Three Bad Jokes

In honor of Thor being the number one film at the box office I thought I would take the time to tell one of my favorite jokes.

So Thor is up in the heavens and he hasn’t gotten any in awhile. And he is getting tired of Zeus busting his balls about it so he decides he is going to fly down to earth to see if he can seduce a young woman.

He walks into a bar and sees an attractive lady sitting alone by herself. He introduces himself and they start talking. She is nice and all but Thor notices that she has a lisp. But at this point he doesn’t care he has to wield the golden hammer.

So, she takes him back to her house and one thing leads to another and they start going at it. It has been a while and Thor is laying the pipe going to town all night. So, the morning comes and Thor starts feeling a little guilty as he has to go back up to the heavens. He wakes up his booty call and says, listen I have to be honest here, I’m Thor. She then replies, you think you’re thor!

Ok that one is a tad corny but it is still one of my favorites. If that is not your cup of tea let me try another oldie but goodie.

Three nuns die and go to heaven. St. Peter is there waiting at the gates and as they approach he tells them he must give them one last test of their religion. They will all need to answer one question to enter the pearly gates.

He then asks the first nun, who was the son of God? The nun answers, that’s easy Jesus. St. Peter says your right you can go on in. He then asks the second nun, who was the mother of Jesus? The second nun answers that’s easy, Mary. St. Peter says your right you can go on in. He then asks the third nun, what were the first words that Eve said to Adam? The third nun says, gee that’s a hard one. St. Peter says your right you can go on in.

Alright I am sure you are tired of groaning by now, so I only have one more for you.

A man with no arms is walking by a church and decides to go in and ask the Priest for some help. He finds the Priest and says Father, I am in desperate times do you have any jobs here that are available?

The priest then says, my son we only have one job and it is quite tedious and the money is not that good. The man desperate replies I don’t care Father I will take anything. So, the priest takes the man up to the bell tower and explains the job to him. “My son, every hour on the hour you need to be able to ring the bell for the appropriate time. Do you think you would be able to handle this task? Without skipping a beat the man answers yes.

So, the priest gives the man the job. One o’clock rolls around and the man has to figure out how to ring the bell without any arms. So, he takes a couple of steps back and runs head first into the bell and it rings. Every hour on the hour he keeps running into the bell getting woozier and woozier along the way.

Midnight finally arrives. He knows he is going to have to ring the bell twelve times. So, he takes a couple of extra steps back and runs towards the bell but misses it and falls off the tower to his death. A crowd gathers around and the police are called in. The first policeman arrives on the scene and finds the priest. He says, Father Do you know this man? The priest looks at him and says, I’m not sure but his face rings a bell.