A Bad Kiss

Sometimes you build things up in your head so much that when they happen you can be let down. I learned that at a young age with a girl I worked with at Kmart. Actually, she was a woman and I was a teenager.

Her name was Jolynn. I first saw her when I started at the Mart and I was all of eighteen. She worked the jewelry counter and was twenty six. This was like a very brief period in my life when I had a thing for older women. (I think I was just sick of having to deal with eighteen year old girls. Any man who has to deal with them can sympathize.) I was hooked the first time I saw her. She was in a word, gorgeous. She had long dark hair and dark features. She was Italian, (which is usually a turn off to me) and had this killer smile. She always wore sun-dresses and she looked damn good in them. On top of all of that she was cool as hell.

It was beyond obvious I was infatuated with her. I mean I made it pretty obvious. She had a boyfriend, (I mean girls like that are never single) and she was so out of my league it was comical. She was in the majors and I was still playing tee ball. Still, I talked to her, a lot. I guess you could say I was hitting on her, but I did it in such an innocent way, that it was not off-putting. Most guys in the store were intimidated by her which was understandable. I figured since hooking up with her was such a pipe dream, I might as well talk to her and find out about what kind of a person she was.

She had a bit of a wall she had built up as a kind of defense mechanism that you had to get past at first. But, once she deemed you cool, she could be a really a nice and funny girl. If I remember correctly she was dating some guy that was giving her the run around and she was always complaining about him. I talked to her, went to lunch with her from time to time and most importantly made her laugh.

As the months went by, we became friends. Not friends that saw each other socially but inside the confines of the store, we were friendly. We joked around and had fun. I had a big time crush on her and she knew it. I knew the odds were against me, I knew she had a boyfriend, I knew she was eight years older then me, but none of that mattered. (Logic and an erection rarely go together.)

Valentine’s Day eventually rolled around. I can’t remember all the details but somehow, I joked with her about making me a cake. To my utter surprise and delight as I came in the store to work that February 14^th she paged me over to the jewelry counter and handed me over a cake she baked, with a frosting inscription that said love, Jolynn. She topped it off with a kiss to my check when she handed it to me.

I was beyond floored. I was walking on air, thinking I might actually have a chance with her. So, I played it as cool as possible and plotted my next move. One Sunday night we closed the store together. We frequently walked out of the Mart together. So, as we were walking out I decided what the fuck, go for it. I asked her what she was doing after work, she said nothing. So, I asked her if she wanted to grab a quick bite, much to my surprise and delight she agreed.

So, I jumped into her Honda CRX, and away we went. We went to the Patio in Bridgeview. I had eaten many lunches with her but this was the first time I ate with her outside of Kmart store hours. I was a tad nervous, but she snaked me a beer when she placed her order, which calmed me a little bit. We ate our meals and she drove me back to my car that was still in Kmart’s parking lot.

She pulled up beside my Buick Skylark, and kept talking. I was nervous and intimidated as all hell. If I tried to kiss her and she pulled back, I would have to face her and the humiliation every time I worked with her. Eventually, as our conversation was ending in the car, we went to hug and without even thinking about it, started making out. And it sucked.

Maybe I had built her up too much in my head. But, she was the worst kisser I had ever kissed. It was awkward as hell. She was all over the place. Sometimes, you just click with a person when you kiss and other times it just doesn’t. For some reason when we started to kiss, we just were not on the same wavelength. I felt absolutely nothing kissing her and just wanted to get out of that car. At one point I finally excused myself and headed home, confused. I should have been on top of the world, but instead I was disappointed.

I would never hook up with her again and in truth we kind of stopped talking after that. Thankfully, shortly after that incident she quit the store and I never saw her again. Thinking back on it, I learned a valuable lesson, sometimes two people just won’t click. I guess I had built up the experience so much in my head that when it finally happened I was bound to be let down. If you don’t have that chemistry, then well it just wasn’t meant to be.