Monday, January 30, 2006

Black Monday

Well I knew this day was coming but it still sucked. Last Thursday it got leaked out that there was going to be some downsizing today. I was not to worried as I knew that my job would be safe yet there was going to be some losses that would directly effect me. So, as I came in this morning the company trimmed over 120 people from IT company wide. As for my team we lost three people. This means my all ready busy ass is going to get a lot busier. Which means working here which as it was, wasn’t a day at the beach now becomes just a complete shit storm.

I don’t mean to come off as ungrateful because it could have been a lot worse. At least I still have a job but this just further installs urgency on my part to find somewhere else to get the corporate dildo from. It seems everywhere I work, makes the same mistakes. At Monsanto, they outsourced to IBM and thought that they could do everything remotely. They couldn’t and by the time they realized it, everybody had left. At Harris bank, they outsourced to EDS who told them they could do everything remotely and of course they couldn’t. Now, Harris is biding their time waiting for the contract to run out so it can bring back it’s IT in house.

So, I come to Bank One. Everything was fine for about eight months. Then the merger was announced and just like that it was back to the old thinking that never works. They think that they could do everything remotely, and I can guarantee what will happen. Just like my previous two companies, they will look at only the bottom line and not about quality. So, when the users start bitching and service is back in the toilet then they will realize their mistake. Sadly, this will come once everyone has been either riffed or quit.

To explain it using cars as an example it is like this. You can buy a BMW or a Hyundai. Now, both technically perform the same function. One is very basic and one is very luxurious. If you want just the bare bones that gets you from point A to point B then by all means buy a Hyundai. Just don’t bitch when the thing breaks down on you when you need it most. The old saying is true you get what you pay for and any company that simply looks at numbers in strict black and white terms without any real analysis is going to get burned in the end.

Still, by quitting I would be doing the bank a favor. That is one less person they will have to get rid of in their next round of downsizing. Plus, by leaving on my own, I would not receive the nice package they give to riffed employees. One of the guys they let go today told me that he was covered until August, which gives him a lot of time to find a new job. So, at least they did that for him.

Still, I can’t wait anymore. I am sick of felling like I am walking on eggshells when it comes to my career. If you go back to late 2001 when I was still at Harris I have had eight months of relaxation. In 2001 the outsourcing rumors started at Harris. So, I put up with that and eventually made the decision to find work elsewhere as opposed to working in limbo. So, I get in at Bank One and get to relax for those glorious eight months until the unholy merger took place.

So, I have decided that it is better to look for a job when you don’t need one as opposed to looking when you have a gun to your head. This way I can choose to be somewhat picky. I want the same salary or close to it and I am going to stay downtown. I want at least three weeks of vacation. Those might seem like high demands but I’ve earned them. I am certified and have been in this field for a while and I have experience that a lot of candidates don’t have. So, today Monday January 30th, 2006 I officially am beginning my new job search. I will apply for at least one job every day until I find something. It is a decision I have made and I am going to live with it.

Friday, January 27, 2006

The Cranky Bones

Recently a music critic that I like Jim DeRegotis got ripped in the Sun Times from readers for criticizing the recent Rolling Stones show at the United Center. He claimed that all the Stones are doing now is charging tons of money for their pension plan and putting out nothing more then a greatest hits show. Now, I was not at the United Center show so, I cannot really comment on that. I can however comment on what has become of a once great band.

There is no doubting their one time greatness or their importance in the realm of rock and roll. One could make an argument that they were the greatest band to come out of the English invasion of the 60’s. (I have always been more of a Beatles and Who fan but again you can make the argument.) The early Stones records are some of the greatest recordings in the entire history of rock and roll. No matter how much they have sold out and sullied their identity no one can take away just what they did and accomplished.

With that said the current incarnation of this once great band is in a word, pathetic. They have taken everything they've done and reduced it to rubble. With their endless line of very bland and generic music that they have put out since the early 80’s, they have continued down a slope towards mediocre. I mean they have been putting out music for the last twenty-five years and have not had one record worthy of praise.

From the 1981 release of Tattoo You until their latest release they have done nothing that is even remotely good. It’s like they put out these crap albums just so they have an excuse to go out on tour charge and arm and a leg for tickets and add more money to their already inflated bank accounts. I mean how much money is enough? Charlie Watts is 64 and Mick and Keith are 62. I think they may have finally attained some satisfaction.

Because of all of this, now the Stones are what they are. Their concerts are full of over aged rockers who think that attending a Stones show still makes them cool. I saw them in 1989, and even then the whole scene was very ugly. They say opening for the Stones is one of the most thankless jobs a band can have. I saw a band I really like, Living Colour get booed off of the stage in a shroud of racial slurs and insults that were frankly embarrassing.

So, when DeRegotis wrote about how much the Stones are now a caricature of themselves he was simply being honest. However, those stuck in the sixties gray beards went into attack mode to stand up for their fallen rock gods. It’s like these guys can never do any wrong. I mean they keep raising ticket prices on you and you keep shoveling money over to them. How many times do you need to hear Jumping Jack Flash live? Here’s a newsflash these guys are senior citizens. They are no longer rebellious young rockers who made that great, fresh, and original music. Tune your radio into something other then the classic rock station and you may just find something else that is worth listening to and spending money on.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

The Retail Cemetery

I recently wrote about some Chicago landmarks that were going by the wayside. This got to me thinking about stores that are no longer around. Once I got to thinking about it, I realized that a whole lot of retail stores that were chains have gone away. Here is just a brief list of the stores that I can remember off of the top of my head that are gone. I am sure I missed a lot of them so please feel free to add your own list.

Service Merchandise – There used to be a lot of these around the Chicago area. The one I used to hit was on 87th and Cicero. The store had a pretty decent jewelry section, which was very affordable. As a matter of fact I once bought a nice necklace there for a girl I was dating. The one negative was that you had to pay for your merchandise first and then wait in another line to have to pick it up. I guess it saved on a lot of theft but it made shopping there a pain in the ass, which may be one reason why they went away.

Zayre – Ah Zayre, with their orange smocks. Of course this is the store responsible for me being here as it is where my parents met. Again they had a pretty big presence at one time and I usually shopped at the one on 87th and Harlem. It was somewhat of a discount retailer that went through many changes over the years. However, they just could never compete and eventually sometime in the early 90’s they went away forever. My most memorable trip there was during the Haunted House I used to work at and a bunch of us who were working it roaming the aisles in full makeup and wardrobe. We got some real interesting looks to say the least.

Venture – Or as I used to call it the zebra store, because of it’s black and white stripes on the building. Venture was another discount retailer with cheap merchandise. I used to frequent the store on 78th and Harlem. Venture carved a nice little niche for itself for a little while. They went away in the late 90’s, succumbing to the Wal-Mart bulldozer. I briefly dated a girl who worked there and I found this cool cd holder there that I had for a number of years.

Goldblatt’s – I guess back in the day it was a really nice store, but all I remember of it was that it was a dump. Crappy merchandise and garage sale shoppers floating around the aisles. The 79th and Cicero store was the one I would frequent the most. My last trip there right before they finally closed I bought some cheap towels and some bungee cords that I still have in my trunk.

Woolworth’s – The five and dime store as my Grandmother used to call it. My Uncle John started out his retail career for this legendary chain. Woolworth’s was that hodge-podge store where you could buy some yarn and a pet bird while eating at their greasy grill. There were two main Woolworth’s that I frequented as a youth. The one on 87th and State Road and the one at Ford City. My Mom used to work at the Karol’s Red Hanger Shop and it was right in front of the Woolworth grill. There I consumed many a corn dog and cherry slurpee. Woolworth’s went away about ten years ago, but whenever I eat at a greasy spoon I am reminded of the store.

Karol’s Red Hanger Shop – As I said, this was a place that my Mom worked at for a couple of years. It was a men’s store that sold suits and dress clothes. They had locations throughout the Chicagoland area and of course their signature was that red hanger on all of their merchandise. Ford City had one, as did Orland and Chicago Ridge. It’s been about fifteen years since I’ve seen one.

Montgomery Ward’s – Monkey Ward’s as we used to call it, was once a huge retailer. Ward’s biggest problem was that they never knew what they wanted to be. I used to hit the Ford City location and then when it opened the Chicago Ridge store. There I bought a love seat for $150 bucks that until very recently I still had. Ward’s was a Chicago company so I was sad to see it go, but they could never compete with the Sears, Best Buy’s and Wal Mart’s of the world.

Wiebolt’s – Another long gone department store that was located at Ford city. Wiebolt’s was like a J.C. Penny or Sears type of store. They also had a grill that I would frequent as a youth. The store itself has been gone a long time and I don’t think I’ve seen one in twenty years, but for awhile they had a niche among consumers.

Polk Brothers – Polk’s was an electronics store that sold refrigerators, televisions and washers and dryers. They had a big store on 80th and Cicero back in the day. I remember my Grandparent’s buying a black and white TV from there a long, long time ago. They were around until the late 80’s when they could no longer compete with the prices that the large chain’s offered.

Rose Record’s – At one time Chicago used to be lined with Rose Record’s. Rose was a place that I would frequent from time to time to get my latest 45's. There was one at Ford City and then when I got to working downtown I used to hit the one on Franklin and Washington. About ten years ago Rode Records closed it’s doors for good, but I still have my Price Purple Rain CD that I bought there.

Phar Mor – As quickly as this placed sprung up it went away. Phar Mor was a discount drug store that offered prices so low that they could not stay in business. When I worked at the Kmart pharmacy a frequent cry I used to hear was how come our prices were so much higher then Phar Mor? The answer was that Phar Mor was selling prescriptions at a small loss hoping consumers would buy other goods while waiting for their prescriptions. They didn’t and were soon closed. There used to be one on Ridgeland and Southwest Highway.

Madigan’s – A clothing store that was located at Chicago Ridge Mall, which had the distinction of giving me my first credit card. I bought a lot of my Kmart wardrobe there because of that credit card. It was a nice enough store but for some reason didn’t last long. In the early 90’s they closed their doors for good.

Track Auto - Before Pep Boys there was Track Auto. Basically it was an auto parts store that had pretty good prices. There used to be one on 87th and Harlem, where I bought a lot of windshield wipers and fix a flat. Then sometime in the early 90’s they were gone and never to be seen again.

Sound Wherehouse – Another record store that I used to frequent a lot. They were located in Scottsdale mall on 79th and Cicero. I bought a lot of music there as they were reasonable and they let you listen to the music first before you bought it. Eventually Blockbuster bought them out when they tried to get into the music business. Once that I happened I no longer shopped there.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I Don't Just Rent Porn

Here is a rundown of the last five DVD’s I got from netflix.

The Girl Next Door – To be honest I didn’t expect a whole lot from this one. The preview looked stupid and it seemed like it would be a waste of time. Still, for some reason I rented it and I did not hate it. While there are some huge plot holes and the story is preposterous, I did laugh a number of times and as usual the under-rated Tim Olyphant gives a great performance. A kind of homage/rip-off of Risky Business for the current generation.

The Yes Men – Just a great documentary. About two guys who ran a mock WTO website and because of it get invited to all of these conferences from people who are under the false impression that they work for the WTO. They then go on to give these bizarre presentations where no one bats an eye. Even going so far in one conference to support slavery and the sad thing is that no one even questioned them on it. A great film that needs to be seen by anyone who doesn’t already know about the horrendous practices of the WTO.

Inside Deep Throat – Another very good documentary. This one was about the filming and subsequent fallout from the most recognizable and best selling porno of all time, Deep Throat. It is interesting to see how the climate has changed and yet how it hasn’t. If you have any interest in this subject matter then it is a good enough watch.

Born Into Brothel’s – Avery sad and disturbing look at the horrendous conditions that kids grow up with in Calcutta. You cannot watch this and not be moved. As you watch this movie threw these kids eyes you can’t help but wonder just what is wrong with this world when a child has no choice in life then to become a prostitute at age eleven. A documentary that more people should watch, just to realize how lucky we are to live in a country with choices.

Hardcore – A bad Russian film that netflix recommended to me. The “story” is about two Russian prostitutes who fall in love and kill their pimp and frame another sex worker for the crime. Then one of the girls becomes famous and the story just gets more idiotic from there. Don’t waste your time with this one, as it was not nearly as good as I thought it was going to be.

Monday, January 23, 2006

White Castle and Miller High Life: A Winning Combanation

As I wrote about in great detail last year I spend the football playoffs with my friends having a good old time eating, drinking and passing gas. So, far this year I have lost my ass with the strip cards but I’ve eaten some good food and had a lot of laughs. Here is a brief rundown so far.

For the first round of the playoffs I was off to Homer Glen to my friend Kevin’s house. It was one day after having my wisdom teeth removed so I was not drinking. Not wanting to walk into a house empty handed I stopped at the White Castle and picked up a crave case. That is thirty hamburgers for those not schooled in the White Castle sizes. My logic was that since my jaw was still a little sore, I could eat the sliders simply because they are small and soft. I was right, I could eat them and man did I eat them. There were beef sandwiches and pies and all of this other food flying around but I stuck with my easily chewed burgers. It was nice being 100% sober for once and I caught up with some friends. As for gambling I bought into eight quarters worth of strip cards and I lost them all. Leaving me at 40 in the hole.

For week two I made two stops. On Saturday I was off to my friends Wally’s house in Hickory Hills. I figured since the tradition was started that I would bring a crave case to each week’s games. I also picked up my standard twelve pack of Miller High Life. Wally had a fish fry going. I am not a big fish guy but there were other things to chow on. It was a long night and my friends were passing out all over the place. Eventually an over eager friend of mine tackled me as I sat in a Lazy Boy. As for gambling luck would be on my side for once as I won two of the eight quarters I wagered on. So, for the night I was up $60 putting me at $20 to the good for the playoffs.

On Sunday it was off to my friend Brian’s house in Willow Springs. There his girlfriend had a smorgasbord of good food, but it was very gas producing. There were dueling crock-pots of cocktail weenies and meatball’s. When I say I had over forty of them I am not exaggerating. Wally later on grilled some real good Italian Sausage. Sadly, though we had to watch the Bears season come to an end. I again consumed some Miller High Life’s and was thankful it was MLK weekend so I would have the next day off. In the gambling department I only wagered on the Bears game so I only threw down 20. I lost the first three quarters when I pulled the one for the fourth. The score was 23-21 when Carolina scored a late touchdown making it 29-21. All Carolina had to do was kick an extra point and I was going to be 50 bucks richer. So, of course the kicker missed the chip shot and I was no back to even for the playoffs.

For Championship Sunday I was off to a friend Pat’s house in Alsip. I again made my stops for sliders and the High Life. Pat has been hosting championship Sunday for years. His wife makes some mean food with beef, pasta, toquito’s, tamale’s and numerous dips on the menu. So, there I sat laughing and watching the action with my posse. There were eight quarters to gamble on. For these games we decided to make the last quarter ten bucks instead of five. So, I put down 25 bucks for each game and I didn’t win shit. So as I look at it so far I have wagered on 28 quarters of football for these playoffs and I have won exactly two of them. Still, I am only down 50 as I head to my friend Mike’s house in Mt. Greenwood for the big game. All I need to do is hit one of the four quarters to make my money back. Still, even if I lose, it is still worth it to me for all the good times and laughs I have during the games. Once they Super Bowl is over, I have a couple of months off as I wait for the baseball season to start, for which I cannot wait.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Thanks For Nothing

They say you should not speak when you are angry. I guess that means that you should not write a blog when you are angry as well as I may regret later what I am writing. However to get the optimal effect of how pissed off I am I think I should write this now and I don’t care about any repercussions any more.

I tend to try not to write too much about work stuff on here because you never know who may stumble on this blog. A simple google search on my name would probably display this vanity site. So, except for the occasional rant here and there, I’ve tried to keep this site free of workplace bullshit and I never badmouth co-workers or my boss by name directly. With that said, I am very pissed today about my yearly merit increase that I got this year.

All during 2005 I was verbally promised that I would be taken care of for all of my efforts. The bank asked me to get four certifications, and I got them all. They asked that I keep my stats at a certain level so I went out and had the best statistics for any technician in the United States. Meaning out of all of the techs that JP Morgan Chase has in Illinois, New York, Ohio, Arizona, Texas, Wisconsin and Indiana my stats were better then anyone’s. Sometimes my competitive personality disorder can work to my advantage and this was one of those cases. I did over 1,100 hundred tickets last year. No one else in the Midwest was over 900. My survey’s returned by my clients averaged into a score of 94% satisfaction. (Anything over 90 is phenomenal.) I averaged over five calls a day and I openly volunteered to work a lot of weekends in Elgin and for DR testing.

So, as I was doing this my boss kept telling me that not only was I going to get a nice bump in salary but that I would also be getting a promotion. However, I never saw anything in writing but I trusted her. That would be a big mistake. In late November my bosses’ boss decided that he was moving back to Texas. So they promoted my bosses husband to be the District Manager. Thus, my boss had to find a new position in the bank because a wife cannot report to her husband. So, in early December I got a new supervisor. Now, I like my new boss, I think he is great and I can’t wait to start working for this guy.

However, since he was only my boss for a very short period of time in 2005 my old boss was going to do my review. Now, I still wasn’t worried because my old boss was the one making me all of these promises. So, last week I get my review. It was a BJ. I mean Linda Lovelace couldn’t have done a better job. I was getting so much smoke blown up my ass it was getting uncomfortable. My old and new boss were in the room and they were double-teaming me. As I was leaving my old boss said that they would know what kind of money we would be getting at a later date.

That later date was today. I get a page from new boss to meet him in his office to discuss my salary increase. So, I high tail it over to his desk and sit down. He then shows me my increase. It was 3% with no bonus. You see since the group, as a whole did not meet their numbers no one in GTI (the group that I work for) is getting a bonus. This is the first year since 1998 that I haven't gotten a bonus. He then went on to tell me that 3% was a pretty good raise, as some people didn’t get any raise at all. And this is when I got pissed.

I don’t care about other people. I outperformed other people. I did the math. 3% is like an extra $32 bucks a paycheck. So, I busted my ass went above and beyond the call of duty for 32 bucks. Also, that promotion I was promised didn't happen either. What made it even worse was that my old boss was not there. She didn’t have the balls to be there. So, who could I complain to? It is not my new bosses fault, as he did not have anything to do with my raise. You see in the current environment in Information Technology the basic feeling from employers is that be happy you have a job at all.

So, I ask you what I my incentive to go out and put up those numbers again? I mean what is the point? If my group misses one goal everyone gets screwed. To me this does not seem to be fair. The bank made billons last year and yet they still treat IT like a fucking dog. We cannot prove to the board of directors are actual worth so we are looked at as a liability, an expense. So, getting any money from them is like pulling teeth.

At this point I am not sure what I can do. I am kind of stuck in this sinking ship of a field. I desperately would like to get out, but how can I with a mortgage. There is no way I could afford to take even the slightest of pay cuts. So, I have to take the bullshit and say thank you while I am getting fist fucked in my anus by the Hulk. All of this depresses and pisses me off to no end. I know that a lot of people have it lot worse off but you know what, I don’t give a shit. I worked my ass off and I got screwed. I thought in America if you worked your ass off and played by the rules you would get ahead. I guess I thought wrong.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

First Bitch of 2006

Chocolate Chips in Oatmeal Cookies – If I wanted a chocolate chip cookie that is what I would have bought. I realize I am in the vast minority but I prefer oatmeal cookies to chocolate chip. So, when I buy them I don’t need to have that chocolate in them. I realize the rest of the world likes chocolate chips but when I am eating my boring oatmeal cookie please leave them alone and stop trying to make them more public friendly.

Chatty Cashiers – I harp on cashiers a lot and basically I do so because they give me a lot of fodder. I realize it is a mundane and boring job and you are stuck doing it all day. However quit trying to get into some inane conversation about the weather or the products I am buying. A simple hello and thank you is all that is needed in our conversation. Also, by getting into these boring, meaningless conversations inevitability the cashier slows down and is not ringing up the groceries at an optimal level. I want to get in and out of that line as fast as possible and I want to do so without talking about that bar of soap I just bought.

The term Yummy – I will forgive anyone under the age of ten however, if you are older then that you need to retire this adjective. If something tastes good, there are many ways you can express that without talking like an infant. If your vocabulary palate is so barren that you cannot think of anything else to say to describe how something tastes then, please refrain from giving us your opinion at all.

Desperate Housewives – At least the title lets us know just who is attracted to this soap opera. I would love to know what neighborhood these dames live in. I mean my neighbors don’t look anything like Terry Hatcher or Nicollette Sheridan. This show is one in a long line of over-hyped, brain cell wasting, banality that for some reason America enjoys. It took me all of ten minutes of watching this crap to realize that it was an abomination that looks at it’s viewers as single IQ dolts. All you need to know about what is wrong with America is that this show gets great ratings while Arrested Devlopment gets cancelled.

Flavored Coffee – If you want Hot Chocolate then just order that. Listen, I stopped drinking coffee years ago because it upset my stomach and I could not handle that 10 AM bathroom cleansing. But when I did drink coffee I drank, coffee. Not, hazel nut, maple, vanilla, and mocha sugar. If you don’t like the taste of coffee that much that you need to add two tablespoons of sugar and them pour some flavored cream into it then maybe you should try something else. Hot chocolate is sweet and if that is what you want then by all means just order that and be done with it.

Jessica Simpson – Another in a long, long line of Lolita’s that have an IQ of ten, and falls back on thier young and perky breasts to sell records as opposed to depending on talent. I will never understand why America gives a shit what some dimwitted blonde has to say. Her records suck, she can’t act and as far as I can tell, this tramp has no redeeming qualities. Hopefully in ten years she will be on Skating With The Stars with all the other has been celebrities.

High Beam Drivers – Just a memo to all motorists out there. It is not cool to drive with your high-beams on for an extended period of time. You see when you do so you are blinding all of us drivers who are going in the opposite direction. So, if you have a headlight out you might want to get off your lazy ass, get to Pep Boys, spend the five bucks, and take the two minutes to replace it. As opposed to causing the rest of us to become temporally blinded, which can be a hazard when operating a two-ton vehicle.

Public Nail Clipping – It is sad that I even have to mention this one, but alas I do. Just for the record it is not cool to cut your nails in public. You see when you do this, the result is that the byproduct tends to fly around and you are leaving them to be picked up by someone else. Cutting finger nails is bad enough but if you are actually taking off your shoe’s and socks in public and cutting your yellowing toe nails not only is that disgusting, it is barbaric. It should be an arrestable offense. If smoking in public is wrong so is this animal like behavior.

Chain Letter E-mails – I hate to tell people this but just by sending on an e-mail with three wishes on them, will not make it come true. You see e-mails are stored on servers. These servers have hard drives. Hard drives are not infinite, they have size restrictions. Therefore, by sending needless, pointless, hokey e-mails you are wasting not only any sane readers time but also money. So the next time you complain that your DSL bill went up instead of bitching about it, why not delete those chain letters and stop forwarding them on to the rest of us.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Another Book Report

Here is a brief summary of the last five books that I have read.

Rat Pack Confidential: Frank, Dean, Sammy, Peter, Joey and the Last Great Show Biz Party by, Shawn Levy – Being a fan of the Rat Pack I’ve read a number of books about the group. I still consider Bill Zehme’s The Way You Wear Your Hat to be the best of the lot of them but this is also a very good and comprehensive look at the pack. Also, an HBO movie was based on this book so I owed it to myself to read this. If you want to read about a time and place that will never be duplicated then pick this one up.

Bait and Switch by Barbara Ehrenreich - I really enjoyed the author’s previous book Nickel and Dimed so when I saw this book sitting at Borders I was really looking forward to read it. It is about a subject that is near and dear to my heart and that is middle class white-collar labor that becomes overqualified to get hired for most jobs in corporate America. While the book does look at that subject there was a lot about this book that I did not like. There was a lot of time and detail spent on Barbara’s interactions with job coaches and career advisors as opposed to looking at the culture of corporate America and how they recycle you when you get to a certain point. All in all I was a little disappointed in this book.

Wired: The Short and Fast Times of John Belushi by Bob Woodward - When this book first came out a lot of friends of Belushi were quick to trash it and call it all lies. So I never read it nor saw the movie based on the book. Then one day I saw it in the Library and started reading it. John Belushi was a physical comedy genius that sadly like many others’s succumbed to drugs and it led to his untimely death. This book without a doubt paints Belushi as a drug addict with a severe case of an addictive personality. If you’ve never read it and are a fan of the mans work then it is an interesting enough read.

The Truth (With Jokes) by Al Franken – Not much I say is going to sway a right-winger to pick this one up. In this book Franken agonizes over the 2004 election and just went wrong. Also, he exposes more bullshit from the likes of Tom Delay and W with facts. Yes, he is preaching to the choir but it is still a lot of good information to use when arguing with the other side. If you are a lefty like myself it is a very good book and should further any distrust you have of the GOP.

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss – I am not sure where to begin with this book. When I started reading I was sure it was bullshit but since I found it in the non-fiction section of the bookstore I decided to investigate. From everything I can tell this book is genuine. It is basically about one man’s journey into becoming the world’s best pickup artist. This is great read from a sociological perspective. A lot of what I read are things I have always felt about how to attract women. I won’t go into details but even if you are a happily married guy like myself this book is very entertaing. I have to admit I really liked it and at the very end it finds it’s heart. Strauss is a good writer and maybe he was as he calls it sarging the reader, but he has a way of making himself come out above all of the non-sense that the pick-up community becomes. (And trust me there is a huge community out there if you look into it.) So, I would recommend this especially for any single woman, as it is a great look at how some men view them.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

How I Spelled Relief As A Young Cub Fan

At long last one time Cub closer Bruce Sutter has been elected to the Hall of Fame and let me be the first to say that it is about time. This makes three consecutive years an ex-Cub has been elected. In 2003 it was Dennis Eckersly, last year it was Sandberg and now Sutter. Relief pitching is sorely lacking within the Hall of Fame and trust me when I say this, for a time in the late 70’s and early 80’s there was no one in baseball doing it any better then Bruce Sutter.

He was in a word, automatic. He played on some garbage Cub teams in the late 70’s. Those teams had Rick Reuschel and four ragged armed pitchers in their rotation. The offense was anchored by Buckner and Kingman and a whole lot of punch and Judy hitters. Yet somehow the 77-79 Cubs would win 81, 79, and 80 games respectively. That may not sound like much but trust me those teams overachieved. One of the main reasons for this was Sutter.

In 1977 Sutter went 7-3 with 31 saves, with an ERA of 1.34 in 107 innings. Just an incredible season. The Cubs as a team won 81 and Sutter either won or saved 38 of those games. That is almost half of them. Then in 79, his CY young year he went 6-6 with 37 saves, with an ERA of 2.22 in 103 innings. The most amazing stat from that season is that while pitching in Wrigley for the year he gave up a total of three home runs. That season he either won or saved 43 of the Cubs 80 wins that year.

Sadly this was an era of the Cubs were they simply refused to pay players. So, before the 1981 season they shipped Sutter off to the hated Cardinal’s. In return we got Leon Durham, Ken Reitz and Ty Waller. Durham had a couple of decent years before blowing an easy groundball costing us the 84 pennant, Reitz lasted one whole year with the Cubs and hit .215 and Waller played 63 career games and hit a robust .236. This was just another in a long line of bad money dumping Cub trades. Sutter went to even greater heights with St. Louis as the anchor of a World Series winning bullpen in 1982. He eventually went on to Atlanta before his arm finally gave out. Still in his twelve-year career he was an All-Star six times and he finished in the top ten of MVP voting five times. For a reliever those are incredible numbers.

On top of all of his accomplishments Sutter changed baseball forever as the man who first threw the split-finger fastball. It was that pitch that revolutionized pitching and the game itself. Sutter learned that pitch in Cubs minor league system and used it like no one ever has since. The fact that it took Sutter eleven tries to finally gain enshrinement proves how insane the voting process can be.

With that said, if I had a ballot I would have only cast two votes. One for Sutter and the other for Gossage. No one else seemed worthy. Andre Dawson is a borderline case. I see both sides of the argument and much of his career was robbed by the concrete turf of Olympic stadium in Montreal. Still, Dawson while always being a very good player who had a couple of great seasons was never dominant. Still he was better then Tony Perez and Gary Carter so if they are in I guess he should be as well. However, he falls short in my personal book as does Jim Rice, Bert Blyleven, Tommy John and Lee Smith.

So, I say congratulations to Bruce Sutter. Sure, I want him to wear a Cub hat into Cooperstown but since he won a World Series in St. Louis my bet is he goes in as a Cardinal. I can’t really blame him after the way the Wrigley family treated him. Still, I will always remember being a young boy and running home to catch the end of the Cubs games. This was when Sutter would do his magic and most times he would dominate.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Welcome to Starbucksville

I’ve written many a blog about my love for working in downtown Chicago. I could go on and list of all the reasons again but I don’t want to bore everyone. However, something is going on in Chicago that makes my stomach turn and I see no way to stop it. You see it seems corporate America has finally beaten our great city down, as well and try as we might to fight it we are getting our collective ass kicked.

Slowly but surely Chicago is losing what makes it great, its uniqueness. I love being able to go to a local watering hole or restaurant. I will always maintain you will get a better product and better service from an independent business then from a chain. Well, Chicago our local companies are continually going away and no one seems to give a shit.

The latest casualty is the Bergoff restaurant. I have been eating at the Bergoff ever since I worked in the loop. With their German pot roast, bratwurst, German potato salad and homemade rootbeer, the Bergoff has always been one of my favorite places to grab a meal. Sadly, the owners who are getting up in age decided to close. The daughter is going to run her catering business out of the building but let’s not kid ourselves. They are just biding their time before they sell their building and rake in the millions it is worth.

On top of that there will no longer be a Marshall Fields. Somehow the dolts who run the company think it is a better idea to change the name on all the stores to Macy’s. (Typical East coast bullshit where they think anything west of the Hudson River is second-class.) To most people this is no big deal. You see they are all happy shopping at Wal-Mart, eating Big Mac’s and drinking Starbucks. They have stopped giving a shit and they either never cared to begin with or were brain washed into watching Chicago turn into just another city with nothing unique about it.

Well, I still care. I care because I love this city. I love that we are like no other place I’ve ever been to. I like that I can still go to a bar not called TGI Fridays. I like that I can still buy records somewhere other then Best Buy. (Though sadly my favorite local record store Rolling Stone is closing its doors.) I like having a choice and don’t want to eat lunch every day at the Corner Bakery. I just looked on their website and there are now thirteen of them located in the loop. If it is not a Corner Bakery it is a Starbucks opening up. I also did a search on Starbuck's website and put my buildings address in. I searched within a five-mile radius and came up with eighty-seven locations with in that radius. If that is not saturating the market I don’t know what is.

So, as I slowly start seeing my city become something I despise I get sad. I am sad because eventually all choice will be gone. There are like four banks left and five airlines. We no longer have a choice. We must live with our corporate warlords who we keep shoveling our money to. Maybe I am just an old crotchety man who is overly sentimental and can’t accept change. Or maybe I am the last of a dying breed, a breed that likes choice and likes to think for themselves. My only hope is that the few remaining Chicago institutions keep fighting the good fight and with at least with this consumer they have an ally.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Nick's Recovery

As I stated in my last post I got my two right wisdom teeth removed on Friday. The surgery in and of itself went rather well. Joyce was kind of enough to get me home and take care of me. As I sat at home on Friday, high on Vicodin and not able to really do much I again realized just how easily I become bored.

On Friday I was basically out of commission. So, I had three new videos fresh from netflix and a bunch of saved programming on my DVR. Even with all of that I was still getting antsy. Without much other choice, I watched all three videos and blew through some Arrested Development and family Guy episodes I had saved up. However, after sitting on that couch that whole time unable to eat anything other then scrabbled eggs and pudding I was getting loopy.

On Saturday Joyce had her class and then after that she had to go into work. The football playoffs had arrived and I really wanted to go to my friend’s house (like I do every year) and watch them. I was still on Penicillin so I knew that I would not be able to drink. Knowing this I knew that my enjoyment of the proceedings might be a little stunted. I also knew if I was going to drive out to Homer Glen that I would have to discontinue the Vicoden and take Tylenol for any pain.

So, I made the decision to live with Tylenol and make the trek to my friend’s house. Another couple of hours in that house by myself and I would have been literally climbing the walls. I had a little discomfort but I am a big boy and I knew I could deal with it. Not being able to drink caused a bit of a problem in that I hate going to a party empty handed. So, if I couldn’t drink I wasn’t going to bring beer. So, I decided to stop at White Castle and buy a crave case. The case costing $17 dollars gave me my first excuse to use a credit card at White Castle. I guess I can cross another one off my list of things I thought I would never do.

So, I got to the Conway’s and made the rounds with my posse. I found out my friend Zar had broken his leg on Christmas morning. Interestingly enough he broke it walking to church. He was walking and he was going to meet his wife there when he slipped on the ice. He was sitting there with a broken leg by himself and no cell phone. He literally had to crawl three blocks back to his house. He had ten screws inserted and will have to be off of his feet and work for three months. So, after hearing this, my petty complaints about a day seemed trite. If I had to be off of my feet for three months I am pretty sure Joyce would file for divorce because I can only imagine the raving lunatic that I would turn into.

After catching up with the guys, I sat back and watched some football while drinking some nice, clean, refreshing, water. Even without the alcohol it was still fun to gather around and talk to everyone and have some laughs. Sure my jaw hurt from time to time but I made the best of it. There was a ton of good food there that I couldn’t eat so, I just munched on a couple of White Castle’s, (by the way, if you ever have wisdom teeth removed white castle are small enough in that you can still enjoy them after the procedure) and lost some money gambling on the games. All in all I still was able to enjoy myself. Sure, it probably hurt my recovery time a little as I should have just stayed home and not stood around talking and laughing so much. But, this way I was able to re-gain some of my sanity and I am sure make me much more tolerable to put up with for Joyce.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Not The Oral Service I Like

Tomorrow at 8 AM I will be at long last getting my final two wisdom teeth removed. I realize I am a little older to be having this done. I do have an explanation for this. I take responsibility for the delay but other forces conspired against me having them removed.

I got my two wisdom teeth on the right side of my jaw removed in November of 2001. At that time I was thirty-two which is still an older age to be getting the procedure. Most of my friends had this done in their early twenties. In the 1990’s I was working at IRI. When I first started there I was not hired on as a full-time employee and was not offered insurance. So, for about two years I worked and prayed I never got hurt or sick. Every time I did visit a doctor I was paying for it out of my own pocket so, I was not going to go to a dentist for something that was not really bothering me.

Eventually I did revive health insurance through IRI. However, I still didn’t get to the dentist simply because the insurance sucked and the deductible was ridicules. I was young and a little naïve so instead of just going and getting them removed I lived with them. After awhile I quit IRI and again started consulting and again I did not have health insurance.

Eventually I got in at Harris Bank and they had a real good insurance so at long last I started going to the dentist again. I went to Dr. Elmosa in Burbank who was in a word, a dick. He was condescending and hired all these tomatoes in his office as his assistants. I really thought the guy was slimy but again I am a lazy man and I didn’t want to go through the hassle of finding a new dentist. Eventually he removed the first two wisdom teeth, and told me we would do the other two the next year. However, when I got a new job at Bank One my insurance changed and I was forced to find a new sadist, I mean dentist.

That is when I found Dr. Rodger. I got lucky as I really like him and he has been real cool. However, one of the two remaining wisdom teeth I have is impacted and will require an oral surgeon to remove. So, I delayed it while I got all other dental procedures finished. At long last I finally made the appointments got the x-rays and tomorrow I will get them removed.

Thankfully, I will be knocked out for this but still I know tomorrow afternoon and Saturday might not be a day at the beach. I was prescribed Vicodin for the pain and the doc warned me that it might be a unpleasent couple of days. So, as I stock up on cold compresses and soup I await my fate. I am sure if I had this procedure when I was younger it would have been better as a younger man heals quicker then my mid-thirties ass. I just never considered removing them a priority. It is kind of like my knee. I know I should get it fixed but who has the time? I mean I would need to be off of it for two weeks. I know that one day I will be forced to deal with it and I will have some serious arthritis in it when I get older. I guess I will never learn.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

NCAA Bore Fest

Tonight is the championship game for the NCAA college football season. And, I for one could not care less. Yes, I am a football fan so one would assume that I would have some interest in the outcome of this game. Sadly, with the way that college football is run it is hard to get behind it’s BCS championship game.

I have a lot of issues with college sports in general but when it comes to football I save my biggest bitches for it. First off, college football is boring. I like pro football much more. College games take forever because of the incessant clock stoppages. The clock stops so often that many games can last over four hours. After every first down the clock stops. Every time a player goes out of bonds the clock stops. I mean it is slower then cooking with a crock-pot.

Another big issue I have with the sport is the money aspect. Money rules college football. It has created a completely unfair, unholy alliance called the bowl championship series. The BCS takes the supposed best eight teams and puts them in four lucrative corporate sponsored bowl games. However, if you happen to be a smaller school without a large fan base you can forget getting into a BCS game. How else can you explain Florida State ranked 22nd in the country getting into the Orange Bowl?

It seems silly to play for four months only to have a computer pick which are the two best teams. A couple of years ago USC got screwed out of the championship game by the computer. Every other level of NCAA football has a playoff system except for division one. So, why division one cannot get off of its ass and come up with a fair system in which we have a legitimate playoff is beyond me. Therefore, I have always felt that the college football championship is hollow.

Another reason I kind of don’t follow college football is that I live in Chicago. I went to De Paul, and we didn’t even have a football team. A lot of Chicagoans then root for either Notre Dame, Illinois or Northwestern. I have issues with all three schools. My Norte Dame hatred has been well documented so I won’t go into it. Illinois is located in Champaign, which is a one-stop light hillbilly town, which thinks having a Denny’s makes you a real city. I used to pull for Northwestern until I spent some time in Evanston. I have never run across more elitist yuppie scum in my life. It makes it very difficult to align oneself with that institution.

So, therefore I really don’t have a rooting interest in one school and that kind of makes me kind of not really care about college football. Therefore, tonight I will be watching a Soprano’s rerun and Law and Order. I guess if I had to pick I would want USC to win. Simply because there is no way on this green earth that I will ever root for anything having to do with the state of Texas.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Winter Blues

I have long considered January to be the worst month of the year. Living in Chicago we are usually in the midst of a long winter where March 21st seems like eons away. Not much good happens in the first month of the year and it is usually an exercise in survival. You tell yourself just get through these thirty-one days and all will be OK with the world. You tell yourself it is an character builder and all that other nonsense to get yourself through it.

It was different when I was a kid. When you are young, January is a great month. First off it started when you were still on Christmas break. Then when you went back, if it did snow it was great. One reason being that there was a good chance that the show would cause school to be cancelled. Then you could go out and play in the snow instead of being stuck in a classroom all day. Then if you were an enterprising youth you could go around the neighborhood and shovel driveways for up to ten bucks a driveway. It was white gold to a suburban youth.

However as you get older that weather sucks. Driving in snow is a pain in the ass. It makes getting to work a real chore. The snow would never cause your place of business to close. Then when you get home you will have to dig yourself out of your own driveway. One of the sad things about today’s society is that now when it snows I don’t see any kids walking the neighborhood looking to make some coin. I guess with the invention of the snow blower the days of kids making some money shoveling are gone. It is either that or kids are just a lot lazier now then they were back in my day.

So, as I sit here this morning I sulk. I know that I don’t have a week of vacation until April 10th. That means I have three months to go before I can re-gain my lost sanity by having a week off to re-boot. I am lucky in that I get four weeks off a year. The bank being the anal, un-holy monstrosity that it is, already is asking me for my vacation schedule. I have as of now the weeks of April10th, June 19th September 18th and December 25th off.

I always take a week off in early April to try and hit a Cubs game. I will usually go down to Wrigley and enjoy a Tuesday game when no one else is there. Then I spend the rest of the week doing some spring housework. I was planning to make a long overdue voyage to Columbus in June this year. My friend Chris is getting married out of town that weekend but, Joyce and I would still like to make it out there if not that weekend then sometime over the summer. (Dad, I will talk to you more about this later and see if I can even drag Vince along.) In September, as of now I don’t have anything planned. It is Joyce’s birthday so we can figure out if we want to do something or not. As for December I am heading to Vegas for a desert Christmas. I can’t wait for that one.

Looking at it as a whole, along with personal days and holidays I don’t have it to bad. My longest stretches without a day off (other then weekends) will be between the day after Presidents day until my April vacation. That will be a thirty-four day (or seven weeks) stretch where I will have to bide my time. All in all I can’t complain as I can do seven weeks standing on my head.