Hell Here On Earth

Well, I knew it was going to suck and sadly, I was proven right. Let’s just say I no longer fear hell, because last Tuesday I experienced it right here on earth when I went into the visitor’s center at the Great Lakes Naval Base.

To get onto the base my co-worker and I needed a pass. We were going to be there three days so we needed said pass to cover us from Tuesday to Thursday. Last time I went there, I got the run around trying to get the pass so, this time I took what I thought would be the necessary precautions to avoid a repeat performance. Sadly, this time my experience would be even worse.

It started when we walked into the center to see more people waiting to be served then on a normal day at the DMV. So, we grabbed a number, it was 54. They were currently serving 29. That was a bad omen. So, knowing we were going to be waiting a while we grabbed a seat. They had two televisions in the waiting area. Unfortunately, they were both tuned to the Fox News Channel.

Now, most times I avoid that network and their hate like, Yoko Ono avoids reality. But, since I was forced to watch it, I did. My first reaction was, this is news? All they did was report on Anna Nicole Smith and a dog that rescued some lost mountain climbers. There was nothing sniffing a legitimate news story aired the entire time I was sitting there. And it was a very considerable amount of time.

You see, the Navy outsourcers it’s visitors centers staff. (Which is kind of scary in this era of homeland security and all that.) Being just lonely peons we had to wait until our number was called. All Navy personal visiting this base had preference over the rest of us. So, they could just walk up to the front of the line and get waited on.

There were three booths for one to get a pass at. Of course with all those people waiting that did not stop the attentive outsourced staff to keep taking their scheduled coffee breaks. So, we waited and then we waited some more. It was over an hour before finally our number was called. Now, I had called our contact at the base the day before to make sure a pass would be there waiting for us. We go up to the booth and the most bitter, unpleasant woman I’ve seen waits on us. I inform her there should be a pass waiting for us. She rolls her eyes and tells us there isn’t.

She then asks us if our contact had faxed some official form. I have no idea. You see, I don’t have the rules and regulations to the Great Lakes Naval Base visitor’s center committed to memory. I don’t know what form needs to be submitted, all I do know is that I need to get on the base. The old hag who was waiting on us did a cursory look and did not see our name on any form so she informed us that, without the form there was nothing she could do for us and that we would have to get in touch with our contact, have her fax the form and then re-wait in line.

I called Bullshit on that. I picked up my cell and called our contact and didn’t budge from her line. My contact knew nothing about the form and had told me that she had never had to do that in the past to get visitors on the base. I was literally stuck in the middle of these two. So, I had my contact call the visitor’s center. They worked it out and my contact faxed a form. Of course, while they were waiting for the fax we had to step out of line. Eventually the form was faxed and we were on our way, or so we thought.

It seemed the form had only that day’s date on it. Since we were going to be there for three days and I had no interest in going through this again, I informed the bitch on a stick that was waiting on us that we needed a three day pass. She informed me that the form only had that days date on it and if we needed a three day pass my contact was going to have to fax in yet another form.

So, I again call my contact from my cell, have to get out of line and wait for yet another fax to get received. Eventually, it was and again it looked like we were on our way. We had rented a car and I gave the hedgehog who was waiting on us, the car rental agreement which had the make and model right on it. Still this did not prevent her from entering the wrong information on the pass.

We had a brown Volvo with Illinois plates. She put on the pass a red Nissan Altima with Wisconsin plates. I did not notice this error as I was just happy to have finally gotten the pass. So, I get the incorrect pass and give it to the guard on duty. He notices the mistake and informs me that we were going to have to go back to the visitor’s center to get it straightened out.

At this point I am beyond pissed. I am so enraged that I bypass everyone and go right up to the window. I am seeing red and this lady who fucked up when she entered the information acts as if I am the guilty one. Eventually after some back and forth she at long lasts corrects the pass so I can get onto the base.

All told I waited over two and a half hours from the time I grabbed my number until the time I got on the base. The thing is, all this static over a pass is unnecessary. There is no way to completely secure a base that size no matter what steps you take. Also, if security is that important to you then why not have actual cadets in charge of handing out the passes instead of some third party company who hires customer service people that the DMV wouldn’t touch. Needless to say I am not looking forward to my next trip there.