It's Been Awhile

White People With Dreadlocks – Is there anything lamer than some smelly un-bathed born thirty years to late hippie, who thinks they look cool by wearing dread locks. Listen, dread locks are for Jamaican reggae singers who smoke large joints. Stop trying to pretend to be something you are not. No matter how much you like the song Buffalo Solider you are white and lame. Deal with it.

Parents Who Don’t Control Their Kids – You know the scene. You are in the grocery store or on a train and some kid is running around screaming, out of his mind and the parent is simply ignoring the situation and letting their kids run amuck. If you have become oblivious to you children’s obnoxious behavior than this is a problem. You need to discipline you kids before it is to late. Start acting like a parent and teach your kids some ground rules of how to act when out in public.

People Who Claim It’s “God’s Will” When A Disaster Hits – Bullshit! It is not God’s fucking will when a hurricane hits and kills children. It is a natural disaster and it sucks. There is no silver lining and if there is a God than he has some fucking explaining to do. Shit happens and when it does it lets morons sleep better at night by believing in some great place up in the sky where it is eternal bliss. It’s all bullshit. There is no Santa or Easter Bunny either and bad and tragic events occur because that is life. It sucks and it can be heart breaking but deal with it. We will all be better off once we all do.

PG 13 “Horror” Movies – Yet another sign that the bland vanilla society that the politically correct sector wants is closer. When I see a horror movie I want to see blood, carnage and tits. I want to hear the “F” bomb and I don’t need my violence watered down. I want to see quality kills and when mainstream Hollywood starts making horror movies that have to be sanitized so twelve year olds can get in than we have a major fucking problem. Horror movies are violent. Just like romantic comedies are full of lame un-realistic plot lines. If you don’t want to have bad dreams than please rent fucking Finding Nemo and stay out of my section of the video store.

Guys Who Don’t Know Guy Code – It is a shame that I even have to point this out but there are a lot of guys out there who just don’t get it. The codes are ages old and should be common sense. Sadly, it seems a lot of guys these days only think with their groin and would do anything to dupe a girl into the sack and that includes ratting on another guy to do so. Just to make it clear it is not cool, to talk about your friends past to his girlfriend or wife. Hey we all have a past and it is not your job to disclose a friends past misdeeds. It also not cool to date a friends ex-girlfriend. Unless you get the explicit OK from that friend it is a taboo. There are more rules but women read this and I don’t want them all in behind the curtain.

Smooth Jazz – An Oxymoron. The words smooth and jazz should never go together. There is nothing whiter than listening to some wind chimes and a flute and calling that music. No, that is white noise and it sucks. If you want that then go sit in an elevator or a doctor’s office and jam along with the Muzac. Jazz as an art form can be the greatest form of music on earth. When white people found it they raped and pillaged it and the result was Kenny G. For the love of God please stop buying this generic, soulless bland crap.

Abstinence Programs – These programs never work and are based on fantasy. Your kids are going to have sex no matter what you think. All these programs have done is lead to an increase in blowjobs and hand cream. So now technically a young girl can still be a virgin but have an oral yeast infection. Instead of teaching abstinence, lets teach safe sex and stop demonizing a natural act. Just like everything else in life you need to learn how to do something. If you tell kids to repress urges than some day, maybe when they are in college and finally give in they will go hog wild trying to make up for lost time. Give kids condom’s not mis-information.

People With WWJD Bracelets – The sad thing about these zealots is that for the most part they do the exact opposite of what Jesus would do. Jesus would not discriminate against homosexuals. Jesus hung around with the dregs of society when he and his posse where doing their thing. He embraced everyone and never discriminated nor did he censor. If you want to live like Jesus did, than quit your job, hang around with a prostitute and twelve friends who you’ve convinced you are the messiah, walk the desert for forty days and get hung up for your sins. All the while forgiving the very people hanging you up. That is how Jesus lived.

Ellen DeGeneres – The worst thing about her is that she has that annoying personality trait of thinking she is funny when in fact she is not. I wouldn’t care, it’s just that America you watch her lame ass softball talk show. Now, she is everywhere and has picked up the ball from the Rosie followers so that the daytime bored ass housewives have something else to escape with for an hour. Please let her go back to muff diving and leave the comedy to people who are actually funny.

Car Talk

Since I just bought a new car I thought I would list all the vehicles that I have actually owned. While I’ve driven my Mom’s Firebird and Lou’s Rivera I never actually owned them. This is a list of the cars that my name was actually on the title of. (I would love to get a list of cars my friend Chuck has owned as it has to be like twenty in the last twenty years.)

1977 Mercury Monarch – It was the first car that I actually bought. I used some money I had saved up and paid $500 bucks to my friend Chuck’s friend who was selling the car. It was a Ford Granada knock off that was brown and had the classic bench seat. I had it for a couple of months before I was sitting at a light on 63^rd street when I got rear-ended. I then got hit a couple of weeks later on Harlem. This was a good thing as I made money on the deal as I got the blue book value for the car as they claimed it was totaled. I then sold the car for like $200 bucks to Chuck. So all in all I made like a grand on the car, if not more. I would need that money to sink it into my next car.

1979 Dodge Omni – My Uncle Randy was selling his old Omni and my aunt had one and had nothing but luck with it. So, needing a car I bought it for like $700 bucks. It was bright orange and had the pickup of a lawnmower. I had it one whole day before my friend Dell broke the emergency brake my lifting it up going “What’s this do.” That would be the least of my problems with it. In retrospect I am glad I had the car as I learned just exactly what could go wrong on a car. I only owned the Omni for about six months. But it was a long six months. All the money I made on the Monarch I sunk into repairs and then some. I could list them all but it would take to long. In the end the car was dying at every stop light so I had to perform this magic act of braking with my left foot as I shifted the car into neutral. Then with my right foot I would keep hitting the gas. This caused the car to do a neutral drop at every light. Eventually it died and would never run again leaving me without wheels for a while.

1983 Buick Skylark – For all the bad luck I had with the Omni I had nothing but good luck (at least for awhile) with my Skylark. My Step-Dad knew this guy selling it and since he was a friend he let me have it for $400 bucks. The car was brown and a nice cloth interior. It had a sunroof and power locks and windows. It was really a cool car. It did have like 120,000 miles on it but that engine just kept going. I beat that vehicle into the ground and it always started. Unlike the Omni very little mechanically went wrong on the Skylark. The sunroof broke and thanks to my friend Chris it shattered glass all over us but once my step-dad configured some plexi-glass to replace it was all good again. Eventually, while making a left on to 79^th I hit a median on Narragansett and cracked the oil pan rendering the car dead.

1978 Chevrolet Nova – Maybe the favorite of all the cars I’ve ever owned. It was a faded yellow with a worn tan interior. Trust me it was as ugly as it sounds. I bought it for $250 bucks from this lady my Mom worked with. The driver’s side window would not roll down and of course it had no air so in the summer you would sweat your ass off. Then after I had it a while the heat stopped working. So, I had to carry a towel in the car as the defroster would not work and when the windows steamed I just wiped them down. I had the car for a couple of years and despite the flaws it always started and got me from point a to b without issues. It was an easy car to work on and when I sold it I got $200 for it so, the car only cost me $50 bucks and I had it for two years. Now that is a deal.

1992 Toyota Corolla – My Corolla was my first real car and first car payment. My Aunt had bought it and no longer wanted it and was looking for someone to take over the payments. Since I had a real job and was sick of depending on my girlfriend for rides, I offered to pick up the payments. It was a light red with red interior. It was a classic four cylinder go cart that served its purpose. It was reliable and it always started. I had it for four years and it had to go down as the most reliable car that I ever owned. I also fell in love with Toyota and am still pissed I’ve never bought another one.

1997 Dodge Avenger – After driving the Corolla for four years I kind of wanted something a little sportier so, I started looking around. My girlfriend at the told me she liked the Dodge Avenger. I went to a Dodge dealership and test drove it and really liked it. I than got lucky as they had a demo model with 3,000 miles on it and they where willing to sell it at a reduced rate and still give me a full warranty. So, I paid like 14,000 grand for it when it was listed at like 19,000. It was green and was a sharp looking car. However, like that failed relationship the vehicle itself was nothing but problems. I had to get numerous brake jobs, I had to have the fuel injectors replaced, it had a cracked oil gasket, I had to put a whole new exhaust system on it and then the timing belt needed to be replaced. I could on and on. Needless to say the car was a lemon. I never really liked it, as it was so low to the ground it felt like if you hit a curb the car would be totaled. Eventually my wife inherited it and she put some major miles on it driving to work everyday. I recently sold it on E-Bay for $1,600 bucks. Considering what I paid plus interest and then repairs I literally took a bath on that car.

1994 Ford Ranger – When I met my wife she was driving this Ford Escort. Once we hooked up and she got a job out in the sticks, I did not like her driving all that way in her beat up Escort so I gave her my car which meant that I was relegated to driving the tin can that was her car. I hated it and when my friend Chuck told me he was selling his Truck (which he loved) a light bulb went off in my head. So, I sold her Escort on e-bay for $1,500 and bought the Truck for $2,700 meaning I only really had to pay $1,200 for the truck. I still have this one and I love it. It is fun to drive, comes in handy and was exactly what we needed when we bought our house. It has made many trips to Menards and Ikea and was one of the best investments I’ve ever made. Other than oil changes, a broken spring in the back, and a minor brake job it has been very reliable. I’ve had it over two years now and my plan is to drive it until it dies. It has 168,000 miles on it but it keeps on ticking.

2001 Mazda Tribute – As I stated in an earlier post I just bought the Tribute a couple of weeks ago. It really is for my wife and she really likes it and I must admit it is fun to drive. So far, it has been great and hopefully it will continue to be.

Nick's Best Supporting Actresses

A while back I mentioned I would give my top performances by an actress in the last fifteen years so here goes. I will start with supporting roles. Than next week I will move onto the leads. This is in no particular order.

Judy Davis, Barton Fink – She is great in everything she does and in Barton Fink she nails it. Playing Barton’s muse and William P. Mayhew’s girlfriend-secretary she delivers with a performance that hits at exactly the right tone. Not over the top and while she isn’t this classic beauty there is a hidden sexuality in that role.

Cameron Diaz, Being John Malkovich – I am a huge fan of this movie. I really never had an opinion on Cameron Diaz. I’ve seen her be good (She’s the One) and I’ve seen her be real bad (Charlie’s Angel’s.) However, she really nails it for this one. Playing Lotte, the wife of John Cusack she plays the role just right and delivers my favorite line when she tells her husband to “Suck my Dick”

Thora Birch, American Beauty – Plays the insecure teenage daughter of a high maintenance mother to perfection. To me her performance was crucial to that movie. She played just right. You believed she loved her boyfriend like no other 16 year old could love a guy like that.

Erika Christensen, Traffic – Almost to convincing of a performance. That scene where she is having sex with her drug dealer is beyond poignant. You see a good little spoiled girl who gets hooked on crack and heads down the road to ruins. She plays every step perfectly.

Juliette Lewis, Cape Fear – If for no other reason than that scene with her and Deniro in the high school. When he asks if he can kiss her, her reaction is priceless. As much as you as a viewer are screaming no, her girlish teenage grin is the exact right expression at that time. She just blew mw away in this movie and even though she’s had a checkered career since this one, it was one hell of a performance.

Christina Ricci, Monster – Her performance kind of got lost in all the Charlize Theron Oscar hoopla. However, in many ways she does just as good of a job. She finds the right vibe in playing the lover of a serial killer. She is usually very good and in Monster she does her best job yet.

Hope Davis, American Splendor – Another solid actress who played the Joyce, the wife of Harvey Pekar just perfectly. After seeing her in the movie and than the real person I gained a whole new level of respect. She perfectly mimicked Joyce and I’m not sure how anyone could have played it any better.

Joan Cusack, School of Rock – Cusack is usually funny and in School of Rock she is at her neurotic, fidgety best. She is always playing a supporting role and that is just fine. She always plays them just right and usually steals every scene she is in. In this one she does it again giving a great under scored comedic performance.

Anjelica Huston, The Grifters – Another actress who always does a great job in the Grifters she does it again. Here she plays the young con-operating mother to John Cusack. The scene where she is seducing her own son is done perfectly. Overall this is an underrated movie and Huston gives one of her best performances in it.

Parker Posey, Waiting For Guffman – Somehow amongst all the talent and improve veterans in this cast Posey is able to hold her and provide her own comedic spots in this one. Playing the white trash trailer girl with dreams of making to Broadway via a local town play she finds the heart of that character and provides laughs. A really good acting job, by a solid young actress.

Sigourney Weaver, The Ice Storm – American Beauty kind of stole this movies thunder as they are very similar. Which is to bad because if you missed this one you missed Weaver give one of her best performances. Here she plays an unfaithful wife of a man she feels she married down to. She is so cold and I was happy to see somebody use her talents the correct way.

Chole Sevigny, Kids – One of the most brutal and moving films of the 90’s and Sevigny’s performance is one of the reasons for it. Here she plays a young girl who tests HIV positive after only one sexual experience. She finds the right tone and gives a gut wrenching performance.

Winona Ryder, Celebrity – Ryder is one of those actresses I like but often makes bad movies. (Reality Bites, Girl, Interrupted, Autumn in New York, Boys.) As usual Woody Allen finds a way to use her talents wisely. Here she plays the object of Branagh’s lustful desires. She does so perfectly and to any man going through that mid-life crisis her character is the ultimate prize.

Rachel Minor, Bully – A truly heroic and brave performance. Minor, gives everything and does just an amazing job. Another hard movie to watch and Minor’s character is so mis-guided and do ignorant it frightens you. If you missed this movie I implore you to see it just to watch her.

Judy Davis Husbands and Wives – I will begin and end with Mrs. Davis. Here in Allen’s Husbands and Wives she nails the bitter mid-forties cold wife to perfection. She finds the right path to go from hating her and her coldness in the beginning to having sympathy in the end and than happiness when she reconciles with her husband. Davis is just a great actress and I will watch almost anything she is in.

A Fool Leading the Foolish

I have purposely tried as best as I could to not make this blog into a political rant. But I am so fed up and frustrated by our “leader” and his attack dogs that I can no longer take it. The events in New Orleans and his utter bumbling of that situation have proven again that this man has no idea how to lead.

I ask all who voted in 2004 for this ass, do you still feel you made the right vote? Before anybody comes at me with the pointless arguments let me debunk them know. Yes, the local New Orleans government is partly to blame for their lack of preparedness and their lack of response to the threat of the hurricane. However, even with that said just what did George do when the biggest disaster since 9/11 hit. For four full days he did absolutely nothing. He let his personally picked good old boy, unqualified; head of FEMA screw the pooch. It’s funny when a bill was introduced to save Terry Schivo he couldn’t leave Crawford, Texas fast enough. Some poor blacks are drowning in New Orleans, and he sits at his ranch and does nothing.

Do you really think it would have taken Bill Clinton four days to get the National Guard into New Orleans? Do you really think he would have had some crony in a job as important as the head of FEMA? Put aside the blowjobs for one second and think about it. Bill Clinton was no saint and you will never hear me tell you he was. However, he was a leader who knew how to get things done. What good has happened under this Bush’s watch?

People were dying and his response was to fly overhead to see the damage from an airplane. This all takes me back to the morning of 9/11. Say what you want about the movie Fahrenheit 9/11, you can not argue with the footage of our President after leaning that the WTC had been hit, how he just sat there for seven minutes. This time he sat there for four days.

Let’s recap the Bush years just so we get this all on record. He has taken a budget surplus handed to him by the Clinton administration and pissed it away by giving tax breaks to corporate America and the richest 1%. Now we have a record deficit that we have burdened future generations with. Our economy is in the crapper as the divide between the rich and middle class grows wider and wider.

He mis-leads us into a war that we did not need to fight. Iraq did not have WMD’s. The warmongers can give us all the bullshit they want on how we got Sadam and all that bullshit. However, he told us they were an imminent threat with nuclear weapons. He purposely played on our fears right after the 9/11 catastrophe and sold us the snake oil that was the war. Now kids are being sent off to die for an un-just and un founded war. War should be a last resort.

OK, so say you still think the war was a necessary evil. Well, what was his exit plan? Didn’t he declare mission accomplished over a year and half ago? Does anyone really feel that our mission in Iraq has been accomplished? He went into this war with a half-assed game plan with no exit strategy. Tell me if you had a son or daughter who died over there would you fell that they gave their life for a noble or just cause?

What about Osama? This war has totally diverted attention from capturing the main culprit of 9/11? Four years later and we have not captured this guy who is hiding in a cave. Have you even heard Bush mention his quest to capture the ringleader in the most successful terrorist attack in the history of the world? No, he diverted our short attention span with this bullshit war.

On top of all that life here in America keeps getting worse. Gas prices are skyrocketing. Jobs are getting scarce. (I am talking about good jobs not fry cooks at McDonalds.) The working class in this country can’t afford health care or sometimes food. I am going to take a page from the right’s favorite saint, Regan and ask you a question he asked in his 1980 campaign. Are you better off now then you were four years ago? I sure don’t feel that I am.

You see being President is not an easy job. Bush had no track record to begin with. You should be ashamed you even nominated him in 2000. John McCain the loon that he sometimes is, would have at least been an honorable candidate. However, as much as I want to put this all at the Bill O’Reily's and Michael Savage’s of the world feet, some of the blame has to be placed squarely on my party.

You see the Democrats couldn’t find their ass with a map. In 2000 we had a popular President in an election year and we managed to blow it with that wuss Al Gore. So, after all of the possible fuck ups that we could have exploited in the 2004 election the Democrats choose to pander to Conservatives. This did not make any sense. Your base is pissed off tree hugging, abortion loving, anti gun nuts who feel there are bigger things to worry about than Janet Jackson’s tits and steroids.

The Democrats (as I heard one talking head put it) need to get on their job. They don’t have a plan and one thing the right is much better at is getting people to by into their bullshit. They know how to talk to people and to tell them what they want to hear. They know how to take advantage of a mistake and use it to their advantage. The battle lines are bloddy and taking the high road won’t gain voters anymore. Those days are gone. We need a Harry Truman or a Bobby Kennedy to get out there and lead our party and this country. I have no doubt that history will show we were right about gay marriage and stem cell research. We are the party of the masses and we have to get those masses pissed off enough to take back our country from the likes of a Karl Rove.

It's The Time Of The Seaon

Yesterday was the first official day of autumn. Which to me is good news but I understand why it brings a touch of sadness to most. For whatever reason I’ve always lived the Fall. It is by far my favorite season. I have many reasons for this.

First off, for some reason I love the weather. It is not to cold and not to warm. It’s usually in the fifties, which is just where I like it. The leaves turn a beautiful color of bright orange and yellow’s, which is quite breathtaking. Also it allows the use of windbreakers. I am a fan of the windbreaker and jean jacket. Yes, I still have a jean jacket and even though my wife hates when I wear it I do break it out from time to time.

Also, you have both Halloween and Thanksgiving in the autumn. Halloween has always been a favorite holiday of mine. I am a fan of the candy corn but the whole haunted house thing is yet another reason. Back in the day I worked the Bridgeview Haunted House on 89^th and Harlem. I was a guide, which meant I walked from room to room why scared fifteen-year-old girls clutched my hand for support. It was wicked.

Thanksgiving is also a favorite holiday of mine. The tradition of turkey, football, beer, pumpkin pie and farts always puts a smile on my face. I’ve had a lot of memorable Turkey Day’s but 1980 might still go sown as my favorite. The Bears were playing the Lions and for three quarters they were getting their ass kicked. All of the sudden they made a massive comeback and tied the game with no time on the clock. The won the toss, and proceeded to return the kick for a touchdown to win. All the men (sans my non-football fan brother) went nuts. I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

On top of all of that, a lot of good things in my life have happened in the fall. I won’t get into all of them but once I feel that first crispness in the air it always gets me nostalgic for times in my life when things were easier. Times when my biggest worry was making sure I had enough gas in the tank to get to Moraine the next day. I also talked my wife into picking November for our wedding. As someone who never had anything personal to celebrate in the fall, I think it is really cool to have a aniversary I can celebrate in my favorite season.

So, as we get ready to brace for the long big bad winter take some time to enjoy the fall, particularly if you live in the Midwest. Trust me it really does get picturesque around here and those dolts that all escaped to Arizona just don’t appreciate. To them, I say enjoy your 100 degree November mornings. Oh, that’s right it’s a dry heat.

I Left My Heart In

I'm back at the office after getting back from the left coast. Here is a brief rundown of what has been up since last posting.

Friday 9/9 – I got up and got ready to head off to the airport. Since I went out the night before to watch the football game I had to finish up all of the last minute packing. Our flight was 2:30 Chicago time so, we headed out around noonish, parked the car, grabbed a shuttle bus and did the curbside check-in thing. We grabbed some Potbelly’s at Midway and boarded our flight, which much to my delight was actually on time.

We touched down in Frisco at 4:30ish Pacific time and grabbed a cab. There we went to meet Marie (Joyce’s friend who was kind enough to let us stay at her pad) at her place of work. There we grabbed the keys to her apartment. We then headed there and got settled in, while we waited for Marie to get off of work. Eventually Marie and her boyfriend Fred picked us up and we all went out to dinner at this French restaurant. I had a filet, which was damn good and I was talked into ordering some kind of lime martini, which was also very good. After dinner Fred gave us a brief tour of the area and we eventually headed home for the evening.

Saturday 9/10 – Marie had to work so, Joyce and I decided to check out the Haight-Ashbury district. I am no hippie nor do I have nostalgia for that culture, yet I still had a huge interest in checking out such a famous and historic intersection. We grabbed a cab and headed over. I was dismayed to find a fucking Gap right on the corner. We than walked over to the Grateful Dead house and grabbed a couple of free tapes that were lying there. Since it was real early, noting was open yet so, we found a place selling crapes and split one. After awhile stores started to open and we headed into a bar so we could use the bathroom. After spending some time there we headed over to a great record store called Ameba. I have been on a vinyl kick for a while and they had tons of it. I grabbed a bunch of records and we than walked down to the Golden Gate Park.

At the park we spotted a bunch of poser’s pretending to be modern hippies, (if there is such a thing) we walked around the park for awhile and then grabbed lunch at a Thai restaurant in the area. After lunch we headed back to Marie’s to wait for her to get off work. Eventually her and Fred picked us up again and we off to Fred’s area of town. Fred lives near the ocean, which while being great for scenery is not great for weather. We did get a good view of the ocean and we found a restaurant in the area and grabbed a bite. At this bar-grill they had a wheel of beer, which we ordered. After dinner and another tour from Fred we headed to his house to play some poker.

Marie and Fred were just learning how to play and asked if we wanted to just play for fun. We did and had a good time (not to brag but I did eventually win all the chips.) Eventually we headed home to Marie’s for the night.

Sunday 9/11 – We got up early and headed to breakfast at the Crape House, a restaurant in the area. It was pretty good and we headed home as we had tickets for the Cub’s-Giant’s game and we headed there with Marie and Fred. SBC Park is really nice and quickly has jumped into the top three ballparks I’ve been to. Even thought they had a Panda Express and offered Sushi with their hot dogs, I still really dug the park. What made the day even better was the Cub’s squeaking out a victory. After the game, Fred had some work to do so Marie, Joyce and I did some more sight seeing. We checked out the Golden Gate and eventually found ourselves in Little Italy. There we grabbed dinner at the Golden Spike. It was pretty damn good and for desert there was this Italian Bakery down the street where I grabbed a couple of cookies. We than walked around the area for a while and checked it out before finally heading home for the evening.

Monday 9/12 – Marie again had to be at work so we scheduled our Alcatraz and city tour for that day. A bus picked us up in the morning and we headed to Fisherman’s Warf. There we connected with our ferry, which dropped us off at the Rock. I was blown away by it and the smallness of those cells. I could not imagine having to have been sent there. After the Alcatraz tour Joyce grabbed some fish from the pier and we waited for the City Tour to begin. We bought souvenirs and all that while waiting and eventually we grabbed the Double Decker tour bus.

The bus took us on a tour of the Golden Gate Bridge. After going over the bridge on the top of an uncovered double decker bus I was starting to question my sanity, as it was windy as hell. The tour took us all around the city and we saw downtown and all of the historic areas of the bay area. After the tour Joyce, who is allergic to shrimp started to fell like she was having a reaction to the fish she ate. My thinking is that they fry the shrimp in the same fryer as the other fish and therefore she was having a reaction. She took a Benadryl which was fine but that always knocks her ass out.

So, we headed home and sure enough she passed out. I took this as an opportunity to check out the Tenderloin area of the city where we were staying. I walked around and got solicited by a transvestite prostitute. After turning him down I found a Turkish restaurant and grabbed some chicken kabobs and humus to go. I brought them back to the apartment and Joyce finally woke up and we spilt the food. Eventually we both walked around a little more before hitting the hay.

Tuesday 9/13 – We got up and headed over to China Town. There we met Marie and grabbled lunch at a dim sum place. It was really good and I filled up on it, as I am a fan of the dish. After eating we walked about the area as Joyce and Marie went in shops, I amused myself by surveying all the crappy merchandise. Eventually we headed downtown and played some virtual bowling (which Joyce kicked ass at) and than grabbed a drink at some sports bar.

We than went back to Marie’s pad to finish packing as we had an 11:30 flight back home. Fred and Marie met us at her house and we headed out to eat at a nice place near Fred’s house. I had some outstanding meat loaf and after dinner and had one last crape foe desert. After eating, Fred was nice enough to run us to the airport.

I had called around noon and the flight was still on time so, I was not prepared for what awaited us. I got to the ATA desk and saw our flight number with a departure time of 4 AM. We checked in and my worst fear was realized, we were stuck at the airport all night. ATA did give us free roundtrip tickets for anywhere in the United States for the inconvenience so it wasn’t all bad. However we were stuck in the airport which takes us to,

Wednesday 9/14 – We got through security and went to the gate. ATA handed out blankets and we tried to get some sleep as the airport itself closed down. I am a light sleeper so, I knew I was in trouble. I grabbed the book I was reading and finished it. I did try to catch some zzz’s but between everybody else snoring and the automated security announcement every ten minutes I was doomed. So, I amused myself until the ATA agent came in and told us that the flight would now be delayed until 6 AM.

So, I waited it out until the coffee bar opened at five and grabbed water and a danish. I was still in the same underwear and badly needed a change of clothes but what could I do? Finally at long last the plane arrived and we were off back home. I also could not sleep much on the plane so by the time we landed I was a zombie. We grabbed the bags and picked up the car and finally arrived at home. I was running on adrenalin for a while but I finally crashed around three in the afternoon waking up around eight. At that point the day was a wash so, I popped in Suspect Zero made some popcorn for dinner and headed back to bed after watching it.

Thursday 9/15 – Joyce had to go back to work so I got up and grabbed a salad from Dominick’s. I then mowed the lawn and ran some errands. Joyce got home and she made some weight watchers crap while I grabbed a pizza. I tried to un-wind watching the Cub’s (never a good idea to unwind watching them) and eventually watched Beyond the Sea. It was kind of a disappointment but I was still not tired at that point. I than stayed up when Boogie Nights came on the dish. I watched that and then The Accused came on. For some reason I could not fall asleep and watched that finally going to bed at 4 AM.

Friday 9/16 – After sleeping until noon I got up and grabbed some chicken from Jewel. I farted around the house until it was time for me to go to Matteson to check out the vehicles at the Chase Family Auto Sale. We were in the market for a new car and my work was selling back a bunch of leased vehicles. By working the event I had first crack at the selection. The only problem was that Joyce had to meet me there after work. So, as I looked around at the selection I was talking to the wife on the phone chatting up each car. I had to list four cars on this card they gave me. The names were drawn via a lottery and once you name is called you can take the vehicle for a test drive.

Luck was on my side as my name was the third one called, and just as it was called Joyce walked in. I had listed a Volkswagen Passat as my first choice but as soon as we saw this Mazda Tribute we both kind of liked it and took that for a test drive. I really liked the way it drove and even though we weren’t in the market for a bigger car like that, we were both in agreement that we liked it. We had to make up our minds rather quickly. We got the car for 11,600 minus 100 for me working the event. It had 43,000 miles on it but after financing our payment is a little over $200 a month, which is not that bad. We closed the deal and headed home. Once we got back to the homestead we just grabbed some Pepe’s and went to bed.

Saturday 9/17 – I had to get up early and head back to Matteson to be a test driver for the auto sale the bank was having. Since I already had my car I wanted, my job was to drive others to the test-drive track who were showing up for the sale. My first test drive was a Toyota Sienna for this couple. They could not make up their minds and hum and hawed forever. Finally the wife convinced her husband that it was a good deal and they bought the van. Next, I had a guy who wanted to drive an Infiniti. He liked it but in the end did not wind up purchasing the vehicle. We didn’t have a lot of business so, I than was tasked to clean off the sold cars and eventually I was whisked away to sign my loan papers on my car and I was off to the homestead.

There Joyce and I got ready to go to my friend Bob’s house and he was having a cookout. There he had a bean bad tournament going on. It is guy-girl on each team with the women drawing a man’s name out of a hat. My friend Wally’s girlfriend’s mom, Kathy grabbed my name and we were paired. Bag’s is usually my game but I was put up against a good team in the first round and sadly for the first time in the four-year history of this tournament, I bowed out in the first round. Joyce did a little better as her and Mr. Phelps (Wally’s Dad) won their first game before losing to the eventual tourney champs. We stayed around and had a couple of drinks and grabbed some burgers that Bob made and we were off to Lemont for my Aunt’s birthday.

There we met up with the family and I ate some corn fritters and knocked back a couple more Miller's. After yucking it up with the clan we played some Texas Hold’em. I was playing good and had the chip lead in the end when it was just John and myself left. Than the last two hands killed me. John won one hand with a king high to take the chip lead. Then the next hand, after I was dealt King-Jack suited I went all in and John called me with Big Slick, Ace-King. When an ace came up on the flop I knew I was dead. John took home the hand and the game. At that point I was mentally and physically exhausted so we headed home for the evening.

Sunday 9/18 – I got up early and ran to Marshall’s to get a gift certificate for the wife for her birthday and than to Walgreen’s to get a card. I ran back home briefly and than headed out to Papa T’s in Burbank to catch the Bears game. Our old Sunday football haunt the Dome sadly closed its doors in May and we are still without a permanent home.

Papa T’s was decent as the drinks and food are OK, but they don’t have a lot of seating and the set-up of the TV’s leaves something to be desired. The game itself was great as the Bears kicked some ass however my fantasy team got its ass kicked by Wally’s. After knocking back a few after the three o'clock games were winding down I headed home.

There Joyce had made some ginger pork and we ate dinner and I settled down to watch the Simpson’s and Family Guy before going off to bed for the night in anticipation of getting back to the grind.

All in all it was a good vacation and I loved San Francisco. I don’t think I could ever live there, but the weather and the city itself are really nice. San Fran is as liberal as city as they come and with me being the commie fascist leftistthat I am, I love. Also, that Alcatraz tour alone is worth the trip. I also want to send one last shout out to Marie and Fred for putting us up and chauffeuring us around town. Next time you guys are in Chicago we owe you one.

Here is a link to the San Fran photo's we took.

sanfrancisco

Happy Birthday

I just want to wish my wife a Happy Birthday. I love ya and now that you are older than me I can re-live that older woman fantasy again.

I will post all the San Francisco stuff tommrow.

Our new car

The City By The Bay

The wife and I are off to San Francisco tomorrow. Look for us at the Cubs – Giants game on Sunday. I will then be on vacation all next week. I will be returning to the blog world on Monday the 19^th.

D'OH

I injured my index finger this weekend playing 16-inch softball, so typing is a bit of a chore. Because of this I will not be updating for a couple of days.

When I Was Twenty-One

Blogs are a funny thing in that everyone looks at them differently. Everyone uses them for different reasons. I like to look at mine as a therapeutic tool. So, in that vein allow me to get a story that has been eating at me for some time off of my chest. It is rather personal and I don’t expect a lot of comments on it. It was a about something that happened to me that for some reason, has had a profound effect on me. So here goes.

My 36^th birthday was in June. Meaning that my 21^st birthday was fifteen years ago. So, the story I am about to tell is now all right to tell. Because the statute of limitations has passed and I can no longer get in trouble for re-telling the events of that night. I will tell what I can remember and what I was told of what went down that fateful evening. There are only two people I have ever told this tale to. One of them was my wife and the other was my friend Wally and that was only to compare notes. Chuck who was there with me that night never even heard this story.

For a little history let me tell you a little about my life in June 1990. I was working at Kmart and was at this point in the Pharmacy. The reason I was in the pharmacy was because Sue, a pharmacist had recruited me into it. I worked in Health and Beauty aids and that department was located right in front of the pharmacy. So, I was always around the area and one day Sue asked me if I wanted to become a Pharmacy Technician. I said yes thinking, it would be cool to be off of the floor.

Sue was nine years older than me, accomplished and well, kind of hot. She was dating this doctor and she was so out of my league in so many different ways that this caused me to be very comfortable around her. I figured there was no way this woman who had accomplished so much would have any interest in a teen age goof like myself. So, I never picked up on the signs. She invited me out all the time. We saw movies together, we ate together and as a matter of fact, I’d say I spent more time with her than her doctor boyfriend did. All of this seemed innocent to me as I was always talking to her about what current checkout girl I was hooking up with and she would fill me on what was going on with Dave, her then boyfriend.

This went on for a little over a year. I kind of looked up to Sue as she was always encouraging me about school and my life. I am not kidding when I say I never would have gone to DePaul with out her encouragement. She was always picking up the tab when we ate and when my car broke down she let me borrow her new Mercury Capri. As my twenty-first birthday approached she told me she wanted to take me out downtown.

I was a bit older than most of my friends so, I didn’t have a lot of people to go out with to celebrate the night with. My friend Chuck turned twenty-one in February making him the first official member of out posse to hit that magical age. His party is another blog in and of itself. So, I recruited him to come out that night along with another friend Jim. Jim was not yet twenty-one but he looked it and had a fake ID that was so convincing he never got rejected going into any bar.

So Sue picked me up at my house and the four of us were off to Rush Street in Chicago to hit Mother’s and all the other haunts of the area. It was actually June 22, 1990 the night before I turned twenty-one. It was on a Friday so I had to the whole weekend to celebrate. Because of this, technically I had to wait until midnight before I could enter bars but most just let me in. It didn’t hurt that Sue would flash the bouncers a smile and wink if we got any static. I proceeded to drink the night away in a stream of screwdrivers and shots of Sambuka. I was getting free drinks from most bars and Sue was buying the rest. By the time midnight rolled around I was beyond hammered.

We then went into some long forgotten bar on Rush Street. At this point the blackout I would eventually have starts to begin. I remember Sue and Jim went to the dance floor leaving Chuck and I at the bar. There in my drunken state I started talking to two young women. I remember telling them it was my birthday and making some headway with them before Chuck proceeded to vomit on the bar. Not at the bar but directly on top of it. As soon as I turned my head over to Chuck to see this revolting display, I turned my head back and those repulsed girls were gone. Being pretty drunk myself I flagged down Jim and Sue to get us the hell out of there before the bartender kicked our asses.

This would be the last event of the night I remember. Everything from this point on in the story I have sketched together from what Jim and Sue told me happened. I literally blacked out at this point. Apparently, Sue and Jim went to get the car leaving Chuck and I on the street to wait for them. They showed up and we headed back home. The first stop would be to my house as Chuck was spending the night there.

By the time we got there Chuck had passed out and Jim being the nice guy he was, took it upon himself to bring Chuck into my house. I must have waited outside with Sue where at some point apparently we started to make out. I still don’t know how far it really got, as sadly I don’t remember any of it. From what I was told we were going at it pretty good. At some point, Sue left and I passed out upstairs in my bedroom.

I was awakened in the middle of the next afternoon with a phone call from Jim. He started asking me about the night before and I told him I didn’t remember what happened. He than filled me on my actions. He told me he waited in the house while Sue and I were in her car doing God knows what. He than came up with a remark that still sums it all up. At Kmart if you were the mop-up boy your number would be ten and the page over the loud speaker would be “Ten with a mop to toys.” That usually meant you were moping up piss, if you were lucky. So, after Jim informed me of the night’s events he added, “I hope you are not going to try to take this further. I mean she is dating a doctor and you are ten with a mop.”

After getting off the phone with Jim, I showered and got in my car to grab something to eat. When I entered my car, I saw a note from Sue, apologizing and asking me to call her when I got up. So, I went in the house and called her. She asked me if I remembered anything and I told her I did not. She than asked me to meet her the next day (Sunday) at the Little Red School House. I told her I would. At this point, I was beyond confused. I had never thought of Sue in a sexual manner of any kind. Sure I found her attractive but the idea to make out with her was the furthest thing from any idea I ever had.

The next day I met Sue and we talked. She told me some things of which I won’t go into specific details but one of them was that she kind of dug me and that with inhibitions lowered we acted on feelings we both must have had. I was floored. She than began to explain how we must never tell anyone what happened. At that point I asked her just exactly what had happened? She said you really don’t remember? Unfortunately, I didn’t. She than informed me that it really was a good thing that I had blacked it all out. When I repentantly asked her what exactly went on she would not go into details. She seemed like she just wanted to put it all behind her. So, we hugged and said our goodbyes.

I had to work with her on the following Tuesday and to say it was awkward would be an understatement. We made the best of it but our working relationship would never be the same. We no longer ate or went to movies together. It was strictly professional and it got to the point where I kind of dreaded working with her. It eventually all turned sour. To this day I am not sure why as I never pursued a relationship with her or ever brought the incident back up. I still wish I knew what happened in that car. In many ways it haunts me. Did I have sex with her? I can’t imagine I did (I would have had a difficult time performing) but I still don’t know. Sue is the only one who really knows and as I have only seen her once in the last ten years it is doubtful I will ever find out and that kind of bothers me.