The Vacation Countdown

I am in the middle of a stretch of having to work thirty-four consecutive weekdays without a vacation, personal or holiday. Now I know that doesn’t seem like much but, this is the longest stretch I will go through this year without getting a non-weekend day off.

Now, I know I have it good in that I have a lot of vacation time that is allotted to me. Plus working at a bank is nice because we get all of the federal holidays off. Trust me when I say working at this place you need all of that time off. This place is a stress-inducing environment where anyone forced to work more then a couple of months without a break would lose their shit. They give us all that vacation time for a reason and I don’t feel the least bit guilty in taking it.

Still, you have some dolts that I work with that never take all of their days. They think that this shows good moral character or are misguided in believing that they are showing a strong work ethic. That is all complete and utter bullshit. No one, man or woman, is or should be that important to the well being of any company. Getting away from the office is a good thing and needs to be done to keep one’s sanity.

By over-working yourself, no matter how much you love your job, inevitably your production will go down. The longer you go without a couple of days off, the more chance you are to suffer from burnout. Once, you have reached that state, you are no longer any good to yourself or the company you work for. There are reasons these companies give you this time off. It is to avoid that burnout effect.

So, as I write this I am in countdown mode. I have thirty days to go and 240 hours. I tick them off and have started a countdown calendar in my cube. Only I know the real meaning of the number 30 that sits on my whiteboard in my cube. It never used to be this way. I used to always take March 18^th off. Back in my younger days I always made sure to have the day after St. Patrick’s Day off to re-cover from the previous nights debauchery. Now in my boring ass married life I don’t have to worry about that day anymore as I have kind of retired from celebrating the day of the Irish.

With that said, I sit in my cube and realize that the end is in sight. I may need binoculars to see the finish line, but it is there. I realize my work is not that strenuous and that my petty bitching can seem to be overblown when compared to people who work real backbreaking jobs. Trust me when I say this, it sucks working for the company I work for and putting up with all the spoiled brats that I support. However, knowing that April 10^th is sitting out there, (my first day of vacation) I know that I can get through al of the hell that I will be put through in the coming six weeks.

Never a Shortage of Stupidity

Family Style Restaurants – I am not talking about family friendly establishments. I am talking about places like Buca Di Beppo where everyone is expected to share their food. Listen, when I go out to eat and I am paying, I want to eat what I want not what Uncle Fred wants. If I wanted to share food, I would have stayed home and just cooked something.

People Magazine – I’ve gone off on celebrity worship in the past and this magazine is it’s biggest offender. It offers nothing in the world of real news. It doesn’t break any new ground. All it really does is offer up softball profiles of good looking famous people the regular society would like to fuck.

Committee Decisions – Whenever you have a group of people making a decision it will inevitably be the wrong one. You can’t get two people to agree on anything so to expect a group of people to be able to come up with answers to important questions is never a good idea. However, nowadays everyone is afraid to make a decision on his or her own for fear of making the wrong one. So, corporate America has come up with this bullshit committee approach so that everyone’s ass is covered when a bad decision is made. You see you can’t fire a committee. It avoids personal responsibility, which is sorely lacking in this day in age.

Hillbillies still fighting the Civil War – OK, now this one is obvious. The fucking war was over 140 years ago and you lost. Get the fuck over it already. Quit flying your rebel flag and preaching about your Daddy. You are backward ass, centuries-old, outdated morons who need to realize that the south will not rise again and maybe think about voting for someone that doesn't like NASCAR.

Turn Signal Drivers – You know the type. You are driving behind some boob who has had his right turn signal on since he made a right out of the dealership when he bought his car. You drive behind them expecting them to turn at every intersection but they don’t. These drivers are not only annoying but can be very dangerous.

Billionaire Candidates – Buying your way into office is not cool. Just because someone has a lot of money does not mean that they will make a good Senator. Sadly, with the cost of running for any major office continuing to skyrocket we are left with billionaire’s who want to buy an office or moneygrubbers who need to beg for donations. It shouldn’t be like this and this is why we are in the current state of politics that we have.

Judgmental Sports – Any good sporting event should have a clear winner and loser. It should not be left to the whim of someone’s judgment. Hence, figure skating and gymnastics while no doubt take athletic ability to excel at, are not true competitions. At the end of a baseball game one team has more runs then the other, hence they are the clear winner. In figure skating, the contestants perform some jumps and twirls and the one that doesn’t fall the best is deemed the winner by a group of judges. Sorry, that isn’t a sport.

Lazy Management – Sadly, in today’s corporate society we have an overabundance of lazy managers. Buffoon’s who when asked to cut expenses take the easiest way out and lay-off workers. These Bozo’s never take into consideration the long-term effect on the company or the individual. It is lazy and takes no originality to fire people. If you want to save your company some money, role up your shirt sleeves and get to work coming up with something innovative.

Ketchup – I have long rallied against the overuse of this condiment. We over-ketchup things in this country. First off it really only is allowed in the dipping of fries. It should never be on eggs, chicken, steak, hot dogs, Italian beef, or tacos. Only the blandest and un-original of palettes eat this disgusting and bland condiment. Here’s an idea, try eating things without it and you just might enjoy them, like they were meant to be enjoyed. Having someone slave away on a meal only to have some yokel smother it in a mass-produced tomato product is insulting.

My Dream Jobs

Here are my top ten jobs that I would love in no particular order if money, talent and logistics weren’t considerations.

1. Baseball Play-by-Play Man – Really, to me any job in Baseball would be a dream come true. It just seems to me that being the color man on a baseball broadcast be it TV or radio would be really cool. Sure, it would require a whole lot of travel but being around the game every day in the summer sure seems like it would be a good way to make a living.

2. Bartender – Being a bartender at a shot and beer joint seems like it would be a fun job. I realize that you couldn’t live on the pay but as far as a stress free job it seems like it would fit the bill. I like talking to people and I like listening even more. Being able to listen is a skill that if you are a bartender it seems like you would need to possess.

3. Video Game Tester – There are actually people out there that get paid to play video games. The gaming companies keep people on retainer to test their new games and get feedback from them. It hardly seems like work at all. Could you imagine staying up all night playing Madden football and getting paid for it?

4. Professional Poker Player – Would there be anything cooler then being paid to play poker? Instead of offering up your own cash the biggest names in the world are paid to see who is the best player. I love playing cards and while I am a decent poker player it takes a lot of time to energy to become a pro on that level. It would really be sweet to be able to do that for a living.

5. Projectionist – Talk about an easy job, you basically get paid to sit on your ass, and watch movies. Your main task is starting the movie on time. It is a union job and if you can get into that union you have it made from what I hear.

6. A Syndicated Columnist – Everyone has two bit opinions (as evidenced by the number of half assed blogs out there like this one.) To get paid to give them seems like it would be pretty cool. I wish I had the talent for that because I would be happy just doing that and not needing to write bad books and ruin a once great TV movie review show (Hello, Mr. Roeper)

7. Disc Jockey – Getting paid to play records seems like a wicked job. Sadly a lot of radio stations no longer feel the need to pay for on air talent and just play pre-programmed music. That is why I won’t listen to Jack FM. I would love to be able to spin records I want to listen to all day and get paid for it. In high school, I got my FCC license and at one time really wanted to do this but my dream died due to lack of desire.

8. Pizza Delivery Man – For a brief time I delivered pie’s for Angie’s on 79^th and I kind of liked it. The pay was brutal and with gas prices the way they are now I can’t imagine you make much money but, man talk about a stress free job.

9. Photographer – Getting paid to take pictures seems like a cool job. I am not talking about a wedding photographer but like someone who works for a major newspaper or Playboy. Taking pictures of naked women doesn’t seem like a bad way to make a living.

10. Golf Starter – This is what I want to do when I retire. I want to be the old guy who drives around in a cart on the golf course. I realize there is no money in it but being outside all day in the summer on a golf course sounds like it could be really cool.

Places I Would Like To Visit

Here is a list of five places in America that I have not yet visited that I would like to get to.

Seattle, Washington – I would really like to get to Seattle one of these days. I have never been to the Pacific Northwest and there are a lot of things I would like to see there. Its close proximity to Vancouver makes it a trip where you could hang out in Seattle for a couple of days, rent a car and hit Canada. This is a trip that I want to take in the very near future.

Boston, Massachusetts – I’ve never been to Fenway and I would really like to see it. If for nothing else then to compare it to Wrigley. Now that I have been to Yankee Stadium, Fenway is the only old time park left that I would like to visit. Plus, Boston is a town rich in American history and I would like to see it all one day.

Red Bank, New Jersey – Why, Red Bank you ask? Well, this is the home of Kevin Smith. There, he has a comic book shop and you can visit the actual store that Clerks was filmed in. I have been a fan of Smith’s ever since I first saw that brilliant movie and I would love to check out his store and see everything that he writes about in his films.

Mesa, Arizona – I keep telling myself that one of these years I am going to go to Mesa for the Cubs spring training. I know people who have gone and they cannot speak highly enough of the experience. Being able to get up close with the players and seeing the spring training games for myself would be something that I would really like to do one day. Plus, my wife is always bugging me to go see the Grand Canyon so, again maybe we could rent a car and do both.

Los Angeles, California – Just to say I was there. Being such the pop culture, movie geek that I am I owe it to myself to visit LA and Hollywood. This is a trip I’ve wanted to take forever but haven’t gotten to it as of yet. I know my wife has family in LA so maybe one of these days we can squeeze this one in.

Overblown Nonsense

The Chicago White Sox are going to Washington today to visit with the President of the United States for a photo-op. Each year whichever major sports team wins a championship, one of the fruits of their labor gets them a ticket to the White House. Since the White Sox won the World Series they get to go this year.

What has caused a minor stir here in Chicago is that Ozzie Guillen the manager of the Sox is not accompanying his team. He had planned a vacation with his family months ago and he didn’t want to disrupt that. This has caused the idiotic and overly patriotic numbskulls to cry out in anger over this perceived snub.

Really, who gives a shit? The whole ordeal is nothing more then a photo opportunity. Sure, it is a tradition and it is an honor to be asked to go. However, if he doesn’t want to because of another commitment then really why does anyone care? It is not like he is doing this for political reasons. If he were then maybe there would be a point to all of this. Yes, I hate (and I mean I hate) George W. Bush. However, if for some reason I was asked to visit the White House. I would go and be civil simply out of respect for that office. Not for him.

About ten years ago when Clinton was in office, Mark Chumura of the then Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers refused to go to the White House because of political reasons. (This is the same Mark Chumura who years later would get caught with his baby-sitter in his hot tub on her prom night.) I don’t remember all of the flag waving, purists getting all up in arms over that.

However, when Guillen is perceived to be snubbing their guy then all shit breaks loose. Spare me. This is nothing more then these misplaced patriotism fools, missing the point. Ozzie wants to enjoy a family vacation with his wife and kids before he has to get back to work on a new season. He would rather be there then wasting his time glad handing with the President. A President he has already met, as he was a coach on the 2003 Florida Marlins.

I for one could care less if doesn’t go. It is his right. This whole situation has been completely overblown by the media in this town. Michael Jordon once skipped a white house visit for the same reasons and he didn’t catch nearly the amount of shit as Ozzie is catching. Again, that was while that pot smoking, dress staining, draft dodger was in office. So it seems to me that these assholes only care when their guy gets snubbed. Which to me, comes off as political reasons for their anger. For them to go after Ozzie, by implying he is not going for political reasons, when they in fact do have political reasons for their stance is in a word, hypocrital which is nothing new for supporters of this administration.

Cupid's Poisoned Arrow

Is there a bigger trap for men then Valentine’s Day? I have it pretty good as Joyce, is pretty good about easing the pressure for this supposed one day to show someone you love them. Fortunately I am with someone who knows that I love her and doesn’t need me to send her a singing telegram with a Vermont Teddy Bear to her work to prove it.

As good as I have it now, I have not always been so lucky. I have had numerous bad experiences with this day. I know my brother has as well with my favorite story of his being when after getting blown off by some dame he threw a stuffed animal and some candy he bought for her out the window. Maybe I can get him to tell that story on his blog.

But I digress. For my own personal Valentine’s Day massacre stories I have two good ones. One was in 1990. I was working at Kmart and I was scheduled to be in at 5:30. My step-dad’s car was in the shop so, he was borrowing mine and it was getting to be a pain in the ass for both of us. So, when the shop called on Feb. 14^th and told him the car was ready, he came home and wanted to pick it up.

He got home around 5:00 and I told him I had to be at work at 5:30. It had started to snow and I really didn’t want to get stuck in it. But, we both figured we could make it and I could drop him off at the Shell where the car was on 63^rd and Harlem and go right to the Kmart on 79^th and Harlem without much of a problem. I took Harlem there and I saw how backed up the traffic was going south in the direction I was going to have to go to the Mart. So, after dropping Lou off, I figured it would be better to take 63^rd to Archer and then snake up side streets to Kmart to avoid the gridlock on the Harlem bridge.

Well, that would be a mistake. The snow was coming down harder and harder and 63^rd was moving about as briskly as a statue. What made matters worse was that I didn’t realize that I was running low on gas. I know I was just at a Shell but it didn’t dawn on me to look at the gauge until I got onto 63^rd. After I got about halfway down the street towards Archer it was getting close to the E. There were no gas stations around so I was stuck no mater what. On top of all this I was no going to be extremely late for work.

Eventually cars started to crawl and I eventually made it to the Bridgeview Gardens area and I drove there and snaked around until I hit the gas station on 79^th and Robert Rd. After re-fueling I eventually got to Kmart through some more back roads. By the time I got there it was almost 8 o’clock. I apologized to my boss who understood. As a matter of fact he had called my house and told me I didn’t need to come in. But, I wasn’t home to get the message and since these were the days before cell phones I had no way of knowing. So, I punched in to work that hour and a half.

My other Valentine’s Day horror story involves breaking up with my longtime girlfriend. I won’t go into all of the gory details but I will give the Cliff Notes version. It was 1994 and we had been dating for about four years. The last six months or so had been kind of rocky. We were fighting a lot. I had not been exactly honest with her about some things (OK, I had kind hooked up with this other girl at some point.) So, she got pissed and then started cheating on me.

Of course, I did not find out about it until Feb. 14^th. I had suspected it and when I found out I was livid. Even though she had forgiven me for my misdeeds I could not do the same. It was a while ago and of course all things worked out for the best but that night was not plesant. Arguing, name-calling, and screaming was the order for Cupid on that particular Valentine’s.

As for nowadays I have it pretty good, as Joyce and I will spend the night eating some Polish food and drinking cheap wine with friends. All in all I can’t really complain and I know I have it pretty good. Still, for some reason, I just can’t help but associate Valentine’s Day with unpleasantness.

The Most Important Meal

Since football is over I figured I needed to make up for my lack of attention to her by taking Joyce out for breakfast on Sunday mornings now. So, each week we have been trying places with the ultimate goal of finding the best breakfast around. Here is a brief summary of the first five places we have tried.

Southern Belle’s, Archer and Roberts Rd. – Good food, but a little pricey. Eggs were a little runny and they do not offer a complimentary orange juice. I can’t say the place was bad and Joyce seemed to like it more then I did, still all in all while it wasn’t a bad meal I can’t recommend it and the bil,l I thought for what I ate was a little high.

Les Brother’s, 95^th and 77^th Ave.– Large portions and reasonable. Double yoked eggs are a plus and they offer a complimentary OJ. Nothing here stands out as great nor does it suck. It was an average breakfasts but for the money I can’t really complain.

Jedi’s Garden, Cicero and Southwest Highway – So, far this place is the leader. Real good food, a complimentary OJ and our bill was under 10 bucks. Portions are huge and it has the best eggs I have had so far. Both Joyce and I were in agreement after leaving this establishment that this was just a great place to have breakfast.

Huck Finn Donuts, 103^rd and Cicero – A complete miss. Food was real bad, with eggs so runny, they could have ran a marathon. It was 2 bucks for an OJ making the bad food bill come to over 18 bucks, which for breakfast is a robbery. Donuts are good however but they were not enough to save this place.

Palos Diner, 111^th and 81^st Ave. – A pleasant surprise. I wasn’t expecting much from this new place that opened up by my house that used to be an oil change joint on 111^th. However, because it was so close to our house we wanted to try it. It is rather small but the food was pretty good and reasonable. My only complaint was that they didn’t have the standard two eggs, two pancake special like most places. Overall, I would go back and would recommend the place.

Nick's Superbowl Menu

Here is what I ate this Super Bowl Sunday.

3 White Castle’s with cheese

1 spicy chicken breast from Popeye’s

Homemade Mostaccioli

Lamb

2 Deviled Egg’s

Baked Beans

2 Rice Krispie Treats

1 Brownie

All of this was on top of the Miller High Life’s I knocked down. This caused me to be unable to sit upright until about 3 o’clock yesterday. All I need to say is thank God, I had the day off and was near my home base for the day.

Six More Weeks of Winter

Happy Groundhog’s day to everyone. As for me, I woke up this morning saw my five o’clock shadow so I decided to shave. Here are some great lines from the great 1993 release Groundhog Day staring Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, and Chris Elliott.

Larry: Did he just refer to himself as the talent?

Phil: Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you keep open a line for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both. I'm a celebrity in an emergency.

Phil: Wow Larry, looking foxy tonight.

Larry: Hey, nobody touches this horn except for me pal, OK.

Phil: People like blood sausage too, people are morons.

A Silver Lining

Yes the White Sox won the World Series and of course this kind of sucked being a Cub fan like I am. Still, I am trying to find some positives in this horrendous event. So, I came up with five good things about the White Sox winning the World Series that even as a long time diehard Cub fan, I can embrace.

1. At least they weren’t a Wild Card team – Say what you want about the Sox but they went out there last year and led from wire to wire and then carried it over until the post-season. For the last three years the World Series champion was a team that couldn’t even win it’s own division and the only reason they were in the postseason was because of the owners greed. So, if for nothing else be happy that the Sox restored some pride and value to the 162 game regular seasons.

2. There are good Sox fans - Despite all you hear and read there are some good, long suffering Sox fans out there that have lived and died with their team for as long as us Cub fans. Now, I admit that I have run across a lot of Bozo’s out there who have stuck it in my face but you know you always seem to remember the jerks as opposed to the good fans. So, I say congratulations to the good, Sox fans that are out there. Enjoy it, because it does not come around often.

3. This should wake up the Cub’s – Despite Jim Hendry’s denial, the Sox title should be a wake up call. The Cubs have been the dominant team in this city for a while, but if the Sox keep winning and the Cubs keep on losing, who do you think the next generation of sports fans are going to support? Diehards like me are a dying breed. In this instant gratification society, you need to win and do it so you can attract the young and casual fan. The Sox will more then likely threaten the three million mark in attendance this season. That should alarm the Tribune tower. The cash cow may be getting old and stop producing milk at some point in the near future if you don’t get off your ass and produce a winner.

4. They won as a team – Hey, the Sox didn’t go out and buy a title like the Marlins did in 97 or as the Yankee’s are always trying to do. The Sox payroll was right in the middle of the league. They spent the money wisely and their roster was not littered with free agents. They made a lot of good trades and developed the rest of thier talent. On their post-season roster you had three free agent signings. Jermaine Dye, A.J. Pierzknski and Dustin Hermanson. None of those broke the bank. So, if for nothing else at least the Sox have proven to all the middle market organizations out there that if you spend money wisely and devlop your farm system you can compete with the Yankee’s and Red Sox of the world.

5. This exposed fair weather Cub fans – With the Sox winning I saw a bunch of people who used to refer to themselves as Cub fans jumping ship. Trust me I remember who they were and I was taking names. Things have a way of evening out and when the roles are reversed, I’m sorry the bandwagon is going to be full. I will not allow you turn coats back on. You’ve made your decision and now you have to live with it. Enjoy, your ball mall, and boring 8-7, four and a half hour, designated hitter, American league baseball. I don’t ever want to see any of you back at Wrigley or wearing a Cub hat when it is our turn to win.