A Mexican Delicacy

I consider myself something of a burrito aficionado. So, therefore I am going to offer the readers of this blog, my how to eat a burrito guide. You might want to load up on the Pepcid before hand just to be safe.

Now, I order mine always the same. A Steak Burrito, with re-fried beans, cheese, and lettuce. I skip the tomatoes, but they are acceptable in an authentic burrito. So is sour cream. Rice, celery, whole beans, and green peppers are not acceptable fillers in a real burrito. Now, I know places like Chipolte offer those things but you will not get an authentic burrito from a chain. So, Chiplote and Taco Bell do not count as real burritos in Nick’s book.

So, with that said, here is how you eat one. Never get the hot sauce on the burrito. You need to personally distribute. So, you get the hot (not the mild you pussies) sauce in the little plastic container on the side. Though, the urge will be strong, do not cut the burrito in half. Cutting the burrito in half takes away from the enjoyment of eating something as big as your head. Also, it is proper to start the experience from the ass end as opposed to in the middle. It makes the ordeal much more enjoyable.

The first bite of the burrito should be sans hot sauce. You need to do this to start the meal. After taking that first bite you will notice a pocket has been opened in the burrito so that you can now add your hot sauce. After each subsequent bite you can then control your hot sauce distribution. A good burrito should stay together pretty well, but sometimes no matter how hard you try it will fall apart. At this point you will have to rebuild.

Now, I know my brother back in his meat eating days once had a Egg Mc Muffin and after one bite the egg part of it went flying out the back end of the bun. Vince is not a re-builder so he took the remains and dumped them. I however, prefer to re-build so have a fork handy. If you want you can just eat the scarps individually. The flour shell is a must in any re-building project. Then you can add the fallen meat and cheese to it. The beans do a good job of sticking to the shell so it’s just simply a matter of adding the rest to the base and re-folding as best you can.

For a good burrito you can go to La Playita in Chicago Ridge, La Bamba in Downtown Chicago, El Cortez in Palos Heights or for a nostalgic turn try El Farol in Deep Summit. All offer pretty good one’s. The best burrito I ever had was from a long gone place called Manny’s. It was in Justice, IL and I have never had a burrito that good in my life. Plus, Manny’s daughter was this 5-foot Latina who was a hot as a firecracker. God, I miss that place. I am always open to suggestions so if anyone knows of a good burrito please suggest them.

As a side note I apologize to Joyce in advance before I eat a good burrito. The one draw back is that as much as I love burritos they do not love me. The flatulence that the burrito brings down makes my rear end speak in tongues for the rest of the evening. Hey, isn’t that is why the priest said for better or worse?