Docker's Shopping

As most men I know do, I hate shopping for clothes. I could care less about what covers my bare ass and if it were up to me I’d wear a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans all the time. However, my job requires me to dress “business casual”, so I have to purchase my share of Dockers and dress shirts. Last Friday my wife decided for me that I needed to get some new clothes so we were off to the mall.

Being brainwashed by my father at a young age, I always hit Sears first. I then will hit Kohl’s if I don’t like Sears selection or price. So, we hit Sears and nothing there wowed me so, we went into the mall surprised to find that Sears had a clothing outlet open in a previously empty storefront. With my being a miser and with the offer of up to 70% off, I entered the store. It was mostly women’s cloths but I did find a selection of men’s dress shirts that were pretty nice. I found two in fact, and for eight bucks each. So, I was sold and I then proceeded to brave the line.

I soon found my bargain while not costing me money was going to cost me in gray hair. The outlet store had one register open. A twelve year old named Alex was manning the register. Alex moved a little slower than a tortoise. As I entered the line I knew I was doomed. First off it started back in the parking lot. Second it was all women in front of me and they all had like fifty items. It was crunch time and I had to make a decision. Was the savings worth my time? Since, it was Good Friday and I had gotten out of work early I figured what the hell, I would wait it out. That would be a mistake.

When I say it took a half hour to check out I am not exaggerating. Joyce circled the store twice and tried on some cloths all while I was in line. Part of it was Alex, the register monkey’s doing. The other problem was that the women in front of me were dumber than a bag of hammers. One lady had about ten shirts. Each of them was marked $7.00 but was 30% off. Now, I am no math major but simple arithmetic tells me that since 70 cents is 10% of $7.00 dollars, if you multiply 70 cents by 3 you are going to come up with $2.10. So if you subtract that from $7.00 you wind of with a total of $5.90. However, the Darwin Award Winner in front of me had to ask Alex after each item how much it cost. The answer was always the same, $5.90.

Another lovely woman had numerous different items. She asked Alex how much each item rang up for. At that point she would ponder if she indeed wanted it. Obviously she could care less that she was wasting everyone who was in back of her fat ass, time. At this point I was seeing red and I had steam coming out of my ears I was so pissed. By the time the lunar eclipse came and I got to the front of line I knew I should have just paid full price. I guess in the end I never learn. My faith in my common man continues to erode.

Sadly, most experiences dealing with the public are maddening. So, many are so self absorbed that they are oblivious to how their rudeness is affecting others. I hate wasting others time. I don’t go in the express lane with more than ten items. I don’t bitch if a bag of chips rings up for 5 cents more than it was posted. And, if I am shopping I move my cart if I am blocking the aisle. Sadly, it seems I am in the minority. I’m not sure when these behaviors became atypical but, I blame society as a whole.

We have accepted rude moronic behavior as the norm. Slowly, somehow the jerks rule the world. No one seems to care anymore about anyone other than themselves. What the rest of us in a civilized society can do about, I do not know. All I can do is my little part. So, I urge all who read this, be aware of others. Their time is just as important as yours. Next time you get overcharged for a box of Ding Dongs, just have the item removed. Your hips and thighs will thank you for it later.