March On

This Saturday I am doing something I have not done for a long time. I am going on a 79^th street march. For those not in the know, a march involves hitting every bar on 79^th street, starting at Harlem and ending when we get to Durbin’s. It has been a couple of years since I have actually completed one of these.

Back in the day, Myself, Dell and Rob were March veterans. If there was nothing going on that night, we would just decide to do a march. I am not sure how the tradition started but once it got going we were regulars. We used the march as our training for when we went to New Orleans. The march consisted of hitting each bar and having one beer at each. We would then start doing shots once we hit Frank’s Place. Our thinking was that, we were going to New Orleans with one purpose, to get as drunk as lemurs. So, in order to build up our tolerance we would go on a march and eventually we got to the point that we would still be upright when the thing was over. Many others had tried to hang in there with us on the marches and many did not make it. When we did hit New Orleans we were in the best drinking states of our lives.

The traditional march used to start at Angie’s. Then it was on to the Garden Lounge and the Sayre Lounge. After those Mecca’s we would be forced to enter Key Largo. We then crossed the street to Frank’s Place. After that we walked to the Castle. Once we were done there, we were on to the Ribhouse. Finally we would end up at Durbin’s. It was great back then as we knew a lot of people that hung out at Durbin’s and we would usually find a ride home from there from someone.

Unfortunately, some of those bars are long gone and there are some new ones on the list. As far as I can tell, we are going to have to improvise a little. We will have to start at Papa T’s and then go to the Tic and Tin, The Sayre, Nick’s Fat Boy, Champ’s, Frank’s Place, The Castle and Durbin’s. That is eight places so we should be OK.

I have found memories of the O.G. march so, here are my favorite memories of each place.

Angie’s – We started the march here, so it was more of just a starting point. You didn’t want to blow your load too fast so at Angies, we would usually just belly up to the bar and start off with a beer. It was kind of like dipping a toe in the water. You didn’t want to dive in right away. So, we would drink our beers at a somewhat normal pace before the real fun began.

The Garden Lounge – The Garden Lounge was a dump and that is putting it mildly. The place had no redeeming qualities. My favorite memory of that place was the drunk offering Dell a job working on the docks. Dell was being friendly enough with the guy. Eventually the man offered Dell a job on the docks. Dell politely declined and the guy started getting more and more belligerent. Dell as nicely as he could tried to explain that he had a nice job in the computer industry but this drunk just kept badgering Dell about the job. Eventually we slammed our beers as quick as possible and got the hell out of there before the dude got violent.

The Sayre Lounge – The Sayre Lounge was right next store to the Garden. It was full of hardened and seasoned local drunks. It was the kind of bar that had a cast of regulars and when someone new walked in you were treated a little worse then a leper. My favorite story was when we were refused service there because we were spotted by a local drunk leaving the Garden. The bartender told us she didn’t serve Garden people there. We tried to tell her that we were not “Garden people.” Eventually we argued, when it hit us that, we aren’t good enough to be served in this dank pit. We finally said fuck it, and shuddered at being labeled a Garden person and got the hell out of there.

Key Largo – As bad as the Gardena and Sayre were, they were paradise when compared to Key Largo. Thankfully the building that housed this place was leveled a couple of years ago. Sadly my memories of the bar can’t be erased as easily. It was a cheesy pseudo club that was lamer then a Survivor concert. Here we would usually deviate from beer and get a mixed drink so we could slam it and get the hell out of there as fast as we could. The place was crawling with mid thirties single losers with pinky rings and to much chest hair exposed. I wanted to shower and rinse with mouth wash every time I left the place.

Frank’s Place – Frank’s Place is located right next to the pizza joint Little Frank’s and was owned by the same family. Frank’s Place wasn’t that bad, except for the fact that it was frequented by a bunch of coke heads. We would usually grab a beer and a shot at Frank’s. The shot would usually be something somewhat mild. I would usually do peppermint schnapps. I have two good stories from this place and they both involve the bathroom. The bathroom there had one urinal and one toilet with no divider between them. One time I go in there to take a leak. I open the door to find some dude is in there pinching a loaf. This guy is holding on for dear life and groaning like he is giving birth. I am doing my best to take the fastest leak possible to try and let this guy have some privacy. My other adventure in the bathroom, involves me again needing to take a leak, so I walk in just as two guys are doing lines off of the top of the urinal. Ah, good times.

The Castle - As sad as this is, the Castle used to be my favorite stop on the march. The Castle has gone through a much needed re-modeling. Back then it was a small little dump. Still the place had its charm and offered really cheap drinks. At the Castle, we would have a shot of Jagermeister. Only at the Castle their shot glasses were huge. It was like two and a half shots when they were poured. My stomach starts growling at the thought of it. I don’t have many memorable moments other then one night seeing that they had Stroh’s and ordering one and getting a can of it. It was one of the worst beers I ever drank in my life.

The Ribhouse – The Ribhouse was also a decent place all things considered. There we would do our one bourbon, one scotch and one beer. The Ribhouse separated the men form the boys. If you were still standing upright after this place you were home free. The Ribhouse has long been closed but, it was a great stop before hitting Durbin’s because they offered free popcorn. I found the buttery delight just the right snack to get me through the night. My favorite memory of the place is going on a march and our friend Tony came along. Tony was a novice at the time and we were all seasoned veterans. He was hanging in there until the three drinks there killed him. He went into the bathroom. He was gone quite awhile. I went in to check on him to find him lying on the floor in the stall, laying in his own filth. I tried helping him up but he was gone. Thankfully he lived right by the bar so we got him to his door and rang the bell and let his girlfriend deal with him.

Durbin’s – Durbin’s was the finish line of the march. It was where we celebrated our accomplishments of the evening. We would usually be felling no pain by the time we got there and would have those last drinks that we didn’t need to be having. You would think the place would be some kind of cathedral to have gone through everything we went through to get there. Sadly, it wasn’t. It did have a nice beer garden which we would usually hang out in. I have a lot of stories about Durbin’s. I can’t remember if this was a march or not, but my favorite is the time Rob got me with the juke box. We were outside and we noticed no music was playing. So, we headed up to the juke box and put in a five. Rob punched in one song and walked away leaving me standing up there alone. He puts in the Whitney Houston song from the Bodyguard. As it starts everyone from the bar looks over to see what douchebag played this to see me standing there. I could have killed him.