The Appendix Situation

As most who know me know, I had my appendix removed a week ago. I have had to tell this story about 1,000 times since then so, I might as well write about it in full detail so the memories remain as fresh as ever on the information superhighway (how come no one uses that term anymore?)

It was a typical morning for me. I got up, showered, got in the car and headed to work. I felt fine. I was driving to work, on I-88 about 2 minutes from my exit and out of nowhere, my stomach starting really cramping. I made it to the office and I was like WTF. I tired taking an antacid and it did nothing. I sipped on a coca cola (and old tried and true trick to cure an upset belly) and it if anything the pain was getting worse. Those two sips of Coke would be the only things I would ingest the entire day.

I was at my desk doubled over in a pain that felt like someone had stuck a shiv in my abdomen. I was getting no work done as I could not concentrate on anything else. I hadn’t left work early due to illness in well over a decade. But, I could not take it anymore. I told my boss, I wasn’t felling very well and I was going home.

Driving was not fun. I just praying the whole time that I wouldn’t have to stop quickly as I am not sure I could have reached the brake fast enough. I did eventually make it to the homestead and I threw on a pair of shorts and plopped right into bed. I tried to force the issue in the bathroom thinking if I could release the demon inside me I might start to feel alright. But, it wasn’t happening. At this point I knew I didn’t have food poisoning, even thought that is what I felt like I had. I’ve had food poisoning in the past and knew that was no fun. But with the pain I was in I was hoping that was all it was as at least that way I knew it eventually would go away. When you are wishing for food poisoning that says it all.

I laid in bed trying to sleep and hoping that when I awoke magically the pain would go away. But trying to sleep was a near impossibility. All I could do was try to ride out the agony I was in. Joyce eventually got home. She asked how I was feeling and I could do was grunt something in a language bordering on English. She asked if she could get me anything. I know she wanted to help but there was nothing she could do. She suggested I try to eat some soup but the thought was nauseating. I told her I just wanted to lie in bed and see what happened.

Joyce takes kickboxing every Thursday night. She told me she was going to take me to the emergency room as I didn’t look good. I told her that was nonsense, she should go and I did not need to go to the ER for a stomach ache. You see I won’t go to the hospital unless I have a limb missing. I was denying the pain I was in as if that somehow would make it better, if I didn’t acknowledge it. So, against her better judgment Joyce left and took her class.

About ten minutes after she left I knew I was in trouble. The pain which was excruciating before was now intensified to the 3^rd power. I called her cell but it was too late she was in the middle of kicking bags. I then said to myself the class is only an hour. I can wait an hour for her to get home. That was a lie, I couldn’t even make it ten more minutes. I googled the place she takes her kickboxing and called and had her pulled out of the class and basically told her I’m sorry but we need to go to the emergency room now.

Joyce left her class and flew home to get me. As I waited for her I threw on some sweatpants and my shoes (both of which were no easy tasks) and counted the seconds until I saw her car in the driveway. As soon as I saw it I was out the door telling her lets go to Palos Hospital.

A quick side bar. If you are ever in need of a visit to the Emergency Room, and you have the choice go to Palos over Christ hospital. I am sure the people who work at Christ are nice enough and qualified. However, every time I have had to go there I have waited an eternity. They gave a whole new meaning to the word inefficient.

We got to the hospital and Joyce dropped me off at the door and parked the car. I went inside and checked in. I sat in the waiting room about 20 minutes. Those would be a very long and painful 20 minutes. At long last they called my name. The admitting nurse got my vitals and asked the usual questions about the pain and whatnot. She then said kind of off the cuff “Hmm, sounds like you have appendicitis.” That was what I feared but didn’t want to admit to myself.

I sat back down and was quickly led to an admitting room. There the nurse asked if I would like some dilaudid for the pain I was in. My response was along the lines of umm, yes. She hooked me up to an IV and I was off with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. I could have danced a jig once the meds did their thing. I was a tad loopy at this point. The doctor eventually came in gave me the once over and said “Well unless I have learned nothing in 30 years of medicine I think you are going to need to have your appendix removed tonight.” He ordered me a cat scan to make sure.

I got the cat scan and headed back to the admitting room. The results came in and confirmed what the ER doc had suspected. I needed to have my appendix removed that evening. He came in and told me what to expect. My biggest fear was I would not be able to go to Vegas in a week and a half but, he assured me I should be fine as long as there are no complications with the procedure. He told me that I was lucky that this didn’t happen ten years ago as back then it was a much more invasive procedure. Nowadays they do a laparoscopic surgery where you only have three small incisions.

After waiting awhile, I was assigned my recovery room. Once I was in there, I told Joyce to go home. There was nothing she could do and she had not eaten anything all night. She debated it but, the nurse assured her they had her number and would call her if she was needed. At this point it was like midnight I think but I was so high who really knows. I was told my surgery would happen sometime in the next couple of hours. The drugs should have knocked me out and they somewhat did but I kept waking up as the old man I shared the room with was snoring at a decibel level higher than at a Who concert.

Nurses kept coming in to check on me and eventually at like three in the morning they told me they were ready for me. I removed what little clothes I had on and went onto the gurney. They wheeled me into the OR. There I met my Anesthesiologist. He asked some questions but I was still in a state of other consciousness so, it is hard to remember what they were. I also at this time was first introduced to my surgeon. He gave me the rundown of what was going to take place and reassured me he has done this procedure countless times and yada, yada, yada.

They wheeled me in and got me on the operating table. The gas man hooked me up and the next thing I remember I was in the recovery area as a bunch of nurses looked on. They told me everything went well. I was in and out for the next little bit so again memory is hazy here at this point. They eventually wheeled me back to my room where I zonked out for a bit. I was able to text Joyce that I was out of surgery and back in my room.

I woke up and had to pee like a racehorse. I buzzed the nurse and she brought me a portable urinal. I gave it the old college try but it was not happening. Maybe it was not having urinated in a bed in over 35 years but, it was nothing doing. So, I took it upon myself to see if I was able to walk to the bathroom. I wheeled my IV fluids with me and made it. The nurse was not really happy that I took it upon myself to make such a bold move but, she said it was a good sign I was able to move around.

The next couple of hours were spent sitting in bed watching bad morning television. Joyce was on call so, I told her if she had to take care of stuff at work, to go in, I would be fine. She proceeded to take a half day so she would be home around 1ish which was the time it was estimated I would be sent home.

At around eleven however, my Mom and Lou surprised me with a visit. I wasn’t expecting anybody but was glad they came as I was bored off my ass. There I gave them the rundown of the proceedings of the night before and shot the shit. My nurse came back in and said I looked good and asked me if I was ready to go home to which my response was hell, yes. She then said she would run one more IV of antibiotics and get me some lunch.

That lunch consisted of the blandest soup on the planet, some Italian Ice, jello and a weak tea. But since I hadn’t eaten in two days I needed some nourishment. I ate as much of the food as I could but I was full pretty quickly. Since my Mom and Lou where there they told me they could drive me home which worked out as Metra delayed Joyce and she would get home almost an hour late.

I waited on a nurse to spring me and at long last she came and wheeled my ass out. I carefully entered Lou’s car and was driven home. Friday basically consisted of me sitting on the couch watching TV. My Dad was in town from Ohio and I wanted to head over to my Aunt’s House to bullshit with him and my family. But, I was still in some pain on Saturday so I just sat around on my ass again. My Dad, Aunt and Uncle did stop by for a quick visit and lent me my Grandmothers old cane to assist in getting up and sitting down.

On Sunday I was feeling like the walls were starting to cave in on me. I have the opposite of agoraphobia. If I am in the house to long I start to lose my shit. I have always been this way, I think I inherited it from my Grandfather. So, I had Joyce drive me to my Aunts and I sat on the couch and watched the Cub game with the old man. I was not 100% yet and was moving around rather slowly but I needed an escape.

Now as I sit here a week after the surgery I am feeling a lot better. I am still not at my normal Nick level. I have no idea how long it will be before I can run again. I was planning on running in the Race to the Taste but at this point that may not happen. I don’t want to push it as the last thing I want is to tear open a suture or something like that. I am back at work but am taking it easy. I am not lifting anything or doing anything strenuous. I do get a little tired at around twoish, but overall every day I feel myself getting back to normal, which is good because there is one thing I have learned from this whole experience, and that is I just suck at being sick.