Nick's Embarrassing Moments

Everybody has moments where they wish they had a rewind button in life. Here are two of my most embarrassing moments. I am cringing as I write this.

I was working at Kmart. I had just started dating Jenny. Another girl there, who I would later have some private moments of passion with, Cindy asked me to be her date to her cousin’s wedding. I agreed to go months before I started dating Jenny so I was kind of in a pickle.

Being a man of my word, I went with Cindy against the vehement protest of Jenny. I didn’t want to go, but I had given this girl my word I would. She had already rsvp’d and I felt that I would have kind of left her in the lurch if I didn’t go. Maybe it was the voodoo hex Jenny put on me but the night would bring about a moment that I can never forget.

I looked around the banquet hall and there was no one I knew there except Cindy. The couple getting married where Born Again Christians which meant the bar served cool refreshing Coke and 7-up but no sprits of any kind. So, I had nothing to take the edge off. We got seated at our table where I was stuck with eight strangers and Cindy. As what usually happens in situations like this, small talk ensues.

So, I start doing my stand up act, telling some story. Now, as someone who was raised Italian I have a tendency to talk with my hands. So, as I am telling the story I am also acting it out. We had just been served our salads and I had just generously applied some French dressing. So, as I tell the story my hand comes down on the fork that was resting on the salad plate. This causes the fork to fly airborne and hit the wall behind me with a piece of lettuce attached for good measure.

The entire table went into hysterics at the sight of it. I looked over and saw the lettuce stuck to the wall slowly making a downward trek leaving behind a streak of French dressing on its descent. I literally wished there was a hole in the floor so, I could have crawled into it and died.

As bad as that was, this next one is worse. I lived with this story privately for years but, the time has come to unburden myself with it. This also occurred the same time I was dating Jenny. I would spend a whole lot of time at her house back in the day. Her Mom had to be up at 5 AM and her Step Dad worked third shift so, we basically had the run of her house from like 8:30 PM on.

Late one night Jenny and I are in the front room watching movies or something like that. Jenny gets up, and I assume she is going to the bathroom. Little did I know she was heading into her bedroom to take out her contacts. I liked to play practical jokes on her so, I was going to surprise her in the bathroom. I looked over and I saw the bathroom door closed. What I didn’t know was that it wasn’t her in the bathroom it was her Mom.

I open the door, to see her mom sitting on the toilet taking care of business in a half asleep haze. Why the door was not locked I will never know. Her Mom then let out a startled scream and I closed the door embarrassed beyond words. Jenny asked what happened and I told her oh, nothing. For the remainder of my relationship with Jenny I never looked at her Mom the same. That would be an omen for how our relationship would turn out.