More Complaints

Here are some more things that get under my skin.

Larry the Cable Guy – If ever there was a one trick Pony it is this guy. He is about as funny as a Ziggy cartoon and as sharp as a spork. First off the guy is not from the south. He is from Nebraska. That is not in the south. He is a fraud and needs to go in the same closet that Andrew Dice Clay and Gallagher are hiding out in.

Guys Who Wear Skin Tight Pants –You know no one, not even women want to see this. It is not a turn on when your blue jeans are so tight that your man junk is outlined for the entire world to see in the crease of your pants. For some reason this seems to be a look that the younger generation is embracing as last time I was in the mall I saw a number of Mallrats sporting this look. Sorry, it is lame and kinda gay.

Tabloid Magazines – Who reads this drivel? Obviously people do because these magazines have been around forever. I just don’t get it. With all the great books and hell, other magazines out there you take the time to read about who Paris Hilton is fucking? I mean are you kidding me? Is your life that devoid of meaning and are you that unhappy that you have to live vicariously through people who if they actually met you wouldn’t cross the street with a bottle of Pellegrino if you were on fire?

Fast Food Special Orders – OK, you are not at Chez Paul. It is Burger King. Just eat the fucking thing. It sucks no matter what they put on it. Sadly, it seems the few times that I am stuck eating this crap I am always behind a lady (and I hate to stereotype here but 99.9% of the time it is a woman) who wants lettuce on the side and the special sauce in a cup. This is not a steak, it is a whopper. Stop it already, they call it fast food for a reason. If you want to special order something here is a thought. Go to Jewel buy some burgers and make them yourself any fucking way you want them.

Banks – Banks are getting us up the ass with fees and we are letting them. I was charged 12 bucks because I made to many transactions from my Savings account in April. I transferred money and they call that a transaction. It is a joke. The sad thing is that soon enough we will just have one bank and they can then dictate any rule they want. You can’t win as these financial institutions are all in bed together with their Republican warlords, sixtey-nineing each other so that they can pass any law that hurts Joe Consumer. As Kent Brockman said, “Capitalism just doesn’t work.”

Abstinence Only Sex Ed – Study after study has shown that abstinence only programs don’t work. As a matter of fact, they do much more harm then good. Kids are going to have sex. Sorry if that bothers your Christian ass but, I am living here on Earth, not in some fantasyland. We are sexual beings, plain and simple. Kids need to get education about sex. I don’t understand how teaching kids about condoms and STD’s is a bad thing. The irony is that it is these same jag off’s that are crying every about abortion. Well, maybe if we taught sex-ed to these kids and told them about pregnancy risks there might be less kids getting pregnant which equals less abortions. Of course logic has no place in organized religion. (Stole that line from the Simpson’s as well.)

SUV Limos – Nothing like drawing a bull’s-eye on your back and letting the world know you are a hillbilly. SUV Limos are about as classy as bean bag chairs and hamburger helper. White trash sure do love them their SUV Limo’s though. If you want to hire a limo for a wedding or prom, do yourself a favor and get a nice classic stretch job. Isn’t the point of getting a limo to ride in class? I don’t get how riding in a SUV Limo while Toby Keith is blaring out of the stereo is classy. Maybe it is me.

Re-Stocking Fees – The latest in a long line of bullshit retail tricks is re-stocking fees. You try to return something (and Best Buy is famous for this) and instead of getting your full money back on your purchase the store is going to charge you a fee to re-stock the item. That is the exact opposite way to treat a customer. What other way can these jackals find to take money out of your wallet?

Mini Van Drivers – Okay, I am going to stereotype here. For the record I know people with minivans and they are perfectly fine drivers. Still, they are the exception to the rule. I have a hard and steadfast creed that has served me well in life. Never, under any circumstances get behind a minivan when you are driving. It has served me well over the years. Sometimes, though you can’t avoid it and it turns me into a lunatic. That pedal on the right is the gas. I know you can’t concentrate on the road because little Johnny is screaming and you are trying to find the nearest McDonalds. But, there are other people driving and you are slowing us all down. Also if you are going to drive a minivan you might want to learn how to go in reverse in the thing. I have seen people in parking lots take five tries to simply back out of a parking space. Really, you should have to take a special test at the DMV if you are going to drive one.