Muzak Scuffle

I wrote this yesterday but I am just getting around to positing it this morning.

It’s time to play Muzak scuffle. Here I will attempt to list every song I can identify that comes over the loudspeakers here in our office in Downers while I eat my lunch.

12:27 – Man on the Moon, REM – I love Andy Kaufman and am happy that the boys from Georgia wrote this song. Still, it is kind of lame. I guess it is better than Shiny, Happy People.

12:32 – Client came in and asked me a question so I missed a song. (Even though she could clearly see I was eating a sandwich and was interrupting my lunch.)

12:36 – Everything Changes, Kathy Troccoli – Wow, does this song reek. A repetitive lame drum machine backs up a girlish song about how everything changes when you love someone. Wow how deep. The song has the requisite sax solo as well.

12:40 – Big Girls Don’t Cry, Fergie – And I thought the Frankie Valli version was bad. Well, I think this is better than Fergalicious but it is up for debate. Another vapid waste of time from an artist that is as about as deep as a puddle.

12:44 – New Shoes, Paolo Nutini – Another classic. And by classic I mean a compete piece of shit of a song. I hesitate to call this music at this point. Do people seriously seek this music out on purpose? I blame American Idol for all of this. The bar has been severely lowered.

12:48 Check it Out, John Mellencamp – Yikes. Unless you are at Farm-Aid or driving through Bloomington, Indiana is there any reason to listen to the Camp? I like some of JM’s (back when he still had the Cougar in his name) early work but by the time of this song, he had “checked out” and put it on automatic pilot.

12:52 Music, Madonna – Speaking of mailing it in we have Madonna and this insipid track. You know when you turn 50 you might want to try something else then making club music that people who weren’t even born when Like a Virgin came out are going to listen to. Grow up already.

12:55 I Believe in Love, Paula Cole – By now, I hope I have elicited at least some sympathy from anyone reading this. I resist the urge to upchuck my Potbelly’s as I hear possibly the worst song of the day.

1:00 We Don’t have to Look Back Now, Puddle of Mud – I stand corrected we have a new low. Other then 13 year old girls no one should like this song. Seriously, if you do let me know, I can suggest some good material to you and blow this eunuch music out of your head.

1:05 Keep the Car Running, Arcade Fire – We sink deeper and deeper into the shit storm that is Muzak. My eardrums are polluted and I need to as Shields would say, go home put on the White Album and do a reboot.

1:08 Too Late for Goodbye’s, Julian Lennon – I cannot make this stuff up. When this is the best song I have heard in an hour you know you have problems. Could he possibly do a worse job of trying to imitate his father?

1:12 I got a phone call so, I missed a couple of songs.

1:19 Closer to Free, The BoDeans – Every woman I met in the 90’s loved the BoDeans and I never got it. I still don’t. I mean there are far worse bands out there (see Matthews, Dave) but, this is music that is whiter than a Barenaked ladies concert.

1:22 You’re All I Have, Snow Patrol – As my lunch hour ends, my last song is this “classic.” When you are trying to sound like the Counting Crows you might just want to look into another line of work. Unoriginal, uninspired soulless crap sums up this tune.

And there you have it. A one hour sampling of the music I am forced to endure hear at our office. I thought once my years of having to put up with the Kmart tape of the month were over I would be free but sadly, fifteen years later I am again saddled with the pollution of the airwaves.