Food Hangups

Everybody has food hang-ups, some more than others.  I have long rallied my support for the strict no ketchup on a hot dog rule that all right minded humans adhere to.  With that said, I like to consider myself an adventurous guy who likes to eat.  I enjoy food.  I like good food and while I don’t consider myself a snob in the least, I would still rather eat a good meal over a cheap one if that makes sense

Anyway, I digress.  I will try anything once and can eat a lot of things, but these foods are my personal hell, these are things and condiments that I just do not in any way enjoy and will go out of my way to avoid.  But as they say to each their own, unless we are talking ketchup on a hotdog as stated that should be outlawed.

Broccoli – I have tried to like this vile weed many, many times.  As a child my mother would try a number of different tricks to get me to eat it.  But, I have always found it to be repulsive.  The smell of cream of broccoli soup is repulsive to me.  I can’t even have it on my plate.  I’ve poured hot steamy melted cheese over and it and still find it horrendous. If it is in something I am eating, I am out.  I find it to be the foulest tasting food ever created by man.

Tomatoes – The irony in this is that I love all tomato based products.  But to just eat a tomato, just sickens me.  I think it is the texture of the fruit.  I don’t like it and it is all seedy.  I can’t get past it.  It is not a deal breaker like broccoli but if it is on my sandwich I will pick it off.  Also, because of my dislike, I cannot enjoy a BLT.  I enjoy a BL however.

Split Pea Soup – This is an odd one.  I love peas.  I love pea pods.  I mean I could eat a can of peas as a snack.  But split pea soup is vile.  My grandma would make some after every Easter ham dinner with the discarded ham bone and I would cringe.  Everyone else in the world loved it and I thought it was awful.  I don’t know if it is the smell or the consistency of it but it reminds me of eating baby food.  Yuk!

Raw Onions – I don’t mind grilled onions.  I find grilled onions to be one of the best smells on earth.  I also love onion rings.  But to eat a raw onion on a burger or in a salad is just plain insanity.  Onions are very powerful, and as soon as you put that onion on something, it cancels out whatever it is you intended to eat and you are left basically eating an onion.  It is like the lion at the top of the food chain when it comes to tastes.  It kills off everything else. You could have fifteen ingredients on a pizza with onions but I guarantee you all you will taste are onions.  Also, you cannot just pick them off. They leave a stain whatever you place them on. 

Guacamole – I have never met a woman that does not like guac.  I have tried to like it, I really have but just can’t get behind it for some reason.  Something about it just doesn’t sit well with me.  I mean you put a gun to my head sure, I will eat it but I would much rather have some salsa (yet another tomato based product I like.)

Diet Soda – I will never understand how anyone can drink this shit.  First off that aftertaste is pure gasoline.  I have always heard, well you get used to it.  That is what a prisoner says about incarnation.  Eventually you get used to it.  No thanks.  Also, it is terrible for you.  It is basically poison.  Ask any doctor the chemicals in that crap are not good for you. Give me the real stuff any day of the week.

Velveeta – Why anyone would willingly choose Velveeta is beyond me.  I know many who swear by their mac and cheese.  I will take Kraft, over it a hundred out of a hundred times.  It is gooey and gross and tastes like plastic, which brings me to,

Margarine - In 2014 does anyone still use this? Seriously I have to ask.  Margarine is one molecule away from being plastic.  Need I say more?  Ok, I will. On top of all the health risks, it tastes like crap.  Real butter might be one of life’s greater pleasures and this bad imitation falls desperately short in trying to copy it. 

Liver – This was another of Rita Francone’s favorites.  As a whole I am not a big fan of organ meat.  Then again I didn’t grow up in the depression.  My Grandma would eat pigs feat, chicken hearts and neck bones without batting an eye, so ya if things got really bad a whole lot of wimps my age would drop dead.  As for liver, the smell alone is repulsive and it is hard to get past it.  I remember walking into my grandma’s kitchen when she was frying up this foulness.  And it was never a pleasant experience. 

Any other burger other than one made with beef – I have tried many a vegi burger. I have tired turkey burgers.  I’m sorry beef is like a Porsche, there is no substitute.  Any time I am eating a fake hamburger I am thinking, this is not in anyway comparable to the real thing.  This Parks and Rec clip sums it up best.  The quality of the video is bad, but it sums it up pretty well if you can follow it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk_Zb7itA_E