Some More Observations

Another weekend and some more meaningless observations from Nick.

When planning the layout of a mall, there should be a sports and porn shop next to every Bath and Body Works. There is no store on earth that turns my brain to mush faster then Bath and Body Works. Joyce and I were at Orland Mall on Sunday and she of course can not pass by that store without going in. I did my usual, look around to any other retail outlet I could duck my head into to kill time. Alas, there was nothing.

To my left was a White Candle Barn, which is more effeminate then Bath and Body Works. To my right was an Abercrombie and Fitch which I way to old to be shopping in. Across from me was a Sbarro and a Build a Bear workshop. I was in hell. So, I sucked it up and went in with her. In reality they should just have a large bowl where all men like me can hand over their nut sacks, upon entering.

I looked around and I saw that they sold men’s shaving cream for the low price of $10 bucks for a bottle that you might get two shaves out of. For the good of all man kind I implore you, mall builders of America put a store that has some semblance of masculinity in close proximity to all Bath and Body Works and for that matter you can throw Express in there are well.

There is no better smell in the world then Twizzlers in a movie theater. Joyce and I were sitting in Marcus Theater waiting for Ratatouie, (which by the way, rocks) to start and someone close to us opened up a package of the red delicious Twizzlers. Instantly, I wanted some for myself.

Joyce and I were sharing a tub of popcorn that could have fed a small third world nation, so I wasn’t really hungry at that point. Still, I wanted to get up and hit the concession stand after smelling those licorice delights and down an entire bag. I have long had a love affair with licorice. Most people love chocolate, but give me some red or for that matter black licorice any day of the week.

Jenifer Aniston hasn’t made a good movie other then Office Space. Okay, She’s the One is ok but that is it. Be it Rumor Has It, Along Came Polly, The Object of My Affection, Rock Star, Picture Perfect, or ‘Till There Was You they have all pretty much sucked. So, I ask why does she still get to make movies and why would anyone in their right mind go out to a movie theater and spend their good hard earned money on anything she stars in?

For that matter, really have any of the Friends alums done anything noteworthy? Seriously, it has been a ton of crap put out by those six. Need I mention Joey, The Pall Bearer, Lucky Numbers, or Almost Hero’s? I was a never a fan of that show, and the choices those actors have made have been pretty bad.

I am addicted to Freeze Pops. A couple of months ago, I was in Menards to buy my allotment of grass fertilizer and light bulbs, when I saw an end cap that had 100 count cases of Pop Ice freeze pops on sale for $2.50. So, I bought one and put them in the freezer. Now, I have always had an affinity for the freeze pops but, I hadn’t bought any in years. But, much like a heroin addict all it took was one hit and I was instantly hooked again. I quickly went back to Menards and this time bought two cases. Those lasted awhile but eventually, I was running out of them. So, I again went back to Menards to get my fix. The end cap was gone. I started to panic, but with Joyce’s help we were able to navigate through the store and find a couple of cases stashed away in the food aisle they have there.

I bought two more cases. I should have bought more, but foolishly I was under the impression that you can buy these things anywhere. Yesterday I noticed my stock was getting low again. So, after going to the movies I went to Menards. They were all out. I even went to the unthinkable action of asking a stock boy if they had any left.

After that, needing my fix, we went to Kmart. When I used to work there the freeze pops were a staple of the store. I was always stocking them. But, I looked around and nothing. I was now at Defcon 2. I was in such a withdrawal state, that my wife talked me into going to Wal-Mart. Now, the level for which I hate that store can not be measured. I hate it more then George W. Bush hates Charles Darwin. But, I was jonesing.

So, I hold my nose and enter Wal-Mart. Now they did have the freeze pops but they only had the giant ones. I really don’t care for those. I like the small version for some reason. Maybe the thought of going down on something that phallic unnerves me. But, I digress. I passed on the Giant freeze pops, got the hell out of there and headed to the old reliable Jewel.

Jewel also, only had the giant variety. At this point sensing defeat, I bought a 24 pack to tide me over and headed home to the wonder of the internet. There I found a site that had the small freeze pops I like. I ordered two 100 count cases of them. That should get me through the summer.

Wal-Mart parking lots consist of nothing but mini-vans and SUV’s. Next time you find yourself in the parking lot, take a look at how many regular cars are there compared to Mini-Vans and SUV’s. It is a blowout. I am not sure what this means, but it was something that I observed as I headed into the un-holiest of unholy stores yesterday.