Muzak Scuffle

I wrote this yesterday but I am just getting around to positing it this morning.

It’s time to play Muzak scuffle. Here I will attempt to list every song I can identify that comes over the loudspeakers here in our office in Downers while I eat my lunch.

12:27 – Man on the Moon, REM – I love Andy Kaufman and am happy that the boys from Georgia wrote this song. Still, it is kind of lame. I guess it is better than Shiny, Happy People.

12:32 – Client came in and asked me a question so I missed a song. (Even though she could clearly see I was eating a sandwich and was interrupting my lunch.)

12:36 – Everything Changes, Kathy Troccoli – Wow, does this song reek. A repetitive lame drum machine backs up a girlish song about how everything changes when you love someone. Wow how deep. The song has the requisite sax solo as well.

12:40 – Big Girls Don’t Cry, Fergie – And I thought the Frankie Valli version was bad. Well, I think this is better than Fergalicious but it is up for debate. Another vapid waste of time from an artist that is as about as deep as a puddle.

12:44 – New Shoes, Paolo Nutini – Another classic. And by classic I mean a compete piece of shit of a song. I hesitate to call this music at this point. Do people seriously seek this music out on purpose? I blame American Idol for all of this. The bar has been severely lowered.

12:48 Check it Out, John Mellencamp – Yikes. Unless you are at Farm-Aid or driving through Bloomington, Indiana is there any reason to listen to the Camp? I like some of JM’s (back when he still had the Cougar in his name) early work but by the time of this song, he had “checked out” and put it on automatic pilot.

12:52 Music, Madonna – Speaking of mailing it in we have Madonna and this insipid track. You know when you turn 50 you might want to try something else then making club music that people who weren’t even born when Like a Virgin came out are going to listen to. Grow up already.

12:55 I Believe in Love, Paula Cole – By now, I hope I have elicited at least some sympathy from anyone reading this. I resist the urge to upchuck my Potbelly’s as I hear possibly the worst song of the day.

1:00 We Don’t have to Look Back Now, Puddle of Mud – I stand corrected we have a new low. Other then 13 year old girls no one should like this song. Seriously, if you do let me know, I can suggest some good material to you and blow this eunuch music out of your head.

1:05 Keep the Car Running, Arcade Fire – We sink deeper and deeper into the shit storm that is Muzak. My eardrums are polluted and I need to as Shields would say, go home put on the White Album and do a reboot.

1:08 Too Late for Goodbye’s, Julian Lennon – I cannot make this stuff up. When this is the best song I have heard in an hour you know you have problems. Could he possibly do a worse job of trying to imitate his father?

1:12 I got a phone call so, I missed a couple of songs.

1:19 Closer to Free, The BoDeans – Every woman I met in the 90’s loved the BoDeans and I never got it. I still don’t. I mean there are far worse bands out there (see Matthews, Dave) but, this is music that is whiter than a Barenaked ladies concert.

1:22 You’re All I Have, Snow Patrol – As my lunch hour ends, my last song is this “classic.” When you are trying to sound like the Counting Crows you might just want to look into another line of work. Unoriginal, uninspired soulless crap sums up this tune.

And there you have it. A one hour sampling of the music I am forced to endure hear at our office. I thought once my years of having to put up with the Kmart tape of the month were over I would be free but sadly, fifteen years later I am again saddled with the pollution of the airwaves.

2009 Baseball Picks

Every year I do it and this year will be no different. So, here are my picks for the upcoming MLB season. Let’s see if I can make as big of a fool of myself as I did last year when I picked a Tigers – Mets series and neither team even made the post season.

AL East

1. Boston 99-63

2. New York 95-67

3. Tampa Bay 90-72

4. Toronto 79-83

5. Baltimore 65-97

The Red Sox have a pretty good mix of pitching and offense. That is usually a good combination. If Smoltz does anything for them it is a bonus. They are kind of being over looked this season with all the talk about the Yankees and Rays. (As much as the Red Sox could ever be overlooked.) The Yankees as usual were big spenders in the off season. However, I am not crazy about any of the big three signings. Sabathia has thrown a ton of innings and is not exactly in great shape. Burnett is always hurt and while I like Texiara they way over paid for him. The Rays put it all together last year for a pennant. I like this team of course, but I see a bit of a step back this season. The Blue Jays didn’t really do much in the off season to address their meager offense and come into the season with two arms already out for the year. The Orioles are still rebuilding. Some nice pieces in Markakis and Witers but they need to start producing some useable arms.

AL Central

1. Minnesota 91-71

2. Cleveland 88-74

3. Chicago 81-81

4. Detroit 77-85

5. Kansas City 75-87

The Twins against all logic are going to win this thing. I just have this gut feeling. Of course if Mauer is hurt then things can change. Still, I like the pitching and defense. Bats will need to score more than they did last season and I think they will. Indians are the sexy pick this year and they did have the best record in the division from June on. Still, I see way to many questions in that rotation behind Lee for my liking. When you are counting on Carl Pavano you are going to be in trouble. The White Sox are an enigma. They are getting old in the middle of the lineup with Thome, Konerko and Dye whose best years are all in the rearview mirror. Still, I like the kid at short a ton and think Quinton will be good (though I do think last year he was playing a tad over his head.) They could win this thing or finish dead last. You just never know. The Tigers were pathetic last year. They may still score some runs but I question if they can pitch at all. They have talent in Bonderman and Verlander. If those guys bounce back you never know. A lot of people are talking up the Royals. I guess I want to see it before I believe it. They have some interesting players but, I am not convinced they still aren’t a last place team.

AL West

1. Oakland 89-73

2. Los Angeles 88-74

3. Texas 75-87

4. Seattle 62-100

The A’s made a ton of moves this year to improve the team. A lot is going to depend on their young arms. In a division where I think Los Angeles really took a step back to the pack, I think the A’s put it together and win what looks to be a weak division. The Angels lost some major bop in Texiara and a world class closer. They are still dangerous but, there is something about this team that I just don’t like. They have a crowded outfield and an infield with no identity. This could be trouble. The Rangers have some light at the end of the tunnel. If they get any pitching at all they could sneak up on everyone and win it. They have some real talent coming up the pike, but it looks to be a year away. If they can keep the offense intact they will be dangerous in the years to come. The Mariners are a wreck. I really don’t get the Griffey signing other than for nostalgia reasons. He is going to be taking playing time from a prospect which at this point is not in the best interest for a team that looks on paper to lose 100.

NL East

1. New York 94-68

2. Philadelphia 90-72

3. Atlanta 82-80

4. Florida 79-83

5. Washington 61-101

The Mets on paper, and I stress on paper look good. Of course they looked good on paper the last two seasons only to pull a choke job the last two Septembers. The main problem was the bullpen and they seriously addressed that with the pickups of K-Rod and Putz. They have all the pieces now. The Phillies may have used up every ounce of good fortune last year. Still, they have talent and their pitching is still solid. They will be there all year. The Braves had a very tumultuous offseason. They addressed their rotation, but I still question the pen and if they have enough bats. The Marlins have some very good young raw talent. But, too many things would have to fall into place for the Fish to contend. The Nationals are a mess. With a crowded outfield and thin rotation that spells trouble. I do not understand the Dunn signing. They need arms not a 40 homer, 200 strikeout guy.

NL Central

1. Chicago 92-70

2. Houston 81-81

3. Milwaukee 80-82

4. Cincinnati 77-85

5. St. Louis 74-88

6. Pittsburgh 63-99

The Cubs I will concede may have taken a step back. Still, in this division they should still wind up on top. No one has properly explained that De Rosa trade. It made absolutely no sense. For a team that won 97 wins there may have been too much tinkering. The Astros will have a lineup where the opposing pitcher will have no room to breathe. The problem is that their rotation after Oswalt is brutal. Pitching wins and until Houston figures that out they will continue to be a .500 team. The Brewers will still pound the ball. But they have three guys playing out of position and a pitching staff that is in a word, suspect. The Reds are a lot of experts pick to be a surprise team. They have a nice core of young players. But, they have the wrong manager in Dusty and while I like the young talent they have assembled I think they are a year away. The Cardinals are in my mind fading. Yes, they have Pujos but beyond him there are a ton of question marks. They are going to need big years from some unproven guys and hope that the Kyle Loshe and Todd Wellmeyer’s of the world are really as good as they looked last year. The Pirates are still the Pirates. In trading Bay and Nady they went back to the drawing board yet again. This team needs to get a clue and quick. Another 100 loss season could be looming.

NL West

1. Los Angeles 93-69

2. San Francisco 85-77

3. Arizona 80-82

4. Colorado 79-83

5. San Diego 66-96

The Dodgers with Manny coming back are clearly the class of the west. This should be their division to lose with a lineup that looks loaded. The Giants have a stealer young pitching staff supplemented with Randy Johnson. If they can find any offense they could be decent. The Diamondbacks are another team that had a curious off season. In my mind they need bats so they add more pitching. If Upton and Drew step up they could challenge for a wild card. The Rockies made the tough but in my mind right decision in trading Holiday. Still, that is a big loss in the middle of their lineup. Strangely, I kind of like their pitching but too many question marks. The Padres still have two pretty good arms at the top in Peavy and Young. You have to wonder though how long they will be with the cash strapped team.

Post Season

AL

Boston over Oakland in 3

New York over Minnesota in 5

Boston over New York in 5

NL

Chicago over New York in 4

Los Angeles over Philadelphia in 5

Los Angeles over Chicago in 7

World Series

Boston over Los Angeles in 7

Awards

NL

MVP – Manny Ramirez

CY Young – Carlos Zambrano

ROY – Colby Rasmus

Manager of the year – Charlie Manuel

AL

MVP – Kevin Youklis

CY Young – Josh Beckett

ROY- Matt Wieters

Manager of the year – Ron Gardenhire

Sports Shorts

Some sports related topics that are on my mind.

The only way Joe Cowley could be more of a lapdog for White Sox management is if he licked Kenny Williams face when he walked in the locker room. This is not an anti White Sox bias. I hate when any reporter kisses up to management. I read the paper to get even handed opinions. The next time Joe Cowley writes anything negative about the White Sox it will be a first. Your job as a beat reporter is to report not be a mouthpiece for an insecure management team that thinks all media is out to get them. I am not saying you need to go “Mariotti” but there is a happy medium.

Yes, Sox fans the 2005 White Sox were lucky and there is nothing wrong with that. The other morning listening to the Score while driving in I heard Mike Mulligan get all upset when it was mentioned that the 2005 White Sox got a number of breaks. Well, duh? That does not mean the team wasn’t talented or didn’t take advantage of those breaks, because they did. But to not acknowledge the amount of luck that team had is not being honest with oneself.

Cliff Polite had an ERA of 2.00 that year. In no other year in his career is he even close to that. Scott Podsednick had his last good, healthy year in 2005 as well as Carl Everett. A.J. Pierzynski fell into their laps due to a bone headed decision by the Giants to first trade the farm to get him only to cut him a year later. Bobby Jenks also fell to them as the Angles cut him due to his past digressions. Only six pitchers made starts that year. That is a tremendous amount of health that you usually don’t get in a full 162 game season. In the ALCS the Sox got more breaks then a plane of glass in a hurricane. I don’t want to go into the A.J. dropped strike three thing again, but anyone with any objectivity will tell you the ump blew that call. With all that said any team that wins the World Series needs to get a tad lucky. Trust me I would kill to have that luck on the north side just once.

The Cubs scare me. Of course they always scare me. Everyone in the free world is predicating another division title, and I agree they should win. Still, I don’t like this team’s makeup. I don’t think we are as deep as we were last year and I fear we are taking a huge gamble hoping for health from two injury prone players in Harden and Bradley. I also think Derek Lee is on the downside of his career. Maybe I am just being my paranoid usual self. I still want to believe that this is the year but, I must say I felt a lot better about this team a year ago then I do now.

I hate the Bears right now. I am still and always will be a Bears fan but this team is one of the least likeable in recent history. Mike Brown was the last guy in that locker room I respected. Brain Urlacher is quickly becoming my least favorite Bear of all time. He exemplifies the stereotype of the dump jock. If he wasn’t born with athletic gifts, he would be pumping gas somewhere in New Mexico. Tommie Harris is a lazy malcontent. As bad as the team on the field is, the front office is what really is pissing me off lately.

The Bears have glaring needs on offense and so far they have added a backup tackle. I am all for building trough the draft but Angelo’s track record of picking offensive players in the draft is highly suspect. (Anyone remember Benson, Cedric?) Why not go after a receiver? Tory Holt was cut ,the Bears should be the first team calling his agent. The move makes so much sense that an infant could see it. But, I am willing to bet that Halas Hall makes some excuse as to why he wouldn’t be a fit. (The fact that he can actually catch the ball and run after he makes said catch would be I admit a unique talent among the current receiving core.) The real reason is that the Bears are cheap and have already sunk a ton of money into mediocre talent on the defense. That Super Bowl loss a couple of years ago only bought Lovie and Angelo so much credit and it is beginning to run out.

It is nice that the Blackhawks are relevant again. There was always a hockey fan somewhere inside of me but the last decade of watching just an abysmal product topped off by a total lack of talent or name players had turned me off to the Blackhawks completely. The last decade of Chicago Blackhawk hockey has been hard to put up with even for the most diehard fan. Last year we got a glimpse of things to come. At long last with the likes of Towes, Kane, Sharp, Keith and the some great goaltending by Khabibulin and Huet the team is finally clicking. (Admittingly they have hit a bump in the road lately.) Just making the playoffs this year is an accomplishment. Winning a series would be nice, as well. I still think they are a year away from Cup contention but, at long last there is hope on Madison Street.

Why are the Cubs so hated? Last I checked besides Sox fans, Cardinal, Brewer and now Astros fans really dislike the Cubs. My dad tells me the Reds fans also despise the Cubs. Is it because we travel well and take over a lot of road venues? I really have no other explanation for it. I mean we haven’t won anything so it is not like hating the Yankees or Cowboys. That I get. Hating the Cubs, what’s the point? The refrain I hear most often is that we are losers for supporting a team that never wins. Well, to that I say, in my lifetime the Cubs have won five division titles and a wild card. Yes, we still haven’t won the whole enchilada but we will one day. And in my mind it is much worse to be called a front runner or bandwagon jumper. When the Cubs finally repay my debt with a World Series I am telling you I will enjoy it on a level that the “new” Cub fans can only imagine. In some ways the 2005 White Sox was a very good thing in that it weeded out the fair weather fans. As I have said, I took names and those who put on Sox hats in 2005 are not allowed back into the club.

Another Lame Story From Nick's Youth

I get a lot of crazy looks and arguments whenever I try to defend winter. While I admit that at times the season can be a huge pain in the ass it also has its good side as well. The following is probably my favorite of all my winter stories. (Not that it is particularly interesting but it is a night that I will never forget no matter how senile I get.)

The following takes place in the winter of my senior year of high school, which would have been like January of 1987. A couple of friends and I had made plans to go out that night. I developed this aversion at some point in my teen years to spending any night at home. This was a problem in that I didn’t get my license until December of 86. In the spring and summer I was fine as I could bike almost anywhere. However when it got cold out it meant that I was at the mercy of Dell (and the legendary Impala) or before we hung out with him Chris Dusza and his blue Ford Escort wagon. I would sit waiting in my living room pacing and looking out the window every fifteen seconds waiting for my ride so I can get out of the house and explore all the excitement that awaited me in the Southwest burbs like the Nottingham Buddhist temple or Chicago Ridge Mall. (In case it doesn’t come across I am being completely sarcastic.)

Anyway, this night in particular was a Friday. I had made plans to hang out with Chuck and Zar. (Dell and the rest of the gang must have been busy that night.) As per usual we had no particular agenda, the simple fact we were out of the house and away from our parents and rules was going to be enough. The three of us all had gym class together so, we talked about going out that evening with anticipation of what the night just might have in store for us.

As I got home, it started snowing and it was coming down pretty good. Soon, it looked as if are plans were in serious jeopardy. I quickly turned on the news and found out that there was a winter snow advisory. (Remember before the internet when you actually had to get information by watching your local news.) Slowly I was resigning myself to the fact I was going to be stuck in the house on a Friday night. (A complete travesty when you are 17.) I called my friend Chuck to concede to the weather when he said, “fuck it, let’s go out anyway.” That was all the convincing I needed. Chuck jumped into his late 70’s brown Pontiac Aster picked up Zar and my ass and we hit the very slick roads.

We really had nowhere to go but we were out of prison (our collective houses.) One memory was watching as a Ford Granada spun out on Roberts Rd and wound up facing the on-coming traffic. For the most part we drove around aimlessly bullshitting in the car and enjoying one of our earliest tastes of freedom.

And some point we got the bright idea to do donuts in Signode’s (a local business) yet unplowed parking lot on 71^st street. Well as I am sure you can predict, we got stuck and when I say stuck I mean we were in the middle of the parking lot and the car would not budge no matter how much Zar and I pushed it. If it were not for some helpful passerby we might have been walking home.

Looking back we had no business being out joy riding in those conditions but it was like collectively we bonded together to beat the snow. It was not going to get the best of us or ruin our plans. All, in all it was a typical night for me in 1987. My friends and I went out, drove with no particular destination in mind, got in an adventure, listened to bad music, (quite possibly the return of Bruno) ate bad food, and I would not have traded it for the world. I guess people in Phoenix who don’t know the joys of winter can bond when the air conditioner goes out in their car on a brisk autumn night.

Ramblings

No rhyme or reason to any of this. This is just random babbling.

My co-worker described the Jonas Brothers as a safer version of Hanson and I nearly died of laughter.

I have one last week in the loop before I am re-located to our office in Downers Grove. Looks like I will be working from home a lot more. I have written about my dislike of the western suburb and now I am stuck there. (Our office in Chicago is merging with our office in Downers and since rent is much cheaper in the burbs we are moving everyone out to the Grove.) I am going to try to go in with an open mind. My wife is giving it six months before I am looking for a job in the Loop.

I have a talent that my wife can attest to in that I can turn any song (that isn’t an instrumental) and make it pornographic.

When I first started at IRI my first “real” job people could still smoke at their desks. Man am I old.

I have not had a soda this year. I am trying to go all of 2009 pop free. I have no reason for this other then soda is junk and I get enough sugar eating Matt’s cookies and Twizlers.

On the other hand I have made a decision to eat a pizza every day from a different place the week before I turn 40. I am still trying to figure out which 7 places to get a pie from. I figure I have to hit Fassano's, Palermo’s, Joe Italian Villa, Vito and Nick’s (the original on Pulaski not that basterdized version by my house) and Lou Malnati’s for sure. That leaves only two days. I am leaning towards Little Franks (for nostalgia reasons) and Ricobene’s. But, I could be talked out of those. Any suggestions?

I wish the mainstream press would stop giving any credence to what that fat pig, hypocrite waste of space, Rush Limbaugh says. At this point does anyone with an IQ over 10 really buy anything this guy says? His credibility is a zero. It is comical. His whole act is predicated in stirring up sane right minded thinking people. I laugh him off because really, how can you not. Here is a guy who loves the own sound of his voice and I honestly feel he doesn’t even believe half the shit he says. He is playing to a crowd that is about as enlightened as your average red neck. If you ever doubt that there is a large populace that are dumb asses, the careers of Rush and Larry the Cable Guy are all the proof you need.

I was thinking about it the other day and there is not one reality show that I watch. I don’t say this to sound superior in any way. Television is supposed to be an escape from your everyday life. So, if people choose to watch the Bachelor or Project Runway who am I to say it is wrong. I watched the first season of Survivor and liked it. By the second season, I was already tired of it. I have watched the occasional VH1 reality show from time to time but they all seem the same at this point. So, I am back to watching scripted television and baseball. Just like in the 80’s.

Winter is almost over and I am going to, in a way miss it. I know I am in the vast minority but, I like winter. Sure, there are a ton of negatives but, there is something about braving the conditions and dealing with the season that builds character. Moving to Florida is for wimps. I truly appreciate the summer months in a way that people who live in warmer clients will never get.

Lastly, red light camera’s can suck it. We gave away our freedoms so easily it sickens me. It has brought us one step closer to an Orwellian society. I can’t believe there isn’t more outrage over this continuing practice. What’s next UPC codes tattooed on our arms that we are forced to get so that big brother can track our every move? I give up.