Back to Work

I am back from a glorious vacation. I was off for eleven consecutive days and fuck did I need it. We lost a guy in one of our other offices and with our cheap ass company, of course it was decided that there was no need to replace him. So, that means those of us that are left have to pick up his work on top of what we already had. It sucks but in this economy what can you do?

Anyway with eleven days off random thoughts creep into my mind and there are things I need to get off my chest. Such as,

Why would anyone get up at 4 AM to go shopping on “Black Friday?” Maybe it is seven years of working at Kmart scaring my perspective. I used to hate working that morning. We would open when it was still dark out and there would be these jackals all waiting to save ten cents on a blue light we were running on candy canes. The doors would open and two minutes later there would be no shopping carts left. It was bedlam. On top of that just imagine your typical Kmart shopper. Now multiply that by 500. And one wonders why I am jaded.

The Bears are a fraud. They are 3-6 against teams that don’t reside in Detroit or St. Louis. Yes, Kyle Orton for the most part has looked good and Matt Forte is the real deal. But that defense is a sieve and it becomes pretty obvious that when Devin Hester isn’t returning kicks at a Superman like pace this is a very mediocre team. It also doesn’t help that Lovie Smith is more conservative then Barry Goldwater.

I am already sick of people bitching about the winter. If you don’t like it move already. These wimps all need to stop the whining. It is not even officially winter yet and already everywhere I turn I hear people bitching that it is cold out. Here is an idea, put on a jacket, a scarf and some gloves and then grow a dick. I realize I am in the minority but I actually like the colder weather (up to a point.) There are places in this country where it doesn’t get cold. Move there already and let the rest of us live in our snowy, frostbitten peace.

I need an iTunes intervention. I can’t stop downloading songs. I try and then I’ll remember some tune from the 80’s (like Josie Cotton’s, Johnny Are You Queer and yes I am lame) and I have this sick impulsive need to have it on my iPod. I can’t stop and it is killing me. At first after I downloaded my mammoth CD collection onto my iPod I thought I should be fine. It took months to complete the project and you would have thought I would be burned out from it. Sadly, instead I was like a crack head looking for my next rock. I listen to XRT all day at work and I will hear some song and become obsessed with having it. Sadly some songs are not available on iTunes. So, I then go on this mad search to try to find it on CD or from Amazon. My current obsession is getting Robert Gordon’s Red Hot onto my iPod. (Thanks Terri Hemmert.)

People who feel the need to walk around in public bare footed need to be ticketed. I am the first to admit I have a big phobia when it comes to feet. If there is a condition that is the polar opposite to a foot fetish then, that is what I have. With winter approaching this issue temporarily gets solved for the most part. But, I know come springtime the hillbillies will be out in full force exposing us to their corns, yellowing toe nails and toxic foot odor. I was in the elevator in my office one day this summer and some jackass came in there with sandals on. There is nothing I enjoy more then being entombed in a metal box with no fresh air and being forced to smell some yuppies feet. You are not a Jimmy Buffet concert you dipshit. I am all for casual attire in the workplace but this practice goes way too far.