A Date Gone Bad

A couple of weeks back I mentioned this experience so, as promised here is a story about a bad date I had with a girl I met at Moraine. The sad thing is I can’t remember her name. I think it was Cindy, but I am not 100% sure. I do remember this was my first year at Moraine and she was in my math class.

I always sucked at math. It was my worst subject from an early age. Well, when I went to Moraine I had to take a placement test and it was determined that I needed to be in basically a special education math class. I mean we were doing addition and subtraction the first couple of weeks.

The one positive in the class was that it was for some reason mostly women. There was me and one other guy in a group of over twenty. The teacher was right out of college and was in her 20’s and was hot. So, I used to do my stand up act for her benefit and was sort of the class clown.

Because of my performance suddenly this one particular girl started sitting next to me and started talking to me. She was cute, had curly blonde hair and seemed interested. We got to talking and she mentioned that she loved this Italian pizzeria-restaurant in Palos called Fazzio’s. One thing led to another and we made a date to have dinner there.

Again, I was young, and didn’t know better so I ordered baked mostaccioli. That would be a mistake. You see me and cheese have some issues. I love it, but it does not love me back. I don’t know what was in this particular order but, it was producing some serious GI issues for me. Being as I was on a first date I was left with no other choice then to hold things in. Thus, I was in some serious pain. This caused me to be off of my game.

I could not be my usual jovial self. Basically I was in survival mode in that I had to concentrate all of my energy on not letting the gas slip out. At one point during the dinner, no longer able to take the searing pain, I excused myself and headed to the bathroom. There I let fly a number unholy air biscuits to somewhat relieve the situation but it really only bought me a couple of minutes.

After dinner she wanted to go somewhere else but I had to drop her off. I could not take another minute of this torture. I made up some excuse and asked if I could take her home. I remember she lived somewhere in Palos not very far from the very house I live in now. She invited me in, she was practically throwing herself at me, but I could not do anything about it. I was just waiting for her to get out of the car (I didn’t even walk her to the door) so that I could unleash the beast that was residing in my colon.

Eventually she left and I let em rip. When I saw her the following Monday in class, I think she felt turned down. In reality what could I say? Sorry I didn’t take your invite to come in and molest you but, my ass was speaking in tongues that night due to the baked mostaccioli. So, I took my medicine and learned a very important lesson. Be careful what food you order on a first date, because if you aren’t it could ruin any chances of a second one.