More Complaints

Here are some more things that get under my skin.

Larry the Cable Guy – If ever there was a one trick Pony it is this guy. He is about as funny as a Ziggy cartoon and as sharp as a spork. First off the guy is not from the south. He is from Nebraska. That is not in the south. He is a fraud and needs to go in the same closet that Andrew Dice Clay and Gallagher are hiding out in.

Guys Who Wear Skin Tight Pants –You know no one, not even women want to see this. It is not a turn on when your blue jeans are so tight that your man junk is outlined for the entire world to see in the crease of your pants. For some reason this seems to be a look that the younger generation is embracing as last time I was in the mall I saw a number of Mallrats sporting this look. Sorry, it is lame and kinda gay.

Tabloid Magazines – Who reads this drivel? Obviously people do because these magazines have been around forever. I just don’t get it. With all the great books and hell, other magazines out there you take the time to read about who Paris Hilton is fucking? I mean are you kidding me? Is your life that devoid of meaning and are you that unhappy that you have to live vicariously through people who if they actually met you wouldn’t cross the street with a bottle of Pellegrino if you were on fire?

Fast Food Special Orders – OK, you are not at Chez Paul. It is Burger King. Just eat the fucking thing. It sucks no matter what they put on it. Sadly, it seems the few times that I am stuck eating this crap I am always behind a lady (and I hate to stereotype here but 99.9% of the time it is a woman) who wants lettuce on the side and the special sauce in a cup. This is not a steak, it is a whopper. Stop it already, they call it fast food for a reason. If you want to special order something here is a thought. Go to Jewel buy some burgers and make them yourself any fucking way you want them.

Banks – Banks are getting us up the ass with fees and we are letting them. I was charged 12 bucks because I made to many transactions from my Savings account in April. I transferred money and they call that a transaction. It is a joke. The sad thing is that soon enough we will just have one bank and they can then dictate any rule they want. You can’t win as these financial institutions are all in bed together with their Republican warlords, sixtey-nineing each other so that they can pass any law that hurts Joe Consumer. As Kent Brockman said, “Capitalism just doesn’t work.”

Abstinence Only Sex Ed – Study after study has shown that abstinence only programs don’t work. As a matter of fact, they do much more harm then good. Kids are going to have sex. Sorry if that bothers your Christian ass but, I am living here on Earth, not in some fantasyland. We are sexual beings, plain and simple. Kids need to get education about sex. I don’t understand how teaching kids about condoms and STD’s is a bad thing. The irony is that it is these same jag off’s that are crying every about abortion. Well, maybe if we taught sex-ed to these kids and told them about pregnancy risks there might be less kids getting pregnant which equals less abortions. Of course logic has no place in organized religion. (Stole that line from the Simpson’s as well.)

SUV Limos – Nothing like drawing a bull’s-eye on your back and letting the world know you are a hillbilly. SUV Limos are about as classy as bean bag chairs and hamburger helper. White trash sure do love them their SUV Limo’s though. If you want to hire a limo for a wedding or prom, do yourself a favor and get a nice classic stretch job. Isn’t the point of getting a limo to ride in class? I don’t get how riding in a SUV Limo while Toby Keith is blaring out of the stereo is classy. Maybe it is me.

Re-Stocking Fees – The latest in a long line of bullshit retail tricks is re-stocking fees. You try to return something (and Best Buy is famous for this) and instead of getting your full money back on your purchase the store is going to charge you a fee to re-stock the item. That is the exact opposite way to treat a customer. What other way can these jackals find to take money out of your wallet?

Mini Van Drivers – Okay, I am going to stereotype here. For the record I know people with minivans and they are perfectly fine drivers. Still, they are the exception to the rule. I have a hard and steadfast creed that has served me well in life. Never, under any circumstances get behind a minivan when you are driving. It has served me well over the years. Sometimes, though you can’t avoid it and it turns me into a lunatic. That pedal on the right is the gas. I know you can’t concentrate on the road because little Johnny is screaming and you are trying to find the nearest McDonalds. But, there are other people driving and you are slowing us all down. Also if you are going to drive a minivan you might want to learn how to go in reverse in the thing. I have seen people in parking lots take five tries to simply back out of a parking space. Really, you should have to take a special test at the DMV if you are going to drive one.

A Date Gone Bad

A couple of weeks back I mentioned this experience so, as promised here is a story about a bad date I had with a girl I met at Moraine. The sad thing is I can’t remember her name. I think it was Cindy, but I am not 100% sure. I do remember this was my first year at Moraine and she was in my math class.

I always sucked at math. It was my worst subject from an early age. Well, when I went to Moraine I had to take a placement test and it was determined that I needed to be in basically a special education math class. I mean we were doing addition and subtraction the first couple of weeks.

The one positive in the class was that it was for some reason mostly women. There was me and one other guy in a group of over twenty. The teacher was right out of college and was in her 20’s and was hot. So, I used to do my stand up act for her benefit and was sort of the class clown.

Because of my performance suddenly this one particular girl started sitting next to me and started talking to me. She was cute, had curly blonde hair and seemed interested. We got to talking and she mentioned that she loved this Italian pizzeria-restaurant in Palos called Fazzio’s. One thing led to another and we made a date to have dinner there.

Again, I was young, and didn’t know better so I ordered baked mostaccioli. That would be a mistake. You see me and cheese have some issues. I love it, but it does not love me back. I don’t know what was in this particular order but, it was producing some serious GI issues for me. Being as I was on a first date I was left with no other choice then to hold things in. Thus, I was in some serious pain. This caused me to be off of my game.

I could not be my usual jovial self. Basically I was in survival mode in that I had to concentrate all of my energy on not letting the gas slip out. At one point during the dinner, no longer able to take the searing pain, I excused myself and headed to the bathroom. There I let fly a number unholy air biscuits to somewhat relieve the situation but it really only bought me a couple of minutes.

After dinner she wanted to go somewhere else but I had to drop her off. I could not take another minute of this torture. I made up some excuse and asked if I could take her home. I remember she lived somewhere in Palos not very far from the very house I live in now. She invited me in, she was practically throwing herself at me, but I could not do anything about it. I was just waiting for her to get out of the car (I didn’t even walk her to the door) so that I could unleash the beast that was residing in my colon.

Eventually she left and I let em rip. When I saw her the following Monday in class, I think she felt turned down. In reality what could I say? Sorry I didn’t take your invite to come in and molest you but, my ass was speaking in tongues that night due to the baked mostaccioli. So, I took my medicine and learned a very important lesson. Be careful what food you order on a first date, because if you aren’t it could ruin any chances of a second one.

Stuffed Peppers

I don’t consider myself a great cook or anything. I mean I can grill the hell out of a steak and make a mean mac and cheese. Basically my wife cooks and she enjoys it so, I am saved a lifetime of eating Swanson Frozen dinners and Taco Bell for dinner. With that said during my single years there were a couple of staples that I learned to make.

First, let me rejoice in the magic that is shake and bake. I would just by some small pork chops, a box of rice-a-roni and I was eating like a king for two to three nights. Sure, I know it is unhealthy as all hell but, you can’t fuck up shake and bake I don’t care how inept you are in a kitchen.

I also perfected the ultimate guy food in sloppy Joes. Any man that doesn’t like the Joe’s is simply lying. Every time I go camping (which sadly is becoming rare due to my busy schedule) I make up a pot of sloppy Joes and they make a great late night dinner on the campfire.

I also learned the importance of a crock pot. You can put anything in a crock pot and it will taste good. I made this mean beef stew that I would prepare the night before. Then in the morning I would put it in the crock pot and let that thing do it’s magic. I would get home from work and the house would be drenched in the scents of the red meat magic. I also had a chicken concoction where I would toss a couple of jars of chicken gravy and some dumplings into the pot with the bird. The great thing about a crock pot was that it was pretty simple to cook with and you could save whatever you cooked and it would last for a couple of days.

All of that served me well when I was single. Then when Joyce moved in with me, things changed. She was not a big fan of bachelor cuisine (and really can you blame her?) So, she started cooking things that didn’t come out of a box. So, now on most nights she does most of the cooking in our house. With that said however, there is one thing that I make that even she will request from time to time, my Stuffed Peppers.

I am a fan of the genre. I have always liked stuffed peppers. My Mom and Aunt Kathy used to make them when I was a kid and I developed a love affair with them, in my formative years. My recipe is basically my Mom’s with a little of my own magic thrown in. (In reality I stole a couple of things from an ex-girlfriend and Joyce added her touches to this recipe.) After trying many variations, Joyce and I finally came up with a combination that I feel can not be beat. So, I will share with all three people that read this Nick and Joyce’s stuffed pepper recipe.

Ingredients

4-6 Green or Red Peppers (I prefer the green but I know a lot of people that dig the red.)

1 lb. of Ground Sirloin (Don’t skimp. Buy the good beef. Anything lower then a 95% -5% ratio will ruin this recipe.)

1 Egg

About half a cup of Italian bread crumbs (I say half a cup because I really don’t measure.)

5-6 cans of Del Monte Stewed Tomatoes, Italian Recipe

1 package of Parmesan cheese (Not sure the size I think it is 12 ounces, but you can find it in your grocers refrigerated section)

Half a clove of garlic

A Shitload of Minute Rice (Just go and buy the biggest box you can find)

A Punch of Salt and Pepper (Ah, Push It)

Worcestershire Sauce (Nick’s secret ingredient)

First thing to do is chop the garlic. I have no idea how to do that as Joyce does it for me. Okay, now you are going to do some mixing. Take the beef and throw in the breadcrumbs, the cheese, the egg, the salt and pepper, the chopped garlic, and mix it all together. Now make about a cup of that minute rice and mix that with it in a large mixing bowl.

At this point you want to cut open the top of the peppers removing the guts. Take the beef concoction and stuff it into each pepper. Once you have all of your peppers ready to go, place them in a large pot. At this point you want to take the stewed tomatos and pour them over the top of the peppers and throughout the pot. Last but not least you will also want to add a dash of that Worcestershire sauce into the pot. You might also want to add a little water near the bottom of the pot to avoid the peppers bottoms burning.

Place the pot onto the stovetop and cook at a very low flame for about 45 minutes to an hour, stirring occasionally. Be patient, because slow cooking these things is the key. When the peppers are ready to go, make about 2 cups of minute rice on the side. You are going to serve the things over a nice bed of rice. Since you are cooking on a low flame the tomatos that are in the pot sort of liquefy and you can spoon that over the rice as well.

Something that Joyce and I do, is to make extra because those tomato’s make a decent sauce when everything is done and if you refrigerate and re-heat it you can serve it over pasta the next night. So, basically it is like making two meals in one. Again, I am no Rachel Ray or anything but for my simple tastes, these things rock.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame (Part 2)

Okay, without further adieu here are my most memorable games for the National League teams.

Atlanta Braves April 6^th 1993 at Wrigley Field, Cubs 1 Braves 0 – I just wrote about this one a couple of weeks ago. I went to the game with Jenny and came within one out of Jose Guzman pitching a no-hitter. I still curse every time I hear the name Otis Nixon.

Florida Marlins – May 17^th 1996 at Wrigley Field, Cubs 3 Marlins 1 – I have only seen the Fish one time and this was it. I was still at IRI and the Client Services team I support was nice enough to invite me on their team outing to the Cubs game. We were in the bleachers (One of the last times I have ever sat there.) There I saw the Cubs and Jim Bullinger easily handle the Marlins. It was a scoreless game until the 6^th when Ryne Sandberg in his comeback year hit a two run homer and the Cubs never looked back.

New York Mets – August 6^th 2005 at Shea Stadium, Mets 2 Cubs 0 – Saw this one from the utterly forgettable Shea Stadium. There was a surprisingly large contingent of Cub fans sitting in my section. Sadly there was not a whole lot to cheer about as the Cubs managed only four hits. The lone highlight was watching Greg Maddox steal 2^nd base.

Philadelphia Phillies May 24^th 1978 at Wrigley Field, Cubs 6 Phillies 4 – This one was memorable for two reasons. One being that the Cubs scored 2 in the ninth on a Greg Gross triple and then won it in the 10^th on a Manny Trillo homer. You see we were the Phillies bitches for most of the 70’s and to pull a win out like this was amazing. So my Uncle’s Dan and John take me to the Sports Corner after the game to revel in the Cub victory. There the fans were still high off the win. The music was blaring when two women got on top of the bar and started to dance. The drunken men in the bar started to yell in unison “Take it off, Take it off.” My Uncle John looked at my Uncle Dan and asked what should we do with Nick. My Uncle Dan responded, he’s going to see them eventually, and both girls took their tops off and I got my first look at the female forum.

Washington Nationals – May 16^th, 2006 at Wrigley Field, Cubs 4 Nationals 0 – I got tickets to the game simply because ever since the Expos became the Nationals I could no longer say I had seen every team. So Joyce and I headed out to Wrigley and saw Carlos Zambrano pitch eight innings of shutout baseball as the Cubs won on a nice spring evening.

Chicago Cubs - June 9^th 2001 at the Cell, Cubs 4 White Sox 3 – I don’t have many good memories of the Cross-Town classic but this is one where I do. The Cubs won this one simply on the incompetence of the Sox. With the score tied in the ninth the Sox had runners on first and third and only one out. Tony Graffinino lined back to Todd Van Poppel who was able to double off Sandy Alomar who for some reason was way off the first base bag even though his run meant nothing. Then in the 10^th, the Cubs Eric Young leads off with a double. Gary Matthews Jr. attempts to bunt him to 3^rd. He bunts the ball right back to Keith Foulke who turns to third to try and nab Young. Grafanino has a brain fart and forgets there is no force and instead of tagging Young just catches the ball with his foot on the bag. Young scores one batter later on a sac-fly from Matt Stairs and the Cubs hang on to win.

Cincinnati Reds - August 29^th, 1976 at Riverfront Stadium, Reds 6 Phillies 5 – This is my earliest recollection of attending a baseball game. I was 7 and my Dad drove my brother and me down to Cincinnati from Columbus to catch a Reds game. The game would last 15 innings and we stayed for all of them. Eventually the Reds won. In looking at the box score, I would see five future Hall of Farmers on the field in that game, plus Pete Rose.

Houston Astros – April 10^th, 2007 at Wrigley Field, Astros 4 Cubs 2 – You know I have seen the Astros a ton of times but none of the games were really that memorable. This was the hardest team to look back on and find a memorable game. So, I used my most recent one which was this April. My friend Tony and I went down to Wrigley early in the morning and were able to snatch tickets six rows from the Cub dugout. Again, the outcome sucked but what great seats.

Milwaukee Brewers – August 18^th 2004 at Miller Park, Cubs 7 Brewers 5 – My friend Tony was living in Wisconsin so a bunch of us decided to head up North to catch a Cub game with him in Cheeseville. The Cubs wound up winning the game in eleven on of all things a Corey Patterson homer. Miller Park was filled with 41,000 fans of which I am betting 80% of were part of Cub Nation. After the game we hung out in the parking lot for hours knocking back some Points as the Brewers security never chased us out.

Pittsburgh Pirates – June 29^th 1985 at Three Rivers Stadium Pirates 6 Cubs 5 – My Dad and I decided to head down to Pittsburgh to catch the Cubs take on the Pirates. My Dad, being somewhat shall we say frugal, saw that he could save money on our hotel room if we booked the Honeymoon suite. So, we check in to find a bottle of champagne on the bed, chocolates on the pillows and a fruit basket. We head off to the game decked out in all of our Cubbies gear. The game winds up going 15 innings and I swear they never stopped selling beer. So, these Pirate fans that were all around us are getting drunker and angrier as the game goes on. Pretty soon they are taking that anger out on all things Cubs. I was almost thankful when Tony Pena homers to win it for Pittsburgh. The next morning when checking out my Dad decides to bring home all of the fruit and puts it in a brown paper bag. As we are in the lobby I am literally left holding the bag as it bursts and fruit goes flying everywhere to our embarrassment.

St. Louis Cardinals – June 5^th 2001 at Wrigley Field, Cubs 12 Cardinals 6 – On Monday the day before the game my friend Rob goes online and somehow manages to pull three tickets three rows from the Cubs bullpen out of his ass. So, he, I and Tony all go down to catch the game. Long forgotten Cub washout Julio Zuletta parks a grand slam on to Waveland and the Cubs smoke the Card’s 12-6. Also, it was memorable as Tony bugged Joe Giradi who was sitting in the bullpen, enough so that he got a ball to a kid sitting in the row in front of us.

Arizona Diamond Backs – August 1^st, 2006 at Wrigley Field, Cubs 9 Diamond Backs 3 – My Aunt Jennie’s husband Jim was able to score four tickets and offered them to me. So, I took Rob, Tony and Wally. The seats were right down the 3^rd base line between the bag and the Cub bullpen. It would turn out to be Rich Hill’s first major league victory as he pitched eight strong innings. After the game we were off to the Raw Bar and were having a good old time before Wally who was a little over-served nearly passed out at the bar.

Colorado Rockies – August 7^th 2001 at Wrigley Field Cubs 5 Rockies 4 – A wild, wild game. Tony had secured two tickets to the game. Joyce decided to tag along and bought a standing room only ticket. As luck would have it the seat next to me would be vacant the whole game and she wound up being able to sit with us. It was an extremely hot August night, muggy beyond belief. I was drinking these Lemonade Vodka chill things for five bucks a pop in an effort to try and stay cool. As for the game it was nutty. The umpire blew a couple of calls. So then during the 7^th inning stretch Steve McMichael asked the crowd if we wanted to wait with him after the game for the ump. This led to McMichael being thrown out of the park. The score was tied going into the ninth, Ricky Gutierrez and Sosa singled to start the inning. After a McGriff strikeout Joe Girardi came up and singled to center. Gutierrez however instead of scoring gets caught in a rundown between 3^rd and home. After it looked as all hope was lost somehow the Rockies botch the rundown and the Cubs win on a gift.

Los Angeles Dodgers – June 7^th 1981 at Wrigley Field, Dodgers 7 Cubs 0 – The 1981 Cubs if not for the strike that year were going to challenge the 62 Mets as the worst team ever. They got off to an amazingly bad 3-17 start. It was a monumentally down year even for Cub standards. My Uncle John, Uncle Dan, my brother Vince, my cousin Kevin and I all headed down to watch this one. This game was going along boringly enough, when Jim Tracy (current Pirate manager) stepped up to the plate to lead off the bottom of the fifth. He proceeded to foul a ball off of Bob Welch into the stands and my Uncle Dan was lucky enough to grab it. I personally have never gotten a foul ball at a game and this is as close as I have ever got.

San Diego Padres – August 23, 1991 at Wrigley Field Cubs 5 Padres 4 – My ex-girlfriend Jenny and I decided to catch a Cub game so we went down to Wrigley with no tickets and wound up getting decent seats in the 200 section. It was looking bad as the Padres grabbed an early 4-1 lead. After a solo Dawson homer in the 8^th the Cubs would need two in the ninth just to tie it. What happened next is why I never leave baseball games early. With one out Shawn Dunston innocently singled. Hector Villanueva then tripled. In his career the portly Villanueva would hit exactly two triples, I saw one of them. After a sac fly by Walton the Cubs had tied it. With two outs we were all expecting extra innings. Up to the plate came the immortal Chico Walker. He promptly singled. Then Mark Grace one of my least favorite Cubs of all time gave me a great memory as he doubled and Chico puffed his way home beating the throw to the plate and giving the Cubs an improbable yet memorable 5-4 win.

San Francisco Giants – September 11^th 2005 at AT&T Park Cubs 3 Giants 2 – Joyce and I were visiting her friend Marie in Frisco and I planned the trip around the Cubs being in town. At&T Park is a beautiful stadium that sits right on the Pacific Ocean. There my wife ate some sushi and garlic fries as I watched the game. It was a tight one but Glendon Rusch pitched a gem and the Cubs on the strength of a Nefi Perez double in the eighth held on to win a close one.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Through all of my years attending games at both Wrigley and what ever name Sox Park was using I have been able to see all thirty major league teams at least once. So, here thanks to retrosheet (an invaluable resource to any baseball nerd) are my most memorable games that I have seen for each team in the majors. I will do the AL teams today and the NL in my next post. Please go to www.retrosheet.org if you have any interest in baseball box scores like I do.

Baltimore Orioles – July 1^st 2001 at the Cell, Orioles 11 White Sox 3 - This game was memorable in that it was Ripken’s last year. I actually went in on a 7 game ticket package with Dell and Chuck and we picked this game based on the logic of wanting to see Ripken one last time. Rocky Biddle started for the Sox and got rocked leaving the field to a cascade of boo’s.

Boston Red Sox – June 16, 2003 at the Cell, White Sox 4 Red Sox 2 - The game itself was rather dull. It had rained and the game was in doubt as we were headed to the Park. I was meeting my Mom, Lou and Joyce in the Stadium Club. There I went in with my Mom and bought three Sox Split tickets. Sure enough what happens, our number comes in and my Mom and I split $1,700 bucks.

New York Yankees - August 8^th 2005 at Yankee Stadium, Yankees 3 White Sox 2 – This one was memorable because it was at Yankee Stadium. We were in the right field bleachers and got an up close and personal look at Yankee fans. Park itself was kind of a disappointment and the game was not really noteworthy.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays – August 5^th, 2001 at the Cell, Devil Rays 6 White Sox 4 – Not a huge sample of games for me to pick from as this is the only time I have ever seen the D’ Rays. Don’t remember much of this one other then it was a Sunday and Ray’s scored two in the ninth to beat current Cub Bob Howry.

Toronto Blue Jays – September 16^th, 2000 at the Cell, White Sox 6 Blue Jays 3 – This one was memorable because we all went in on a skybox for the game. We get in there and immediately our friend Rick is escorted out of there for stealing a party sub from the box next to ours. With no limit on booze, the game itself was an afterthought. All I remember was the Sox scored fivve in the eighth to pull this one out.

Chicago White Sox – June 28^th 2003 at the Cell, White Sox 7 Cubs 6 – Since I have seen the Cubs and Sox more then any other team I thought I would use the cross-town classics as my most memorable for each team. The low point for me in the series was this game. 2003 would be a magical season for the Cubs but on this day it would be a nightmare. The Cubs took an early lead and both teams battled back and forth. Emotions were running high as they usually do in this series. Then in 9^th with the game tied, D' Angelo Jimenez would hit a 15 hop single up the middle to win the game for the southsiders. It was the longest walk back to a car in my life. The irony was the Sox would cut Jimenez two days later.

Cleveland Indians – August 6^th 1983 At Cleveland Municipal Stadium, Rangers 6 Indians 1 – My Dad and I traveled from Columbus to Cleveland with his neighbor to check out the Indians. All I can say is that old ballpark was a pit. We had box seats and we got nose bleeds. My front lawn was manicured better then the infield. The hot dog vendor was clipping his nails as he was selling us hot dogs. The pinnacle of the game was when Otto Velez who was the Tribe’s DH that day after striking out on 9 pitches in his first 3 at bats fouled off a pitch in his fourth. The 13,000 who were in attendance that day gave him a standing ovation.

Detroit Tigers – April 22^nd, 2000 at the Cell, White Sox 14 Tigers 6 – My friend Dell had a ticket to the game but could not go. He called me and offered it to me for free. Since my friends Chris and Wally were already going, I took the ticket off his hands. It was a nice balmy April day and the game started innocently enough. The in the 7^th when Jim Parque plunked Dean Palmer for retaliation of Carlos Lee getting hit the inning before it was on. A bench clearing brawl for the ages. All told by the end of this game there would be eight total ejections. There were so many fights going on at the same time I didn’t know which one to concentrate on. My favorite memory was Robert Fick heading back to the bullpen with both middle fingers extended to the fans and the fans showering him with beers on his way out of the park.

Kansas City Royals – July 16^th 2001 at Wrigley Field Royals 4 Cubs 2– My brother worked at a law firm with former Mayor Jane Byrne’s daughter. One day he calls me and tells me he got two tickets from Kathy Byrne for the Cubs game. My friend Tony and I head down and find we are three rows behind the Cub dugout. Just great seats even though the outcome of the game sucked.

Minnesota Twins – August 10^th 2006 at the Metrodome Blue Jays 5 Twins 0– I was stuck in Minnesota for work and had nothing to do. So I decided to check out a Twins game. I went up to the box office and got a pretty good seat down the right field line. I got to see future Cub Ted Lilly pitch six shutout innings. All in all the Metrodome was pretty sterile and I see no reason to go back.

Anaheim Angels – May 18^th, 2002 at the Cell White Sox 10 Angels 4– Again, Dell had two tickets and could not use them. So I took Joyce to the game. It was 31 degrees at first pitch. We were bundled up and were in survival mode. Of course it would be a three hour nightmare and there is no way I am going to leave a game early. Somehow she still married me.

Oakland A’s – August 18^th, 2001 at the Cell A’s 5 White Sox 4– Chuck, Dell and I were all set to meet our friends Kevin and Wally in the parking lot before the game to grill. We went out the day before and bought some burgers and dogs. So, we head to the park and it starts pouring rain. It was coming down so hard we had no choice but to abandon our cookout idea and head into the park for shelter. The game would start over two hours late. That sucked because I had a ticket to a sneak preview of Jay and Silent Bob Strike back that night. Finally the game starts and it is nip and tuck. Then in the eighth the A’s score two runs off of the Sox pen sending my friends into Tourette's Syndrome. I was able to race to Crestwood to catch the flick however.

Seattle Mariners – September 10^th 1978 at Comiskey Park White Sox 2 Mariners 1– My Grandfather worked for J.C. Deacon Plywood. Once or twice a year Mr. Deacon would throw my Gramps a couple of golden box seats for a ballgame. So, my Grandpa and I headed down to Sox Park for this game. I remember it simply because the game was short. 1 Hour and 58 minutes for an American League game is rare. Still, my Grandpa and I had a good time as we hit Huck Finn on Archer and Damon for breakfast before the game and Les Brothers for dinner after it. I was nine years old and I still remember that day like it was yesterday.

Texas Rangers – May 12^th 2001 at the Cell Rangers 16 White Sox 6 – I went to the game with Dell, his brother John and Chuck. There we saw the Rangers score eight runs in the first two innings. The game was over an hour and half old and we were still in the second inning. The game would take almost four hours when it was all said and done and I believe has to go down as the longest nine inning game I have ever been to.

My Mom's 8 Track

I am a little late in posting this one. I wanted to finish this last week but a work project took up most of my bloging time. Music is something that is very important to me. As a young man I had many sources that shaped my musical preferences and tastes. Some were for the good and some for the bad. Like, I can’t listen to Elton John to this day because it was force fed down my throat by all my Aunts at a young age. On the other hand they also introduced me to a lot of 60’s and 70’s music that I still love.

My Mom also played a role in developing my love for music. With Mother’s Day being last Sunday I wanted to acknowledge that fact. There are certain records that if I hear them today they will remind me of my Mom. She had a 1978 Red Camaro with an 8 track player in it. I am sure she had more but it seemed like she played the same five, eight tracks over and over again. (I am sure my brother can fill me in on the tapes I am missing.)

Also, considering what time it was, this list is not that bad. I mean it was the height of Disco and while my Mom was guilty of owning a Vicky Sue Robinson 45 overall her main tastes stayed in the Rock and Roll arena. Anyway, now when I hear any song off of one of these five records below, I am instantly transmitted to being a young child sitting in the back seat of that Camaro as my Mom jammed away to the music. Here are those records.

Silk Degrees Boz Skaggs – I guess my love for this record can be traced to my Mom introducing it to me at a young age. My Mom and I have very different tastes in music but this is one record that we both love. My Mom would blare Georgia out of her Chevy stock speakers and whenever I hear it, I get a smile on my face thinking about it.

Bat Out Of Hell, Meatloaf – As much as Silk Degrees has endeared itself to me, Bat Out Of Hell has had the opposite effect. This was a big record in the late 70’s and my Mom played the hell out of it. Now, when I hear Paradise by the Dashboard Light, I want to vomit. Listen, after Fight Club it is hard to dislike the Loaf but, let’s just say this is not my favorite record and leave it at that.

Moondance, Van Morrison – Well, here my Mom gets big props. Moondance is one of my favorites for so many reasons. Van Morrison could sing the phone book and I would listen to it. The guy just has this amazingly powerful touching voice that tugs at my heartstrings every time I hear it. Again, it was my Mom listening to this record in the Camaro that turned me into a fan.

CSN, Crosby, Stills and Nash – I have a soft spot for this record for no other reason other then Darkstar. A song my Mom still loves and I do as well. While this may not be their most popular album by any stretch, this record still holds up.

Takin It To The Streets, The Doobie Brothers – This is not my favorite record, but it doesn’t hurt either. I am more of a Doobie Brothers fan minus Michael McDonald. The title track was played a ton in that Camaro and upon hearing it, memories of Ford City Mall and Karol’s Red Hanger Shop come flooding back.

Book Report Time

Here is a very brief summary of the last Five Books I have read.

Stung: The Incredible Obsession of Brian Molony by Gary Stephen Ross – I grabbed this one after seeing the movie that was based on the book. I like placing a bet or two and heading off to Vegas from time to time. Thank God it is not an addiction. Basically Molony embezzled ten million dollars form the bank he worked at in Toronto to feed his gambling habit. In the end he lost every cent of it to the casinos in Atlantic City and Las Vegas. A good read that was tough to put down.

Gig: Americans Talk About Their Jobs by John Bowe, Marisa Bowe, and Sabin Streeter - How I wish I read a book like this when I was a senior in High School. As a matter of fact instead of forcing kids to read Treasure Island in high school they should make them read this one instead. Basically the authors go around to numerous people and have them talk to about their jobs. Every job imaginable is covered here from CEO of a Fortune 500 company to a call girl. It is very interesting to read about jobs in which I knew nothing about. I highly recommend this to anyone who is contemplating a career change or about to pick a major for college.

Pimps, Ho’s Playa Hatas, and All the Rest of My Hollywood Friends by John Leguizamo- I can’t really say why I bought or read this book. I am not a huge fan of Leguizamo’s work and I am not really into tell all biographies. But, for some reason, I was in Borders one day looking for a book I could take with me on my flight to Vegas and this one caught my eye and I started reading it. It is a quick read and the author tells some interesting stories. Still, War and Peace is safe.

The Beatles: The Biography by Bob Spitz – I have read a number of books about the fab four over the years. This is by far the most exhaustive and the best. It is almost 900 pages and covers all of the bases. From the early days in Liverpool to their stint in Hamburg to becoming the biggest and most important rock and roll band in history. All the stories are here warts and all. It took me a good month to read it but it was worth it as it is an excellent source for all things Beatles.

One More Time: The Best of Mike Royko – My love for Mike Royko is well documented. I grew up reading him in the Sun Times when I was a kid and then in the Tribune in my teens. In my mind he was the best columnist that ever graced our fair city or for that matter any city. He was human with all the faults that come with the territory. In this book, the best of his columns are reprinted for all to enjoy. It was truly a pleasure to re-live them all.

Spiderman 3

I wound up seeing Spiderman 3 over the weekend. I was very disappointed. In order to quantify that I need to try to explain myself a little bit. Having been burned by the superhero genre way to many times in the past (The Tim Burton Batman series anyone) I was not expecting much with the first Spiderman. Sure, I was a huge Sam Rami fan but after I heard Tobey McGuire was cast as the lead, I set the bar low.

Then, I saw it and was blown away. Rami got it right where everybody else who ventured into comic book hero’s got it wrong. He stayed true to the original comic’s story and made Spiderman human. I was so happy after watching that movie. It was like finally someone got it.

I also really liked Spiderman 2. I know a lot of people who like it even better then the first. While I still maintain the first film as the better of the two, I did really enjoy the sequel. Again, here was a story that hit every note just right. It had amazing special effects, great action, provided comic moments when needed and even threw the love story in. It is difficult to achieve all of that in a film but Rami did it. None of this should have come as a surprise to me.

I have been a Sam Rami fan ever since I was a teenager and I got my first look at Evil Dead. Made for no money what so ever it is one of the most entertaining films I’ve ever seen. You watch that movie and it impossible to not enjoy it. As a matter of fact I wonder about people who don’t like that movie or the follow-ups. Evil Dead 2 where Ash is forced to saw his own hand off after it comes possessed. Then he followed it up with Army of Darkness. After seeing that film I was quoting lines from it for months.

On top of that he made A Simple Plan and the Gift. (I will forgive him for The Love of the Game. I still don’t know what the hell he was thinking with that one.) A Simple Plan has maybe my favorite performance by an actor in the last twenty years in Billy Bob Thorton. That wasn’t acting, that was a complete transformation. It is just a gripping story that has you on the edge of your seat. The Gift is another very good film. He even manages to get a good performance out of the normally wooden Keanu Reeves.

So, with all of that said my expectations for Spiderman 3 were high. I walked into the theater expecting greatness and got mediocrity. Where there some cool moments, of course. But, sadly that was the minority. I don’t want to give full details because, I don’t want to spoil the move for those who did not see it. So, I will try not to give out plot points.

My first problem was there were too many villains. Sandman, Venom and the Goblin. There were three movies in each story line and they tried to squeeze all of them into one film. So, we are left with three separate story arcs that are not fully explored. Then there was the lame love triangle between Peter, Mary Jane and Harry. Now, I know this is in the comics as well, but here in this movie it is executed poorly. Maybe I am finally realizing that Kirsten Dunst can not act, but every time she was on the screen she brought the film down. The whole story line seemed forced because Rami filled this movie with so much other stuff that he didn’t really have time to explore this love angle properly.

I can’t say the movie was horrible as the Bruce Campbell cameo and J.K Simmons as always were great. I just wish he hadn’t tried to fit ten pounds of shit into a five pound bag. I see the studio wants to make three more Spidey films and who can blame them with the huge profits each one seems to generate. Rami and McGuire have not signed on for any of the sequels. I hope Rami makes the 4^th only because I know he is a gifted filmmaker and I don’t want him going out on the series with such a dud. Nothing can take away from the brilliance of the first two films. I know he can do better then this and I just hope he attempts to do so.

Nick's Guide to Courting Women

I am not what you would call a good looking man. I know this. I don’t have any problem with it either. I mean there are worse looking chuds out there, but I know my place in society. While many would bemoan their lot in life, I choose to look at it another way. I mean if I was better looking I would never have had a problem attracting women. Because, I wasn’t the best looking guy out there I had to modify my game and my personality. I think this has shaped me and made me the man I am today and for that I am grateful.

Of course this took some time. Really, the only way to learn anything is through experience. And, let’s just say I had to go through some tough times and cringe inducing moments to understand my lot in life. I have always set the bar high when it came to women. (This explains how I married above my talents and looks.) If a girl was out of my league, it didn’t matter. I was going to do everything in my power to try to attain her. (I must admit there was no better feeling then getting with the unattainable girl.) When I was first starting out with the opposite sex this was a hindrance as I had no game and as I said I was not the best looking guy around.

But, eventually I figured things out. From about the time I turned eighteen until some time in my early to mid twenties I had a pretty good run if I do say so myself. This somewhat made up for my dry spell the preceding years. Still those early years were rough on me and my right hand.

So, with that said I will let everyone behind the curtain and divulge Nick’s guide to women. Now, these are not rules that will apply to everyone. They applied to and worked for me. Will they work for others? I have no idea. What I will say is that, since they worked for a guy with my limited abilities maybe they can work for someone else. Also, if you are good looking man, then you will not need this. Women will come to you and you will never know what is like to have to earn the affection of the fairer sex.

Another reason for writing this is that, I don’t need these skills anymore. So, it is no big deal if I let them out. Since I found Joyce and am happily married I retired this part of me some time ago. Now when I meet or am around women I try not to be the guy I will portray below. Let me just get this out as well. I could have been considered to have been less then honest with the women that came in contact with me during this period of my life For that, I am truly sorry, and I chalk it up to lack of experience and youth.

Okay, with all that out of the way, I will try as best as I can relay just how my unattractive Italian ass got any women. My first rule basically was to never let on in any way that you had any interest in them. Listen, good looking girls are used to guys fawning all over their ass. I used to be one of the lame, in that when I met a girl I liked I would let her walk all over me in the off chance she would let me so much as hold her hand.

But, one day it hit me, that behavior was getting me nowhere fast. So, I eventually changed my approach. It is a fine line and one that is not easy to master. If you play it the wrong way you can come off as conceded and that is not what you want. There is a happy medium. Be nice to the object of your affection but not too nice. Don’t come on to her but don’t ignore her. Don’t become her friend, but be friendly. It sounds confusing so, let me try to explain.

My first rule is in no way should you kiss her ass. Women want men that don’t want them. It is a fact. In reality men and women are drawn to the chase. If you are drooling all over her, well there is no challenge in that. You want to give her the impression that you are not interested. The second she sees that you are, you’re dead. The most important thing to try to do is have her come to the conclusion she likes you on her own. It is not easy, but once mastered it can work wonders.

How do you do this one may ask? Well I would talk to them but again, I wouldn’t kiss their ass. Meaning, I didn’t just agree with everything that she said. I would disagree but do it in such a way that I didn’t belittle her. To give an example let’s say she likes Depeche Mode (Okay I am dating myself.) Now, I hated them and I would state that. But, I would try to follow it up with music is a personal thing or something to that effect.

You have not kissed her ass that's good. Now you have to make her laugh. I can not stress just how much my ability to make women laugh over the years has led to my success. Now, when making a girl laugh you have to do so in a very delicate way. What I would like to do was, tell a story in a group dynamic so, my attention is not just on her. Don’t let her think you are being funny for her benefit. Be funny for everyone’s benefit. Now, some people are funny and some aren’t. I can’t tell someone how to tell a humorous story. You have to work on it and telling a story numerous times to different people is essential. Listen to what gets laughs and what doesn’t. When your story is polished then tell it when the girl you are chasing is around.

Now, when you are having a conversation with just her, tone it down a little. Be playful, but again don’t fawn over her. Also, and I can not stress this enough listen to her. Don’t control the conversation. People in general love to talk about themselves. So, get her talking about herself. Ask follow-up questions about what she says. Like if she says she went out to eat last night. Ask where she went, what she ate, was it good and so on. Again this takes a certain talent. It is kind of like improv. You have to think quickly on your feet. But, if you can get her talking about herself and not about you this accomplishes two things. One, you remain somewhat of a mystery, and two you get the reputation as a good listener.

The point of the whole act is to get her to want to be in your presence. If someone is laughing they are having a good time. Generally if they have a good conversation they are having a good time. So now in her mind she associates having a good time to being with you. So in essence she wants to spend more time with you. Thus, instead of you pursuing her, she pursues you.

Okay, you’ve done all that and she is interested. You still have to be able to close the deal. This can be difficult and this is where I always struggled. You can blow it by making a move to fast or by lamely asking her out on a date. Again a group dynamic is the best setting to make your move. Actually if you have done everything right, she will make a move first which is the ultimate score.

Dates suck. I mean that, I always hated them. First off there is all this pressure. You both feel it and there is no getting around it. Also, movies and dinner are bad date scenes. A movie is bad because on a date ideally you should be getting to know one another. Well if you see a movie you can’t really carry on a conversation. Dinner is better in that you can have a conversation but, there are still some pitfalls. Eating in front of someone can cause nervousness and at least in my case if I eat any dairy there may be dietary issues later on. (That reminds me of a story I will tell in a later blog about my one and only date with a girl I met at Moraine.)

A party or out with a bunch of friends at a bar are good settings. Usually booze is a good lubricant to lower ones inhibitions. You have to very careful here though. Do not under any circumstances take advantage of a drunken girl. You can say a lot of things about me but, I always respected women and if a girl had to much to drink well, then you can not take advantage of the situation.

Ideally, what you want is a situation where both parties want something to happen. It just takes the right setting and the right situation for it blossom. If a beer or two helps it move along then so be it. Picking up signals was always my weakest spot. As much luck as I did have, I look back on my past and realize there were moments where I failed to pick up a signal. This caused me to blow it in the end as the window of opportunity can close fast.

There is no set in stone rules to signals. However, there are some things to look for. Does she laugh at your jokes? That is a first good sign. Does she touch your arm or knee or something like that? That is a very good indicator that she is interested. Does she play with her hair? That is yet another good signal. Does she gravitate towards you? These are all signs that she may be interested. At that point some innocent flirting is okay and will usually pay off.

One last point. Try not to get into the dreaded friend zone. Rarely is there a way out of it. I will never say never but, once a girl perceives you as a friend you become safe and by safe I mean she won’t be going down on you in a theater anytime soon. Sometimes and I am guilty of this one, without even knowing it you will have become her friend and all you are doing then is setting yourself up for the dreaded “I like you as a friend” speech which most men I know have heard at least once in their life.

So, there it is. Again, it took me a long time to learn what I learned and trust me no matter what I did sometimes a girl was just not interested. As I wrote this I found myself thanking God that I no longer have to put up with the courting ritual. I know this is going to sound lame as hell but, I really feel like the luckiest guy in the world in that I met someone who is never jealous, loves me for who I am, and puts up with all my bullshit. I still don’t know how got her but I am sure glad I did.

The Grove

I was stuck in Downers Grove working in our office there for a couple of days, so that got me thinking about a bar I used to hang out in my twenties. Back when I was at the height of my softball playing days I was on two teams that were sponsored by a bar called the Grove. Which meant, that I would spend two separate week nights of summer evenings hoisting drinks at the dive of all dives.

The Grove is located on Kean Avenue in Willow Springs. To say it was seedy is not doing the place justice. It is located across the street from a cemetery and next to a horse stable. The place was never crowded. It usually had the same old bar flies bellied up to the bar drinking their Old Style.

We were sponsored by the place simply because Troy, the guy who ran the Peace Frogs knew the owner. As much as it indeed was a dive, it did have some advantages. As the place was never crowded we pretty much had the run of the place. We controlled the jukebox, the dartboard and the pool table. The drinks were pretty cheap and the bar loved us simply because we brought a crowd into the place. I mean on nights our teams played their profits were 10x better then on other nights.

On top of the team itself coming to the bar, girlfriends and other friends of the team would show up. I mean some nights we would pack the place and it would actually be buzzing as our posse would drink, bullshit and play some darts. I have a lot of good and some not so good memories from the grove.

One of my favorite memories was the night of my twenty second birthday. My twenty first birthday was spent on Rush Street drinking the night away. For my twenty second I was at the Grove after a softball game. The bartender put twenty two shots of Rumpelmans on the bar and light them all. I blew them out and the shots were passed around and consumed by the members of my team and friends.

Another favorite memory was when this old haggard Grove regular decided to hit on Dell. We were playing darts that night and after we finished Dell went to the bar to order some drinks. There the bar fly took one long drag off of her Pall Mall sized Dell and up and said in the most sultry voice she could muster, “So, you play darts, huh.” I don’t think Dell acted on her advances.

I also have some not so good memories. One of which was when “Gator” the asshole bartender came to the pool table we were about to use and put out a line of coke right on it and proceeded to snort it. Or the huge dog that the owner had. I once made the mistake of leaving a burrito at the table as I was went to the bar to order a beer. I looked over and saw this giant dog inhale the burrito in one bite. I would have hated to clean up that dog’s mess the next day.

Most nights though were uneventful. We hung out and knocked back a couple of cold ones and relived the game we had just played. It was a great time in my life in that no one was married, no one had kids, we were all young and we could all drink on a Tuesday night and not have to worry about getting up the next day. Sure the Grove was seedy, but it was our bar. It was a vessel for all of us to hang out at. As my friends and I get older and we now have adult lives with adult responsibilities we see less and less of each other. So, I guess that is why when I remember those nights spent at the Grove I look back at them with fondness.