2012 NFL Picks

Years ago I was going to the racetrack to bet on the ponies.  I was with my then girlfriend at the time.  We got there right at post time for the first race.  Being the gambling fiend I was I didn’t want to not bet on it.  So, without looking at a program or anything I decided to put $2 on the number 5 horse simply because the number 5 horse wins more than any other post position in a harness race.  As I was placing my bet my girl said, no put it on number 8.  So, I put $2 on the 8 instead.  She had no reason to pick that horse, just picked a number out of the sky.  So, what happens?  The 8 comes in and went off at like 30-1.  All it proved to me was the more you think you know you don’t and it’s all luck.

With that said, I will now attempt to give my very uninformed 2012 NFL picks. Most years I admit to not following football’s offseason and this year I really didn’t pay any attention. I hate sports radio and have made an all effort to avoid it all costs.  So, other than the little I read in the paper or internet I’m going cold turkey with these picks.  Please contain all laughter.

AFC
East

1. New England

2. Buffalo

3. New York

4. Miami

The Patriots are still the pick I guess. I hate the hooded coach but he usually finds a way to get it done.  Still have Brady so you have to like their chances.  The Bills are not great but if Fitzpatrick and Jackson are healthy they might surprise some people.  The Jets are a mess and Tebow will only be a distraction.  The guy is a football player just not a quarterback.  I’ll keep saying it.  The Dolphins are in total disarray.  Not much to like there, at least they have the Heat.

North

1. Baltimore

2. Pittsburgh

3. Cincinnati

4. Cleveland

The Ravens are a team you can set your watch to.  They have a good defense score just enough to win some games. Then the playoffs will come and they will shit the bed.  It happens every year.  The Steelers are still my most hated team.  With the rapist at QB I hope they go 0-16.  Sadly they probably make the playoffs.  The Bengals came out of nowhere.  That won’t happen again.  Plus Cincinnati is a miserable town.  On the other hand, I actually like the town of Cleveland.  Too bad their football team is hot garbage.  The Browns still are not very good from what I can tell. 

South

1. Houston

2. Indianapolis

3. Tennessee

4. Jacksonville

Picking the Texans to win this division is a total no brainer.  It is about as safe as using a spoon.  My surprise team is the Colts.  No they won’t make the playoffs but I think Luck is the real deal, which is good because quite literally that is all that entire town has.  The Titans are another nondescript team looking for an identity.  Quick without looking name their head coach?  I didn’t know either.  The Jaguars without MJD are like Guns and Roses with Axl. It just won’t be the same.

West

1. Oakland

2. San Diego

3. Denver

4. Kansas City

I know I am picking with my heart over my head in the Raiders, but so what.  Every year a team surprises and maybe Carson Palmer becomes good again and maybe McFadden stays healthy.  The Chargers are always good on paper.  But how in the world they can keep Norv Turner as head coach boggles my mind.  I think Manning still has gas in the tank.  However, I am not overly thrilled with what else the Broncos have. Running game is weak and while 18 is awesome he can’t do everything like he used to.  The Chiefs aren’t bad but aren’t good either. They are terribly average.  Hey at least KC has Oklahoma Joe’s. (If you are ever in the city of fountains I insist you go get some of their BBQ.  Some of the best I’ve ever had.)

NFC

East

1. Philadelphia

2. Dallas

3. New York

4. Washington

The Eagles were a total mess last year but still have a ton of talent. This year with lower expectations maybe it comes together. Philadelphia is a total classless town (I will never forget their fans boorish behavior during the Blackhawks Stanley cup win) so, I will root against them.  The Cowboys will be decent this year but as usual will tank at the end of the season.  The Giants just might be the worst super bowl winner ever.  I cannot believe they won it all last year but the NFL wants parity and when you have that you have champions like this.  The Redskins at long last have a quarterback, but are still a long way from contention.  Daniel Snyder will probably find a way to ruin them yet again anyway.

North

1. Green Bay

2. Chicago

3. Detroit

4. Minnesota

The Packers are still very good.  Won’t be 15-1 good but will still win this division.  Which is nice for that bastion of mullets and missing teeth that is Green Bay.  The Bears will make a playoff push if they stay healthy.  But if 70 IQ Urlacher is out for a long period of time I worry.  The Lions are now the thugs of the NFL, congratulations.  Still have firepower but I worry if off the field stuff will get in their way.  The Vikings are brutal.  This could be the titanic of AP is out. 

South

1. Carolina

2. Atlanta

3. New Orleans

4. Tampa Bay

I’m on the Panthers bandwagon.  They were in a ton of games last year and lost them at the end.  This year I think they learn how to win.  The Falcons are becoming the San Diego of the NFC.  Good on paper, make the playoffs and lose crushingly bad.  The Saints are awesome on offense but just as bad as they are good on defense.  If you like 41-38 games watch the Saints this year.  And when in Nawlins get a muffaletta at the Central Grocery Store. The Buccaneers looked to be turning a corner.  Then took a giant step back last year, hey at least the weather is nice.

West

1. San Francisco

2. Seattle

3. St. Louis

4. Arizona

The 49’ers are clearly the class of the west.  They win on defense and will be a tough team as long as Alex Smith doesn’t lose games for them.  The Seahawks are an interesting team.  I am not sure what to make of them.  They could be a lot better and get a Passion fruit iced tea lemonade next time you are in Starbucks.  You will thank me later.  The Rams are another nondescript mediocre NFL franchise.  Maybe Sam Bradford takes a step forward this year.  The Cardinals have issues at quarterback and that is never good.  It could be a long year in the desert if they don’t get it figured out. 

Playoffs

AFC

Wild Card

New England over San Diego

Pittsburgh over Oakland

Divisional Round

Houston over Pittsburgh

New England over Baltimore

AFC Championship

Houston over New England

NFC

Wild Card

Philadelphia over Atlanta

Carolina over Dallas

Divisional Round

Green Bay over Carolina

Philadelphia over San Francisco

NFC Championship

Green Bay over Philadelphia

Super Bowl

Houston over Green Bay