learn anything is through experience. And, let’s just say I had to go through some tough times and cringe inducing moments to understand my lot in life. I have always set the bar high when it came to women. (This explains how I married above my talents and looks.) If a girl was out of my league, it didn’t matter. I was going to do everything in my power to try to attain her. (I must admit there was no better feeling then getting with the unattainable girl.) When I was first starting out with the opposite sex this was a hindrance as I had no game and as I said I was not the best looking guy around.

But, eventually I figured things out. From about the time I turned eighteen until some time in my early to mid twenties I had a pretty good run if I do say so myself. This somewhat made up for my dry spell the preceding years. Still those early years were rough on me and my right hand.

So, with that said I will let everyone behind the curtain and divulge Nick’s guide to women. Now, these are not rules that will apply to everyone. They applied to and worked for me. Will they work for others? I have no idea. What I will say is that, since they worked for a guy with my limited abilities maybe they can work for someone else. Also, if you are good looking man, then you will not need this. Women will come to you and you will never know what is like to have to earn the affection of the fairer sex.

Another reason for writing this is that, I don’t need these skills anymore. So, it is no big deal if I let them out. Since I found Joyce and am happily married I retired this part of me some time ago. Now when I meet or am around women I try not to be the guy I will portray below. Let me just get this out as well. I could have been considered to have been less then honest with the women that came in contact with me during this period of my life For that, I am truly sorry, and I chalk it up to lack of experience and youth.

Okay, with all that out of the way, I will try as best as I can relay just how my unattractive Italian ass got any women. My first rule basically was to never let on in any way that you had any interest in them. Listen, good looking girls are used to guys fawning all over their ass. I used to be one of the lame, in that when I met a girl I liked I would let her walk all over me in the off chance she would let me so much as hold her hand.

But, one day it hit me, that behavior was getting me nowhere fast. So, I eventually changed my approach. It is a fine line and one that is not easy to master. If you play it the wrong way you can come off as conceded and that is not what you want. There is a happy medium. Be nice to the object of your affection but not too nice. Don’t come on to her but don’t ignore her. Don’t become her friend, but be friendly. It sounds confusing so, let me try to explain.

My first rule is in no way should you kiss her ass. Women want men that don’t want them. It is a fact. In reality men and women are drawn to the chase. If you are drooling all over her, well there is no challenge in that. You want to give her the impression that you are not interested. The second she sees that you are, you’re dead. The most important thing to try to do is have her come to the conclusion she likes you on her own. It is not easy, but once mastered it can work wonders.

How do you do this one may ask? Well I would talk to them but again, I wouldn’t kiss their ass. Meaning, I didn’t just agree with everything that she said. I would disagree but do it in such a way that I didn’t belittle her. To give an example let’s say she likes Depeche Mode (Okay I am dating myself.) Now, I hated them and I would state that. But, I would try to follow it up with music is a personal thing or something to that effect.

You have not kissed her ass that's good. Now you have to make her laugh. I can not stress just how much my ability to make women laugh over the years has led to my success. Now, when making a girl laugh you have to do so in a very delicate way. What I would like to do was, tell a story in a group dynamic so, my attention is not just on her. Don’t let her think you are being funny for her benefit. Be funny for everyone’s benefit. Now, some people are funny and some aren’t. I can’t tell someone how to tell a humorous story. You have to work on it and telling a story numerous times to different people is essential. Listen to what gets laughs and what doesn’t. When your story is polished then tell it when the girl you are chasing is around.

Now, when you are having a conversation with just her, tone it down a little. Be playful, but again don’t fawn over her. Also, and I can not stress this enough listen to her. Don’t control the conversation. People in general love to talk about themselves. So, get her talking about herself. Ask follow-up questions about what she says. Like if she says she went out to eat last night. Ask where she went, what she ate, was it good and so on. Again this takes a certain talent. It is kind of like improv. You have to think quickly on your feet. But, if you can get her talking about herself and not about you this accomplishes two things. One, you remain somewhat of a mystery, and two you get the reputation as a good listener.

The point of the whole act is to get her to want to be in your presence. If someone is laughing they are having a good time. Generally if they have a good conversation they are having a good time. So now in her mind she associates having a good time to being with you. So in essence she wants to spend more time with you. Thus, instead of you pursuing her, she pursues you.

Okay, you’ve done all that and she is interested. You still have to be able to close the deal. This can be difficult and this is where I always struggled. You can blow it by making a move to fast or by lamely asking her out on a date. Again a group dynamic is the best setting to make your move. Actually if you have done everything right, she will make a move first which is the ultimate score.

Dates suck. I mean that, I always hated them. First off there is all this pressure. You both feel it and there is no getting around it. Also, movies and dinner are bad date scenes. A movie is bad because on a date ideally you should be getting to know one another. Well if you see a movie you can’t really carry on a conversation. Dinner is better in that you can have a conversation but, there are still some pitfalls. Eating in front of someone can cause nervousness and at least in my case if I eat any dairy there may be dietary issues later on. (That reminds me of a story I will tell in a later blog about my one and only date with a girl I met at Moraine.)

A party or out with a bunch of friends at a bar are good settings. Usually booze is a good lubricant to lower ones inhibitions. You have to very careful here though. Do not under any circumstances take advantage of a drunken girl. You can say a lot of things about me but, I always respected women and if a girl had to much to drink well, then you can not take advantage of the situation.

Ideally, what you want is a situation where both parties want something to happen. It just takes the right setting and the right situation for it blossom. If a beer or two helps it move along then so be it. Picking up signals was always my weakest spot. As much luck as I did have, I look back on my past and realize there were moments where I failed to pick up a signal. This caused me to blow it in the end as the window of opportunity can close fast.

There is no set in stone rules to signals. However, there are some things to look for. Does she laugh at your jokes? That is a first good sign. Does she touch your arm or knee or something like that? That is a very good indicator that she is interested. Does she play with her hair? That is yet another good signal. Does she gravitate towards you? These are all signs that she may be interested. At that point some innocent flirting is okay and will usually pay off.

One last point. Try not to get into the dreaded friend zone. Rarely is there a way out of it. I will never say never but, once a girl perceives you as a friend you become safe and by safe I mean she won’t be going down on you in a theater anytime soon. Sometimes and I am guilty of this one, without even knowing it you will have become her friend and all you are doing then is setting yourself up for the dreaded “I like you as a friend” speech which most men I know have heard at least once in their life.

So, there it is. Again, it took me a long time to learn what I learned and trust me no matter what I did sometimes a girl was just not interested. As I wrote this I found myself thanking God that I no longer have to put up with the courting ritual. I know this is going to sound lame as hell but, I really feel like the luckiest guy in the world in that I met someone who is never jealous, loves me for who I am, and puts up with all my bullshit. I still don’t know how got her but I am sure glad I did.