Women Part 3

After Jenny I got back on the dating scene and had a couple flings. I dated a girl who I met at 7-11. I dated a nanny I met sometime along the way. I also fooled around with Cindy a couple of times. However, none of them lasted and they all were fleeting. I was playing the field for awhile and having some fun. It was in April of 96 when I would meet someone that I would call my girlfriend for about two years. Two years of complete hell.

Her name was Kim and she was a firecracker. She had a killer body but was a mental midget. The story of how we meet shows just how karma can strike. Not being a believer in the eastern philosophies before hand, I would become one after this hellish experience. It was like any normal March weekday evening. I usually got a hair cut once a month and I was not very monogamous where I got this done. I was in search of finding someone who cut my hair the way I liked when I stumbled into a Great Clips one spring evening.

The girl’s name who cut my hair was Lisa. She had dark hair, dark eyes and was very pretty. Now, I knew she worked on tips and so I figured she was being nice for that reason. However, I picked up on something. I can’t tell you what it was but something inside of me told me to go for it. So, as I was leaving I handed her a card with my number on it and told her to give me a call if she wanted to go out some evening.

Much to my surprise the next Monday at work she called. We talked for a little while and agreed to grab a bite to eat that Friday night. When Friday rolled around I picked her up and we went to eat at an Italian restaurant in the area. She was pretty and really nice but once I got alone with her she was pretty boring. I mean we had nothing in common and the meal was dragging along. I could not wait for the check to come so I could end the date and chalk it up to a bad experience.

So, as I was driving her home she mentioned that some of her friends were at this bar that was nearby and asked if I wanted to grab a drink. I figured she was having just as bad of a time as I was and when she suggested the drink I was surprised. I also thought that I had a chance to score with her and as any man will tell you when you think you can get some, personality does not play into the picture. I mean, she was pretty hot and I had already paid for a meal. What did I have to lose?

So, as we entered the bar sure enough she found her friends sitting at a table. I quickly surmised that it was about six women and there was one other guy there. I did my usual routine when I meet new people to break the ice and the constant pouring of beer and the occasional shot of Tequila where helping me loosen up.

It was at this point when one of Lisa’s friends suggested we play darts. Here is where I think destiny may have played its part. There where nine of us, and one of the girls said she would just watch. So, instead of getting paired with Lisa, we diddled for partners. For those unfamiliar with the term when you diddle, each person takes a dart and the closest person to the bull’s-eyes is teamed with the next closest and so on.

After the diddle, I was to be paired up with this girl Kim. It turns out she worked with a girl named Andrea who was friends with Lisa. Before that evening Lisa and Kim had never met. It was just my, as it turns out bad luck, that I would be there that evening as well. Kim did not really know how to play and I was teaching her how to throw and what to go after on the board. After the game was over for some reason I kept talking to Kim and kind of started to ignore Lisa. Being a little tipsy details get hazy but as Lisa and I were leaving I snuck my number to Kim and told her to call me explaining that Lisa and I were on our first and last date.

I drove Lisa home and went on my merry way. A good month would go by and then one day I am at work and it is Kim calling me. At this point, I could faintly remember what she even looked like but I was excited to get her call. We talked and talked and eventually agreed to meet one night for a drink. However, there were some signs back then that screamed at me to run but I never did.

First off, she told me she was going through a divorce and had a son. Now, I had never dated anybody with a child before and the idea didn’t really appeal to me. Before my step dad came into the picture I remember a couple of dates my Mom would bring over to meet me and my brother and it being really weird. So, I had no interest in being Mr. Step Dad. On top of all that she was not fully divorced. She had her own residence and was only a couple of months away from it being official, or so I reasoned in my head.

Also, she lived on the north side of town. Being a south sider, (and loving it) I normally had no desire to date someone from the other side of town as it was a pain in the ass making dates and seeing each other. Every time we did meet I would have to meet her on her side of town and we would go from there. All of this normally would have had me running for the hills had my mind been clear. Unfortunately, I was still in a cloud over Jenny.

Sure it had been two years since our breakup but I still had some unresolved feelings over Jenny. I still felt rejected and I never fully dealt with those feelings in the following years. Looking back the only reason I wanted Jenny anymore is because I couldn’t have her. So, I guess I was sick of pining over her and Kim just happened to be the one I choose to make a fresh start with. On top of all the Jenny drama, Nancy had just moved away. I was finally free of the feelings I had for her and I was ready to give myself to the next relationship I was in. Despite all of Kim’s faults, (of which there were many) I was determined to make a go of it no matter what obstacles came in my way. All that thinking did was cause me to block out the very real problems we had and ignore how disturbed of a person Kim really was.

At first it started out slowly with Kim. We would go out usually on Saturday night and fool around and go our separate ways. However, she kept calling me and I kept talking to her. It started out casually as I was still seeing this girl Jenna the nanny. Why I choose to pursue Kim instead of Jenna is beyond me. Jenna was sweet, pretty, kind, fun and really dug me. Yet, I choose, the emotionally unstable Kim to go out with.

After awhile I was having issues with my roommate and decided to move out. Kim suggested we could move in together. As many times as Jenny suggested that I ignored it. Maybe because of that reason when Kim suggested it, I agreed. Of course because she had a child I was expected to pick up and move to Harwood Heights where she lived. It would be the longest fourteen months of my life. I moved in with Kim in February of 97 and by May of 98 I wanted to kill myself. It was the unhappiest period of my life.

They say you never really know someone until you live with them. I am here to tell you truer words were never spoken. First off she forbid me to speak to Jenny. At that point the last thing I wanted to do was cut Jenny out of my life but, I figured it was time to move on so, I pretty much cut out all contact with her. I kind of understood this thinking and accepted those terms.

However, the more I was with her the more and more emotionally unstable she became. To say we fought is an understatement. I mean I’d fought with Jenny and hell sometimes my wife and I will go at it. However, none of this could compare to the dramatics of Kim. Everything was life or death with her. She threatened to kill herself at least ten times in the course of our relationship. She didn’t trust me, she had no idea how to compromise, didn’t see the need to be there when I needed her and on top of all that she was a liar. I was always paying her half of the rent and loaning her money for a car payment. She was always short of dough.

When I needed her to appear with me at family events she would always find some excuse to not make it. My Grandparents 50^th anniversary she was sick. On my Mom’s 50^th birthday she had to work. So it went on and on. She was a user in every sense of the word. She took and took and never gave anything other than her body. She would play mind games and if she didn’t get her way pouted and whined until she did. However, I don’t want it to sound as if I am blaming her for everything. I could have left. I mean it didn’t take a psychiatrist to see I was unhappy. If you ask me today why I stayed I am not sure I have a good enough answer. All I can really say is that I didn’t know how to leave.

To make matters worse, I had bonded with her son. When I came home from work I would play video games with him and we’d watch the Cubs. Kim and I never interacted the entire time. I would dread seeing Kim but I didn’t mind goofing off with her son. So, I knew if I left I would not only be hurting Kim, (which I could have cared less about) but her ten year old son would be getting hit with a blow as well. I was in a pickle. I stayed with her all of 97 and secretly tried to figure out how the hell I was going to get out of this. The whole time I was putting on a brave face in front of my friends and family.

Things finally reached a boiling point in February of 98. It was my Dad’s 50^th birthday party. My Dad lives in Ohio and I asked Kim if she was going to accompany me there for his party. She said yes. I warned her that if I bought her a plane ticket, she had better not back out. She re-assured me that she wanted to go and to buy the plane ticket. So, I did. Of course three days before we are going to leave for Ohio she informs me she can not make it because she can not get off of work. I had asked her in December when I bought the tickets to make sure she had the time off. She said she forgot and now it was too late.

To say I was pissed off is the understatement of the year. I was so embarrassed. I had told my Dad she was coming and now I had to call him and explain she could not make it. I bought a non-refundable ticket and had to eat the cost. On my way out of town I laid into her pretty good. Deep down she figured I was caught and would never leave her no matter what she did. She was wrong.

My sanity started to come back to me in Ohio. I was there for four days and it felt like I was paroled. I didn’t call Kim once and I was having a really good time for the first time in a while. I became that happy go lucky person that I had lost during my time with Kim. When I returned back to Chicago things were no longer the same.

By March I had pretty much told her to move out or I would. She cried and begged and pleaded with me but I wanted none of it. I had come to my senses and wanted nothing to with her. Our lease was up in July and I was planning on moving back to the south side as soon as it was up. I told her it was over at least a thousand times. She was not going to make it easy on me. She was either crying or screaming at me. However, I didn’t care anymore. I was sick of her bullshit and I called her bluff on everything she told me. I slept on the couch the whole time and completely ignored her. I told her son to keep in contact if he wanted and then made my peace with the whole ordeal.

She finally moved in with her Step-dad in May and I was out of there in July. In retrospect I never really loved Kim. I deluded myself into thinking I did at the time but looking back I think I must have been out of my mind. I look back in amazement that I ever thought of being with her. We could not have been more different. I am just glad I came to my senses before it was too late. And, as bad as it was I learned a lot from that relationship. I realized that I had a lot to offer someone. Sure Jenny rejected me but that was her loss. I started to get my swagger and my confidence back. I vowed to never make the mistakes that I made with Kim again. I was happy being a southsider and was pretty miserable when I was not around my friends and family.

In the years and months that followed Kim showed her true neurotic ways. She got my new phone number and continued to harass me on the phone no matter how many times I hung up on her. She called my Mom one day out of the blue as well. She would just show up at places she knew I would be at. It was in a word, creepy. She even got a job at Harris Bank where I worked. All this did was re-enforce my belief that she was a raving lunatic and the farther she was away the better.