The Very Definition of a Bitch

I sit next to one of the most annoying humans to ever walk the earth. This lady has every personality trait that grates on me. She is a loud, middle-aged despicable woman who is completely unsatisfied with her station in life. She is boring has boring tastes and the whole office has to know every single facet of her un-original bland existence.

Most mornings I try as best I can to make myself scarce as not to have to listen to her banality. Most of the time she is busy talking about the American Idol finals or what happened on Desperate Housewives. She obviously has nothing else going on than to watch bad television. Well, I come in this morning and it seems just as I thought this woman could not be any more annoying I would find out she had only scratched the surface.

It seems she finally beat her long time boyfriend into submission and he asked her to marry him over the weekend. Now I have never met John, her new fiancé, but I feel for him. How a woman with so many obvious personality flaws managed to capture a man is beyond me. Either he is gay, and she is a beard, or he is so desperate that he would take any woman that would have him. Either way I now I will have to endure at least a year of wedding planning.

It already started this morning, as she was getting her list together and trying to figure out what hall to have the wedding at. The reason I know this is that all morning she was on the phone talking to whomever about this. I swear everytime a thought pops into her so-called mind she has to make a phone call to someone about it. I mean I have attention deficient disorder but this lady cannot let one second go where she is not talking to someone.

So, now I have to try to avoid my desk even more than usual. The mere sound of her nasally voice sends shivers down my spine. I hope beyond hope that either I can move my desk or that she moves. I have my limits and there is only so much I can take. Every morning when I see her my blood just boils. Every time she opens her mouth, I feel my anger and hatred start to erupt.

And, yes I know hate is a strong word but I hate this woman. Trust me if you knew her you’d hate her too. I’ve dealt with more asshole, human scum than I care to remember and let me tell you in an asshole competition she would win first prize going away. She is nasty to co-workers; she treats others like shit all because she is insecure about being a secretary.

Even though her title is administrative assistant, let me tell you she is a fucking secretary. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but lets call a spade a spade. However, if you called her a secretary, I could not imagine the verbal assault she would unleash on you. So, to her new fiancé, I say good luck, because you are sure going to need it.