The D.G. Playlist

I was stuck in Downers yesterday for no reason as it was slow as hell there. Half the office was off in Minnesota for a big once a year meeting. But, we are operating a man short on my team there so, I had no choice. We all had to take turns. What makes it even worse is that they pipe in this annoying lame music over the loud speakers throughout the office that you can not avoid. In an attempt to share my agony here is part of my playlist on the day. This will be a long post, but hey that makes up for a week of not posting anything.

10:04 One on One, Hall and Oates – I was there for over an hour before I got the bright idea to start listing the banality I heard. Hall and Oates actually in their early days had some tunes that were not half bad. Rich Girl is a jam. But, One on One can suck my nuts.

10:07 That’s How Much I feel, Ambrosia – Yikes, welcome to WPUS country. Late 70’s lovers lament about how much some ass head needs his woman’s touch. Man the late 70’s were like Spanish Fly, if you had a beard and pretended to be sensitive.

10:12 I Justify Me, Nate James – I actually had to look this one up as I did not know it. (Thanks Google) I could have gone my whole life without knowing it. It is brutal.

10:15 Bill I Love You So, the 5^th Dimension – Do you now wonder how I make it through the days here? At least they didn’t pipe in another big hit by the 5^th Dimension, Up, Up and Away in my Beautiful Balloon. Still, this is not much better.

10:18 Dreaming with a Broken Heart, John Mayer – The rest of the world seems to like Mayer, don’t include me in that list. This “song” is further proof of his shitness. Just a complete throw away tune that has about as much soul as a loaf of white bread.

10:22 Crazy, Alana Davis – A bad knockoff to a bad band, in the Dixie Chicks. Do people really listen to songs like this?

10:27 I can not figure this song out. It is very similar to the song above. It a woman singing about how her former boyfriend is getting married today and she hopes she loves him and blah, blah, blah. Google was no help in finding it.

10:30 Mi Cherie, Stevie Wonder – Ok, the first song, I don’t really mind. I love early to late 70’s Stevie Wonder. Yes, this song was a prelude to Wonder’s ever sucking 80’s and 90’s library, but I still have a small soft spot for it.

10:34 Heart of the Matter, Don Henley – As the Dude would say, I hate the Fucking Eagles, man. And let me tack on to that, fuck Don Henley. As Denis Leary says, “How long is your pony tail now, Don?”

10:38 Take My Hand Close My Eyes, Cover – I know the original song my Golden Earring. Some lame women is covering it, and doing so very badly. I can’t place who is covering it so I can properly nuke.

10:42 Fly Like an Eagle, Seal – The original Steve Miller Band version is bad enough. This rendition is actually much worse, if that is possible. Why can’t someone cover Abracadabra instead?

10:46 My Boss called me so, I missed a couple of tunes.

10:52 Something Beautiful Inside, Newsboys – Wasn’t familiar with this one either. It is just another in a long line of bad soulless banality I have had to suffer through today.

10:56 Sweetest Taboo, Sade – I kind of like Sade. More of a Smooth Operator fan but still not a bad tune.

11:00 You Started It, Gwen Stefani – Man what happened to her. I actually like some of the No Doubt catalog. But her solo career is very Belinda Carlile like. This song is just plain bad.

11:03 Free as a Bird, The Beatles – Why, oh why of all the Beatle songs, is this the one that is played. I remember being so pumped when this song came out in 95ish and being let down hard. Real fucking hard. I love John Lennon but there was a reason this song was unreleased for so long.

11:08 Woman in Chains, Tears for Fears – I like some Tears for Fears songs, however this is not one of them. Give me, Everybody Wants to Rule the World, or Sewing the Seeds of Love any day over this shit.

11:14 Save it For a Rainy Day, Stephen Bishop – This has it all. Bad lyrics, soft guitar, bad horns and Chaka Khan backing up on vocals. Welcome to Sucksville USA.

11:17 What Kind of World Do you Want, Five for Fighting – I hate this band. It is pretty bad when you are trying to rip off Dave Matthews. I mean, there is lame and then there is Five for Fighting, which re-defines the word. Then again, their heart is in the right place with this song, so I will take it easy on them. Song still sucks, but they are at least putting their lame appeal to good use.

11:21 Little Deuce Coupe, The Beach Boys – Kind of a welcome relief among all the soft music I have heard. Still, not a fan of the Beach Boys (save for Pet Sounds.) I’m not from California, so maybe that is why I don’t get it.

11:23 Let Me Be the 1, Mary K. Blige – I am not a fan of Mrs. Blige. I am not really her target audience so, I don’t think she is losing any sleep over it. Still, I have to listen to this song and it is shit.

11:27 Circle of Life, Elton John – OK, now I am ready for a shotgun purchase so I can blow my head off. Upon hearing this my eardrums explode in a sea of soft rock carnage. I can take no more as I head off out of the building to lunch so I can play some Sabbath on my Ipod in the car and do a re-boot.

Okay, I had a nice lunch at White Castle. (I don’t get to eat the castle on lunch downtown and it is the day before payday.) I also made a couple of calls as soon as I got back and drowned out a song or two.

12:35 Tequila Sunrise, The Eagles – And I am right back in flavor country. If that flavor was plain. Have I mentioned that I hate the Fucking Eagles? (Yet, I love the Joe Walsh, James Gang stuff.) This song is just another example of how boring and uninspired their music can be at their worst, which this song is.

12:38 Wrapped Around Your Finger, The Police – A pleasant surprise. As most who know me can attest I am a big Police fan. I admit this is not their best or finest effort. Still I will take any victory I can. And the end of this song, Stuart Copeland rocks out on the drums as he always seems to find a way too.

12:43 Find Your Own Way Home, REO Speedwagon – I thought they were relegated to the cutout bins forever. Sadly, in 2007 they had an adult contemporary hit, I guess. Well, this song is a long way from Riding a Storm Out.

12:48 Roll With It, Steve Windwood – Was there ever a bigger fall then the one Steve Windwood undertook in the 80’s. I mean here was a guy who was in Traffic and Blind Faith. Then he puts out some really, really un-imaginative pop-ish crappy tunes in the mid-eighties. Damn, Steve were you that broke?

12:53 Pride, Shawn Colvin – At least I think this is her version of the popular U2 song. I like early U2 and I like the original song. I am not much of a fan of this interpretation and let’s just leave it at that.

12:58 I Just Want to Be Your Everything, The Bee Gees – Now, I admit to liking a couple of Bee Gee songs. Lonely Days and I Started a Joke are jams and I will argue that point with anyone. This however, is about as opposite of a jam as one can get.

1:01 Spooky Little Girl Like You, The Zombies – You know what, not a bad song. Again, I will take wins when I can get them and this song has something toe tapping about it.

1:06 A client actually came in and needed some assistance so, I missed a song.

1:10 Run Away, Nevio – I never would have gotten this song without Google’s help. I had never heard it. In case you are wondering, the song is crap.

1:14 Steal My Kisses, Ben Harper – OK, the first song, I will get up and applaud. I like Ben Harper, and I like this song. A very sweet little song, which has an infectious grove.

1:18 Just the Two of Us, Bill Withers – Hard to not like the vocal stylings of Mr. Withers. He just has a great voice no matter what he is singing. I am more of a Use Me guy but I can’t complain, hey two good tunes in a row. Is this a trend?

1:25 You are the Sunshine of My Life, Stevie Wonder – Well, another Stevie tune and another one I am not a huge fan of. Still, it has a little of the Stevie, in his 1970’s funk in it, no matter how small the doses. Three listenable songs in a row. Maybe I should go by a Lottery ticket.

1:28 Rich Woman, Alison Krauss – And just like that the streak is over and I am back in hell. I know people who like Krauss and I do not understand the appeal. Maybe I am missing something, or maybe I have this thing called, what is it, oh ya, taste.

1:32 Back in My Arms Again, The Supremes – You know I like Motown as much as the next guy. Still I have never been a huge Supremes guy. I can however appreciate the wall of sound and vocal stylings of Diana Ross so, I will accept this tune.

1:35 Caught by the River, The Doves – Another one I never heard. Can you guess I don’t spend a lot of time listening to 93.9? Anyway, yet another in a long line of soft guitar “rock.”

1:41 Lifting Off the Dreams, Dream Theater – At least I think this is the song. It seems to fit the profile. It is bad and flaccid inducing to the third leg.

1:46 Carry You Home, James Blunt – Have I ever mentioned how I hate James Fucking Blunt. His voice sounds as if someone is squeezing his nut sack as he attempts to warble out his feeble lyrics that brain dead soccer Mom’s seem to think have some deep meaning.

1:50 My Dad called to discuss our favorite baseball team so, I happily missed a couple of tunes.

1:52 Sad Songs, Elton John – Oh, Elton John you bitch. All my Aunts love him for some unknown reason. Well, I am sure my Aunts meant well, but all they did by incessantly playing his crap is turn him into Satan in my eyes. This song in particular is one of the worst ever recorded in the history of man.

1:57 What About Love, Heart – Heart in the 70’s did songs like Barracuda and Crazy on You. Heart in the 80’s produced songs like What about Love. Just an utter and complete pond scum of a song. (By the way I am trying to use as many metaphors for the term suck as any man can.)

2:00 Had to take a leak so, I missed a couple songs

2:04 You Make Loving Fun, Fleetwood Mac – Always liked this song for some reason. I guess I am a closet Fleetwood Mac fan.

2:08 When I fell in Love With You, Denis Jernigan – Another in a long line of putrid songs that came out of the 70’s.

2:11 Perfect Man, Destiny’s Child – Was not familiar with this song, and I wish it could have stayed that way.

2:13 Lost in the Moment, Big and Rich – What a brutal, brutal song. Just oozes sappiness from every word that is sang by these two assholes. I don’t want to know someone that actually likes this recording.

2:17 I got stumped again and google was no help. Some song about a women singing about how she was put back together by her man.

2:21 Cherish, Kool and the Gang – I kid you not, I actually heard it. Do I really have to comment on this one? To think this is the same band that did Jungle Boogie.

2:24 Games People Play, The Spinners – You know what not a bad song, so I will stop bitching for a minute.

2:28 Nothing Changes Around Here, The Thrills – I had never heard this one either. Actually this is not too bad, compared to a lot of what I have heard today. Maybe this music is turning my mind to mush.

2:31 A World Without Love, Peter and Gordon – Yes, there was bad music in the 60’s as well and this is proof of it. The sad part is these guys probably got laid a lot because of this song.

2:34 On Automatic, Michael Penn – Hard to believe this guy is realated to the coolest man on the planet, in Sean Penn. It is hard to believe because his music is of the pussed variety and this song is no different.

2:37 Satellite, Dave Matthews – I have ranted and ranted for my hatred of this shit magician and his extremely bad music. This is just another glaring example of why I hate him. This song is atrocious. I’m sorry, please someone (Mrs. Conway) defend this one.

2:41 Cake Parade, Georgie James – Another one I was not too familiar with. Looks like I like the politics of the song, so I will pass on nuking it.

2:45 Time in a Bottle, Jim Croce – I don’t mind Jim Croce, but I could do with out this song. Give me I’ve Got a Name or Don’t Mess Around with Jim instead. Hell I would take Operator over this tune.

2:47 Everybody Wants to Rule the World, Tears for Fears – I asked for it and I got it. Nice.

2:51 Apologize, Timbaland – I have heard this one before but never knew who did it. Now I know who to curse when I hear it.

2:54 Dreams, The Cranberries – Never was a fan of this song or this band. One of those throw away bands that came out of the early to mid 90’s.

2:58 Breath In, Breath Out, Matt Kearney – I read from his Wikipedia page, this song is on the Grey’s Anatomy Soundtrack which is appropriate as this song is as sappy and IQ challenged as that show.

OK, this seems like a good enough place to stop. I only have an hour and change left. If you read this far, you must be as bored as me. Still, it was therapeutic to do something to kill the time in Downers.