Into The Corporate Suckhole

The following is part four in a series of blog's celebrating my 20 years in the work force. Each Thursday, I will update this site with the latest installment.

My first job in corporate America came to me by pure chance. I was twenty two and on a summer break from college. I was resigned to the fact that I was going to be at the big K all summer making my six bucks an hour and working about twenty hours a week. However, I was happy. Sure, I had no money but I had a girlfriend and a shitty car. I was getting laid, drinking every night and had zero responsibility. That all was about to change and I can’t remember being that happy ever since I went on that fateful first real interview.

One day in June my Step Dad’s brother, Len calls me. He says there is a summer job open at his company, and would be perfect for a college kid like myself. It was 40 hours a week at $7.50 an hour. It sounded like a million to me. He told me if I was interested to come downtown and talk to the guy doing the hiring. So, I hop on the train and start the interview process.

I would meet my new “boss” Bob. Bob was 50ish, rail thin and a raging alcoholic. He had a bottle of Jim Beam in his desk at all times and on lunch he would hit the bar everyday. He smelled like stale beer and Lucky Strikes. However, he after meeting him he did agree to hire me.

So, I was off to work at IRI. Being twenty two, the first thing I did was to tell K-mart that I could only work weekends. For some moronic reason I did not quit the Mart. The job was so easy and I was so good at it I figured I could do both jobs. I would live that schedule for a year and a half. I was right, I could do both jobs but I had no more free time. Thus, I wasn’t getting laid as much, which sucked, and my girl friend was getting pissed about not being able to see me and my two incher. (She eventually cheated on me.)

So on June 30^th, 1992 I began my career at Information Recourses Incorporated, as well as my slow descent to hell. IRI is a marketing company that is in the business of providing scanner data from stores to companies like, Pepsi, Quaker and Budweiser. I found this out in great detail on my first day orientation. If I ever have insomnia I can always think back to all the times that I was forced to sit through all the orientation propaganda I’ve been forced to sit through over the years. I’m usually asleep in five minutes.

At my new job, I figured out the basics. I’ve always been a quick learner so, I watched what everyone else was doing and copied it. They stuck me in the back room of a computer lab with Bob, and two skilled technicians, Gabe and Dave. Dave was a big black man, who had all the computer knowledge in the world. However, he completely lacked any social skills or patience. This was good because, as soon as I started doing something wrong, Dave would step in and do the job the fastest way possible. My other co-worker was Gabe. Gabe was really cool and I genuinely liked him a lot. Gabe, was Mexican and knew his shit. He was however at heart a slacker just like me. Gabe and Dave were PC Technicians while I was just a temp PC Installer. I setup new PC’s one after another like an assembly line worker, while Dave and Gabe supported every PC in the company. Fortunately, for the three of us the company was growing at a rate so fast that we could not possibly do things as fast as was needed.

If I busted my ass I could have probably gotten eight or nine PC’s done a day. My typical day was three. (Of course since I was only 22 and I had absouleutley no work ethic.) I figured why bust my ass, no one else seemed to be. With no incentive and with Bob, sauced all the time there was no manager on my ass to do good work. My Co-workers and I invented ways to waste time. We, played video games, took long lunches, and longer coffee and cigarette breaks. I figured I had found my dream job. I was in heaven. It wouldn’t last, it never does.

Slowly but surely the atmosphere went from one of a place to go to work and have fun to a place that was becoming more and more corporate. As the company grew from an infant to a teenager I realized I had not grown along with it.

At the end of my first summer when I was going back to school, IRI still needed me. Bob came to me and asked if I could work part time while I was in school. This was a crossroads for me in many ways. I knew deep down that I should concentrate on school and quit IRI. (I mean I didn’t want to work with computers. Why should I stay there.) I would have trouble doing both. On the other hand I was given a chance to work in a company and gain some invaluable work experience. In the end I choose to stay at IRI. Thus taking my second step in many to a meaningless soulful existence in the work force. I had decided to become a worker bee. Working for the all mighty queen who could treat me however she wanted because I was now too tired to do anything about it.

IRI wasn’t all bad. They were a young company. Meaning that at 25 you would be considerd old if you worked there. Another plus was that they let you wear jeans everyday. So, I didn’t have to upgrade my entire wardrobe. Also, they had a Client Services department that was fully stocked with girls right out of college. The guy in charge of that area was a total pervert and every female there was model like. IRI, also knew how to throw a party. The company picnic and Christmas parties were orgy like. That picnic alone is a seprate blog in itself. I have to admit I had a lot of fun working there for the most part.

I continued on at IRI for four and a half years and eventually became a full timer and a SR. PC Technician. However, because I came in at such a low salary I never received the fair market share. Eventually Bob, was fired and my new boss was Carey. Carey was in his mid-thirty’s smoked, and was like the rest of them, dense beyond belief. I should also mention he lived in Indiana. If you ask why this is important you’ve obviously never been to the Hoosier State. He also had a bad cocaine habit. (Only at IRI could an alcoholic be replaced by a cokehead.) When Bob was on his way out, a power struggle ensued between Carey and the old boss of the help desk Lorene. I sided with Lorene and hoped beyond hope she would take over as manager for my area. She instead quit and took a job with another company, meaning I was going to be under Carey. (Translation: I was fucked.)

I made the best of it and lasted there from June of 92 until December of 96. I owe a lot to IRI as it is where I learned my trade. I never really made any serious money there but, I had a pretty good time working there. Looking back I had it pretty good and if the money would have been right, who knows I still might be there. However, I was tired of being under-paid so, I sought a new job. Eventually I found one and I was reminded of the old saying “Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”