Sunday Bloody Sunday
My Sunday started like most do in the fall. I woke up, got out of bed and dragged a comb across my head. I then made my way to the Sports Dome in Bridgeview to watch football. The Dome has every single NFL game on, so I can follow my fantasy football team. I usually met up with the Boy's and much trash talking is enjoyed throughout the day.
The Dome offers a deal where you drink and eat as much as you want for $19 bucks. The food spread they have is massive. Breaded Pork Tenderloin, Meat Loaf, Smoked Butt, Baked Chicken, Pot Roast, Baked Salmon, and many sides are offered in the smorgasbord. I eat a hearty meal and down about six or seven Cranberry and vodkas. Of course, since they water them down so much I am basically drinking Cranberry juice.
This last Sunday since it fell in December, I had to leave a little early because the wife and I had some errands to run. Our first stop was to my favorite store, Home Depot. Every time, I shop there I hate that store more. I was in the middle of returning my water bottle’s when the pork tenderloin and meat loaf I had consumed needed to be purged. The Vodka I had consumed was only accelerating this process. I told my wife to keep browsing, as I was going to make a deposit. I was not prepared for what I was walking into.
The bathroom looked as if it was in a war zone. I’ve been in cleaner outhouses. Urine soaked floors, overflowing toilets and dirty towels were everywhere. It was an emergency however so I avoided as many land mines as I could to make my way to the stalls. There were three in all and each was worse than the other. I will not go into detail, but all three were unusable no matter what state I was in.
I left the disaster area and found my wife. The pain I was in at this point could rival child-berth. I told my wife I was running next door to the Office Max. She told me to meet her down the way at Marshall’s. Now I hate Marshall’s but I was in no condition to argue. I literally ran to Office Max and found the bathroom. After exiting the basketball that was residing in my large intestine, I was off to find my wife in Marshall’s.
For those who don’t know think of Marshall’s as a poor man’s Kmart. It is the king of cheap out of date merchandise. They have good prices and my wife has a sixth sense for finding pieces of gold in a sea of crap. After browsing for what must have been a month, she found some Christmas cards and a skirt for our tree.
We proceeded to checkouts and I saw a line with only one old lady in it. My wife told me to go in the longer line but I ignored her. I should have deferred to the Marshall’s expert. The old bag in front of me was buying over $400 dollars of basically sweaters. I’ve seen tar dry faster than this exchange. Of course the line my wife wanted to go in had no waiting after awhile and we moved there and where on our way to Cub foods.
We bought our week’s worth of groceries and headed home. I made myself a tuna fish sandwich, (Using the cheap oil based tuna Joyce despises yet I love.) and settled down on my ass to watch the Simpson’s and try to get myself ready for another week of work. I knew I had learned a valuable lesson this week get that shopping done before Sunday.
The Dome offers a deal where you drink and eat as much as you want for $19 bucks. The food spread they have is massive. Breaded Pork Tenderloin, Meat Loaf, Smoked Butt, Baked Chicken, Pot Roast, Baked Salmon, and many sides are offered in the smorgasbord. I eat a hearty meal and down about six or seven Cranberry and vodkas. Of course, since they water them down so much I am basically drinking Cranberry juice.
This last Sunday since it fell in December, I had to leave a little early because the wife and I had some errands to run. Our first stop was to my favorite store, Home Depot. Every time, I shop there I hate that store more. I was in the middle of returning my water bottle’s when the pork tenderloin and meat loaf I had consumed needed to be purged. The Vodka I had consumed was only accelerating this process. I told my wife to keep browsing, as I was going to make a deposit. I was not prepared for what I was walking into.
The bathroom looked as if it was in a war zone. I’ve been in cleaner outhouses. Urine soaked floors, overflowing toilets and dirty towels were everywhere. It was an emergency however so I avoided as many land mines as I could to make my way to the stalls. There were three in all and each was worse than the other. I will not go into detail, but all three were unusable no matter what state I was in.
I left the disaster area and found my wife. The pain I was in at this point could rival child-berth. I told my wife I was running next door to the Office Max. She told me to meet her down the way at Marshall’s. Now I hate Marshall’s but I was in no condition to argue. I literally ran to Office Max and found the bathroom. After exiting the basketball that was residing in my large intestine, I was off to find my wife in Marshall’s.
For those who don’t know think of Marshall’s as a poor man’s Kmart. It is the king of cheap out of date merchandise. They have good prices and my wife has a sixth sense for finding pieces of gold in a sea of crap. After browsing for what must have been a month, she found some Christmas cards and a skirt for our tree.
We proceeded to checkouts and I saw a line with only one old lady in it. My wife told me to go in the longer line but I ignored her. I should have deferred to the Marshall’s expert. The old bag in front of me was buying over $400 dollars of basically sweaters. I’ve seen tar dry faster than this exchange. Of course the line my wife wanted to go in had no waiting after awhile and we moved there and where on our way to Cub foods.
We bought our week’s worth of groceries and headed home. I made myself a tuna fish sandwich, (Using the cheap oil based tuna Joyce despises yet I love.) and settled down on my ass to watch the Simpson’s and try to get myself ready for another week of work. I knew I had learned a valuable lesson this week get that shopping done before Sunday.
posted by 10withmop at 1:41 PM
2 Comments:
Marshalls is not a poor man's kmart but a poor woman's marshal fields, norstroms, carsons, limited etc.
You would think you own stock in that company.
Post a Comment
<< Home