Gym Manners

I like to consider myself a people person. In my line of work, I deal with all different kinds of individuals all day long and consider customer service to be one of my biggest strengths. However, sometimes I just don’t get people. In general settings, maybe it is a little thing, but some personal behaviors will annoy me. I know nobody is perfect and there are no hard and steadfast rules to social situations. I am certainly guilty of many a social faux pas as well.

Going out to the gym is an activity where there are no rules but maybe there should be. These are my personal pet peeves. Now, let me start right off saying I can’t work out at my house. When I was in college I could never study at home or in my dorm. I have way too many distractions at my home base and could never concentrate there. It is the same thing for me with working out. If I am at the castle and the choice is hitting an elliptical (which we have at home that now doubles as a clothes rack) or laying on my fat ass eating Twizzlers and watching TV what do you think I am going to pick?

So, here is a list of my ten biggest complaints about people at the gym. I hope I don’t offend any of the four people who will read this, but I just have to let go of some steam which in the end is why I started writing a blog to begin with.

The naked dudes in the locker room – Listen, I myself am naked for a brief stretch in the locker room after I exit the shower. I do however drape myself in a towel to cover up the goods. Let me just say, that I am not some homophobe who is insecure about their own sexuality that they lash out at all other naked men. My thing is, any nakedness in public would make anyone a tad uncomfortable. I understand you have to change cloths. However, you owe it to everyone else in that locker room to minimize the time your hairy boys are exposed for all the world to see. I have seen an old naked guy shaving in front of the mirror, a dude just laying their bare assed, air drying their shit and many other atrocities. Like I said, change but don’t sit around like you are in the privacy of your own home because you’re not.

Women talking on machines – I say women because 99 out of 100 times it is a woman. It is either one of two scenarios. Either they are having a loud and obtrusive conversation on their cell phones which is bad enough. Or, they will be with their girlfriend next to them on a treadmill walking at the slowest speed possible doing nothing but exercising their gums. Usually it is the most inane blather about either reality television, their demon seed children, or back stabbing gossip about a mutual “friend” of theirs. I am all for having a conversation with a friend, that’s fine. But go for a cup of coffee or lunch to have a pow wow. The gym is a place to work out at, not sit and gab.

People using the machine right next to me - I pick a treadmill. There are five open machines to my left. My question is why does someone have to pick the machine right next to me? Doesn’t anyone understand the concept of personal space? To me it is common sense and common courtesy to leave a buffer machine whenever possible. I mean am I that attractive in my shorts and sweaty nylon shirt that you just have to cozy on up next to me? It simply boggles my mind.

Guy’s using spray deodorant – First off in 2011 I didn’t even know they sold spray deodorant anymore. I have been using a stick for ever and I assumed most other people did as well. In the comfort of your own home, I could care less what you use. However, in a locker room where there are other people in close quarters to you, this is a no-no. When you lift your wing and spray that pungent musk it doesn’t just land in your pit. It infects the entire locker room with a chocking fog of air that clings to everything within a fifty foot radius. Inevitably the smell of it hits you like a kick to the nuts. Sorry, but I don’t want to walk around all day smelling like the shield you use to cover up your B.O. Maybe it is just me.

Using a locker with no lock on it – This is a minor infraction but one that irks me none the less. I will walk into the locker room and see a locker with no lock on it. I then assume it is free. I then open it to find more shit in there then my junior year locker I shared with Zar at Argo. I then start playing a form of open sesame to try to find an open space. What does a master lock cost nowadays? Are you that cheap where you can’t afford the two bucks? I don’t condone stealing and never would myself, but I can’t say I would lose any sleep if some moron left all their shit in an unlocked locker and then have it taken.

Taking the whole bottle of disinfectant spray – At the gym I belong to Cardinal Fitness, there is usually one area that has towels and disinfectant spray to use on the machine after you are done with it. Most times each place has five to six bottles of the spray which should be plenty. My system is when I am done with a machine, I go and spray the disinfectant into a towel and then wipe the machine down with it. That way, the spray is still there for anyone else to use if need be. However, I have seen numerous times some asshead on their way to an elliptical just take the entire bottle with them and then they horde it for their entire workout. I’m sorry that is just rude. Of course what inevitably happens is I will go to the area to spray my machine down and there will be no spray there because some socially inept moron never learned how to share in kindergarten.

Moron’s flexing in the mirror – In this day and age you would think this self centered behavior would have long passed but sadly it continues. To me there is nothing, and I mean nothing lamer then sitting there doing arm curls, in front of a mirror all the while you are making love to your reflection with your eyes. This is 100% a guy thing. I have never gotten it. I am not a muscle guy, but I get it if you want to work out with weights to keep yourself in shape. However, there is a certain category of males out there that walk around with their ‘roided out chests all puffed out, overcompensating for their inadequate length of their gentiles. These are the same buffoons who go to see the Fast and Furious in the theatre, drive cheese ball cars, and think Dane Cook is funny. I am not for forced sterilizations but if I was I would start with zombies like this.

Not cleaning up after yourself – The Bridgeview Cardinal is the worst in this regard. I have seen better manners in the cages of the monkey exhibit at Brookfield Zoo, then what goes on in the locker room. Paper towels in the urinals, towels left out on the benches. Guys cutting their toenails and having the shards fly about without an effort to pick them up. The sink is always a water soaked mess, there are empty water bottles strewn about. It is in a word, repulsive. Didn’t your mom or dad teach you anything about common courtesy? Have you lived your whole live like a spoiled brat who has depended on someone else to pick up after your filth? Do you just not give a shit about anyone else’s comfortably? I can’t speak to the woman’s but the bathroom in the first Saw movie was in better shape than some of Cardinal’s men’s locker rooms I have been to.

Grunting while working out – I will be at a machine mindlessly trying to zone out while on the treadmill when all of a sudden the person next to me starts making what I can only call a primitive verbal groan as they try to push it to the limit. The only time anyone should be making these noises are in flights of ecstasy when they are with their loved ones in a passionate embrace. Not when you are running on a treadmill. I, nor does anyone else want to hear what you sound like when you are pleasuring yourself to images of animal farm porn. Put it on mute, dude.

The smelly people of the world – People smell. The human body when not properly maintained can omit some of the foulest odors you will ever have the displeasure to inhale. When sweating these odors tend to only intensify. I have had to move in the past due to someone next to my machines B.O. I bathe daily. Doesn’t seem like that big a deal to me but some of these people smell like the last time they saw a bar of soap was during the Clinton administration. I don’t gag easily. But one thing that will get me every time is someone’s pungent musk fouling up the air for everyone around them to enjoy. When you go to the gym where you know you are going to sweat you owe to the other patrons to at least give yourself a whore’s bath. The rest of the world thanks you.

New Orleans and Food

I went to New Orleans in 1995 with my buddies Rob and Dell. I wrote about that adventure here, http://10withamop.blogspot.com/2010/04/new-orleans-home-of-pirates-drunks-and.html I just got back and had a much different experience with my wife. Joyce and I had a blast in the Big Easy despite Southwest losing our luggage and our room not being ready when we first arrived. Other then my own home town, New Orleans has the best food in the country in my humble opinion. And this is coming from someone who is not the biggest seafood guy. Anyway, we did do a lot of sightseeing and hit some drinking establishments while we were there, but for the purposes of this post I will give a short synopsis of each meal we had in the order we ate them.

Mena’s Palace – We landed and were hungry. Our room wasn’t ready so, we just ventured into the Quarter looking for a quick bite. We were going to go to one place and instead Joyce saw a line for Mena’s. She assumed that since the place has a line to get in it has to be good. So, we called an audible and went there. That would be a good decision. The restaurant is small and that is why we waited. We got a table and I decided I am no vacation so, I am going to enjoy myself and I ordered the country fried steak. Holy balls was this thing good. The gravy was so rich and creamy that after the first bite I think I creamed my jeans. Joyce got the roast beef and that was also excellent. All that and it was under $20 for the both of us. I cannot recommend this place enough.

The Acme Oyster House – As I mentioned I am not the biggest seafood guy but, F*** it I am in New Orleans so, I am going to have some oysters. Man vs. Food was here and this is where Adam did his challenge. We knew there would be a line and even though we got there early sure enough there was a crowd waiting to get in. There was a family behind us and we started talking and the husband gave us the rundown of the place. We actually got in pretty quickly as we told the hostess that we didn’t mind sitting at the bar. Joyce and I decided to split an order of grilled oysters to start things off. I had always had oysters raw and never really got the appeal. However, grilled and fresh they were damn tasty. For our main course we decided to share. We went with an order of what they called Boo Fries which were fries with beef gravy and cheese draped over them, and a New Orleans medley which consisted of gumbo, jambalaya, red beans and rice, and grilled sausage. To cut to the chase everything we had here was outstanding. Fries were killer and it was the best bowl of gumbo I had. Joyce loved the red beans and rice. Really, if you hit this city I think you have to have at least one meal here.

Krystal’s – After spending some time in the Quarter enjoying a couple of adult beverages Joyce and I were heading back to our hotel room and walked by a Krystal’s. I have read that Krystal’s is the South’s version of White Castle so we decided to see if this was true. We got 2 each and they are almost identical to the original sliders. The only difference is that they put a smudge of mustard on theirs. So, ya it is a good midnight snack to soak up some of the booze we enjoyed.

Surrey’s Café – The next morning we were in the mood for some breakfast. Joyce did a little digging and found that this place wasn’t too far of a walk from our hotel. So, we decided to hoof it over there. It would be 3 for 3 as this place though a tad out of the way is well worth the trip. It is a small quaint little breakfast nook. Again we had to put our name in and it was about a 20-25 minute wait. But it was a wait that would be well worth it. Once we got a table we surveyed the menu. Everything I read online about the place basically said you have to get the bananas foster French Toast, so I did. Joyce went with some eggs and grits. We also each got a juice, me orange, Joyce carrot as again it was recommended. It was the freshest OJ I have ever had. The French Toast lived up to the billing and I inhaled it. I also had a spoonful of Joyce’s grits and I must say, I am not normally a grits guy but these were excellent. Another place I highly recommend.

Central Grocery – I am a fan of lunchmeat. So by extension of course I am a fan of mufalatta’s. You cannot go to the Big Easy without getting at least one. It is an absolute must. So, again we went online and did some digging and it was pretty much unanimous that the Central Grocery has the best in town. Joyce and I headed over there for a late lunch and yet again we were met with a rather large line of people waiting to get in. But, I was not to be deterred. The line took about a half hour to get to put in your order at the deli counter. All the while we are smelling some of the greatest smells on earth. It was a mix of olive oil, salami, and cheese. It is what I imagine heaven must smell like. By the time we got to the counter I was ready to eat. We decided to split a whole one and cut it in quarters. The place was mobbed so, we took it to go and found a bench in the Quarter and ate it outside. I went down on this thing like it was 1986 and I was Nina Hartley. I ate my half in record time. The olive salad on it was simply crack like. Joyce only ate a quarter and we took the other quarter back to the hotel as we had a fridge in the room. I hate to keep saying it, but again if you visit the Crescent City you are doing yourself a disservice if you don’t hit the Central Grocery.

Café Du Monde - I am not a coffee guy but Joyce is so, after our mufalatta we decided to get some coffee and beignets. The line to get a table stretched back to Chicago so, we opted to wait in the much shorter to go line. Joyce got a coffee and since I was there, I tried a hot chocolate. We also got a four pack of the beignets. The beignets are as good as advertised. Sweet, sugary and deep fried, what is not to like? I can’t speak to the coffee but Joyce said it was very good.

Doson Noodle House – After spending all day in the Quarter on Wednesday, Joyce and I decided to get adventurous for dinner. We hoped on a street car and headed off the beaten path to Doson Noodle House. That would be a mistake. We looked on yelp and the place was for the most part positively reviewed. We figured out the primitive map we had for the street car and headed out on it. The ride itself hit some rather interesting neighborhoods but the restaurant itself is located in a very nice area of town. We wanted to try some noodles as we are both fans of the genre. Let me say right off the bat that, I pride myself on tipping well. I know that it is not an easy job waiting tables and if I leave 20% that is low for me. You have to go out of your way for me to not leave a nice gratuity. Sadly, the waiter we had could not have been more unpleasant or unhelpful. The guy was just simply an asshole and treated us like warm dog shit. He was so bad it is hard to be impartial to the food. He turned me off so much, I put a big zero in the tip line, something I never do. We shared an order of steamed pot stickers that were ok. Not bad but not great. I got a beef noodle soup. Maybe I am spoiled by our Chinatown, but it was brutal. I can eat that soup seven days a week, but this version was just bland. Joyce got a lemongrass chicken thing and it was a little better then my soup. At some point we just decided to cut our losses and I vowed to nuke that asshead of a waiter on every website imaginable.

The Market Café – We took a bus tour on Thursday morning that lasted a bit longer than we expected. Not that, that is a bad thing as the tour itself was really fun. But we had not eaten all day and once we got dropped off we just wanted to grab something to eat were we would not have to wait in a line. That led us to choose the first place we laid our eyes on in the Market Café. They had a band playing and they were fun. Joyce and I each got a bowl of gumbo and decided to split a Po’ Boy. The gumbo was average at best. I added some hot sauce into it to make it a tad better. The Po’ Boy itself was nothing to write home about. It wasn’t bad but, not worth seeking out in anyway. Sadly, again our service was not very good. I am not sure it was entirely the waitresses fault as it was busy and it looked as if they didn’t have enough staff. With that said, I could have watched the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy in the time it took to get our check.

Mother’s – This was another Man vs. Food selection. As it turns out Mother’s was only about two blocks from our hotel room, so we just took a quick walk there. I wanted to redeem the bad Po’ Boy we had earlier and this looked like the place. So Joyce and I decided to again split a ham and roast beef version and an order of jambalaya and red beans and rice. Everything we had was very good. This is what a Po Boy should taste like. The ham alone is worth the trip. The jambalaya was very spicy and the beans and rice also had some kick. It does not look like much from the outside, but it is rather large as they have a ton of seating in the back. I was told this is a place locals hit so, that alone should be an endorsement.

Deanie’s Seafood Restaurant – We were on the fence about going here. Three different people recommended it yet when we went online the reviews were only average. So, we decided to give it a shot for lunch on Friday. We again each got a bowl of gumbo to start. Joyce claimed she could tell the seafood was not fresh so that is a negative. I just found it rather spicy so, I dug it. Joyce got a fried oyster Po’ Boy and I went with a grilled chicken sandwich. While you wait they also bring out some red potatoes that they are supposedly known for. I must say the potatoes alone are worth the trip. Loaded with some kind of peppery spice I could have eaten 50 of them and I am only slightly kidding. Joyce’s Po’ Boy (which I had a bite of) was really good. The chicken sandwich which was a gamble as this is a place known for seafood was actually a pleasant surprise. All in all I was skeptical but wound up really liking Deanie’s. Joyce liked it but was not as enthusiastic as me about the place.

Hoshun – On New Year’s Eve night we kind of wanted to get out of the Quarter as we knew it was going to be packed and most places were already booked. In our travels on the guided bus tour we had driven past a place called Voodoo Lounge which we were told by the bus driver has the best BBQ in N’awlins. So, our goal was to get in a street car and go there. However, the place has no air conditioning and it was hot as hell. So, before we sat down we called an audible and decided to try Hoshun a Chinese restaurant down the block. It would be a good call. We came to find out that Hoshun was voted one of the top 100 Chinese restaurants in America. It was perfect for New Years Eve. It was quiet, not terribly crowded and the food was good. They had sushi on the menu so Joyce went with their sushi sampler. I went with a General Tso Chicken combo that came with an egg drop soup and an egg roll. The soup was really good and I have eaten a lot of the General’s chicken over the years and this was one of the top 2 or 3 I have ever had. Joyce is very particular with sushi and she raved about it. My only complaint was the egg roll was more of a spring roll of which I am not a fan. But the chicken more than made up for it. We really went out on a high note for our last meal in town.