Some More Light Reading

It’s book report time once again. Here is a brief rundown of the last five books I’ve read.

American Splendor Our Movie Year by Harvey Pekar – I am huge fan of the movie American Splendor and because of that I went out and read all of the American Splendor illustrated novels. This being the last one I checked out. I find Pekar to be funny in his old set in his ways cranky self. In this comic it basically details Pekar’s year dealing with the movie that came out about him. Even if you don’t want to read his comics check out the movie with the great Paul Giamontti.

Grasping For Airtime: two Years in the Trenches of Saturday Night Live by Jay Mohr – SNL, has had a lot of ups and downs over the years. It started to pick back up with the Farley, Hartman, and Sandler years. Jay Mohr worked two forgettable years there and dishes on just how maddening of a process it is to work and write on that show. Mohr, comes off a little bitter about his time there but still it is a pretty good read about the behind the scenes of the show.

New Rules: Polite Musings From a Timid Observer by Bill Maher– I am a huge fan of his HBO show Real Time and I find his New Rules segment to be my favorite. As a matter of fact I directly rip off this concept when I go on my monthly rants. Anyway, most of this was a repeat for me as I saw these complaints on the show, still it was funny to read them again.

Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way by Bruce Campbell - I got this book at his appearance in Rosemont and read most of it n the flight to and back from New York. It is a quick read about a fictional account of Campbell attempting to make a mainstream Hollywood movie. As someone who loves his humor and wit I of course liked the book. However, if you are someone who liked Runaway Bride you may not like this one.

Who Cut The Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson – As a man who has been known to blast a couple in his time I had a interest in a book about farts. The book has every fact and custom when it comes to flatulence. It wasn’t as funny a book as I thought it would be but all in all it is still an interesting enough read.

The Perfect Meal

Here are the top five pizza joints by my house, in no particular order.

Phil’s – Located in Oak Lawn I’ve been a long time fan of this place. My wife also really likes Phil’s. They have a thicker crust and their sauce is different from most other places. Their toppings are always very generous and if you get the sausage (which is usually what I get) be prepared for it. Their pasta is OK and the chicken is also a little under whelming so, if you go to Phil’s do yourself a favor and just order a pizza. Overall, a good pie that never disappoints.

Fasano’s – Located in Justice this is one of my all time favorites. It is an extremely greasy pizza but that is just what makes it good. A typical pizza joint and I wish I could point to what makes this one so good, but I can’t really explain it. All I know is that when I moved away briefly this ‘za was one of the things I missed the most. Their other items on the menu are also really good. The chicken rocks and I also have had the pasta and it is pretty good. Also, someone mentioned to me that their ribs were really good but I’ve never had them. All in all while it may be a guy pizza, you have not lived until you’ve had a Fasano’s pizza.

Palermo’s – The original is located on 95^th in Oak Lawn. There are a couple of bastardized versions out there but I’ve heard they are not as good. Sadly, this place is a little far from my current house so, I don’t get to go there very often. While their normal pizza is very good I am a huge fan of their extra thin and crispy. The sauce is very sweet and you can’t get it all the time but when I get a taste for it nothing else can it the spot. The rest of the menu is good, but kind of expensive so I suggest just going for the ‘za.

Joe’s Italian Villa – Located in Bridgeview, I first went to the Villa years ago, and didn’t really care for it. Then one day I decided to give it another chance and it has been in my regular rotation ever since. Another sweet sauce (not as sweet as Palermo’s, but sweet none the less) it has grown on me through the years. A thinner crust that is also real good. Even though I usually get sausage everywhere else at the Villa, I will usually alternate that as I find the sausage they use a little to salty. The rest of the menu is also really good and on Tuesday I highly recommend the Chicken Dumpling soup. On top of all that Joe, who manages the place is a really good guy.

Little Frank’s – Located in Burbank I used to live and die with this place. However, over the years the quality has gone down and the price has gone up. The basic problem with Little Frank’s is consistency. Sometimes you will get a great one, than the next time you will get a so-so pie. When the old man was running things you always got a good one. Once he retired and the son’s took over it kind of went downhill. With hat said when you get a good one there is nothing better. A tasty pizza, that offers generous toppings and cheese. A little thinker crust that holds it all together. Again, this place is a little far away from me now so, I don’t get there that often anymore. As for the rest of the menu I can’t really say, as I don’t think I ever have had anything there other than the pizza.

Funny Boy

I am secure in knowing that I am funny. I am told that almost daily either at work or in a social setting. However, even if I wasn’t I’d still know I am and if that sounds cocky well, than so be it. Humor is something you either have or you don’t. The ability to make others laugh is a trait that many people think they have but trust me, few do.

There is nothing more grating than some yokel who thinks they are killing but ultimately are boring the hell out of you. Being able to make someone laugh from the gut, not out of politeness is a rare gift. You can’t fake a gut laugh. On some weird warped level I’ve always needed that approval and I always wanted to be the funny guy in the group. If I run across someone else playing the clown, who is actually funny I instantly get jealous and start to find ways to out do him or her.

The key is practice. Each time I tell a story and tweak it. When someone laughs at a certain line, I keep it for the next time I tell it. If the line does not illicit a chuckle, I than lose the line. So, by the time I am telling the story for the fourth or fifth time my routine is set. Also, how you tell the story. Being able to paint a mental picture for somebody is not easy. I can’t offer much in suggestions. You either have the ability or you don’t.

With all that said I am far form being able to make a living doing comedy. While I may be a good amateur funny man doing it professionally is a whole new ball game. I am not kidding myself by trying to think that I am that good. Making a crowd of strangers laugh while you are on stage is not easy and I know I am not that good.

However, in a small setting I am usually pretty good at getting laughs. To tell a story where you get people to laugh is not something that I learned over night. It has taken years to master my craft. You have to know just how to tell it and where to insert jokes and sarcasm. Most of my humor comes from that sarcasm. I am a wise ass and always have been. Maybe it was growing up with George Carlin records and Bill Murray movies in my youth but for some reason I’ve always had that sarcastic sense of humor.

Sure, I have rubbed people the wrong way from time to time but eventually I take pride in the fact that I am usually able to make the most hardened stone face crack a smile from time to time. I also have had difficulties with making jokes at inappropriate times and places. I have put my foot in my mouth on more than one occasion but for me nothing beats that rush I get when I have someone bent over laughing their ass off.

That sense of humor has done me well over the years. I am not what you would call a good-looking man. However, as soon as I got some confidence I realized that if you could get a girl laughing you could get pretty far. I also use that sense of humor as a defense mechanism. If a situation is becoming awkward I always look to crack a joke or something to lighten the mood. Sure, it may cause me to not always take things as serious as I should but, that is just who I am wired.

As I stated there is nothing worse than some amateur “comic” who thinks they are the next Gallagher cracking bad jokes that are not funny. It’s like going to open mike night at a comedy club and seeing some rookie comic bombing and bombing. If people are fake laughing trust me you are not funny. I can always tell when someone is faking laughter. Sometimes in my quest to be the comic of the group I will miss in my humor attempts. Seeing someone fake laugh, while being polite just pisses me off. Hey, if I bomb, I bomb. I’d rather get a cold stare than a pseudo-giggle.

Old Blue Haired Bag's

My wife started working downtown last March so that meant that now we could car pool our way to the old Metra. This is good because now we only use one car a day and only pay for parking on one car we split the costs. When the wife was working in Vernon Hills or Elmhurst on top of gas costs we were getting hit with the cost of tolls. All in all it was over $150 bucks a month just for travel for her. Now, her train ticket is only $89 dollars and I usually pay for parking so she is saving some major cabbage.

The down side at least for me is now I have to deal with the old train hags in the morning. Please let me explain. I used to have my routine where I grabbed a paper, sat on the top deck and zoned out until the train parked at Union Station. My wife is not a big fan of the upper deck and sometimes in the top deck we can’t sit together so she suggested we sit downstairs. Since, at the time I really didn’t care where we sat, I obliged. When I sat upstairs I had to deal with the occasional fool but overall in the morning people just kept to themselves and sat quietly.

Since I now sit downstairs I have had to come face to face with what I consider the worst group of morons I’ve had the displeasure of meeting. There are about five of them that I see every morning. They are all in their late forties to early fifties. They have the most inane conversations, devoid of any semblance of relevance to anything at all. They discuss the weather in quite detail most mornings and it usually goes down hill from there.

The collective IQ of this posse is below a hundred, I guarantee it. You have the first old bag that constantly complains about her daughter. You have the cigarette lady whose smoked so many Marlboro’s that her voice is huskier than Barry White’s. She’s the in facto ringleader of the bunch. Than you have the dim-witted security guard. Just what she is securing I don’t know. Needless to say I would not want to depend on her to secure a zip lock bag let alone an entire building. Let’s not forget the bitchy little lady who I’ve personally never heard have a nice thing to say about anyone or anything. Lastly, you have the smallish bookish old fart that just nods her head in agreement with what the other robots no matter how insane a comment they make.

The whole scene just makes me want to switch cars but what’s the point. I’m sure another car will have some other fossil coffee clutch club that will eventually get on my nerves. The one good thing about the rear cars (where we sit) is that they don’t get to crowded and the wife and I can always find a seat to share. Still, I shudder everytime I see them.

I guess it speaks to a larger problem. The one thing I noticed in all of them is just how unhappy they all are. It seems to me that they either married the wrong guy or settled for a mediocre job and they hate their station in life and find that it is easier to complain to the rest of the world than it is to change things. They feel it is to late to anything about it and that is what is truly sad. Sure, my job sucks but once I leave those doors I do everything in my power to leave my problems there.

As for their personal lives, if you are that unhappy just leave already. I am so glad I waited until I was ready and mature enough to get married and that I didn’t settle. All the validation that I need is looking at these sad sacks every brutal morning.

A Must Read For SIngle Men

A while back I wrote a blog about the ten signs a woman should look to avoid in a man. Well, after some debate here is a list for the men. If your girlfriend has any of these traits do your self a favor and, do what you want with her than broom her. (Again, apologies to David Letterman)

10. She has a stuffed animal collection and she is older than fifteen.

9. Her favorite movie either stars Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts.

8. She states her life ambition as finding a husband.

7. The best dish she cooks is Campbell’s soup.

6. She tells you “We don’t need to wear a condom because we are in love.”

5. She spends more money on getting her nails done in a month than you spend on haircuts for a year.

4. She claims she is looking for a guy with a great sense of humor and than claims that Ellen DeGeneres is her favorite comedian.

3. When you ask her what her hobbies are, and she says, shopping.

2. She can drink more beer than you can before passing out.

1. She’s spent more on jewelry than you’ve spent on your car.

Moneyball

I stated in mid-April that with the Cubs current roster they were no better than a .500 team. I guess I was being optimistic because as they sit today, they are three games under the break-even point. Yet, I continue to hear how we are still in the wild card. Let me just come out and say it, if the Cubs win the wildcard, then I am going to become the CEO of JP Morgan Chase.

You have to question the merit of the wild card in the first place when a team so clearly mediocre is even in contention for it. I’ve read many a baseball pundit speak to just how great the wild card is because it keeps fan’s interest in the game. I counter with the notion that is provides false hope and is wholly unfair. The fact that the last three World Series winners were from the wild card just makes me want to vomit.

You see baseball is not like any other sport in that it plays a 162 game schedule. It used to reward the team that made it through that marathon of a season by awarding only four post-season berths. Now eight teams make the playoffs and as we see a team not even playing .500 ball can have a hot month and make the post season. Which then becomes a best of five series in the first round.

It is like running that marathon and then telling the winners that they need to now see who can run the fastest fifty-yard dash. Baseball is a funny game and in a best of five series anything can happen. Don’t believe me look at last weekend’s Cubs - Cardinal’s series. The Card’s, a far superior team to the Cubs lost three of four. My point is that anything can happen in a short series and this to me makes the whole wild card bullshit unfair to a team that went out and proved it was the best over the course of 162 games.

Sadly baseball like any other business is all about the money. With an extra round of playoffs comes an extra round of network television money. So, therefore the wild card is not going to go anywhere. I guess I propose that instead of awarding a wild card winner baseball should re-align to four divisions instead of the current six. Then you award the top two teams in each division a playoff birth. That would eliminate a team like San Diego, which is currently under .500 from being in the playoffs.

As of right now the playoff teams in the NL would be St. Louis, Atlanta, San Diego and Philadelphia. If you re-aligned to just East and West divisions by taking three teams from the central (Pittsburgh, Cincinnati and Milwaukee) and placing them in the East and taking the other three (Cubs, Card’s and Houston) and placing them in the West your four playoff teams would be St. Louis and Houston from the West and Atlanta and Philadelphia from the East. This would eliminate San Diego and any team under .500. You could do the same for the AL.

Instead the billionaire’s who run baseball only think about squeezing as much money as they can from the sport. No one gives a shit about fairness, or tradition any more. Interleague play is another of my pet peeves but I will save that rant for another day. Owners will quote, attendance spikes and increased ratings, as proof baseball is more popular than ever. People will call me an old-timer traditionalist who needs to get with it.

It’s funny but the last year baseball only had four divisions and no wild card or interleague play they set a new attendance record. So, just why did we have to fix it? Money they say is the root of all evil and baseball owners care much more about it than the integrity of the game. I mean, why did the Cubs have no weekend games in Milwaukee last year? It’s easy, because Milwaukee can guarantee a sell out when the Cubs come in on a Tuesday so, why waste a weekend date (in which more fans will come out no matter who the opponent) on the Cubs.

It’s a joke and the game I love has so many problems that need to be addressed that mark my words, a time will come when the greed will ruin this great sport. (Hell it almost did in the 1994) All of that is a crying shame. Baseball is the purest sport of them all. You can’t run out the clock, you can’t play a prevent defense, and you can’t get into a hurry up offense. Each field has different dimensions and it’s the only game where the defense has the ball. It is the thinking mans’ game, it is just to bad more thinkers aren’t running the sport.

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

Safety Helmets – I often sit back and wonder how any of us kids raised in the 70’s lived without riding our bikes without a safety helmet. In this lame ass safety Nazi society, a kid can’t fall off his bike, and scrape a knee anymore. Have you seen some of these kids, they have more protection than a hockey goalie and all they are simply doing is riding their bile to the park. I have a scar on my right knee to this day as a reminder of falling off of my bike. The thing is kids need to experience scrapes so that they can handle pain, otherwise we will continue to raise more and more wuss children, which we really don’t need.

People Who Don’t Flush Toilets – By people I mean men as I only frequent men’s bathroom’s. At work we don’t have automatic flushers on the toilets. We have them on the urinals, thank god. There is nothing more revolting than making a bee line to the john open the stall door, looking down and seeing a some bio hazard materials left in the toilet by some simpleton who was to lazy to flush it down. I mean are you that fucking dis-respectful to the rest of society that you feel the need to burden them with your waste?

People Who Bring Their Infants Into Work – OK, I get it. You had sex without a condom or before your mate pulled out and you now have a child. Big fucking deal. Is there anything more annoying than having a bunch of morons ogling a new born why the rest of the office is actually trying to work? Maybe, it is me but, I don’t get a gooey feeling all inside when I see a baby. If you are that self absorbed to think that anyone else gives a shit about your offspring than please seek help immediately.

Pop Up Ad’s During TV shows – I sit down to watch Arrested Development. I get into the show and I am attempting to follow the story line and the action on the screen when all of the sudden pops up this annoying ad on the bottom of the screen reminding me to watch the Simple Life. There is only so much I can take as these networks keep force-feeding ads down my throat. I have a remote so that when the show pauses for commercial I turn the channel. I don’t want to see pop up’s hawking some show I would never watch in the first place.

The Term Extreme – I must admit I stole this one from Harold and Kumar, but just by calling something extreme does not make it young and cool and hip. Soda can’t be extreme. I don’t care how much sugar or caffeine you put in it. We have a whole sporting culture based on the word extreme. I’m sorry some body jumping out of an airplane doing back flips performing stunts before falling to the earth is not extreme. They are just a mis-guided suburban poser who never faced real danger so they have to manufacture some to feel more of a man.

Athletes who “Praise God” – If you think God has nothing better to do than watch you run around a football field and score touchdowns then you really need a reality check. I guess if you pray harder than the other team you will win. Listen, if there is a God, I’m sure he has bigger fish to fry than some mid-November football game. Do me a favor and go back to the trainer’s room and load up on more roids and stop infecting us with your religious-jock nonsense.

Kids Under Twenty-Five Wearing Clash or Ramones Shirts – These were bands that hit before even I was in high school, and I am damn old. Sure modern punk is crap but don’t go around wearing shirts from bands that were around when you were a zygote. Most of these kids are posers who think by putting on a Sex Pistols shirt makes them cool. Sorry, it just makes you look like you are trying to glom onto some one else’s better music.

Mancow – For those not in Chicago and you don’t know who this guy is, you be thankful for that. This moron stole his entire act from Howard Stern and Steve Dahl and then goes onto to bash both men. He has no original ideas and leads the easily duped with his hypocritical ideals. He’s a Christian, who spews sex and hate. I mean I am all for dick and fart jokes but don’t hide behind the first amendment and than blame Liberals for all of the ills of society. Last I checked Michael Powell was a Republican and he was the one imposing those fines as the head of the FCC.

Beer In a Plastic Bottle – There is nothing worse tasting than beer coming out of a plastic. I don’t like liquid in plastic but beer is the worst idea of them all. I can live with can’s simply because that is what I grew up on. I prefer bottles but, who doesn’t. However when at a ballgame and you grab a MGD only to find them passing you over a plastic bottle of it I just want to puke. I like the taste of beer, which is why I drink it. I just don’t drink it to look cool or anything. So by putting it in plastic you are just taking any semblance of flavor and turning it into a chemical sludge.

Welcome Back

Well I am back to work after a blissful week off. Here is a brief rundown of my vacation.

Friday 8/5 – Joyce and I drove to Midway and parked the car there. We both had to go to work and so we lugged our bags on the Orange line and to work. We both got out around 2:30 and then headed back to the airport. There we met Don (a friend we were going to NYC with) and we talked the ticket agent into getting us on to an earlier flight.

However, all flights to New York were delayed so, we wound up sitting on the plane at Midway for over an hour when finally we took off and landed at LaGuardia sometime after nine o’clock eastern time. There we met Alicia (my friend Chris’ girlfriend who is a native New Yorker and whose parents were providing us with sleeping accommodations.) We got in a cab and headed to Brooklyn where we were staying.

We dropped the bags off and headed to Pino’s (a great pizzeria in the area) and grabbed a slice before we headed out. After eating we went to a bar in Brooklyn called the Gate. (It had a ton of beers I’d never heard of on tap which was cool as I tried a couple. The Brooklyn Pilsner was my personal favorite.) Also, the bar had a bunch of anti-Bush posters so, I felt right at home. However, having had to get up at 4:30 in the morning I was at the wall so we headed in for the night at a somewhat decent hour.

Saturday 8/6 – We woke up and grabbed the subway to Queens to hit Shea Stadium. Every native New Yorker I ran into told me the same thing, which was basically the park, is a toilet. Sadly, I can’t argue with that analogy. It does not have much character and offers very little other than the game itself. After watching the Cubs lose to the Met’s we got back on the subway and headed towards Chinatown.

New York’s china town is fricken huge and is very cool. We met Alicia’s sister there and grabbed a bite at Joe’s Shanghai Inn. For Chinese food the place was outstanding. I had some incredible Dim Sum and the wife got this eggplant dish. After feasting on some good food we were back on the streets and headed over to Little Italy.

We walked down Mulberry St. and grabbed some Italian ice and other deserts. We then put on our hiking boots as we walked all over eventually ending up in Greenwich Village. Needing a beer, we went in a bar called Fiddlestick’s. The bar had some unruly customers and after one drink we left to find something a little better. Down the road we found a bar called WXOU (I think) and I proceeded to get as drunk as a Lemur.

After downing many shots of Sambucca, we were off to the subway again to head back to Crooklyn. Getting off the subway we found a pizza joint called Smiley’s so I grabbed a slice and Don grabbed this mysterious meat pocket that had to be part rat. After eating we headed in for the night.

Sunday 8/7 – I personally needed a re-boot as I was a little hangover so we decided to check out what Brooklyn had to offer. We trekked over to Prospect Park which is this really cool park located in the middle of town. After doing a little sightseeing we grabbed lunch at this Middle Eastern place called the Olive Vine. We then headed back to our home base where Alicia was catching up with some old friends. We sat around there for a while and eventually headed out to hit Times Square. I was simply blown away by it and the only thing I can compare it to is Vegas. After doing a little shopping I was able to try my first knishe. A knishe is kind of a fried mashed potato with mustard in the middle. After consuming like three over the course of the weekend I must say they are damn tasty. After spending a couple of hours there we again headed back to Brooklyn.

There we went into a bar called Loki. It was simply a great bar with an incredible back room. It had a bunch of couches setup in the back, so we lounged around there had a couple of drinks and eventually headed in foe the evening.

Monday 8/8 – We got up and grabbed a subway to Manhattan to catch the Staten Island ferry. It was a goal to hit all five boroughs and the only one’s we had not hit were Staten Island and the Bronx. The ferry is free and you get a really cool view of both Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty. We got off the ferry, stepped foot on the Island and headed right back to the city. We saw Wall Street and Ground Zero(which was very moving) and then it was off to the subway again to hit the Bronx and Yankee Stadium.

The Bronx is really an armpit. The ballpark is located in a real bad area so, after having a six dollar Rolling Rock, Joyce and I went in to the stadium. While the park itself is a little cooler than Shea it still was a little disappointing. Sure, it oozes history and all that but, the more I was there the more I realized just what a meca Wrigley Field is. I will give Yankee fans this, they are the most passionate fans I’ve ever seen. They were into every pitch and they expect nothing short of a win every game.

After the game we hit a bar across the street and knocked down a couple before hitting the subway one last time to Brooklyn. Once there we decided to grab one more New York slice from Pino’s. I must say as a lifelong Chicagoan, I really started to dig that New York pizza. While our hot dogs are ten times better their pizza is really pretty good. I’m not going to say it’s better but it is damn good. We finally headed home and got ready to say goodbye to the big city.

Tuesday 8/9 – We got up and headed to the airport. Again ATA made us wait on the plane for over an hour before take off. Eventually we landed back home in Chicago. I gave my friend Don a ride home and the wife and I basically sat on our asses all day trying to re-energize the batteries. Fortunately I had the rest off the week off, Joyce was not so lucky as she had to go back the next day.

Wednesday 8/10 – The brakes on Joyce’s car we kind of squeaking so, I took it in to get it fixed. I grabbed a salad from Dominick’s for lunch and waited for the car. Once I got it back I headed home and waited for Joyce. We grabbed a small dinner and I sat back and watched The Woodsman, which I got from netflix. The movie was good, but a definite downer.

Thursday 8/11 – I grabbed lunch at Jewel and then farted around the house most of the day. I put on the Cubs game and zoned out on that until Joyce came home. We went to Patio for dinner and then I sat back and watched 28 Days Later, which I also had from netflix. I had heard from both ends of the spectrum on this one, but I must say I kind of dug it and would recommend it.

Friday 8/12 – I ran a bunch of errands during the day (pausing to grab a breaded steak from Ricobene’s) and eventually headed home. There, I waited for Joyce and we went to Thai Smile a Thai place in Palos that we both like. After eating, we drove around and headed back to the homestead and we settled in for the evening watching bad cable.

Saturday 8/13 – Joyce and I decided to catch a movie but we could not agree on which one so, we compromised. She wanted to see the March of the Penguins and since I really had no interest in that I checked out the movie times and saw that Wedding Crashers started only ten minutes after that so, I saw it. Overall, the film has some funny moments but they ruined it with a formulatic Hollywood ending. After the movie we headed home and Joyce talked me into eating at Ruby Tuesday’s. (An unholy chain.) They do have a really good salad bar so, I hit that and we headed home to watch the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. While I am a huge Bill Murray and Wes Anderson fan, I would have to call this one a miss.

Sunday 8/14 – We got up and grabbed yet another salad, this time from Dominick’s. Joyce cut my hair and eventually I was off to Menard’s to buy some useless crap that I really didn’t need. I settled down to watch the Cubs win and went to bed sobbing like a little girl that my vacation was over.

All in all I must say that New York really won a hard liner Chicagoan over. That town just does not stop going and there is so much to do that I would need ten trips to do everything I want to do there. It just might have eclipsed Vegas as my favorite city I’ve ever been to. Sure, it’s dirty and has some seedy parts but that is all the more reason why I kind of liked it. The town really has a personality unto it’s own. If anybody cares here is a link to the photo's I took while in the city.

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/nafran/album?.dir=51d6&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos

Start Spreading the News

I will be taking a break from the old blog as I head to New York. Look for me at the Cubs-Mets game on Saturday and the White Sox-Yankee’s game on Monday. Till then, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

Nick's Best Actor's

As Promised here are my favorite Lead performances by an actor in the last fifteen years or so. I will get to the actresses when I get back from NYC.

Tim Robbins, The Shawshank Redemption – This guy just blew me away in this role. To me this was the greatest movie of the decade and was so based on the job this guy turned in. You felt every feeling he did as Andy.

Gabriel Byrne, Miller’s Crossing – Byrne plays it just right in a role that could have easily been to over the top. This guy has long been a favorite actor of mine and as usual the Coen Brothers get possibly his best performance.

John Turturro, Barton Fink – Turturro is also a favorite of mine and in Barton Fink he goes out and nails it. In what in hindsight had to be a somewhat challenging role he delivers the goods, as he always seems to do.

George Clooney, O Brother Where Art Thou – Now, I know that Clooney is no Brando however, I kind of like the guy. Sure he’s a Hollywood pretty boy but that does not make him any less of an actor. In O Brother, he simply turns in a great comedic performance.

Jeff Bridges, The Big Lebowski – OK, do you see a trend here? Yes, I love the Coen Brothers and Jeff Bridges does the job of a lifetime as the Dude. I was never a fan of this guy before this movie but I gained a whole lot of respect for him after this one.

Jack Black, School of Rock – The energetic Jack Black does the impossible in this movie. W.C. Fields always said never act with animals or kids, as they tend to take away from you as an actor. What Black does with this role is simply amazing as you come away laughing your ass off without this movie becoming some cute schmaltzy kids movie.

Ed Norton, Fight Club – In this one Norton had to carry the load and he did just that. Sure he had great material to work with but a lesser actor would have not added as much as Norton did. For my money this guy is one of the best actors of his generation.

Johnny Depp, Ed Wood – Depp nails it as Ed Wood. While Martin Landau has received all of the attention for his portrayal of Bela Lugosi (deservedly so I might add.) All of that attention has seemed to diminish the job Depp did as Ed Wood. He played it perfect without mocking the man.

Sam Rockwell, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind – He was Chuck Baris. He found just the right note to play Baris and as it turned out you wound up rooting for him despite his obvious flaws.

Val Kilmer, The Doors – The movie itself sucked however, you cannot argue with the dead on performance Kilmer gave as Jim Morrison. He sang his all the lyrics himself and he had all of Morrison’s physical movements down. Just an amazing job in a shit movie.

Gene Hackman, The Royal Tenenbaums – Hackman has long been one of favorites and in the Royal Tenenbaums he uses the material handed to him and takes to an amazing place. Hackman just proves that he just keeps getting better with age.

Billy Bob Thornton, Bad Santa – Thornton is another one of those actors who I really love. I’ve never seen him give a bad performance, (even in the horrible Armageddon.) In Bad Santa Thornton shows his comic chops and timing in a role that he seemed born to play.

Steve Buscemi, Tree’s Lounge – Buscemi, wrote, starred and directed this tale. Here he plays the perfect asshole alcoholic. As usual he gives a great performance and just proves just what a great actor he really is.

Kenneth Branagh, Celebrity – In Celebrity, Branagh plays Woody Allen better than Woody Allen ever has. It is amazing to see this English actor mimic Allen to perfection. Again, the movie is a bit flawed but not because of the performance that Branagh gives.

Tim Robbins, The Player – Again I will begin and end with the same actor. Tim Robbins portrayal of the sleazy Hollywood studio asshole is just perfect. He makes this movie what it is, which is a complete treat. Altman’s best work in my mind and it has a lot to due with Robbins performance.

How I Becmae a South Side Cub Fan

One of the questions I get asked a lot is just how come I became a Cub’s fan living on the south side. While there are many reasons for this I will relate two stories from my childhood involving both fans of the teams.

A Sox Story
I was twelve and I hadn’t been to many games at Comiskey. My Uncle’s and Dad were Cub fans so when I went to a ballgame it was at Wrigley. However, somehow my Uncle John had procured some free tickets to a Sox game so along with him my Uncle Dan and this guy Phil from White Hen all went out to Sox Park.

The game itself was not really memorable. As a matter of fact I don’t even remember who won but I know the Sox had played the Angels. I remember this as I was jacked up to see Rod Carew the great hitting first baseman of the Angels. The game went by and as usual my Uncle’s figured that they should grab a beer and wait it out while the traffic died down.

Now, I know you are asking how did I get into a bar being twelve. Well, by the time I was twelve I was a bar veteran. I had spent a ton of time in the Wrigley haunts with my Uncles so this was nothing new. (Remember this was the early 80’s when people could actually make their own decisions.) However being at that young age I had made one fatal mistake. I wore a Cubs hat to the game. I am not sure why I did this but I did it.

We headed to McCuddy’s (a legendary south side institution where Babe Ruth himself used to frequent during his playing days) to kill some time and have a couple of cold ones. (Mind you I was still drinking pop back then.) I walked in and immediately was scowled at by the drunken losers at the bar because of my hat. So, as I walked by them they flipped the hat off of my head and started to do a drunken, half stomping, half dance over my now un-wearable hat. Again I was twelve years old and these “men” were easily in their mid-thirties. My Uncle’s looked on in disgust and as we headed out I swore to never root for a team with such a low class of fan.

A Cubs Story
I was ten years old. At this point I was falling in love with the Cubs. (Someone should have staged an intervention.) Bill Buckner, Bruce Sutter, and Ivan DeJesus were my heroes. However in 1979 the Cubs were not exactly having a great year. They were sub .500 and fading fast. Again my Uncle’s Dan and John accompanied me to a game. It was the Cubs and Phillies.

The Cubs routinely in the late 70’s would just get killed by the Phillies and as the game started it appeared the Cubs were on their way again to get beat. They got down five runs and it looked as if all hope was lost. However, in the late innings the Cubs started to come back and then low and behold in the bottom of the ninth the Cubs scored two runs to win it. The place went bonkers (all 8,000 Cub fans who were there) and my Uncle’s both decided that after a win like that they had to grab a cold one.

So, we headed to the Sports Corner located right outside the ballpark. The place was packed and the jubilant Cub fans were whopping it up. Music was blaring, drinks were flowing and it was a great scene for a young man like me to witness. Than something that would rock my ten-year-old ass happened.

Two girls got on top of the bar and started dancing. The drunken males inside the bar started chanting, “Take it off, Take it off” so after a little humming and hawing both girls took off their tops and continued dancing on the bar. I remember my Uncle John asking my Uncle Dan if Nick should see this. His prophetic response was, “He’s going to see it eventually.” So I stood there and my eyes got as big as saucers as I saw for the first time in my life the female forum.

And so, when people ask me how I became a Cub fan I ask you this. After having such opposite experiences at both ballparks, how could you expect me to be anything other than what I am?

Meeting Ash

This weekend I got to meet one of my favorite actors in Bruce Campbell. For those not familiar with his work, Bruce is the man behind Ash from the Evil Dead series. He is the king and probably best known of all B” movie actors out there today. I also got to meet Michael Berryman, (The creepy guy from The Hills Have Eyes) Camille Keaton, (the girl from I Spit on Your Grave) and Adrienne Barbeau (who has done a ton of movies but might be best known from her work with John Carpenter in Escape from New York or The Fog.)

All of this took place in Rosemont, at a horror movie convention. I was reluctant to go but my wife talked me into it. Having gone to a sci-fi convention years ago I got annoyed quickly as the geek factor was in full force and when in a confined area with that many twenty five year old virgins who still live with their mom’s it can get real old real fast. However knowing that I am huge Bruce Campbell fan, my wife talked me into going so I could meet him.

The reasons I love Bruce Campbell are many. I highly suggest reading his first book If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor. In it he tells the story behind the making of Evil Dead with Sam Rami and how they basically went to dentists and other professionals in their hometown to back the film. All of those early backers have made back their money and then some as the movie is a cult classic. Also, in the book you get a sense of just how cool this guy is. He’s funny, doesn’t take himself to seriously, and is really likeable.

So, I got to the convention and sat in the audience on a panel that he was on (along with Sage Stallone, Sylvester’s son) and then went into the signing booths. That is where I met Michael Berryman and the others. Bruce was signing by the number you were assigned when you paid for your ticket. I had like somewhere in the 600’s and they were only in the 400’s so I knew I had a while to wait. I Bohemian shopped the cheesy horror movie crap and waited patiently.

Finally I got in line and waited. I had a book and a picture for the man who starred in the Adventures of Brisco County to sign. The wife saw the line and told me to have fun as she went to the café to grab a drink and a bite. The line was long with geeks and other Evil Dead fans. However the love of whom many consider to be the best "Reverse Actor" in Hollywood bonded us. So I waited patiently as the line wrapped around. Finally I got into the conference room where the Star of Bubba Ho-Teep was signing.

I stood there as he cracked jokes and put a smile on everyone’s face. I finally got to the head of the line and shook hands with Smitty from the Hudsucker Proxy. We made some small talk as he signed my book and picture. I than had a photo taken with Autolycus, from the Hercules series. After that I left, coming away with even more respect and admiration for my man Ash (whose best line is still from Army of Darkness when he leans the girl back and delivers with a perfect tone, “Come on baby, Give me some sugar.)