Yet Another Vent

Babies in movie theaters – For the life of me I will never understand how anyone could think it is a good idea to bring an infant into a movie theater. I mean just how fucking stupid do you have to be. If you can’t get a fucking baby sitter than stay the fuck home. That is part of the sacrifice you have to make when you decide to have kids. Unless you think a large crowd, in a darkened theater that has state of the art surround sound so you can really hear those explosions is a good place to bring a child. It is ignorant behavior and I for one propose that theaters not allow any child under the age of two into a movie, even if it’s Finding Nemo.

Nose picking – You know I am not the most well-mannered man on earth. I’ve been known to let out the occasional belch after a good meal and my wife can attest to my champion like gas explosions. However, as unpleasant as those experiences might be, the end result is that if you wait a minute the sensation evaporates. When one picks their nose, something usually comes out and needs to be flicked somewhere. There is nothing worse than going to take a leak at work and you stand at the urinal and come face to face with a burger that has been left on the wall by some obnoxious individual. If you need to pick your nose use the stall and grab some TP and please flush all moon rocks.

People who use religion as insurance – I have run across a lot of people who think that just because they go to church this gives them a license to be an asshole. It’s like I can be a fucking dickhead all week, treat people like shit and as long as I go to church on Sunday and make a donation all of my sins are forgiven. It’s my belief that if there is a God he might not be cool to treating your fellow man with disrespect.

Death Memorials – We have a morbid fascination with death in this country. I understand everybody grieves in his or her own way but to leave flowers on the side of the road for someone who got in a car accident is weird. Why would you want to go to the site of a loved one’s death? I would rather celebrate their life and try to remember what that person was all about than morbidly creating some bizarre roadside tribute with balloons and flowers. Hey I feel as bad as the next guy when some foolish driver kills someone but a roadside tribute is not going to bring them back.

The Term Right Sizing – This is one of those new age corporate terms. It just oozes with bullshit. Call it what it is damn it. You got downsized not right sized. You see some HR prick figured the term downsize was to negative and that right sizing would be a better more positive term for when you shit can some people. You could call it flower and rainbow sizing and the end result is the same. Some lazy managers who have no other ideas figure the best way to cut costs was to fire some people. To me Right Size is when I go to Sears and find a pair of pants that fits as soon as I try them on.

Paris Hilton – America, just how did you let this tramp become a celebrity? OK, she made an amateur sex tape that got leaked to the web. Big deal, it is grainy and she just lies there. Then FOX gave her and the other bimbo a show so devoid of interest to anyone other than the lowest common denominator. You just had to watch didn’t you? This bimbo is about as dumb as a bag of hammers and is the exact opposite of what you would want your daughter to turn out to be. She is a spoiled rich, nymph who has never worked a day in her life and needs to go far away. I personally will never stay at a Hilton as long as I live because the thought of giving her just one cent gives me the cold sweats.

Cell Phones at Baseball Games – I bitched about cell phones in a previous rant but nothing pisses me off more than a cell phone at a ball game. You are there to relax, take in America’s pastime, and maybe have some beers. You are not there to talk to your homey’s or discuss next weeks staff meeting. I cannot understand these dipshits who can’t leave the house without that cell leash attached to their belt buckle. No one is that important. If you are going to the game turn the phone off, grab a hot dog and an Old Style, sit back and watch the greatest game on earth.

Strip Clubs – OK, I do not look down on the women who work there. I understand the motivation, as it is easy money. It is the lonely desperate idiot men who spend hundreds of dollars for a lap dance that repulse me. Not that I have ever done so, but if I am going to spend that kind of money I better be getting something other than blue balls out of it. Let me see if I get this straight. You pay money to have a naked woman grind her ass into your crotch all the while leaving you with a massive erection that after the song is over she leaves you with. Listen I was sixteen once and those girls were called prick teases. To willingly pay for that treatment is moronic. I have more respect if you went to a hooker.

Not Paying Attention at A Stop Light – Listen, if you are the first car at a stoplight it is your responsibility to pay attention and as soon as that light turns green to hit that peddle on the right and move. I am not saying you have to gun it but you should move so as many people as possible can make the light. Yet, it seems so often I am at a light and the dope that is the first car there is either yapping the phone, talking to their passenger or, has just zoned out. Than if you hit the horn to get them off thier ass you usually get the finger in return. I guess people don’t like being reminded that they are idiots.