The Friend Zone

As a man there is nothing worse then hearing the words, I like you as a friend, a special friend. A girl would think she was being nice but in reality she was just sticking a dagger right through your heart. For a guy there was nothing worse then liking a girl and then realizing it was too late as you had entered that dreaded friend zone.

Most guys I know have heard that “friend” speech, or some variation of it at least once in their life. I guess it is sort of a male right of passage. There is no other way to take it, other then rejection. When I heard the speech I was more pissed then anything.

As a man, well at least as a young late teen, early twenties male, there is nothing worse then being perceived as a nice guy. For as much as they don’t want to admit it women don’t date nice guys. Women want the rebel. They want to find some bad, dangerous boy. That is thrilling and exhilarating. Being with a nice guy is about as exciting as watching the Discovery channel.

Sadly, as much as I tried I just could not fit that role. For some reason most girls viewed me as a nice guy. I was taught to respect and value women. As I became older and women got sick of dating all the losers, being a nice guy would become an asset instead of a deterrent. However, when I was younger being a decent man didn’t help me with the ladies. Eventually I would go form nice guy to an ass for a time, and sadly it did help.

After I heard the dreaded speech, I got pissed and decided to do something about it. I wanted this girl at Kmart named Lisa. She was as assistant apparel manager. She was older then me. I would have been like nineteen at the time and she was like twenty five. Still, that did not discourage me. For whatever reason, I just started to like her. She was a really nice (or so I thought) and obviously knew I liked her.

She was new to the area and was transferred to the store. I took it upon myself to be a one man welcoming committee. I brought her into the social Kmart circle. Whenever I went to lunch I would ask if she wanted anything. I would eat lunch with her as much as I could. I also helped her lift heavy things, warmed her car up for her in the winter and kissed her golden ass when she commanded. I figured if I did anything she wanted that eventually she would like me. Of course instead she stepped all over me and took advantage of my kindness.

I was her errand boy and as far as she was concerned I would never be anything more. Finally one day I got the balls to ask her out on a real non Kmart related date. We went to Oakbrook and had a nice dinner and everything. As I was dropping her off at home, I spilled my guts and told her that I really liked her. I left myself open and she responded with the dreaded recycled friend diatribe. I am sure she was trying to be nice but, it killed me.

That was a turning point for me. At the time I was hanging around with Jim Talerico. (Who I am still pissed I lost contact with.) Jim had just had a similar experience with a girl he had been pining over. So one night after getting drowning our sorrows on Coors beer and Tequila at Wirezba Park we decided we would no longer be doormats. If women wanted assholes, well then we would be assholes.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t in either of our D.N.A’s to be such jerks. We had to work at it. I tried and eventually became somewhat successful if I do say so myself. I just deiced that instead of women using me, I would use them. It took me a little bit, but it was working. I knew I had no chance with women who knew me as Nick, the nice guy. So, I had to go after girls who didn’t think of me like that.

So for awhile I became a jerk, but I hated myself for it. I knew that I was full of shit but I didn’t care because for the first time in my life women responded to it. I mean, I look at the way I treated ex-girlfriends back in the day and I am ashamed. I was quite simply an ass. But, having been burned so much in my younger years, I was projecting that hurt and frustration onto them.

I guess one day I realized that if a female didn’t like me for who I am then it was her loss. Thankfully, I met my wife later on in life after I had gone through my asshole phase. I often tell Joyce that if she met me earlier she would have hated me. Still, there are times I think back to all the stupid things I did for women when I was younger and I just want to kick my own ass.