The Downtown Train

This is a very annoying week to be taking the train downtown every day. The reason for this is that you have a lot of people who are off of work who decide that this would be a good time to take the family on the train and visit the big city. For many this is their only visit into the downtown abyss they make all year. Thus, you have a lot of people riding the train that don’t know the train etiquette. Believe it or not there are certain rules to riding the train that if you don’t take it every day you have no idea about.

The morning commute should be quiet as possible. Most people are still half-awake and want to do nothing more then sleep or bury their head into the paper. Sadly since these yokels decide to bring their pack of kids with them it is usually a nightmare of talking, screaming, and crying on the train in the morning. Yes, I understand that they are all off to Marshal Fields and Daley Plaza to have fun but I have to go to work. I won’t be having an enjoyable vacation day so for my sake please rein your offspring in and stop letting them use the train car as a playground.

The worst part is that they will let their kids’ just sit anywhere. I sit upstairs most days. Inevitability the parents will grab a seat downstairs and let their kids ride upstairs by themselves basically letting them run amok unsupervised. This can cause a blinding headache early in the morning that only a Vicodin or heroin can ease.

I know I sound like a crotchety old fart that is set in his ways. Well, I admit that I am. However, I ride that train each and every day. I have been riding it for ten years therefore, it becomes very mundane doing so. I guess I take the loop area for granted. I understand the excitement of leaving the burbs and heading down to the city. I think we can all thank Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off for showing a suburban youth how cool downtown can be.

I remember one day in my senior year of high school. It was a mid-February morning just like any other morning. I got to school and was dredging along to go to my first class when I met up with my posse like I did every morning. We were all bitching about school when someone suggested we take our own day off and see the city. Now, I was not one to ditch school very often but for some reason when the suggestion was made I went along with it.

Dell, Doyle, Zar and I all piled in Paul Kolinek’s Red Ford Torino and we headed to the city. We maybe had twenty bucks between us but we somehow made a day of it. We parked the car and started walking aimlessly in the city. Paul had an ATM card his mother had given him and being the responsible youth that he was took out some money so we could eat lunch at the Water Tower. We went to the Sears Tower and did all of the typical stuff one would do as a suburban youth who doesn’t venture much out of Bridgeview did. Sure we all had to serve Saturday detentions for skipping but it in the end it was worth it for the fun we all had that day.

It’s funny now, I walk past that same Sears Tower on a daily basis and it barely phases me. I mean here it is the tallest building in the United States and I barely even notice it anymore. I have become used to it. I no longer am that seventeen-year-old kid who loved sneaking away and seeing what was beyond my small town borders. Now, I get the privilege of working in the greatest city in the world. So, as much as those morning annoyances are on the train maybe it is still worth it as maybe one of those kids will realize there is more to living in Chicago then their bland suburban existence.

Nick's Christmas Weekend

I hope everyone had a nice holiday. Here is a brief rundown of how my holiday weekend went.

Saturday 12/24 – I started Christmas Eve watching a lot of football. I was in my fantasy football playoffs so I had a lot riding on the games. In between I ran and grabbed some chili lunch. Joyce was busy wrapping all the gifts and eventually we made our way to Joyce’s brother Alan’s house. He lives in the city near Roscoe and Cicero. There we ate dinner. (Including a Honey Baked Ham that we brought which was really good.) AJ, Joyce’s nephew was running around like any two year old on Christmas would. Eventually we got around to opening gifts. I got a tea maker, a nice flannel and some pajamas. I was feeling like crap so, we eventually headed home for the evening.

Sunday 12/25 – My brother met me at my house and along with Joyce the three of us were off to my Mom’s. There she has made us brunch. I had some French toast and orange juice. Then after eating we exchanged gifts. I got a real nice poker set and table. I can’t wait to use it. After the gift exchange we were off to my cousin Kristie’s house in Plainfield. As my brother put it boy, a name can say a lot about a town. It is way south and we eventually arrived at her house. There was dined on my Aunt’s turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. The Bears game came on and I caught most of it there. Eventually, Joyce caught what I had so we headed home for the evening. Once home Joyce and I finally exchanged out gifts. I got a new coat, a gift card to Best Buy, some work shoes, gloves and a scarf.

Monday 12/26 – The pipe on my utility sink came loose so, after thinking that I had fixed it on Sunday, I would find out that it had cracked. So, I battled it for a large portion of the morning. I eventually got fed up and gave up and grabbed some lunch. It was kind of a waste of a day as Joyce was feeling sick and I just wanted to relax. I watched a lot of cable and eventually caught the Monday Night Football game, which much to my delight clinched a win for me and allowed me to win my football league for the first time. After playing for ten years this is the first time I’ve won the league so, I am pretty pumped.

Happy Festivus

In the celebration of the holiday, I give you ten of my favorite Seinfeld episodes. These are in no particular order.

The Pick – The episode where Jerry’s model girlfriend, thinks she has caught Jerry picking his nose. It also in the episode where Elaine’s Christmas card exposes her nipple. Favorite line: George: “I guarantee Moses was a picker, I mean all that dry air.”

The Outing – The episode where Jerry and George need to prove to a reporter that they are in deed not Gay. Not that there was anything wrong with that. Favorite Line: George: “I’m a porno star and my name is Buck Naked.”

The Sniffing Accountant – A hidden gem of an episode where George interviews to be a bra salesman and Jerry, Kramer and Newman team up to try to find out if their accountant is on drugs. Favorite Line: “Like Abscam, Jerry, Abscam.”

The Conversion – George in order to win a girl converts to Latvian Orthodox, Kramer has the Kavorka and Jerry’s new girlfriend has a mysterious fungus cream. Favorite Line: George, when asked what aspect he likes about he religion, “The hats, they have that pious look that you want to convey in a religion.”

The Switch – The episode where we learn Kramer’s first name. Also, has Jerry and George trying to figure out a way that Jerry can dump his current girlfriend and go out with her roommate. Favorite Line: George: “ Well, if I hear you correctly, and I think that I do, my advice to you is to finish your meal, pay your check, and never mention this to anyone again.”

The Fusilli Jerry – The episode where Mr. Costanza accidentally sits on a Fusilli Jerry. Also, this is our first time meeting David Putty who has stolen Jerry’s move. Also, Kramer is the Assman. Favorite Line. George: “By the way you need a new Johnson rod in there, oh a Johnson rod, well you better put one of those in there.”

The Soup Nazi – A classic, where the gang gets hooked on soup served by a man who is referred to as a Nazi. Kramer gets mugged for an armoire. Jerry is dating a girl who makes everyone sick with her shmoopy talk. Favorite Line: Jerry, when trying to justify why he choose the soup over his girlfriend, “It was a Bisque.”

The Rye – A classic episode where George and Susan’s parents meet for dinner. George needs to replace a rye that Mr. Costanza has stolen back from the Susan’s parents. Also Kramer feeds Rusty some beef-a-rino. Favorite Line: Jerry” Give me that rye you old bag.”

The Abstinence – George’s girlfriend has mono so, he cannot have sex, which causes him to start using his brain for other things. Not having sex has the opposite effect on Elaine. Favorite Line: George, I can do six weeks standing on my head, I’m a sexual camel.

The Strike – This is the Festivus episode. Mr. Costaza has invented a holiday called Festivus. Kramer strikes against H&H Bagel, Elaine is trying to get a free sub and Jerry is dating a two-face. Favorite Line: Mr. Costanza, “You Kruger, my son tells me your company stinks.”

Christmas Shopping

Last Friday night I went Christmas shopping for Joyce. There is nothing worse then hitting a mall in mid-December but, I figured I would get it over with. I wound up going to four stores. Here is a brief summary of my experience with each.

Sears – The store was crowded (as all stores are) but seemed to be organized. I found what I needed without much of an issue. I then went to the checkouts and I was happy to see that there were plenty of cashiers. I waited about two minutes before I was being rung up. The young girl who rang me up was pleasant and offered me a gift box and receipt without me having to ask her for one. All in all my experience at Sears was about as good as it can get for late December shopping.

Bed, Bath and Beyond – My next stop was BB and B. I was clueless at this store so I found an employee on the floor and asked her if she knew where a certain product was. Not only did she know, she also walked me to the aisle it was located in as opposed to just giving me directions. There were plenty of sales associates on the floor looking to help clueless shoppers like myself. When I found the goods I wanted to purchase, I went to the checkouts to find that every register lane was open. I didn’t have to wait one second in line, as a register was open with no waiting. Again, I was offered a gift receipt without asking. So, I have to give Bed, Bath and Beyond mad props as well.

Kohl’s – I needed one more item so I was off to Kohl’s. The store was in a word, a zoo. Merchandise was thrown about everywhere. I walked past the checkouts and the line was a mile long. Still I needed one more thing so, I tried to find it. At Kohl’s there were hardly any employees on the floor to ask for help. When I finally did find a woman and I asked her about the product I was looking for her response was "That is not really my department, but if we have them they would be by the front of the store." So, after looking for a couple of minutes I gave up and left that nightmare. Kohl’s gets an F as far as I am concerned which is unusual since most times I go there I have good luck.

K Mart – Since Kohl’s didn’t have what I was looking for I was forced to go to K Mart. I was not looking forward to it, but I was pleasantly surprised by the results I had there. In years past I have found K Mart to be a nightmare. So, I was braced for the worst. Instead when I got there, the store while crowded seemed to be looking good. Aisles were clean, and merchandise was organized. While, I didn’t see a lot of sales associates, I was ale to find what I was looking for rather easily. I then headed to checkouts where I was surprised to find every register open. I was able to checkout without waiting. I was not offered a gift receipt and was told that they don’t have them, so that sucks but still the Mart did a pretty good job overall.

Against All Odds

I posted a while back about an annoying woman who sat by me who is getting married and who quite possibly may be the re-incarnation of Satan. A couple of month’s back my prayers were answered and her desk was moved to another floor and I rarely have to deal with her. However, I have a new issue.

I sit by this other young lady who just started with the bank. At first I really didn’t have much of an opinion of her but slowly she has found a way to get under my skin. I sit one row away from her. Her desk is next to this guy Jason’s. Jason is a nice quiet guy. He is a bit of a techno geek, but I never really held that against him. The problem comes in that now for whatever reason this new girl who moved in, is absolutely in love with this Jason guy. All of this wouldn’t bother me but Jason is happily married with a young son.

One thing I have always been good at is being able to read people. Everything this lady does and every movement with her body just underscores her utter fascination with this guy. I sit by her and I have to listen to her flirt and flirt with him. She invites herself to lunch with him all the time. When she talks to him her, laughing and body position makes it so obvious that this guy wets her panties. She knows that he is married but I don’t think she can help it.

Jason, himself is clueless. I don’t know the guy well enough to say, “Hey, this chick is really in to you and you better be careful because or you are going to have a little Glenn Close thing going on.” Jason, like I stated is a bit of a geek, but I think that is what this woman finds attractive. Being a bit of a dweeb, I don’t think Jason is used to women flirting with him and I don’t think he realizes just how much this girl is in love with him.

And trust me she is in love with him. Stevie Wonder could see it. The sad thing is that if she tried this girl could probably find somebody who is not married to dig her. She is not what I would call an openly attractive woman but I have seen a lot worse and in her own way she could be attractive. If she took five minutes to direct that puppy love to someone who she could actually be with she more then likely would succeed in winning him over. Sadly, she has made Jason the object of her affection. This will all end badly and all I can do is sit back and watch everything unfold.

I’ve seen it before, after some work function or in some other innocent way, (like having a couple of drinks) she will reveal her true feeling to the un-suspecting Jason. Jason is a good guy and I don’t think he would ever cheat on his wife. He talks glowingly of her and seems like a good and dedicated father. However, this girl is infatuated and how he reacts to her constant attention is something that bears watching. All I can do is sit back and watch the carnage unfold. At least I don’t have to hear about that bitch’s wedding plans anymore.

Whooping Cough

Sometime in mid-November I woke up with a sore throat. I battled that for a couple of days with lozenges and gargling with salt water. As soon as the throat started to feel better I then had to deal with some congestion. I waged war on that with Halls and Vicks on the chest. A couple of days went by and then I developed this harsh cough. I was drinking cough medicine like it was water and this cough just wouldn’t go away.

After awhile it finally subsided. I was cough free for a couple of weeks. Then I woke up Saturday coughing my ass off again. I got the flem going and the whole nine yards. So, I back on the cough medicine as well as my wife’s “cures.” She seems to strongly believe in vitamin C, garlic, and tea. Boy, does she push that tea. I drank four cups of tea yesterday and Joyce still wanted me to drink more. I guess I should be happy that someone actually gives a shit about my health enough to badger me about my coughing fits.

With all that said, I am here today at work and I feel like shit. It is three degrees out and I am just going to try and make it through the day. I am not a wimp but man all I want to do is get home, lie down and sleep for like a week. I really hate being sick. The funny thing is that for like three winters in a row I was proud that I didn’t get sick once. Then in February this year I caught a cold and then I caught this devil disease. I have no patience or time to get sick. I have too much to do and I don’t need a nagging cough to get in my way. I mean I couldn’t even hit the bar to watch football yesterday.

Friday Night's

It is Friday. If this was the early 1980’s that would mean only one thing, that my brother and I would be spending the night at our Uncle Dan and Aunt Joanne’s house. My Mom would need a night off so, she would pawn us off on my Aunt on Uncle on those nights. Those evenings were legendary and I can look back at them as the main reason I still love playing cards. I learned so many card games on those nights.

There are so many great stories that it is hard to list my favorites. The night I accompanied my Uncle Dan to his brother’s house to play poker. Watching them play was a sociological learning experience. First was the inevitable argument before any game was played. It was usually a fifteen-minute discussion about the rules before any cards were dealt. Still, I learned a lot about how to play cards. I leaned how to bluff and when to play a hand and when no to. Then there were all the runs to White Castle late at night. Then of course there was the Uncle Dan chili.

My Uncle’s chili is the stuff of legends. My Aunt is not a fan of spicily food so, my Uncle usually would not be able to make it to his liking. However when Vince and I would come over he made it as hot as hell. I remember watching him combine everything in the pot as my brother and I waited for it to cook. Then when it was finally done we sat down to eat. It was so spicy that my brother and I were sweating like a hooker in church, but we kept eating it. Glass after glass of water was consumed in an effort to put out the fires in our mouths. After dinner there was more gas being dispensed in that Bridgeview front room then there was at the local refinery.

Since it was Friday, my brother and I got to stay up and watch SCTV or some other bad cable. We got to play with Maverick, my Aunt and Uncle’s German Shepard. That dog was like a giant to our adolescent asses. We also made friends with the Murillo’s who were the next-door neighbors. I played many a game of street, two-hand touch football with Matt and Sobie.

Eventually, I got older and I started spending Friday night’s out with my friends. Still, after all these years when I look back at those Friday nights of my youth, I look back with fondness. My brother and I were the first nephews for my Aunt and Uncle and because of that I think a bond was forever formed. We had so many good times and my brother and I often find ourselves re-telling some famous story from those evenings. I am so grateful that I got to know the Arp’s, (my uncle’s brothers.) In a youth in which I was surrounded by divorce, my Aunt and Uncle were always that stabilizing force. They are still together after all of these years when most would have probably bet against them. They are more then likely my model of how to sustain a successful marriage. And for that, I could never re-pay them.

Let It Snow

The forecast for tonight is three to six more inches of snow. This is on top of the three to six we had on last Thursday. There hasn't been this much powder lying around sine Club 54 circa 1977. Yes, the snow is a major inconvenience but since I work downtown and have less then a three-mile drive home from the train station, I can handle it. Last week when we got hit with that storm, I heard horror stories from friends and family of upwards of six hour drives home. Hearing them made me appreciate my train even more then I usually do.

The main issue with the snow is the removal of it from my driveway. My wife as have many others have urged me to purchase a snow blower. I have up unto this date refused to even consider it. I have many reasons for this. First off, it is a good work out shoveling. Sure, the heart attack risk is increased when you get to be my age but I so rarely get to work out anymore. Second, the chance of losing a finger with a shovel is nil as opposed to the snow blower.

You see shoveling is a minor inconvenience. Yes, it sucks being out in the cold but it takes me all of an hour to shovel my driveway. I figure I would save at the most fifteen minutes with the snow blower. To me I cannot justify spending a thousand dollars to save me the occasional fifteen minutes. If you hate shoveling that much, call a snow removal service. They usually charge fifty bucks. That means you can have them do their thing twenty times and you don’t have to lift a finger as they remove all of the snow with a truck. To me that is money better spent.

So, I know tonight that when I get home I will have to dress like I am running in the Iditarod. I will grab my trusty shovel and clean off the driveway, freezing my ass off. Still, I don’t really mind it. I like the winter in many ways. I guess if I had a long drive ahead of me tonight my tune would be different. Instead I realize living in this town we occasionally have to deal with the snow. I have come to terms with it and have accepted it as part of the winter. While it may be a pain in the ass at least I have a driveway to shovel. That in and of itself makes me not mind it so much.

So, Long Howard

I listen to Howard Stern. There, I admit it and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it. I have caught a lot of shit over the years for listening to him. It is usually from people who have never caught the show. You see they let the media tell them what to think and if you were to listen to media accounts all his show is, is a bunch of lesbian strippers who use the f-bomb all the while taking a live shit right on the air.

Sure, there is some element of that on the show. However, there is a lot more to it then the toilet humor. If all Howard did was interview strippers and put them in the tickle chair, it would get real old, real fast. I find Howard to be his best when he is doing an interview or taking phone calls. Or, when he is interacting with his staff. I find Artie Lange (one of his side-kicks) to be the funniest part of any Howard program. Howard is a genuinely funny guy who has found a niche and has come up with a radio show that millions find interesting.

But, for the knee jerk reactionaries out there all they see is the strippers and FCC fines. If they would bother to listen to the show they might actually find it interesting. Sure there is a lot of toilet humor, but so what? OK, I like raunchy fart jokes, sue me. If that makes me a bad guy, then so be it. You see to me comedy only has one objective, to make me laugh. Not, a forced courtesy laugh, but a gut busting authentic reaction to something. Howard and his show are able to produce those kinds of laughs from me.

With all that said a sense of sadness has set in because Howard’s last show is this Friday. He is taking his program over to Satellite radio and away from the censors. I could go out and buy a receiver but I am not yet ready to pay for radio. Plus, I am only in my car for fifteen minutes on my way to the train station and I cannot justify spending money for something that I really won’t get a lot of use out of. So, I will just have to listen to something else in the mornings.

The fact that Stern was forced to move away from the censors is another blow against American freedom. No longer does the market place dictate what we as adults can listen to and watch. We have to make sure everything is sanitized because parents can no longer raise their kids on their own. Thus, we need to protect them from such foul language. We are the only “free” country with such puritanical beliefs. Look at TV in Japan, Britain and France. You will see naked women, foul language and all the rest of the ills of scoiety, yet they seem to raise civilized kids.

So, thanks America for forcing Stern’s hand and making my mornings a little less fun. Knowing the horrors that await me in the office I could always count on Howard to cheer me up and help me forget what was awaiting me. I could escape, for a brief period in my car into Howard’s show and start my day off with a laugh. His show will leave a void in my mornings and make my day even bleaker.

My Latest Rant

Music Award Shows – First off there are like fifty of them. I don’t care if it is the Grammy’s, the Country Music Awards, the MTV Awards or the Banjo Enthusiast Award show they are all pointless. Music is a very personal thing and what one person likes another may despise. Plus, sadly sometimes people are just wrong. I mean Candle in The Wind is the all time best selling single. If that is not the first sign of the apocalypse I then don’t know what is.

Single Item Voters – To waste (and I do think to they are wasting) your vote because of one issue is idiotic. Yes, you may be against abortion. However, to just vote pro-life or pro-gun or anti-immigration is being an ignorant and a lazy voter. There are many issues that we need to deal with and weigh when electing officials. You need to look at multiple issues and see which candidate you agree with on a majority of them. To simply blindly cast votes based on how someone feels on one subject that most likely they will have no control over once they get into office is simply derelict. I would rather you not vote then vote for someone for such moronic reasons.

Cologne Guys – Is there anything lamer or more desperate then some buffoon who baths in Old Spice and thinks that they are going to wow the lady’s with their pungent odor? The human body produces natural scents that instinctively attract the opposite sex. By, masking them in Hi-Karate, you are doing much more harm them good. I tell you what, I have found a product that makes me smell good without causing those around me to tear up from the fumes. It is called soap.

The DMV – I think it is a pre-requisite that you must be a complete bitch or jag-off to get hired by the DMV. For the most part the people who work there could not be less un-friendly or less helpful if they tried. First off their insane rules and regulations that they expect everyone to have memorized before entering are obnoxious. You should not have to wait in line for three days to have your address changed on your license. On top of that I realize that it is a thankless, mundane, dead end job but no one told you, that you had to work there. You picked that job so live with it and stop making a trip there worse then a proctology exam.

Brett Favre – I am so sick of the Brett Favre love. I was watching a game recently and the announcer said that if you can’t root for Favre well then you aren’t human. I guess I must be an alien because I think this guy is the most overrated QB in history. Sure, he has been great at times but boy he has some real bad games come playoff time. He has won one superbowl. That is as many as Jim McMahon, Trent Dilfer, Doug Williams, Jeff Hostetler and Mark Rypien. I guess it wouldn’t bother me as much if everyone wasn’t blowing all that smoke up his ass. I mean John Madden should just sleep with him already and get it over with.

People Who Don’t Use the Revolving Door – OK, this one needs explaining. You see buildings install revolving doors so that the elements outside don’t have a chance to enter inside. So, let’s say it is zero degrees out, by using the revolving door that cold never has a chance to hit the inside. However, because of the need to have regular doors for handicap people it seems there are some able-bodied people who don’t get just why those revolving doors are there. You see we don’t want to get hit with an artic blast when walking in the lobby simply because you are too stupid to realize what your foolish behavior is causing the rest of us. I know your troglodyte behavior is hard to overcome but I ask that you at least try to use that pea-sized brain once in a while.

Yuppie Kid Names – I am so sick of new-borns named Dylan, Jordan, and Colby. What ever happened to George, Irving and Murray? Those names are going to be extinct in fifty years. Listen, try picking a name you didn’t get out of a baby name book. I realize that you don’t have the ability to do anything original but in 2020 all we are going to have is a bunch of Emma, Hannah and Ashley’s graduating from high schools across this country. We are already bland enough so breeders please stop plaguing us with your recycled names.

Guys who get manicures – What’s next, you want to wear a tampon? Are you such a girl that you actually give a shit what your nails look like? Most manicures cost over $20 bucks. I use a nail clipper with a retail price of 99 cents. Tell you what, try that nail clipper use the rest of the money and go out and buy some beer and drink that metrosexual behavior right out of you pansy ass.

Radio – I used to love to listen to the radio but boy has it gotten bad. Original on air talent is becoming harder and harder to find. It seems everyone thinks they need to be more outrageous then the next guy to get ratings. Yes, I like Howard Stern but I don’t like the 1,000 morning zoo’s out there that are trying to duplicate what he has done. I blame the industry itself because like most things in life it is much easier to try and copy someone else’s success then to actually carve out something of your own. So these radio station managers think that all they need to do is get some shrill, loud, un-original loser with a made up name and stick him on the air and they will attract listeners. The worst thing is that like three companies run the whole medium so there is no hope long term for its survival. This is why satellite radio will eventually catch on.

In Kyle I Trust

I am a Chicago sports fan. With the exception of the White Sox I consider myself a fan of all the other major sports teams in the city. This includes, The Cub’s, the Bulls, the Blackhawk’s and of course the Bears. Over the last ten years or so it has not been easy being a Bears fan. Other then the 2001 aberration this team has been pretty bad. That was until this year.

This season started off with no expectations. When Rex Grossman (our perceived messiah at Quarterback) went out in pre-season with a knee injury all hope appeared to be lost. Then out of absolutely nowhere a fourth round draft pick rookie stepped up and was named the starter. With no one, including myself giving the Bears or Kyle Orton any chance they have done the unthinkable. They have reeled off eight straight wins and now find themselves 9-3 and the playoffs look like a given. No one in their right mind would have thought this was possible in September.

I admit that it is the Defense that has spurred us on to this winning streak. This is the best defensive unit I have seen sine the hey day of the 80’s Bears. They are simply dominant. They score points on their own and rarely give them up. They can sack the quarterback, stop the run and they have a ball hawking secondary. It is a thing of beauty for us football-starved fans to watch. The one negative side effect of all this is that now the expectations have risen to ridicules levels.

Now, everyone is expecting this team to go to the Super Bowl. It seems every couch potato, armchair quarterback seems to think that the only thing stopping the Bears from achieving such a lofty destination is Kyle Orton. You see, in today’s instant gratification, microwave society no wants to wait for anything. Orton while showing flashes of brilliance is more or less playing like what he is, a rookie. The fans want more out of him. They all want him to be something that frankly he isn’t yet. Given time to develop I think this kid could be something special. However, he has been put in a no-win situation.

The only way he is going to get better is by playing. The more he sees from opposing defenses the better he will become at reading them. Sure, his accuracy leaves something to be desired at times, but in a number of games when the kid needed to make a big throw he did just that. This guy has a big heart and has taken every hit and picked himself up off the ground and stood in there the next time he was needed.

So, we as Bears fans have to ask ourselves are we trying to win this year or are we trying to build something? If we pull this kid out and put in the now healthy yet very fragile Grossman I think it would be a huge mistake. All the progress this kid has made would be shot. You can’t make him guy-shy. He is going to make mistakes and we are going to have to live with them. Brett Favre in his early years made more bad throws then good ones. Yet, Mike Holmgren stuck with him and eventually he became St. Brett, and a superbowl champion. The Bears since 2001 have had nothing but a quarterback scuffle with no one ever taking the reigns and playing with any success. This kid has started all twelve games and has done enough that we have won nine of them.

With all that said I implore all impatient Bears fans to try and show this kid a little love. I understand all the suffering we have been through over the last decade and trust me I want to win more then anybody. But, I don’t want this to be another 2001. I want to build a team that is going to be good for years to come. We have not developed a quarterback since Jim McMahon. Personally, I don’t think Grossman is ever going to be healthy enough to ever fully trust. So, let’s get behind this Orton kid and realize he is a rookie and at times he will play like one. However, lets try and develop him and see what happens.

Some More Netflix Reviews

Here are some more mini-reviews form the last five movies I got from Netflix.

Team America: World Police – An uneven movie. There were scenes were I was laughing my ass off and then there was a lot of times when I wanted to fast forward it. All in all I can’t say that I really liked it.

Hotel Rwanda – In a word, depressing. A well made film with a great story and a great performance by Don Chedale. It is a very good movie but one that I will never want to sit through again. Still I recommend it because I think the story needs to be told.

Audition – Asia has been putting out the best horror movies over the last five to ten years. So, when I heard about how good this movie was from others, I was excited. While, the torture scene is something to see, over all I was a bit disappointed. Still it is worth a rental for that scene alone.

The Brown Bunny – A horrible, horrible piece of shit. If your idea of a good movie is watching someone drive in a car with no action what so ever then rent this movie. A complete waste of time, unless you want to see Chloe Sevingny give Vincent Gallo a hummer.

Me and You and Everyone We Know – I kind of liked this one. An offbeat movie with some quirky characters in it. I didn’t expect much but while viewing it I kind of got sucked in and wound up enjoying it. So, I would recommend this one.

What Happended to Dave?

I used to be a big fan of Late Night with David Lettermen. Back in the day when he was on NBC that show was something. It was different. He spoke to my generation with his humor. It was ground breaking, it took chances and Dave was at his best cracking wise with whatever guest he had on.

Part of the shows brilliance was the writing of Chris Eliot. While Eliot’s career after Letterman has been spotty at best his years on Late Night brought us some of the funniest moments in the history of that show. The man under the stairs, the Fugitive Guy, and the time he drank a liter of Peanut oil and then Vegetable oil to see if their was any difference. All just brilliant.

Then there was Dave himself. Weather he was putting on a suit of Alka-Seltzer while being dropped into a tub of water or wearing a suit of Velcro and jumping on to a wall. He was doing something different. This was Late Night television for the young generation. Sure Johnny was still on but lets face it, for people my age Carson really didn’t have much appeal. Sure, I always respected what the Tonight Show was but Late Night was edgier and in my mind a better show back then.

So, when Dave had his falling out with NBC in the early 90’s and moved to CBS I was pumped. He was going to be on an hour earlier and now I could actually get some sleep without missing Dave. However, his show has not been as good on CBS. Sure, it still blows away that lame Jay Leno snore fest on NBC but Dave has become muted and a shell of his former edgier self. Now, Dave who is older has settled into mediocrity. He seems like he has mellowed, as he has got older. I guess that was inevitable but, boy I sure miss that old sarcastic Dave. Now, when I want to see original and humorous late night material I tune into Conan, but even that show has gone down since Andy left.

All of this brings me to last night’s appearance by Oprah on Letterman. Dave was kissing her royal ass for the entire world to see and it was making me ill. Oprah Winfrey is a narcissistic loon who has brain washed a lot of bored housewives and turned them into sheep like zombies who bow down to her every whim. Her show is a travesty and is extremely ripe for mocking. But, all Dave did last night was lob some serious softball’s at her.

I guess that old Letterman show is gone forever. It ended the day he left NBC. Still, I will always hold that special place in my heart for Dave. He entertained me for so long and did so with out fail. I just hope that people appreciate what that show was able to accomplish back in the 80’s and not remember Letterman for what he has become. I realize that nothing is forever and time changes things and people. Still, just once I would like to tune into the Late Show and see Dave being that edgy, sarcastic, pessimist that I loved.

A Retail Christmas

It is officially Christmas season. It is that time of the year where you will hear Rocking Around the Christmas Tree every time you step in a Walgreens. Last year I wrote about my distaste for the holiday. I touched on this in that post but, I guess the biggest reason for my dislike is the seven retail Christmas holidays I worked at Kmart. Working at the Mart was great for eleven months. However in December it simply sucked.

First off they kept the store open later hours. So instead of getting out at 9:30 the store would stay open until 11. It was pointless because no one knew this and the store would be dead for that hour and a half. So, for the most part during that time it was our job to get the store in somewhat of an organized state just so the general public could fuck it all up the next day.

In my early years I was in the Health and Beauty aids and the Party Goods departments. Being in H&B was cool because Xmas had no effect on my job. I mean there wasn’t a lot of F.D.S. being given out as presents. However Party Goods was another matter. I had two main items that caused me headaches. One was wrapping paper and the other was Christmas cards.

The paper came in these cases that would have like five different patters in them. Of course inevitably there would one horrific roll and I was constantly taking the aluminum silver bells pattern and condensing it with all the other nicer designs. It was an endless job. I could bring out ten cases get them all nice and filled and by the time I went back to the stock room all of my work would be for nothing. As bad as it was it was nothing compared to the Christmas card aisle.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up in a cold sweat having flashbacks about trying to straighten that aisle. You see when a customer would rummage through the cards they inevitably looked at every box of cards just to make sure the one they picked expressed just the right holiday message that they wanted to convey. Meaning that there were hundreds of boxes that were just tossed aside like used wads of Kleenex. It was my job to take those tossed aside boxes and straighten them and make the aisle look pretty. It was fruitless because as soon as I did this again, five minutes later it would be right back to the state of chaos it was before I bothered.

As bad as that was, it was nothing compared to the toys department. I saw two women get into a shoving match over a Teddy Ruxpin. I was verbally assaulted many times because we would run out of a certain toy. (Like I was in charge of purchasing for Kmart.) When it comes to making sure little Johnny has that brand new and latest cool toy under the tree these parents can get absolutely insane with their behavior. I’ve seen better behavior watching Jerry Springer.

So you would solider through the month leading up to Christmas Eve. Let me tell you about working Christmas Eve. The store is full of desperate and clueless shoppers who have no idea what to get people and are just looking for some act of God to give them an idea to buy their relatives something they may actually need. This usually leads to many purchases of socks and underwear. One Xmas Eve I was stuck working checkouts. Suddenly a toothless woman and her inbred offspring came into my line with two shopping cars filled to the ceiling with the latest in Kmart fashion trends. As I rang them up I just kept bagging clothes. They had one big ticket item, in a VCR which back then went for a couple of hundred bucks. Everything else was clothing items. It took me over a half an hour to ring them all up. The total came to over $2,000 bucks and the trailer park Momma then reached in to her sweaty bra and pulled out a sticky wad of twenties and started peeling them out to me. I don’t want to know how she got the money. Maybe it was her savings from all her time working the various truck stops on the interstate.

At long last the holiday would be over and I would enjoy the night and Christmas day with family knowing that Dec. 26^th loomed like a black bleak death. You see as bad as it was for the previous month it was in no way going to prepare you for the horrors that awaited you that faithful day after Christmas.

You see you had every bargain hunter in the world looking to pounce on discounted Christmas bows and stale candy canes. Then you had the other people who just had to return all those un-wanted socks and underwear their loved ones had purchased just two days prior. You would be surprised at the things people would try to return on that day. I saw a used toilet seat, moldy shoes, and shirts with Sears tags on them, it was incredible. I never understood this bizarre need to return this crap one day after the holiday. I mean you know everyone else in the world is going to be there, wouldn’t you want to wait a couple of days to return your crap? I mean did you hate your gift that much?

So, every time I hear that crap about how great the holiday is and how much it brings out the best in people I want to vomit. It brings out the worst and is such a cause of stress that it drives most people to moronic behavior. Sure, I know I no longer work retail and I no longer have to deal with most of this nonsense. Still, those scars don’t heal quickly. All I need to do is look over at my cynical Uncle Dan as he sips on his Miller Genuine Draft trying to forget the horrors he just went through dealing with all the holiday merriment to remind me.