Long May you Run

Every red blooded American teen growing up in suburban America has an experience with a car. For everyone in our group of friends, it was Mile Dell’s Blue 1982 Chevy Impala. Or as we came to know it as the Chick Magnet, but more on that later. You see back in 1986, Mike Dell was one of the few people we knew that had a license and access to a car. He would drive us around in his Mom’s Chevy Impala. He had access to it because Ma Dell couldn’t really drive at night. Much to Dell’s chagrin he wound became our very own personal chauffeur.

First a little about the car. It was blue, and had a Southern Illinois Saluki sticker on the back window. It had the classic bench seating with the now defunct am/fm radio. It was not digital and you moved an actual dial to get radio stations to come in. You had two temperature gauges hot and cold. It didn’t have power windows or locks. It had four doors and when Dell first gained access to the great car, it was actually in pretty good shape.

Of course over the years the car began to take some serious hit points. I mean it had a bunch of teenagers piling in and out of it on a daily basis to make important trips to the mall and the Buddhist temple in Nottingham. The most memorable damage was to the back seat. We would simply call it, the ass pincher. You see through wear and tear in the back there was this wire that was sticking out of the rear seat passenger’s side. I don’t know anyone who rode in that car that didn’t at lest once get pricked in the ass by that wire. Dell’s bright idea was to cut the wire. This only succeed in making it sharper and more of a weapon. I will never forget Jenny Deacon. She was the only person who actually drew blood. It wasn’t funny at the time but I still laugh at that site.

Then there was also the driver’s side window. One day Dell and I were driving God knows where. Dell had a 16 oz glass bottle of RC. (These were the old days before plastic bottles.) Dell was finished with his pop and thinking the window was completely rolled down with out looking threw the bottle out the window. I’m sure you can predict what happened. The window was only half way rolled down causing a permanent chip on the top on the window. I went into convulsions I was laughing so hard at the sound and sight of it. If memory serves me right Dell had to pull the car over we were laughing so hard.

There were so many adventures we got into in that car. Like the time we went to Monk’s castle. This was a typical Friday night for us in 1986. Get as many people as we can in Dell’s Impala and just drive somewhere. (Nothing like fun in the suburbs.) Anyway, that night to the best of my memory we had in the car, myself, Dell, Lave, Zar, Nancy, Margaret, and Sherry. Our plan was to kill some time and then head off to the Argo-Stagg football game that was being played at Stagg. We for some unknown reason decided to go to Monk’s castle first. Those not familiar with southwest suburban folklore, Monk’s Castle is a monk’s monastery located on Archer Ave where there is absolutely no light. Once inside there is a cemetery all the way in the back. It was suburban folklore that if the monks caught you, they would slice your knees and make you kneel in salt.

Well, we go there and decide we are going to go to that cemetery. We park the Impala just outside the gate and leave Zar there to watch over everything, instructing him that if he hears anything to lay on the horn. We start walking and it is pitch black except for our flashlights. We see this statue of a saint about 100 feet from the gate. Then, just as we are about to make the turn into the cemetery, someone claims to hear “something.” That was all our brave asses needed. We ran ass and elbows back to the car just piling in as fast as we could. Dell gets in, literally pushes Zar aside, starts the car and floors it. Because of this we are an untangled mess of people in the back seat with body parts in many compromising positions. We can not pull over and right ourselves because there is a car behind us and we are not sure if it is a cop car. We finally get to Willow Springs road and realize of course that it was just ordinary citizen behind us. We pull over and straighten out our seating arrangement. After that fun, it was on to the football game.

For story purposes there are two things which need explaining. First, Dell had misplaced his actual driver’s licensee. So he was driving but without proof of identification. Second, Jim had a knife that was just short of being called a sword. So, we get to Stagg, on 111^th and Roberts Rd. Those not familiar with the entrance, as Roberts road ends the entrance to Stagg begins once you cross 111^th. So, you go from 40 MPH to 20 with no warning. Dell goes into the very dimly lit parking lot and does not see the cop dressed all in black directing traffic. By the slimmest of margins Dell swerves at the last minute to avoid taking this guys legs out. We of course are pulled over after this Starsky and Hutch move. At this point, Dell, begins to explain that he does in fact have a licensee just not one on him and that the officer can call Argo to verify this. The officer than explains it being Friday night at 9:00 in the evening there might not be any one to answer the phone. By now, all I am thinking is how I am going to explain this to my Mom. I am fearing that the cop is going to start taking us out of the car one by one and then finding the shiv that Jim had on him. By some miracle the cop lets us go. Maybe we did something right in a previous life. We did not press our luck and stay for the game, and got our teen asses out of there faster then superman on crack.

Lastly, I shall explain how the Impala got the moniker “chick magnet.” Zar, eventually gained control of his Dad’s VW bug. So one day Zar was talking up the virtues of the Bug when he said “and you know chicks love that car.” Dell than disagreeing sarcastically says “Come on Zar, chicks don’t like Bugs. My car could pick up as many girls as your Bug.” To which Zar replied “Oh yea Dell your car is a real Chick Magnet.” It stuck for the entire time Dell owned that car which was to about 1995. Those are just a few of the memories of that storied Impala. My friends and I had many adventures in that car. Everytime I am on the road and see an early 80’s model blue Impala, (which is becoming rarer and rarer) my mind goes back to those simpler times and remember all the stories of the Mike Dell’s Chick Magnet.