Book Report Time

Here is a brief summary of the last five books that I have read.

Three Dog Nightmare by Chuck Negron – Man, did this guy live the Rock and Roll live to excess. Even if you are not a huge Three Dog Night fan, this book is still worth reading. Negron’s battle with drug addiction is painful to read about and it is nothing short of a miracle that he is still alive. Really a fascinating book that was hard to put down.

My Time with Mr. S by George Jacobs – Jacobs was Frank Sinatra’s personal assistant during the time of the Rat Pack days. He was with Sinatra for over ten years and in that time he saw a lot. He stayed quiet forever and finally at long last wrote a book about his time with the Chairman. He gives it to pretty much everyone warts and all in particular Marilyn Monroe and Yul Brynner. If you are a fan of Sinatra and the Rat Pack I would then suggest this one.

They Take Our Jobs: and 20 Other Myths about Immigration by Aviva Chomsky – A must read for all the immigration bigots out there. Here in this book it takes the top 20 recycled nonsense arguments that the anti-immigration zealots spew and breaks them down and exposes them for what they are, bullshit. It shows how immigration actually helps our economy and without it how screwed we would be. But, no self elected minute men will ever bother trying to educate themselves with you know, facts.

Ron Jeremy: The Hardest (Working) Man in Show Business by Ron Jeremy – This is a book about Jeremy’s rise to porn stardom. If you have seen the documentary on him there is not a whole lot of new stuff in here. Still, there were some interesting stories on his fight with the law in the 80’s and all the times he got arrested for making adult films. A funny enough read with a number of amusing stories.

I’m a Lebowski, You’re a Lebowski: Life, The Big Lebowski and What Have You – I admit I am obsessed with the movie the Big Lebowski. There are two types of people on this earth, those who get this movie and those who don’t. This book was written for someone like me. Interviews with the cast members and inside stories about the film are abundant in this book. Reading it only enhanced my love of this movie.

Joyce and Nick's Saturday

Joyce and I have been busy pretty much since December on. So, it was refreshing that this past Saturday we didn’t have a whole lot planned. With that in mid here is how we spent our Saturday.

I got up at 7:30 to take a leak and I could not get back to sleep. One thing that sucks about getting older is that I can not sleep late anymore. It does not matter what time I go to bed, I still am up at the crack of dawn and that sucks. I was up at 7:30, laid down and was wide awake. I turned on the TV to try and find something boring so that I would fall back asleep but, I had no such luck.

Finally, at 8:00 I said fuck it and got up and took a shower. My Mazda has needed new tires for awhile now, and I had been putting getting some off forever. Since I was up anyway, I figured why not head over to Discount Tire and see about getting some new rubber. Joyce hummed and hawed about going with me and at the last possible second agreed to join me on my journey.

Now, this is a good thing because I would much rather kill time with her then by myself. However, since Joyce was going to go, it was going to delay my trip a bit as I had to wait for her to get ready. I love my wife, but my joke to her is always, if the house where to ever catch on fire she would never get out alive. It takes her forever to leave the house. I will sit there waiting, (and God knows I am not the most patient man to begin with) for her to get ready and time will just stand still. My new thing is to have her meet me in the car, but this does not seem to work either as I usually wind up sitting in my vehicle, listening to the radio for ten minutes.

Anyway, she at long last joined me in my Tribute and we were off to the Discount Tire on 95^th street in Oak Lawn. The store opened at 9:00 and we were there at about 9:15. There was a total of one person working the counters helping customers. Nothing grates my ass more then a store trying to save money by cutting back on staff. The one kid who was working was stuck with an old man that was taking three hours to make a decision that should take less then five minutes.

I surveyed the situation and looked at Joyce and said, let’s go. So, Discount Tire lost a sale because they were not sufficiently staffed. I traveled down the road to Chicago Ridge Mall where I figured I could turn around and head back home. As I entered the mall, I saw a sign out in front of the Sears, declaring a sale on all their tires. It was like a sign from God, or something. So, I decided to give them a try.

There was a short line, but at least Sears had three people waiting on customers. Joyce went browsing in the petite clothing section as I waited to be serviced. Finally, I did and got a deal where I bought three tires and got the fourth free. I also got an alignment. The only issue was that it was going to take two hours. So, I gave the Sears dude my keys and found Joyce.

Two hours to kill in a mall is not something I looked forward to. So, I suggested to Joyce we walk over to the movie theater and see if we could catch a flick. Now, I have not been to a movie at Chicago Ridge Mall in a decade. The theater is outdated and small. They used to have nice big sized theaters but, they cut them in half and now have six small ones. But, with really no choice I figured what did I have to lose. We had no idea what was playing or what to see. We got to the theater and saw our choices were basically the new Rambo film or Untraceable. Neither of us have any interest in the Rambo flick so, we opted for Untraceable.

I had not heard or read anything about the movie. We went in with only the poster as our guide. For those like me, who don’t know about the movie, it starts Diane Lane as a FBI agent who specializes in cyber crime. A killer starts committing murder live on the internet and Lane is charged with finding the killer. It kind of sucked. I hate movies where the main character is in the FBI yet, makes the stupidest mistakes. That was this movie. The only good thing is that since we got there so early we only had to pay $5 to see it.

Anyway, we killed enough time, as by the time we got out of the movie my car was ready. I paid for it and after meeting Joyce at Bed, Bath and Beyond we made our way home. It was about 12:30 at this point.

Once home it was my intention to relax for a bit. Getting bored quickly, I instead decided to put together (with Joyce’s help) a bookcase we had bought from Ikea a couple of weeks ago. I have long rallied against my loathing of all things Ikea, including their put together furniture. Anybody that has had the pleasure of putting together something from Ikea knows my pain. The instructions they send you have only pictures. So, it is always a challenge.

After we managed to put the bookcase together, we carried it upstairs into our office. Joyce, wanted it to go in between two other bookcases we already had up against the wall. This meant I was going to have to move a bookcase that was already full of books. So, this meant clearing all the books off the shelves and then moving it and then re-filling the bookcase.

Once this long and arduous task was complete, I at long last sat on my fat ass and rested for a bit. It was getting later in the day and I wanted to go to the Library before it closed, so I peeled myself off of the couch and went up there with Joyce.

The Library in Palos is undergoing some renovations but once it is done it should be sweet. Joyce got a book and a couple of DVD’s. I grabbed a live Stevie Ray Vaughn disc that I shamefully didn’t already own and a book about Vegas.

After our library run we went back home and kicked it for awhile. I continued the task of down loading some more of my cd catalog onto my Ipod for awhile. We had not eaten anything, other then some movie popcorn all day so we were both kind of hungry. Therefore, we started to have the debate about where to eat.

One thing married couples argue about is where to go to dinner at. It is not like we argued, we just could not agree on a place. We debated a number of establishments until finally we agreed on an Asian place in Orland called Ginger. The restaurant was really nice both inside and out. We got our table and looked over the menu. I was torn between two things. A pistachio crusted chicken or some Korean style ribs. I went with the ribs and that would be a huge mistake. Joyce got some Tilapia, which she rated as just ok. My ribs sucked balls. They were tough as leather and not marinated very well. I could have made better at home. All in all we labeled it a miss which is too bad as we had high hopes for the place.

After finishing dinner, we made the journey back home. As the night was winding down I popped in a flick from Netflix called Empire. It was decent but not something you need to go out and rent. Joyce popped in one of the DVD’s she got from the library upstairs. Eventually, I fell asleep on the couch watching bad cable like I do most every weekend night.

All in all it was a productive Saturday. It was also nice in that Joyce and I got to spend some time together without having any social engagements. I am lucky in that I actually like spending time with my wife. I like talking to her and laughing with her. So, as boring and monotonous as that day sounded I would not have traded it for anything.

Some Open Letters

To people who ride the escalators in Union Station,
Do you know why they put up signs? Because you are meant to read them. Then if they convey messages for proper etiquette you should obey them if you consider yourself a thoughtful member of society. Just in case you can’t read, the signs in by the escalators in Union Station say stand to the right and walk to the left.

That means if you are a lazy fat ass and don’t feel the need to use your legs you can do so on the right side of the escalator. If you are on the left you should be walking. Sadly, nearly every morning I witness some moron who will stand on the left while a line of people roll their eyes as they just stand there oblivious to the nuisance they are causing.

Are you so wrapped in your own mundane bullshit that you don’t notice the inconvenience you are causing. One person not obeying the rules has a ripple effect and causes the whole escalator to jam up. No one is saying you can’t stand there. Just do so on the right and let the rest of us pass you on the left. Thank You.

To Rod Blagojevich,
If you are done patting yourself on the back for sneaking that senior citizen free ride waver into a bill that needed to be passed to save the CTA, I was wondering if you had a minute.

You see Rod, I live in Illinois and lived here when the state was controlled by the Republican Party for decades. From Jim Thompson to George Ryan the GOP controlled the Governors mansion for thirty years, which was most of my life. Then at long last we elected a Democrat Governor, in you. At the time I was hopeful you would change things for the better. Sadly you have let us all down.

All you have done in the six years you have held office is show what a horse’s ass you really are. You could fuck up a one car parade, Rod. You are a politician first and everything you do you do with an ulterior motive. You say you want to help people but all you do is find ways to have a convenient photo op all the while, our state continues to plunge deeper and deeper in debt.

You have done some good things, like providing health insurance for anyone in the state who can not afford it. But, you have also through your huge ego been unable to work with the state legislature on anything. Because of this, anytime we the people need Springfield to help us, you and Mr. Madigan get in a pissing contest. It is costing Illinois money and jobs. Get the fuck over it already and start delivering on your campaign promises or you will have ruined my party in Springfield. Thank You.

To anyone who was alive in the 1970’s,
I need some help. I have to ask how any one lived past the age of twenty five back then. I mean you didn’t have organic foods. Second hand smoke was everywhere and there were no seat belt laws. You even let your kids actually trick or treat. How did anyone get out alive?

To the CEO of any health Insurance company,
How the fuck do you sleep at night?

To the major studio’s in Hollywood,
Please settle this strike with the WGA soon. I can not take any more American Gladiators or Guinness Book of Records shows. All the writers are asking for is a little scratch for the episodes you guys sell on the internet. Is it that much to ask that they get a residual for something they fucking wrote and without which you would not have a show to sell?

The Polite Dance

I am addicted to this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI3g9RaVkdY

Ipod Cause and Effect

As I mentioned before I resisted the Ipod craze for as long as I could. I did this for various reasons. I still like LP’s so obviously I can get stuck in the past. LP’s are proof just because something is newer does not necessarily make it better. Digital quality is great, I agree. But listening to an album, with the scratches and the cracks takes me back to my youth and lets one hear the record the way it was first heard. Also, sometimes the graininess of a record makes it more enjoyable. It is kind of like why I hate Pink Floyd. I still believe that every member of that band are great musicians. But they put out the most boring over produced music on the planet. It is all skill, no heart.

But, I have gotten off the topic. Okay, I got my Ipod in November and it sat on my office desk collecting dust for about a month. One reason I didn’t use it is, because I rarely listen to music via headphones. I like jamming it on speakers in my house or in my car. I rarely listen to it on the train. Another reason is that, I am a lazy, lazy man and my logic was why should I transfer everything to the Ipod, when I can just put a cd into my cd player and listen to it. Then one day, I took a ride with my cousin and he had his Ipod hooked up to his car radio. I got comfortable with it and saw some of the advantages of having all your music on a device that can fit in the palm of your hand. All of the sudden it started to make sense to start using the Ipod I had purchased.

Of course this meant that I was going to have to start transporting over 800 Compact Discs of material over to it. So for the last couple of weekends I have taken some time to do just that. With that said, I am not even a tenth of the way done. It is an undertaking that is monumental. Still, I have over 500 songs on it already so, it is moving along. The problem was that while I had the docking station for the Ipod at home and could plug it into the radio in Joyce’s car, I had no way of listening to it in my Mazda.

So, I looked into getting an FM transmitter for my car. Basicaly they are devises that can play your Ipod into an empty station on your FM band on the radio. I started pricing them, and they were not cheap. I also read reviews of them and universally they were panned. On top of that the same co-worker who sold me the Ipod told me he had one and they are a piece of shit. So, instead I turned my focus into buying a new radio for my car.

But, since it was more of a want then a need, I figured I would hold off until the summer. I got the paper on Sunday and saw that Circuit City had their car radios on sale and were offering free installation. Still, I told myself there is no rush they will be on sale again in the future.

Flash to Sunday evening. I went like I do every year to watch the Championship games at a friend of a friend who has become a friend, Pat’s house. I go ever year for three reasons. One is well, it is playoff football. Two, is the food spread that Pat puts out every year is incredible. I don’t want to think about everything I ate on top of the Miller High Life’s I had. The third reason I go every year, is the gambling. I get in on a strip card every quarter and there also some squares being sold. So, I bought some squares and since my friend Chris didn’t show, I had to run the strip cards.

The first quarter of the first game I had the 3. Sure enough at the end of the first quarter it is 3-0. I also hit the square for the first quarter, so with seven quarters of football left I am up $75 bucks. It would only get better. All told I hit three strip cards and another square. I went home with a profit of close to $200 bucks when it was all said and done.

I got home and happily told my wife the good news. Her response is why I love her so much. She said, well now you can go buy a radio for your car. She could have demanded half of it or invested it in something useful but she knew the radio would make me happy so, she didn’t blink an eye.

I was off yesterday, so I got up early and headed over to Circuit City. I found the radio I wanted that had the Ipod adapter in it and paid for it with the cash that I had won. Since I was there early, there was no one else waiting to have a radio installed. The 15 year old that installs the radios for Circuit City, told me it should not take more then a half hour. So, I left and walked to the gas station nearby and grabbed a paper and then to the White Castle to grab some grub.

After killing some time, I walked back to Circuit City. There the kid who the installing told me that my car had some anti-theft device installed and he could not remove the old radio. He told me the Manufacturer would be the only place that could do so. So, we called the Mazda dealership on La Grange road and they were really cool. Not only did they tell me to come right on by, they didn’t even charge me for their work. I waited about an hour, but they got it done for me. If I ever by another Mazda I will by one there.

So, once my old radio was removed, I drove back to Circuit City and had to wait yet again as they put in my new one. They were really cool though as they gave me a converter kit that would have cost like $25 bucks for free. I waited there and at long last my radio installation was finally completed. It took over 3 ½ hours for the whole ordeal but now I can listen to my Ipod in my car. I will let you know how long it takes to transfer all my cd’s (or at least most of them onto it.)

Tales of Nick's Youth

As I get older, the memories of my youth get clouded over. My friend Chuck and I always like to look back at things we did when we were younger and wonder why we did them. Our excuse is always, well we were seventeen. When you are that age you can do things that logic dictates you should not do. So, with that in mind here are some more stories from my youth.

The Swimming Pool
It had snowed. Anyone familiar with the Southwest Suburbs knows about the hill on like 90^th and Roberts Road. It is a perfect place to bring a sled and go sledding on a snowy, winter night. So, one particular evening my friends and I decided to hit the hill and go sledding. Of course none of us actually owned a sled. Therefore, we decided to improvise.

Someone, (I am still not sure who) had a kids plastic swimming pool. You know the kind, you fill it up with a hose in the summer and youngsters splash around in it for awhile. Anyway, someone came up with the bright idea to go down the hill in that. We figured it could hold all of us, (I think there were like 8 people that night.)

As insane and dangerous as that idea was, we had to top it. Someone mentioned that we should spray the bottom of the pool with Pam so we could go faster down the hill. So, we deposited a whole can of it to the pool making it beyond slippery. We eventually got to the hill and all pilled in.

I can’t remember who was there that night. But, like I said there were about eight of us. We all jumped into the kiddie pool and took off down the hill. We made it about ten to fifteen feet before we hit a bump and were thrown in eight different directions sending us all to roll down the hill. One thing we didn’t count on was that a toy swimming pool does not come accompanied with a steering wheel or brakes. So, as we started our descent we had no way to control the thing. As we got to the bottom of the hill worse for wear I realized that during the voyage, I had lost my keys. I would never find them in the snowy night. I chalked it up to a lesson learned.

The Impala Grill
I have yet another story that involves snow and youth. A favorite pastime of suburban youth back in the day was doing doughnuts. Basically, you would try to find a not yet plowed preferably empty parking lot. There you would take your car speed up and then brake and turn the wheel at the same time, causing the car to become a sort of tilt a whirl.

Well, one night Dell, myself, and again Jim Lave piled into Dell’s Impala. We hit the Kmart parking lot after the store had closed. The snow had just fallen making the lot a perfect place to do some doughnuts. It was a snowy winter already so, the snow plows had plowed all the previous snow into these huge mountains of white powder.

As we hit the lot Dell had the Impala doing some pretty good doughnuts. Eventually, he really gunned it and slammed on the brakes, and we started spinning out of control and the car slid head first right into a huge snow bank. As we backed out the grill of the Impala was full of snow.

Mike did not want his Mom asking questions as to why the grill was full of snow. So, we headed to the Kean gas station on 83^rd and Harlem and took the air hose and “blew” the snow out of the grill. We looked ridicules as we had the air hose pointed at the front of the car but, sure enough it worked and his Mom never found out about it.

Out of Gas
I was driving Lou’s Buick Riviera. It was the worst car in the world for a teenager to drive because the thing drank gas faster then a teen can shotgun a beer. It got blocks to the gallon not miles. I used to get paid Friday nights at K Mart. It was nice in that they gave you cash. I had the Riv one Friday night and it was on E. I was going to head straight to the gas station with my pay check as soon as work was out to fill up.

However, everyone in my posse was going bowling at El Mar. The bowling alley is a couple of blocks from again, a Kean gas station so, I figured I could make it to El Mar and then as soon as we were done bowling I could get to Kean to fill up the car. I would be mistaken.

We got done bowling and I got in my car with every intention of heading straight to Kean. As I was pulling out, my friend Chuck stopped me and starting bullshitting with me as my car was running. Why I simply didn’t shut the engine off, I do not know. So, after we get done shooting the shit, Chuck gets in his car and I attempt to pull out on to Harlem. As I go to make a right turn the car runs out of gas.

Chuck meanwhile slips out the other exit at El Mar and drives right by my stranded car on Harlem ignoring my frantic waves. (To this day he claims he didn’t see me.) So, I push the car back into El Mar, and realize I am going to have to walk to Kean to get some gas. I had Kim Geisler in the car with me and even though she lived right by the gas station she was kind enough to walk with me to get the gas and back with me to the car.

Now, of course I did not have a gas can with me. I was young and cheap so, I hatched a plan, where I would pour out the windshield washer fluid that was in the trunk, pump the gas into that and then I bought a bottle of that heat crap so, I could fit it into the gas tank. So, after I pumped the gas into the windshield washer fluid bottle which is illegal I might add, I paid for it and walked back to the car.

I then added the heat into the tank and then had a system where I would pour the gas into the heat bottle and then shove into my tank. I then tried to start the car and nothing. So, I opened the hood and poured some of the gas directly into the carburetor. I had Kim start the car, and still nothing. It was then I realized it wasn’t turning over at all, which meant the starter was gone.

Thankfully, I had experience with this as well. I had a large screwdriver in the trunk and Lou taught me a trick where you can basically jump the starter by using the screwdriver and jumping the bolts so it turns over. So, I manually turned over the starter and then had Kim turn the engine again and this time at long last the car started.

I got in and floored the thing as I knew I was running on fumes to Kean, where at long last I could fill it up. Not wanting to have to jump the starter again I never turned the engine off. That would be the only time in my life where I ran out of gas. I guess it is good I knew how to prime a carburetor and jump a starter or I would have been stuck there even longer.

Random Baseball Thoughts

I miss baseball. I can not wait for spring training to start. Sadly, all anyone wants to talk about now is steroids and Rodger Clemens instead of on the field matters. Here are some random baseball thoughts.

Rodger Clemens is full of shit. Pure and simple the man is a liar. If all he could come up with is that his trainer shot B-12 and lidocaine in his ass, then he needs to hire better PR guys. Lidocaine is a topical numbing agent. Meaning, you apply it directly to the area that is sore. So, unless his ass hurt there would be nothing to gain from injecting it.

All he is trying to do is protect his legacy which, at this point is going to be forever tarnished. The way he has protested and acted like the spoiled brat that he is, will forever sully his on the field accomplishments. I still think he is a hall of famer but a tarnished one.

I do not get the Cubs off season moves. I like the signing of Jon Lieber simply because, what could it hurt. And letting go of Mark Prior doesn’t bother me, I don’t think he will win twenty games for the rest of his career. But I still think we need a center fielder and I don’t see the need to trade the farm to get Brian Roberts.

From what I hear the Orioles want three of four prospects for Roberts. That is too high of a price. The guy is 31 and has a history of injury problems. Plus, we already have Mark De Rosa at second. I don’t get the need to upgrade at a position where you are set. You can live and win with De Rosa. In retrospect they should have just kept Jaque Jones as much as I bitched about him, for another year and let him play center. Felix Pie simply is not ready.

I know I am not a White Sox fan but I really don’t get their moves either. I don’t know a single Sox fan who likes what Kenny Williams has done. They have added Nick Swisher and Orlando Cabrera but did so at an expensive cost.

Kenny Williams is an arrogant pompous ass who thinks he knows better then anyone else. He got fleeced on the Garland trade. You don’t trade a 27 year old pitcher who has two 17 game win seasons under his belt for a middle aged shortstop coming off a career year who is a free agent after the season. There is no good way to spin that one. On top of that their rotation has two solid pitchers in Buerhle and Vazquez and then three question marks. I’ve been wrong before, but this isn’t even a .500 team they way they are built today.

Bud Selig has been bad for baseball. I know that profits have soared for the owners but he did that while turning a blind eye towards steroids. He and the other fat cat owners loved the home runs that were being hit but ignored how big the players got and how they got that large. Also, the disparity between the payrolls has never been properly addressed. I know he has to deal with the union, but how come baseball is the only sport that still has this issue?

If Green Bay had a baseball team there is no way they could compete with the Red Sox and Yankees. You are only as strong as your weakest links and while everyone wants to talk about attendance going up, there are some warning signs that things are not so sunny. Florida, Pittsburgh, Kansas City, Tampa Bay, and Baltimore simply can not draw. Some of the reason is because they put out a shit product. But, the situation in Florida in particular needs to be addressed. Twice they built a winner and twice they blew it up. That should never happen. It is time to face the facts, baseball in Florida may never catch on.

Baseball needs to stop with the foreign cities season openers. I don’t know anyone who likes these games. Taking away a home date from a team just so you can expose the game to Japan or Mexico (who both already have their own leagues) is about nothing other then money. You screw the home fans of a team just so you get more foreign dollars. If you want to play some exhibition games there I am all for that. But, starting the season there, is just plain wrong.

Random Thoughts

Here are some more random thought off of the top of my head.

The Sum Times has gotten small – I buy the Sun Times every day and it is getting thinner then a slice of Budding Beef. I bought it the other day and it was 54 pages. That is a fucking joke. I know times are tight and readership is down. The answer however, is not cut staff and make a leaner paper. If you have to raise prices fine, I can live with that as long as the paper gets back to its meatier roots.

January is the worst month for movies – I did not come up with this one, my friend Chris pointed this out and the more I thought about it, he is right. Look at what is out at the theaters currently. Nothing but shit, unless you want to see the Bucket List. Movies don’t start getting good again until the spring at the earliest.

January is the longest month – At least it is in Chicago. Listen, I am not one of these anti-Winter pussies that moan and bitch about the weather. I understand it gets cold in Chicago and really I don’t mind that or the snow. It is just that it seems this month drags on. It is a pain in the ass dealing with the conditions and around now is when it starts to become a drag. It seems time comes to a standstill as we wait for the thaw. Also, I am really missing baseball right now and am already counting down to the day when pitchers and catchers report to spring training.

Metra is full of shit – There was an article in the paper a week or so ago touting Metra’s on-time statistics. In that piece it claimed the southwest service, the train line I ride every day and have ridden daily for over ten years in on time 96.9% of the time. Let me be the first to call bullshit on that. If that train is on time 70% of the time I would be surprised. Ask anyone who has ever ridden this train line consistently if they think that number is correct. This just proves statistics can be manipulated. When I saw that the stats were provided by Metra themselves I knew where the problem was. If you want a true representation of on time stats for the train you need to hire an outside third party to compile those statistics. Otherwise you will continue to get bullshit numbers.

I am the king of 500 Rummy – I have played thousands of hands of 500 rummy in my life. I learned from the masters in my Grandma and my Uncle Dan. Everyone has a game they are good at and for me it is 500 rummy. It frustrates my wife as we have been playing more and more recently and she can’t beat me. In truth it is not fair. I’ve played since I was a kid and she just picked up the game. It is like asking a little leaguer to strike out Alex Rodriguez. Joyce is getting good, but she can’t beat me. My brother for years has been flummoxed by me and my annoying mind tricks I use to get him off his game. I don’t usually toot my own horn, but I will take on anyone who wants to challenge me to a game head to head.

Indiana Wants Me

I am going to be on hiatus for a couple of days in the cyber world as my job takes me to the wonderful cornfields of Indiana. This should be an interesting trip. I am driving to Indianapolis, which is about a three hour drive, to do some work in our office there. Then, I head off to Crane, Indiana (Population 203) which is a two hour drive from the capital of Indiana, to perform some upgrades to that office. Our company has a location on a Naval Base there, and man do I love those Naval Bases.

I have never had a positive experience on any military base when I have had to work on them. Every time I have to deal with the asshole security dicks who want a DNA sample to get onto the base. I have never been to the Crane office and the lady who works there told me she hasn’t seen an IT guy there in three years, so I am bracing myself for the worst.

Also, when I put in the address for the base into mapquest it could not find it. So, I asked the lady there for directions and she hand wrote some and faxed them to me instead of sending me an email. This place is literally in the middle of nowhere. Wish me luck because I am going to need it.

Playoff Picks

Here are my 2008 NFL playoff picks. Please hold the laughter.

NFC
Wild Card
Seattle over Washington – I would love to pick the Redskins but going cross country to Seattle might be a little more then this team can handle. The Seahawks are very tough at home and can pass the ball like no one’s business. I say they win a squeaker.

NY Giants over Tampa Bay – The Giants are a much better road team then they are at home. Tampa came out of nowhere to win the south, which may have been the weakest division in football. The Giants have more talent and will find a way to win this one late.

Divisional round
Dallas over NY Giants – I would love to pick the Giants here, but Dallas is just a better team. They proved this over the course of the season by beating their ass twice. I know it is hard to beat a team 3 times during one season but, I think the Cowboys can do it.

Green Bay over Seattle – This one will be closer then people think. If this game was in Seattle I would be all over the Seahawks. Going to Green Bay will be tough. I think the Packer D will slow down Seattle just enough to win despite #4

NFC Championship
Dallas over Green Bay - Dallas has been the best team in the NFC all year, so why should it be any different in the playoffs. The ‘Boys have made the Pack their bitches for years and that trend should continue. Favre will throw a costly pick down the stretch like he always does in the playoffs, mark my words.

AFC
Wild Card
San Diego over Tennessee – I am more confident in this pick then any other I have made. Despite Norv Turner, coaching the Bolt’s I still think they should breeze past a Titan team that snuck into the playoffs. If Vince Young doesn’t play this will be a blowout.

Jacksonville over Pittsburgh – I am on the Jaguar bandwagon. I love the way they are playing right now. They have all the ingredients to make a long playoff run. That running game and D is a good combo. The Steelers just have too many injuries to overcome.

Divisional Round
New England over Jacksonville – This will be a great game. Jacksonville will give New England fits. They have the perfect kind of team to cause the Pat’s some trouble. New England had better figure out how to run the ball because if the conditions are bad for this game they are in deep shit. Still, I think as they have all year New England at the end will find a way to win it.

Indianapolis over San Diego – If anyone other then Norv Turner were coaching the Chargers I would pick San Diego. Somehow, he will find a way to screw this up. They will have the Colt’s on the ropes, but Manning finds a way to get it done.

AFC Championship
Indianapolis over New England – Two words, Joey Addai. Addai will run wild in this game and be the difference. The Colts even though they lost to New England earlier this year at home, where decimated by injuries in that game. Here, they will be healthier and they know how to beat the Patriots. It will go to O.T. where Vinateri will win it to bite the hand that once fed him.

SuperBowl
Indianapolis over Dallas – This would be a very good matchup. I like the Colts here because believe it or not of their defense. The Dallas D is very average and Indy has quietly had one of the better D’s in football this year. Points will be scored but the Colts make it two in a row when all is said and done.

Furniture Shopping

I love my wife. I love spending time with her. We may have a lot of differences but for the most part we get along pretty well. There is one activity however, that when we do it together, will test the limits of my sanity and patience. That activity is furniture shopping.

I admit I have zero sense when it comes to style. When I was single I bought a couch from Sears and a love seat from Montgomery Wards that were cheap and screamed single man. They were comfortable as hell but, I will admit were kind of ugly. The couch had bright blue and white stripes. It also had a sleeper inside of it. It was big and bulky but it got the job done. As soon as we bought our house, my wife relegated it to the trash bin where it was garbage picked.

I worked a great deal to get my love seat. I had a $50 dollar gift certificate to Monkey Wards. So, I went there and found this love seat that was on clearance. It was half off the original price of $300. So, I got it for basically $100. It was also blue and white. It was not much to look at, but it got the job done. I was actually able to move it to the house with Joyce for a short time but, we soon got rid of it when I gave it to my friend, Mike.

Most of the furniture in our house Joyce picked out. I really don’t care what kind of a couch we have. I trust her judgment completely. My only concern is cost. I admit I am a bit of a cheapskate when it comes to furniture. Joyce has valid points when it comes to durability, but I always maintain just because something costs more doesn’t mean it is better.

Well, Joyce wants a new couch for our downstairs. Her plan would involve moving the couch we have down there now, upstairs in the family room. The couch we have in the family room currently, we inherited from my Mom and has seen better days. So, she asked if I wanted to accompany her to the Macy’s Furniture Outlet in Oakbrook on Tuesday.

In reality I know I did not have a choice in the matter. She was going and considering all she has done for me, if she wanted me to go with her, I had to go. Going to a furniture store ranks right below having a foreign object inserted into my anal cavity. I hate everything about it. First, are the salesmen. If there is one order of being worse then car salesmen, it is a furniture salesmen. Imagine having to spend your day trying to convince people of the comfort and look of a recliner.

Then there is the vastness of it. There is furniture as far as the eye can see. You sit down in enough of them and they all become a blur. The reason we argue when we go is simple. I see something, I like it and it is in our price rage, and I am sold. Joyce has to look at every stick of furniture in the store. Then she will want to go to five different stores just to make sure that we are getting the best deal.

To me, if I like something, I like it. Really you could translate this to any kind of shopping. When we go to Jewel, if we need tea, I head over and put some in the cart. Joyce, will look at the back of the labels and compare ingredients and shit. Thus, when I go shopping with her it takes me almost twice as long. I am not saying my way is better or worse then hers, just different. When we go shopping for a big ticket item our differences get highlighted.

So, when we ventured over to Macy’s on New Years Day, I knew we were doomed. After walking around for what seemed like a month we found a leather L-shaped couch that would perfectly match our basement. It was on sale and Macy’s was offering free delivery. Still, Joyce wasn’t sure. The pushy salesmen came in for the kill, and after some humming and hawing “we” decided to sleep on it. We almost came to blows a couple of times at the store but got out of there relatively argument free.

So, we still have not bought a couch yet. I am going to watch football on Saturday so, Joyce is going to try to talk her sister into going to Macy’s with her then, to get another perspective. All I know, is I am glad I don’t have to go back with Joyce. As much as I love her, if I had to go looking at sofas again I might blow an O ring.