Post Retirment Suggestions For W.

Come January, our current ass clown-President will like so many other Americans under his watch be out of a job. Now, he really doesn’t need the money, but he is still a young man and retirement can be boring. He will more then likely, like all former Presidents write a book and then go onto the lecture circuit. But, paying George Bush to speak is kind of like paying R. Kelly to baby sit your fifteen year old daughter. It does not make a lot of sense.

So, I have some suggestions for old Georgie Porgie pudding pie. Here are some careers he can pursue once January 2009 roles around.

Stand Up Comedian – I mean the guy is pretty much a joke now anyways so, it ‘s not much of a leap. Every chance this guy gets he tries to throw some humor into it and hey while he is no Shecky Green, he is not half bad. He could wow the old Bob Hope crowd with his brand of humor.

Bartender – Think about it, he could be the new Sam Malone. Being a recovering alcoholic, he doesn’t partake anymore but, he knows how to make a lot of different drinks. Plus with his witty repertoire he could earn a lot of tips from your local bar files.

Rancher – Considering the amount of time he loves to spend on his ranch in Crawford, Texas he might as well make a career out of it. It is the closest he will become to be a real life actual cowboy as opposed to the one he plays on TV. He can steer and brand them cattle while playing Merle Haggard on his IPOD. Sometimes, dreams can come true.

Horror book writer – Since he is so good at spinning fairytales and creating fear among the average Joe’s he is a natural for horror novels. He could be the new Steven King. He creates stories where evil doers attack us because of our freedom. He creates scary monsters that have things called weapons of mass destruction. He would be a natural. The only draw back is his inability to master the English language which sadly for him is a job requirement for all writers.

Used Car Salesman – He is so good at bullshitting, he would be a natural. Kind of like the Kurt Russell character in the movie Used Cars. I mean this guy is so good at slinging bullshit at the general public, he could sell a 1976 Ford Pinto to a demolition derby driver. Couldn’t you see it? Him in that 1970’s bad suit, trying to sell the virtues of a Dodge Dart. It is beyond obvious.

All the above are good, but you know what he should really do. He ought to volunteer at the Red Cross or a VA hospital so, he could just all the un-needed damage and lives he has cost. He could see the pain in the eyes of the families he has affected with unnecessary actions all in the name of avenging his Daddy. Maybe at that point the shit-brained cowboy would finally gain a conscience.