I Kissed A Girl

Everyone remembers their first kiss. My first real smooch (you know with tongue) came when I was in 6^th grade and I have the Catholic Church to thank for it. I was enrolled in Wilkins Jr. high at the time. My Mom still had delusions of grander in thinking that my brother and I might still turn out to be Catholics when we got older. So, she enrolled us in CCD at St. Fabian’s church.

CCD was basically a complete free for all. The poor lady who volunteered to try to teach us all about guilt and why the cardboard tasting wafers were the body of Christ had no chance. When you get 15-20, twelve year old kids in a room without fear of reprisal, shit is going to happen. I mean I simply didn’t care about the subject matter and I thought, what is she going to do, fail me. Plus they made us go on Saturday afternoons when we could have been outside doing anything else. To force kids indoors on Saturday to learn about God was really demented. All of this caused CCD class to be a little less organized then feeding time in the monkey house at the zoo.

In my 6^th grade CCD class was a girl named Tammy. This was 1981 so memories are a little hazy. I can remember she had brown hair and this really (at least to my pre-teen ass) pretty smile. I acted up and was the bain of the poor CCD instructor’s existence. Even then I knew the church was full of shit and I was having none of it. So, I was always getting in trouble and getting yelled at. Women love a rebel be it 12 or 21. I defiantly fit the bill on those Saturdays.

With my status set, one day in the class Tammy had a friend of hers ask me if I liked her. I was like, sure. So she asked if I wanted go to the park with her after class. Unfortunately, my Mom picked my brother and I up from CCD so, I knew there was no way I could pull it off that week. So, thinking fast I told her that I couldn’t but I would be able to do so next week.

I basically had a week to scheme to figure out a way so that I could walk home from CCD without having to take my 4^th grade brother. The only thing I could think of was telling my Mom that our class was staying late to work on something. (Again, I can’t remember exactly what I told her we were working on. But, God love my Mom she bought it.) I convinced her that I was old enough to walk home or at least to my Aunt’s house in Bridgeview. She relented and I was free.

So as that Saturday came around, I walked with Tammy to the park that was right behind the church. We swung on the swings and had a great 6^th grade conversation. Eventually we decided to walk home. She lived in Bridgeview near my Aunts house so, it was pretty convenient. The whole way to her house we held hands. We got to the front of her home and that was when she decided to kiss me.

I remember being a nervous wreck the whole time on that walk. This was the first female that let me hold her hand like that. I mean it was a big move back then. I realize now that 6^th graders are a lot more advanced and have either given or received fellatio but, this was the 80’s and I was in the suburbs. I had no idea how to kiss a girl. I just closed my eyes and went with it and it all worked out.

Tammy and I lasted for a whole three weeks. I kept making excuses to my Mom as to why I needed to walk home. Eventually, like any relationship in 6^th grade, it ended. I can’t remember the full details but I think she dumped me for some boy in her homeroom class or something like that. Eventually, I would run into Tammy in the halls at Argo and she became as I recall rather, how shall I say this, liberal in sexual matters. Still, this was the girl I shared my first kiss with and it led me on a wild ride with many highs and lows with the fairer sex.