Dear God

I recently watched a documentary on HBO that shook me to my core about Christian society. It is called Friends with God. I am not what one would call a spiritual man. I never have been and yet somehow I can sleep at night. I don’t pray to an imaginary God for some insurance policy in the afterlife. I believe, when you die you are dead, end of story. There is no magical place up in the sky where everything is wonderful and all of life’s problems are no more. If others believe in these tales, great but leave me and the rest of society out of it.

Sadly, that is not the case with a lot of Christians. The leaders of these sects believe it is their duty to brain wash the rest of society. They feel it in their moral bound duty to do so. They spew their hate and intolerance on us all and justify it by quoting some random bible passage. The irony of course is that if you take anything away from the teachings in that book from the main character of the New Testament it is that, one should treat everyone as an equal, judge not, less ye be judged and tolerance and forgiveness is the path to heaven.

I guess with that message they can’t reason in their warped minds, their bigotry and hate of anything that isn’t just like them. Which is usually, white, dumb, boring and repressed. If something doesn’t fit neatly into their warped brain-washed mind, they figure out a way to demonize it. I have no problem if some hillbilly wants to live their life praying to a vengeful God. What I have a huge fucking problem with is when these dolts try and make everyone else live like they do.

So, they come out and protest abortion clinics and come up with groups that claim God hates fags. They then go and stand behind their ugliness by using the bible as their shield. All I know is that if there is a God, I hope he has a special place in Hell for assholes like this. I just want to stand up and scream, can’t we grow up already?

I was raised Catholic. I gave it a shot, but found the guilt and hypocrisy, too much to handle. Still the one thing I did get from all of that was that this Jesus dude, was pretty cool. He hung out with twelve other guys and a hooker. They went around and tried to do some good and he got nailed up on a cross for his effort.

As for the bible itself it is a hard read. Most of it reads as if it is a fairy tale, because well it is. The bible is not the word of God. It is man’s telling the story of their perceived word of God. So, to stand behind and profess hatred is well, missing the point. To take the bible as literal is foolish. The bible has a passage that claims it is acceptable to stone your children when they misbehave. It also contradicts itself all over the place. So, to take one passage and use that as a reason to persecute the gay community is in of it self a sin.

If you don’t want to go down and some other dude, then don’t. I personally am secure in my sexuality. I love women and always have. What someone does in the confines of their own bedroom is their business. As we have seen with the likes of the Rev. Haggard in Colorado, I feel part of this venom steams from the fact that some of these zealots are deeply in the closet. They are struggling with their own sexuality and over compensate. As if shouting how sinful homosexuality is somehow makes them even straighter.

On top of all that, to me the sickest part is the brainwashing of their children. These poor kids never have a chance. In that documentary they were telling the kids that since dinosaurs aren’t in the bible that they never existed. Also they are teaching them that evolution is wrong. The scary part is that these kids grow up to be adults and then become a part of society and we are forced to deal with more ignorance.

So, as a forward, rational thinking person, I am scarred shitless. When the inmates start to run the asylum, obvious problems arise. I don’t care what religion you are, when you start to take it too seriously that is how wars start. I want to live in a place where I can surf porn in the privacy of my own home and Steve and Steve can get married if they want to. As long as it doesn’t personally affect you I don’t see what the harm is.

Netflix Review Time

It has been awhile since I have done a netflix review. So here is a brief summary of the last ten films I have rented.

Grandma’s Boy – A sophomoric comedy from the supporting actors of the Adam Sandler films. It did have Linda Cardellini in it so, that helped it out, big time. Overall, it had some funny moments and since I expected nothing out of it, it served its purpose as it was mildly entertaining.

The Producer’s – Being a big fan of the Mel Brooks comedy, I was really pumped about this one. Sadly, I was a little let down. Who told Uma Thurman she could sing? Nathan Lane and Broderick are fine but she brings down the entire film. All in all it has its moments but I can’t say I really liked it.

The Descent – What a turkey. This movie is about a bunch of thrill seeking women that get trapped inside a cave and come face to face with a mutant form of species. So many things in this movie to hate, there is not enough room to state them all. Just, a bad, bad movie.

Manic – Story about a teenager who has trouble with violence so, he is sent to an institution. Rented it because, I am Don Chedale fan and he gives a good performance here. A pretty good movie, that I would somewhat recommend.

Little Miss Sunshine – I really liked this movie. Impossible to not have a smile on your face at by the end of it. Every actor in this one goes above and beyond and gives a great performance, with Alan Arkin (another long time favorite) knocking it out of the park as the drug addicted Grandfather. I can not recommend this one enough.

The Limey – This one was released a couple of years ago. Rented it based on a netflix recommendation and it was decent. A man in Brittan is released from jail and seeks vengeance for his daughter’s death in Los Angeles. Peter Fonda is pretty good in this one and I give it slight thumbs up.

The Boondock Saints – I rented this after hearing of the long and interesting story of what it took to get made. After watching it I have to agree with Harvey Weinstein who dropped this one. This movie is not as good or cool as it thinks it is. A bad story, with Willem Dafoe, who I normally like hamming it up the whole time. A big swing and a miss.

Three Extremes – This is three separate tails from three separate Asian horror film makers. The first two stories are exceptional. One about a woman who in order to stay looking young eats dumplings with a special ingredient. The second story is about a man seeking revenge on a film director. The third story is kind of lame about a woman who as a girl was in the circus with her sister and father. She accidentally kills them and tries to deal with it as she is now older. Worth renting for the first two stories alone.

The Squid and the Whale – Recommended by a co-worker and it was pretty good. About a boy and his brother living in Brooklyn as their parents are going through a divorce. Amusing at times, and Jeff Daniels and Laura Linney are solid as usual. Not a great film but, not a bad one either.

Zombie Honeymoon – Normally I love movies in the zombie genre. This one however, is beyond bad. I like camp and B movies sadly, this movie is not sure what it wants to be. It is not scary or gory enough. Which if it had a decent story I would not mind, but this doesn’t. Just a complete waste of time. Most amateurs could do better with a betamax and a boom mike.

Has It Been 20 Years Already?

I got an e-mail the other day about my upcoming twenty year high school reunion. The fact that it has been twenty years blows my mind. I don’t think of myself as that old, but reality is reality. While I have both good and bad memories of my four year sentence at Argo, I have decided to skip this reunion.

I went to my tenth. After being in the room for five minutes, I instantly regretted my decision to attend. It was at Mama Lugi’s in Bridgeview. I went basically because my friends Zar and Chuck were going and they talked me into coming along. So, I spent fifty bucks a plate for me and my then girlfriend and wound up sitting at a table with Zar, his wife, Chuck, his wife and me and my girlfriend. I talked to a couple of people I was curious to see what happened to and that was about it.

I remembered thinking while I was there, that there is a reason I don’t talk to these people anymore. I really didn’t like most of them and have very little in common with them. I was one of the few in the crowd who wasn’t married and didn’t have any kids. I remember talking to one girl who told me that her son was in fifth grade and at the time it blew my mind. Not that there is anything wrong with getting married and having kids, but I wanted more out of life then that and I always have. I always felt that you really never had any personal freedom until you are eighteen. To trade that in at such an early age and be tied down with a spouse and some offspring seemed foolish. Maybe that is me being selfish, and if it is so be it.

I had my own crew I hung with at Argo. We were not the most popular or part of the biggest click but you know what, who gives a shit. At the time it was me, Doyle, Chris Dusza, and Zar. Eventually Chuck and Dell joined the pack. (Which strangely enough coincided with Dusza hanging out with a different crowd.) I wouldn’t trade the friendships I made with Chuck, Zar and Dell that I made at Argo for anything. For it to be twenty years later and we still keep in touch is very rare. So for as much as Argo may have sucked at times, I made some lifelong friends there, so it can’t be all bad.

In our group, we had our own sensibilities and our own likes and dislikes. That is what bonded us. We devolved our own click and it grew and grew and today, because of that I have a set of true friends that I would do anything for. I don’t need to pay fifty bucks a plate to have inane conversations with people I really have nothing in common with.

If they had the reunion at a bar or something then, maybe I would go. But it being in a hall there is no way. I go to enough weddings where I am forced to sit at a table with strangers and make boring small talk. I have no need to go to some hall, pay out my ass for rubber chicken all for the pleasure to see which stuck up girls got the fattest.

When I weigh all the positives and negatives about attending it really is no contest. Sure, I would like to see if Doyle and Dusza show up so, I could talk to them and maybe re-establish some contact. There are other parts of me that are curious to see what has become of some of my classmates. But as I stated above the other parts of the reunion would annoy me way too much. So, I have made a deal with Chuck that if we make it to our 50^th reunion then we will attend. That leaves me off the hook for thirty years, when I will be into my sixties. God willing I will make it that long and if I do I will see you there ACHS class of 1987.

Miami, Here We Come

Well, much to my surprise and delight, the Chicago Bears are in the Super Bowl. I have been bracing for the worst all year and they went out and won the NFC Championship. As a Cubs fan I am used to being let down when it comes to my sports teams. So, I tend not to get my hopes up because it makes the pain a little easier to take. If you don’t expect your team to win, when they lose it takes a little of the sting out of it.

So, all year as I watched the Bears beat opponent after opponent, I tried not to get my hopes up. I saw glaring weaknesses on the team. My brain and my eyes kept telling me that this is a flawed team that will break your heart if you let it. The only other Super Bowl Bears team was in 1985. I was sixteen and had not yet had the scars from watching year after year of futility of the Cubs and Bears. That team unlike this one was dominating. There was no doubt at any point in my young mind that we were bound for glory.

However, after that year the Bears, kind of imploded. I sat back and watched Saint Mike Ditka squander all that talent. I watched as Jim McMahon kept getting hurt and then saw him traded by a vengeful Iron Mike. Eventually after the Bears came to their senses and fired his ass, I watched in horror as they brought in the clueless, and porno mustached, Dave Wannstedt. Then they replaced him with Dick Jauron and mediocrity rained. Other then the one lucky year in 2001 it was an exercise in futility watching them lose week after week for the better part of a decade. It suddenly was not a whole lot of fun to be a Bears fan.

Three years ago the Bears hired Lovie Smith. Along with some shrewd moves by Jerry Angelo all of the sudden the team started to show signs of life. Last year as they went 11-5, I found myself getting my hopes up. Then they went out and got their ass kicked in the first round of the playoffs. So, as this team started out of the gate on fire, the flames were stoked. Still, among most Bears fan that I know, no one was puffing their chest out just yet.

After being burned so many times over the last twenty one seasons, most logical Bears fans were kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop. In my heart I was behind them all the way but my mind told me something different. Still, I watched and rooted enjoying the ride this team was taking me on. When we lost on New Years Eve to the dreaded Packers, I like most Bears fans needed to be talked off the ledge.

As the playoffs started I was not sure what to expect. This team was so hard to gage. One week they looked like World beaters, and the next they looked as if Brother Rice would give them a game. So, I sat on pins and needles as they squeaked out a victory against the under-manned Seahawks. As the NFC Championship game approached I was not very optimistic.

Sure, I felt the Bears could win, but the way they were playing scarred me. It looked as if this team peaked in October. Then without much warning this past Sunday, the defense came back to life against the Saints. The D, which had been in hibernation for most of the last two months, played like it did early in the season. As I sat back and watched I knew we were in for a good day. We hadn’t played like that for awhile. Sure, enough despite some tense moments early in the second half, they Bears came through and gave the city a chance to celebrate.

So, as we head to Miami, seven point underdogs, I am for the first time confident. We can beat the Colts. This is not to say we will but, if we play our game and they play theirs I like our chances. Defense will always beat offense. If Rex can manage the game like he has the last two weeks, meaning he doesn’t turn the ball over and takes what the defense gives him, we will win. The Patriots scarred me a lot more then the Colts. Even if we lose, I am still going to be proud of this team and proud to be a Bears fan. It was a long and trying year in a lot of ways but the payout was worth it. In my mind we can’t lose. If the Bears should get beat by the Colts what can their fans say? I mean they still have to live in Indianapolis.

Rock "I doubt it is really an" Island

There will be a lack of posts for the next week or so, for all three people that read this. I have to go to the fabulous, exciting, adventurous, Quad cities area right on the border between Illinois and Iowa. Obviously, this is for work. I will be there for three days and I won’t be back in the office until a week from today, next Tuesday. I will be conducting my own personal scavenger hunt when, I am in the Q-City’s. I will be looking for Dickey’s over-alls, a 1970’s Chevy Suburban, A Truck Stop with a diner in it, A John Deere dealership, and a woman with a half shirt with a gut bigger then mine.

MLK

It is MLK day and I have to work. This is the first time in eleven years that I have had to come into the office on this day. Which is too bad, because I have a bit of a hangover, ate really bad food yesterday and got very little sleep. Still I am here. My train was at about a quarter of its usual capacity. I love my job but I will admit I miss all of the bank holidays.

So, I’m here and I am uninspired. My head is a fog of barley and hop residue. My stomach needs a pump and I feel as old as Methuselah. It didn’t snow here like it was expected, but it is a gray, overcast Chicago morning. I am drinking some green tea and hoping that is a miracle cure for my ailments.

Sorry, to sound like a bitchy old man, but why have a site of vanity like this if every once in a while you can’t use it to complain. I know I have no one to blame but myself and trust me, I am so pissed at myself right now, I want to kick my own ass.

Thanks for listening, or at least reading.

The Shamrock Shuffle

Well there is no getting out of it now. I officially signed up to participate in the Shamrock Shuffle on March 25^th. For those not in the know, the shuffle is an 8k run or you can sign up for the 5k fitness walk. As of now I have signed up for the 5k but, if I get in enough shape by the date I was told if there are spots open I could do the 8k.

This all started in November. Joyce had been bugging me to join a gym. I have never been much of a workout guy as my gut would indicate. Growing up, I needed to put on weight not lose any as I was always thin in my early years. Eventually through pure laziness and very cheap beer my one time hyper metabolism, slowed to a crawl and I went from being under weight to being a tad over weight, with maybe like a month in that ideal category.

I grew up being able to eat whatever the hell I wanted and never having to worry about the consequences. Plus, I was pretty active anyway playing softball in my late teens and early twenties, a couple of nights a week. Eventually my lifestyle caught up to me. Inevitability, as I got older and started slowing down, I started to gain weight. At some point, I figured I better start doing some cardio work to try and at least stem the tide. I joined a gym for a brief period of time in 2000. I never really liked the place as it was full of a bunch of muscle heads that were constantly checking themselves out in the mirror. I always hated these two inched penis assholes that had to make up for their size of their units by shooting themselves with ‘roids and building their biceps. The final straw came when I went to the whirlpool, and a guy who must have been related to George the Animal Steele, was sitting there free-balling while reading the paper. I quickly, quit that gym.

Then right before I got married, Joyce talked me into joining the gym at the Chicago Ridge Park District. I actually liked going there as it was dead. They also had a full basketball court so, if I didn’t feel like working out I would just shoot baskets for awhile. Eventually, Joyce and I stopped going when our one year membership wore out.

So, for the last couple of years, I hadn’t belonged to any type of gym. Then this year, Joyce really started to push for us to join one to try to get into some kind of shape. We looked at a couple of places but none of them seemed right. I admit that I am very picky when it comes to a workout facility. I hate Bally’s and places of that ilk where it is nothing more then a meat market. I also didn’t want to sign any contract. I wanted to find a place that was low key, where I could pay month to month.

Well, one day as I was going to GameTime in Palos Heights to watch some football, I noticed a place called Cardinal Fitness. So, I told Joyce about it and we went to check it out. The cool thing about this place was that it was only $31 bucks a month for the both of us and they had a number of locations in the Chicagoland area that we could go to if we were members. So, sometime in November we signed up.

We have been going pretty religiously, and I have been going further and further distances on the treadmill. Then, last week a co-worker mentioned that he was going to participate in the Shamrock Shuffle. After discussing it with him he talked me into doing it as well. My feeling is that, this at least gives me a goal. Also, if I keep hitting the gym “training” for this thing eventually some weight will have to come off.

Of course, if I cut out beer and burritos that would go a long way to helping in my quest to become healthy. But, my feeling has always been life is hard enough, why would you want to cut out things that give you some small pleasure. I have always had a deal with myself that I would eat and drink whatever I wanted until I was forty and then I would start making some dietary changes. I still am sticking to that, but going to the gym and at least trying to maintain some semblance of good health can’t be a bad thing.

Nick's 2007 Hall of Fame Ballot

The MLB Hall of Fame Class for 2007 will be announced later this month. My friend Chuck and I always have a good spirited argument about who should get in and who shouldn’t. I have somewhat high standards but no where near Chuck. He believes Cal Ripken should not be in the Hall of Fame, which is astonishing. I believe there are four players worthy of enshrinement on the ballot this year. Here is my case for all four.

Andre Dawson – The Hawk was a five tool player who could do it all. With 438 career homers, 314 stolen bases, 1,591 RBI’s and a career average just below .280 (that average was severely hurt by his last three unproductive seasons.) He should be a no-brainer. Sadly, Dawson has had to wait for awhile now, which is sad. Dawson is hurt by having his best seasons in Montreal but anyone that saw him play knew he was an elite player as evidenced by his 8 all star game selections and the MVP in 1987 while playing for a last place team.

Rich “Goose” Gossage – Finally, last year a reliever was elected into the Hall Of Fame with Bruce Sutter. Another long over looked candidate needs to be added this year with Gossage. All you need to do is look at his numbers from 1977-1985. During a 9 year span his ERA never got above 2.90. On top of the numbers the guy was the most feared reliever in the American League in the late 70’s and early 80’s and was a catalyst on the 77 and 78 Yankee Championships. Gossage was a Nine time All Star and earned a lot of saves when that stat meant something.

Tony Gwynn – The ultimate in No Brainers. If this guy is not a Hall of Famer then no one is. All you need to know is that this guy won eight batting titles. Or how about the fact that he never hit below .309 in his eighteen year career. I don’t need to build an argument for this guy his 3,141 hits speak volumes.

Cal Ripken – Forget the Iron Man streak, impressive as it was. The guy redefined the shortstop position. His 431 homers and almost 1,700 RBI’s are unheard of numbers for a shortstop. He was a nineteen time all star and was the ‘82 rookie of the year and won the MVP twice. He garnered MVP votes in ten different seasons. Plus he won two gold gloves. Now let’s add in that he played in 2,632 consecutive games while he put up those numbers. That is over 16 consecutive seasons without missing a game. Anyone who doesn’t think this guy is a HOF’er is nuts (Sorry, Chuck.)

Okay, now here some other guys who will get some votes but would not get mine.

Jim Rice – Rice was a great player but in my mind is just short of Hall worthy. Sure, he had some great seasons with the bat but he didn’t sustain it long enough for my money. He was a butcher in Left Field and for as great of a hitter as he was only has 382 homers. To put that in perspective Dave Kingman had 442 homers.

Lee Smith – Smith is a close call for me but just misses. I saw him pitch for a number of years and let me tell you he was good. However I don’t think he was great. He was the king of the one inning save, which while nice is over-rated. Also factoring in, is that while he only had two post season appearances in both of them he was brutal. In the ‘84 NLCS his ERA was a robust 9 with a blown save. Then in ‘88 in the ALCS he had 8.10 with another blown save.

Bert Byleven – If there is ever a longevity Hall of Fame, then he belongs. But to put him in on plain numbers misses the point. He only had one twenty win year in 22 seasons in the big’s. He never won a Cy Young and was only an All-Star twice. Sorry, that is not a player that belongs enshrined.

Mark McGwire – Forget about the steroids talk, I don’t think he belongs based on his numbers. Sure, the 583 homers are impressive. But, that is all he has to hang his hat on. He was a career .263 hitter and was one dimensional. Sure, he could hit the ball out of the park but that was it. In 1991, for example the guy in 483 AB’s hit .201. I love the homer as much as the next guy but in my mind McGwire was a carnival side show who could hit the ball a country mile. If he gets in, then so does Dave Kingman.

Nick's Playoff Picks

As I have proven with a 9^th place finish in my fantasy football league, this sport is not my expertise. Nonetheless, I will still boldly make some predictions on the football playoffs. The only prediction I 100% stand by is that I will get inebriated at the many football parties I will be attending.

NFC

First Round

Seattle over Dallas – I really don’t like either team but someone has to win so I go with the home team. Seattle can still run the ball and if I am Holmgren I get Alexander like 40 carries and win a close game controlling the clock.

Philadelphia over New York – The Giants are truly lucky to even be in the playoffs. The Eagles are on a five game winning streak and are playing the best of any team in the NFC going in. Andy Reid and the Eagles, as long as they can contain Tiki Barber should win this one rather easily.

Second Round

Chicago over Seattle – Yes, I am a Bears fan. But, that does not mean I have any faith in them. Still Seattle is weak and can be beaten. The Bears peaked in October but should have enough to get by an injury riddled Seahawk team. They should do enough to win a close one.

New Orleans over Philadelphia – To me this pits the two best teams in the NFC against each other. The Saints are the feel good story of the year and will be a tough out at home in the dome. Still, the Eagles will give them a game. In the end I just have a feeling that the Saint offense is a little to explosive for the Eagles and they win a squeaker.

NFC Championship

New Orleans over Chicago – The Saints will march to their first Superbowl appearance by beating the Bears in Chicago. My heart says the Bears but my head says the Saints can win this one with their high powered O against the suddenly porous Bears D.

AFC

First Round

New England over New York – The Jets are a good story in that no one expected them to be in the playoffs. This is an interesting match-up in that the Jets were able to beat the Pat’s in Foxboro earlier in the year. Still, never bet against Brady in the post season. New England at home finds a way to win this one.

Kansas City over Indianapolis – The Colts have a great offense but it has been proven over and over in the playoffs, that Defense wins. The Colts D is pathetic and KC with Larry Johnson running the ball should have a filed day. The key for Indy is to get a big lead early and make KC throw the rock. I don’t see it happening and the Chiefs find a way to win this one.

Second Round

New England over Baltimore – I love the job the Ravens have done in getting to this point. Still, the Pat’s in January find ways to win. I don’t like the Ravens offense and I think Brady will find a way to score enough points to pull the upset.

San Diego over Kansas City – On paper this is a rout but KC is one of only two teams to have beaten the Chargers. Still, San Diego will find way to get this one. LT is having a monster year and that D can stop anybody. KC is way too one dimensional to pull this upset.

AFC Championship

San Diego over New England – This figures to be a great game. Normally in a playoff matchup pitting Martyball vs. Belicheck I would take the man with the 3 rings. But, something tells me that San Diego which is a much better team on paper finds a way to win this one. I just don’t see the Patriots being able to stop the Charger offense. Never underestimate Brady, but he will need some help from the D and I am not sure he is going to get it.

SuperBowl

San Diego over New Orleans – In what might be one of the highest scoring SuperBowls ever San Diego has way too much firepower for the Saints. Still it will have been a hell of a year for New Orleans but this would be a tall order to beat the Chargers. They have been the best team all year so, I will go with San Diego winning their first championship.

An Open Letter to the Visitors of Las Vegas

Hi,

I recently visited sunny Las Vegas for the Christmas holiday. I love the city as it is one of the last places left in the world where political correctness hasn’t touched. With that said I have a couple of complaints to all of you people that were sharing the holiday with me.

To start with, did you really need to bring your damn kids? Listen, I don’t have anything against children, I really don’t. However, there should be some places left where adults can go and have adult fun. In case you didn’t get the memo, Vegas is supposed to a place where people over the age of twenty-one can escape from children. If I am at Disneyworld, I can’t really complain about being around kids. But if I am line at a breakfast buffet at the crack of noon, with a hang over and I have to deal with little Johnnie in front of me at the waffle bar, then we are going to have a problem.

Vegas is the home of high priced call girls, comp drinks, and 99 cent one pound hot dogs. It is called Sin City for a reason. Do you really think this is a place to expose children to? So, do me a favor, next time if you want to take a family vacation, go to Florida and visit Mickey and leave the sinners free to sin and swear without having to worry about watching their tongues around your precious ankle biters.

Secondly, if you are going to sit down at a blackjack table, you might want to equate yourself with not only the rules but a little strategy on how to play. Most of the hotles offer free lessons on most table games. Here is one tip for you, if a dealer is showing a six don’t take a hit if you anything higher then a 12. Don’t take a card to bust when the dealer is more then likely going to do so. I was at a couple of tables where I saw people playing and busting themselves out and letting the dealer off the hook. This lack of common sense not only affects you but the rest of the table. Do me a favor and go play the slots and leave the rest of us with IQ’s over our shoe size to play the big people games.

Next, when you are walking about town, shooting pictures of everything you see, you might want to consider that there are other people on Earth and some of them are trying to get places. If you are going to suddenly stop right before you get to an escalator you might want to move your fat ass out of the way so that others can use the device. Another thing, the people movers are designed for just that to move people. This is not a ride. You have legs, use them. At the very least if you insist on just standing there, do everyone a favor and stand on the right, so that the non lazy among us can get by your tracksuit wearing ass. Also, when posing for a picture try not to kid yourself. You are not at the Sears Portrait Studio’s and you don’t have ten minutes to set up your spectacular shot. Shoot the fucking thing already and get out of everybody else’s way for the love of God.

I also would like to mention that, I am all for having a good old time getting drunk and gambling, but try not to be a slobbering, bad drunk asshole. If you can’t handle your booze or you don’t have anyone else to take care of you then, try to limit yourself. Nothing can be more fun then sitting at a table having a good time having a few drinks. However all it takes is one moron who can’t handle their high to ruin it for everyone. Then security comes over and all of the sudden your moronic ass has ruined every other person’s goodtime.

Lastly, if you plan on going out in public you might want to bathe beforehand. You know there is nothing better then the smell of B.O., ass and Pall Mall smoke, when you are trying to play a little Video Poker. Those tubs in your hotel rooms have showers in them. Most of the finer hotels even give you some free soap. Try using it once in a while, for a change. The rest of society will thank you.

Vegas Vacation

Well, I am back at work today after having had a nice, long relaxing vacation. We spent Christmas in Vegas. Las Vegas might be the best place in the world to people watch. You defiantly see some strange and interesting things in that town. Overall, I had a pretty good time even though I didn’t win any money. I hit a number of casinos while I was there with mostly bad luck. Here is a rundown of how I did at each place.

Monday 12/25

Bally’s – Since we were staying there, this would be the place I would do most of my gambling. We checked in and were meeting everyone for dinner later that night so, before we meet them I played a little Video Poker. I played for about a half hour and would up winning like ten bucks after it was all said and done. Sadly, this would be the best I would do at Bally’s in my three days there. (+ $10 for the trip)

The Flamingo – We wound up eating at the buffet at the Flamingo. After eating I hit another Video Poker machine. I didn’t play on it long and would up losing like ten bucks. (Even for the trip)

New York New York – My Mom was staying here and I wanted to hit the roller coaster. I did just that and after riding, I settled into the casino. I found a blackjack table and wound up playing there for awhile. I was winning some hands and losing some others. I was having a pretty good time at the table talking to some Jets fans from New York who were playing the Dolphins that night. After awhile I got up to meet my wife and Mom in the bar. I cashed out my chips and after sitting at the table for a nice period of time wound up with ten bucks more then when I started. (+ $10 for the trip)

Tuesday 12/26

The Tropicana – We were meeting my family for breakfast at the Trop, so I got there a little early to gamble a little. My Step-Dad and I sat at roulette table and played for a half hour. I did really well and was up about $30 bucks as I left to eat breakfast. Sadly, after breakfast I stayed there and hit a blackjack table and gave away all of my earlier winnings as I left the place even. (+ $10 for the trip)

Mandalay Bay – After hitting the Trop, we took the tram over to the Mandalay Bay. This has never been one of my favorite casinos. I know a lot of people who love the place but I have never had any luck there. I wound up putting a twenty in a video poker machine and losing it all. (-$10 for the trip)

Luxor – I have always liked the Luxor and would really like to stay there one time to see what it is like. Sadly, I didn’t have a whole lot of luck there this time. I hit a blackjack table for awhile and left 40 dollars poorer. (-$50 for the trip)

Excalibur – I had never been a fan of this place before. But since the tram takes you here, I figured what the hell. I found a blackjack table and played for like a half hour. It was a great table with a really friendly dealer. When it was all said and done I was up 40 bucks and should have gone back there, as I was having a good old time. (-$10 for the trip)

Bellagio – After a re-boot in my room and having a nice dinner with the family we headed over to The Bellagio to see their indoor conservatory. I put five bucks in a video poker machine, just to say I gambled there and wound up losing it. (-$15 for the trip)

The Imperial Palace – Ah, the good old IP. A Vegas trip isn’t complete without a trip to the place. As my wife was in bed for the night I went out and stopped at the IP. I wound up sitting at a roulette table. I sat there for awhile and when I cashed out I was up ten bucks. (-$5 for the trip)

The Barbary Coast – I have ever been a fan of this place and I don’t know why I go there. They have the unfriendliest staff of any place I have been to in Vegas. But, it was right next door to Bally’s so I decided to try my luck there. I got in on a blackjack table and had the worst dealer on earth. She was a complete bitch. So, after playing for a bit, I cashed out and got the hell out of there down ten bucks. (-$15 for the trip)

Bally’s – I ended the night at my home base Bally’s. I played a little Video Poker and lost ten on that. I then ventured over to a roulette table. I started out on a hot streak there but eventually lost my initial twenty dollar investment. (-$45 for the trip)

Wednesday 12/27

The Rio – Joyce and I ate there for lunch and I figured since I was there, I might as well play a little. I was on a video poker machine and was doing well for awhile before losing my ten dollar investment. (-$55 for the trip)

Gold Coast – After the Rio we decided to walk over the Palm’s. However, in between both places is Gold Coast. So, we decided to stop in and play awhile. I was glad we did. I hit a blackjack table and played for a bit. I was doing really well at one point but eventually my luck turned south. Still after I left the table I was still up $60 bucks. (+$5 for the trip)

The Palms – I had heard a lot about this place and had never been there so, I really wanted to check it out. Man, is this place nice. Another place I would love to stay at in the future. I wound up sitting on a Video Poker machine for awhile and eventually cashing out down ten bucks (-$5 for the trip)

Wynn – Wynn is somewhat new so I wanted to see it. It is also, very nice and way out of my league. I wanted to say I gambled there so I put a five in a nickel slot and lost it all rather quickly. (-$10 for the trip)

Treasure Island – We wound up eating dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant in this place. I wound up having a pretty good time there. I didn’t gamble much there, putting in a ten in a poker machine and quickly losing it. (-$20 for the trip)

The Mirage – We took the tram from TI to the Mirage. Earlier in the day my Mom won two grand on a video poker machine there, so I figured maybe the place would be lucky. It was not. I was in a blackjack mood, but the tables were packed so, I just hit a video poker machine. I put in a twenty and it was gone after a little bit. (-$40 for the trip)

Harrah’s – My Mom and Lou had to take the Monorail back to MGM so we decided to cross the street and pick it up at Harrah’s. While we were there, my step-dad and I hit a roulette table. We played for awhile and when it was all said and done I was up 15 bucks. (-$25 for the trip)

Casino Royale – Ah, the dirty and dungy Casino Royale. I have never liked this place but it was on the way home so we stopped in. Joyce wound up winning some money on a Wheel of Fortune slot. I played for awhile on a Video Poker machine, breaking even. (-$25 for the trip)

Paris – One of the great things about staying at Bally’s is that it is connected to Paris. Paris is one of my favorite casinos in town. I usually have good luck there. Sadly, this trip I would not be as fortunate. While Joyce found a nickel slot, I sat at a blackjack table. I wound up sitting there for a pretty good amount of time. I was at a good table with some fun people and I was drinking and having a good time. However, when it was all said and done, I had lost about fifty bucks. (-$75 for the trip)

Bally’s – As I always wind up doing I gamble the most at the casino I am staying at. Before I went up for the evening, I sat in on a roulette table. I played for awhile but I wound up losing another twenty there before I went up to bed. (-$95 for the trip)

Thursday 12/28

The Las Vegas Airport – Whenever I leave town I always swear I won’t gamble at the airport and I always wind up doing so anyway. I had a twenty burning a hole in my pocket so, I sat at a Wheel of Fortune machine and lost it in record time. (-$115 for the trip)

All in all for all the gambling that I did to only lose a little more then a C note isn’t bad. I have had much better trips and much worse. When you figure I have a $200 dollar a day gambling budget and I came home with most of it I can’t complain.