My Latest Rant

Music Award Shows – First off there are like fifty of them. I don’t care if it is the Grammy’s, the Country Music Awards, the MTV Awards or the Banjo Enthusiast Award show they are all pointless. Music is a very personal thing and what one person likes another may despise. Plus, sadly sometimes people are just wrong. I mean Candle in The Wind is the all time best selling single. If that is not the first sign of the apocalypse I then don’t know what is.

Single Item Voters – To waste (and I do think to they are wasting) your vote because of one issue is idiotic. Yes, you may be against abortion. However, to just vote pro-life or pro-gun or anti-immigration is being an ignorant and a lazy voter. There are many issues that we need to deal with and weigh when electing officials. You need to look at multiple issues and see which candidate you agree with on a majority of them. To simply blindly cast votes based on how someone feels on one subject that most likely they will have no control over once they get into office is simply derelict. I would rather you not vote then vote for someone for such moronic reasons.

Cologne Guys – Is there anything lamer or more desperate then some buffoon who baths in Old Spice and thinks that they are going to wow the lady’s with their pungent odor? The human body produces natural scents that instinctively attract the opposite sex. By, masking them in Hi-Karate, you are doing much more harm them good. I tell you what, I have found a product that makes me smell good without causing those around me to tear up from the fumes. It is called soap.

The DMV – I think it is a pre-requisite that you must be a complete bitch or jag-off to get hired by the DMV. For the most part the people who work there could not be less un-friendly or less helpful if they tried. First off their insane rules and regulations that they expect everyone to have memorized before entering are obnoxious. You should not have to wait in line for three days to have your address changed on your license. On top of that I realize that it is a thankless, mundane, dead end job but no one told you, that you had to work there. You picked that job so live with it and stop making a trip there worse then a proctology exam.

Brett Favre – I am so sick of the Brett Favre love. I was watching a game recently and the announcer said that if you can’t root for Favre well then you aren’t human. I guess I must be an alien because I think this guy is the most overrated QB in history. Sure, he has been great at times but boy he has some real bad games come playoff time. He has won one superbowl. That is as many as Jim McMahon, Trent Dilfer, Doug Williams, Jeff Hostetler and Mark Rypien. I guess it wouldn’t bother me as much if everyone wasn’t blowing all that smoke up his ass. I mean John Madden should just sleep with him already and get it over with.

People Who Don’t Use the Revolving Door – OK, this one needs explaining. You see buildings install revolving doors so that the elements outside don’t have a chance to enter inside. So, let’s say it is zero degrees out, by using the revolving door that cold never has a chance to hit the inside. However, because of the need to have regular doors for handicap people it seems there are some able-bodied people who don’t get just why those revolving doors are there. You see we don’t want to get hit with an artic blast when walking in the lobby simply because you are too stupid to realize what your foolish behavior is causing the rest of us. I know your troglodyte behavior is hard to overcome but I ask that you at least try to use that pea-sized brain once in a while.

Yuppie Kid Names – I am so sick of new-borns named Dylan, Jordan, and Colby. What ever happened to George, Irving and Murray? Those names are going to be extinct in fifty years. Listen, try picking a name you didn’t get out of a baby name book. I realize that you don’t have the ability to do anything original but in 2020 all we are going to have is a bunch of Emma, Hannah and Ashley’s graduating from high schools across this country. We are already bland enough so breeders please stop plaguing us with your recycled names.

Guys who get manicures – What’s next, you want to wear a tampon? Are you such a girl that you actually give a shit what your nails look like? Most manicures cost over $20 bucks. I use a nail clipper with a retail price of 99 cents. Tell you what, try that nail clipper use the rest of the money and go out and buy some beer and drink that metrosexual behavior right out of you pansy ass.

Radio – I used to love to listen to the radio but boy has it gotten bad. Original on air talent is becoming harder and harder to find. It seems everyone thinks they need to be more outrageous then the next guy to get ratings. Yes, I like Howard Stern but I don’t like the 1,000 morning zoo’s out there that are trying to duplicate what he has done. I blame the industry itself because like most things in life it is much easier to try and copy someone else’s success then to actually carve out something of your own. So these radio station managers think that all they need to do is get some shrill, loud, un-original loser with a made up name and stick him on the air and they will attract listeners. The worst thing is that like three companies run the whole medium so there is no hope long term for its survival. This is why satellite radio will eventually catch on.