It Has Been Too Long

Mike Ditka – Is there anyone who has gotten more mileage over one accomplishment in their life? OK, Ditka was the coach of the 85 Bears, but spare me the sainthood. Buddy Ryan was as big, if not bigger reason why they won. The 85 Bears won because of that defense. Ryan, controlled the D and Ditka was in charge of the offense. As soon as Ryan left the team was never the same. Ditka then went on to name Doug Flutie the starting QB in the 86 playoffs which he choked away. He also embraced the strike replacement Bears and alienated many of his players. Ditka was over-rated and Bears nation needs to stop kissing his ass.

The Taxpayer Argument – Everyone pays taxes. From the lowly immigrant buying a soda to Bill Gates. Just because you pay taxes does not place you in some unique position where your beliefs are the only ones that matter. Paying taxes is something everyone does and no one person deserves any special treatment no matter how much they pay. That is not how capitalism works.

Drivers Who Can’t Read – You will be in the right turn only lane. You know this because you passed second grade and can clearly read the sign posted that says “right turn only.” Still, some dip-shit hillbilly in front of you decides that they need to make a left from that lane. So, they figure lets inconvenience all the cars behind me because my time is more important then the fifty drivers behind my stupid ass. Retaining a drivers license should be a harder then it is.

Shaving – I just find the whole process annoying. In the morning all I want to do is clean the four basic areas and get out of the shower. However, on those shaving days the process takes twice as long. I wouldn’t mind if they would ever come out with an electric shaver that gives you a decent shave. Sadly, every time I shave with an electric shaver, I have a five o’clock shadow an hour after using it.

One Someone asks, Are We Having Fun Yet – You know what, no I am not having fun asshole. And you know by annoying me with your inane blather, I am even more pissed then I was to begin with. Next time just leave me alone and stop trying to “cheer” me up with your lame as attempt at humor. Go back to watching your Carrot Top video and leave me alone.

Someone Shoving a Video Camera in Your Face – Nothing like putting someone on the spot. Let’s say you are at a wedding or birthday party. Now, it is bad enough that you are there, but you are getting by eating some rubber chicken and listening to Celebration. Then all of the sudden some yahoo sticks a video camera in your face and wants you to say a few words to the person or persons of the hour. I have nothing to say and usually at these events I have had a couple of cocktails and my witty banter is nothing more then drunk talk which I don’t need to be captured for all times sake on video. Just let me get drunk and leave me in peace.

Sending Food Back at a Restaurant – I know getting food that you don’t want or was not what you ordered, sucks. However, do yourself a favor and just eat it, and make a mental note to never go back to the restaurant. Because, if you send food back there is a good chance you will be eating something more then you bargained for, like snot.

Help Lines in India – I don’t want to come off as racist because that is not my point in this tirade. A lot of companies have off-shored their help lines to India to save money because you can pay someone there a fraction of what you pay an American worker. You also don’t have to pay benefits in India. Still, America is losing jobs to this practice. So, know when I call a help line and it is picked up in India I ask to be transferred to someone in the Untied States. If every one did this, the practice would have to be stopped.

Road Construction – I realize complaining about road construction is pointless as it is never is going to end. Still, I understand if a road needs to be widened or something like that. My complaint is when you have an entire five mile radius blocked off and you see a crew of five guys working on one patch of concrete the size of a postage stamp. Doesn’t it make more sense to block off that small section as opposed to rendering the rest of the road un-useable, when there is no one working on it anyway?

Living In The Southwest Suburbs

My wife has become a reluctant southsider. If she had her druthers she would still be living in the city. I see her points but I still think living in the burbs is better. However, I can see both points. So with that in mind I give you the top and bottom five things about living on the south side in the burbs.

Top 5

1. No Yuppies – Ya, we are blue collar but I would much rather have that then the yup’s you get in the city. The people in the south burbs are real and have very few pretensions about them. We don’t drive BMW’s and we don’t shop at Baby Gap. We like Dunken Donuts coffee and we aren’t afraid to eat a francheezie.

2. Driving is a breeze – Rarely do we have traffic congestions. Sure there are spots to avoid like Harlem, but we have these things called turning lanes which tend to ease the flow of traffic. Driving in the city is a maddening experience. Also, when you go to the store by my house you can actually park. Nothing irritates me more then having to circle a block like ten times trying to find a place to park your car.

3. Nature – Living in the burbs we actually have these things called trees. As a matter of fact we have green grass and asphalt is not littered everywhere. You can actually buy a house with a real backyard that you can sit in without sitting on your neighbors lap. We have nature and forest preserves. We have a ton of small lakes and natural wildlife abounds. In the city you have rats and pigeons as the natural wildlife.4.

4. Less Crime – Reading the police blotter in Palos Hills is a joke. We have a couple of break-ins here and there usually done by idiot suburban youths. Are violent crime is virtually zilch. In the city your chances of getting jumped or burgled are much higher.

5. Location – Sure, we are not in the city limits but we are close enough that we are not out in the sticks. I am close to Midway, 294, 55 and a number of other expressways. It takes me 15 minutes to drive into the city with no traffic. I can get almost anywhere because of the proximity to highways near my house. Plus I get all the benefits of living in Chicago without actually having to pay city prices which are a joke.

Bottom 5

1. No Diversity – I am the first to admit my area lacks a certain amount of diversity. Trust me when I say it has gotten a lot better in the last ten years but we still have a long way to go. Our minority population continues to grow but we still are littered with Polish and Irish Americans.

2. Food choices lacking – In the city you can any type of food you want. While I think we have a nice amount of choices we certainly can’t stack up against the choices you have in the city. If you want Indian or Korean food in the south burbs you are out of luck. We are not as bad as say Frankfurt but we aren’t quite there,

3. Culture – We just don’t have the history of culture that the city has. We don’t have museums and we can’t match the city for history. We don’t have an old neighborhood because we go back to about the 60’s. Where as most parts of the city go back to the fire.

4. Public Transportation – The city definitely has better options when it comes to mass transit. Sure I have Metra (which I love) but you have to drive to get to it. It is a must that you own a car if you live in the burbs. Where as in the city you can usually walk to either a bus or train. Sure we have buses in the burbs but they come around about as often as Haley’s Comet.

5. Shopping – Sure we have our malls in the burbs but they are littered with corporate stores. We don’t have a lot of re-sale shops our independent record stores. If you want to buy a book at somewhere other then Borders you best head into the city.

Cubs - Sox Round One

Here are my two-cent observations from this weekend’s fracas over at the Cell.

● Barrett simply over-reacted. The Cubs suck, he is frustrated and he lost his temper. I will not argue that it was a clean play but, after you’ve been run into by a 250 pound man you tell me you wouldn’t lose your cool.

● While I agree that the play itself was good hard baseball, Pierzynski’s actions after that did incite Barrett. He did not need to slam his hands on home plate. Then he turned towards the Cub dugout. His bullshit that he was retrieving his helmet is just that, bullshit. So, Barrett already riled up after getting run over reacted and punched A.J.

● Barrett just became a hero to 90% of the other players in the Majors. It is wildly recognized that Pierzynski is the most hated player in the game. By punching him in the mouth, Barrett did what so many other players would have loved to have done.

● What does it say about the White Sox, that this jerk has found a home on the Southside? The Twins hated him so they ran him out of town. He went to the Giants and he was such a disturbance there that they just simply cut him and got nothing in return. Suddenly he fits right in, with the Sox. Then again, Sox fans know a little something about being jerks.

● Brian Anderson’s actions were just as ugly as Barrett’s. Yes, Barrett started it. However Anderson way over-reacted and slamming John Mabry to the ground was wrong. Sure, I am all for coming to the aid of a teammate like Podsenick did but, why Anderson felt the need to go after John Mabry is beyond me. Barrett should be suspended but so should Anderson.

● Dusty Baker did not stand up for his player. Instead of coming to the defense of Barrett, Baker went to the media and said that Barrett over-reacted. Sure, that might be true but a good players manager comes to the defense of a player in public. In private you can have a word with Barrett but in the press you have his back. Baker clearly shoved Barrett under the bus.

● The fight has taken the attention away from the fact that the Cubs are a joke. This team is an embarrassment and instead of focusing on how pathetic we are, the fight is all the media can talk about. Baker, Hendry, Macphail, and the entire Tribune board of directors should send Barrett and thank you card.

● Sure we lost two out of three but we knocked the Sox out of first with that win yesterday. Hey I know it is of little solace but we have to take any vindication wherever we can find it.

An Overdue Book Report

It has been awhile since I conducted a book report. So here is a brief summary of the last five books that I have read.

Sex Work: Writings by Women In the Sex Industry, by Frederique Delacoste – A book written originally in the 80’s and recently updated. The first half of the book is actual stories from the workers themselves. In there it runs the gambit from massage parlor girls, street walkers, escorts, and dominatrix. A very interesting read and some really good and rich stories. The second half of the book is a more sociological look at the industry and the effects of it on society. All proving what I have often felt. Legalize and regulate prostitution and you rid yourself of the medical and societal problems that come along with keeping it illegal.

Center Field On Fire: An Umpire’s Life With Pine Tar Bats, Spitballs, and Corked Personalities, by Dave Phillips – A so-so read about Phillips time as a major league umpire. While there were some interesting enough stories in there, there weren’t enough of them and there was too much preaching from the author. Overall, I would have to give this one a slight thumbs down.

Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of Unlikely Stripper, by Diablo Cody – An interesting enough read about a woman who was working an office job in Minnesota and one day decided that she wanted to be a stripper. So, she tried out, got hired and for a little over a year made more money they she could have ever imagined. This story shoots down a lot of myths about strippers and also examines why other women hate strippers. A good story, that is written well and I would recommend it.

Smashed: A Story of a Drunken Girlhood, by Koren Zailckas – A very honest confessional from a girl who battles alcohol. It examines the hypocrisy in America of how one is almost encouraged to drink and is looked down upon if one doesn’t yet if you smoke one joint you are a leper. The author starts drinking at age 13 and falls instantly in love with it. Even after losing her virginity during a drunken blackout she can’t stop drinking. Eventually in her early twenties she stops and writes a very good book about her experiences.

A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole – I am not much of a fiction reader as most know, but a co-worker knowing my sense of humor highly recommended this book to me and I am glad he did. The story is absurd and hilarious. I realize this book was published years ago, but if you haven’t read it, I highly suggest it. Reading it makes me want to examine the author’s life more as he committed suicide in 1969 over his failure to get this book published. His mother never gave up and eventually the book was published after Toole’s death and he won a Pulitzer for it.

Nick's City Guide

Here are five cities that I really liked and five cities that I hated during my travels be it vacation or what not.

Top Five

1. Las Vegas, Nevada – OK, I know it is a cliché but damn it I love Vegas. If ever there was a modern day Sodom, this is it. It has every vice known to man. Sure, I go there for the gambling and yes, I realize that I am throwing my money away. However, it is fun. I have made three trips to the desert and I broke even twice and I will take those odds. Like I have said, if you can’t have fun in Vegas, you aren’t trying.

2. New York, New York – This city just kicked my ass. The rumors are true this city simply doesn’t stop. Every bar is open until 4 AM and you don’t need a car to get to any of them. The best public transportation system of any city I’ve ever visited. If I ever had to move out of Chicago, I think I could make a go of it in New York.

3. San Francisco, California – It is always 50-60 degrees out which is just perfect for me. Not to hot, not to cold. One of the biggest liberal cities in the United States which fits right in with my beliefs. A ton to do and everything in the city limits is within walking distance if you are willing to battle the hills.

4. New Orleans, Louisiana – A town I visited before the hurricane. I had a blast. Sure it has it its seedy side but stay in the French Quarter and you will be fine. A town you get drunk in as soon as your plane lands. Great food, loose women and potent drinks, what more could a man ask for.

5. Cleveland, Ohio – Despite all of the Cleveland jokes, it really is a nice town. A fun downtown area that offers a lot of good restaurants and bars. It is the most liberal city in Ohio which helps. The rock and roll hall of fame is a bit of a disappointment, but there are a lot of other cool things you can check out in Northern Ohio.

Bottom Five

1. Cincinnati, Ohio – Southern Ohio is a pit. A right wing, ass backwards town with no culture and no identity. For as much as I love Cleveland, that is how much I hate Cincinnati. Instead of sending me to hell, Lucifer is going to banish me to Cincinnati for all of my misdeeds.

2. Albuquerque, New Mexico – Just a boring town. Is stuck in the middle of a desert and offers nothing except windstorms and Applebee’s. Mobile and stucco homes abound this sleepy small town. Another place I couldn’t get out of fast enough.

3. Detroit, Michigan – It’s funny I like a lot of parts of this state but as for the city of Detroit itself, it is a complete hellhole. If you find yourself within the city limits run don’t walk and get the hell out of there. Again all cities have their bad parts but it seems Detroit has more then most. Not hard to dis-like a town that popularized Hell’s Night.

4. Omaha, Nebraska – I spent a week there one night. Fortunately, I have only had to visit this town once in my lifetime and I really don’t ever wish to go back. As red of a state as you can get, Nebraska is about as exciting as a can of peas. A lot of cow pastures and Stuckey's, Omaha is a town that I would like to avoid for as long as possible.

5. Indianapolis, Indiana – You know, there are some parts of Indy that aren’t bad, it’s just that there aren’t enough of them. A town that is pretty hillbilliyish and its biggest attraction is an auto race. Bad food, ugly women, missing teeth, Indianapolis has it all.

Land of 10,000 lakes

I apologize for the lack of updates. My job again took me on the road. This time I was in Bloomington, Minnesota. I was there from last Wednesday until Friday. I was sent there to fill in for a tech that was out of the office and also, because they were a little back logged with work. Here is a brief rundown of my three days there.

Wednesday 5/10 – My flight was delayed due to mechanical problems so I didn’t get into town until 2:00. I was picked up at the airport by a co-worker and we headed off to grab a bite at off all places Appleby’s. I had only been to that God forsaken place one other time in my life and I was not looking forward to another visit, but I really didn’t have a say in the matter. After eating a revolting chicken sandwich I was off to work.

I had to clear out a training room and set up a couple of computers which all went smooth enough. Since I had a late start I didn’t get out until 7:30. At that point all I wanted to do was check in to my room and relax. I checked in at the Le Bourget hotel in Bloomington and then that chicken sandwich I ate was causing me serious stomach pains. I skipped dinner completely and sat in the hotel room trying not to vomit from that Appleby’s lunch.

Thursday 5/11 – My co-worker and I got up early and headed to breakfast at the Hotel Sofitel. There I had a real good batch of French toast and I was ready for the office. I got into work and started on taking care of some stuff that needed to get done. We ordered some subs in for lunch and I busted some ass to make sure all that needed to get done, got done. My co-worker was heading to TGI Friday’s and as I passed as I wanted to catch the Mall of America.

So, I grabbed a shuttle from my hotel to the giant mall. With my dis-taste for shopping, one may wonder why I even bothered checking out the world’s largest mall. My feeling was hey I am in Minnesota, I have a limited amount of time and what the hell else is there to do. To say the mall is big is like saying Paris Hilton is a skank. It is obvious. It would take a good three days to see it all. I made the best of it by going to the under water aquarium and riding the indoor rollercoaster they have there.

After killing some time there I headed back to the hotel with the intent to order room service and head in for the night. The room service menu offered little so, I decided to hoof it down the road to the Perkins restaurant that was about two blocks away from where I was staying. I hadn’t had the displeasure of eating at a Perkins in years. I ate some turkey roll and instant mashed potatoes and headed back to the hotel and crashed for the night.

Friday 5/12 – I got up ordered some room service breakfast and met my co-worker in the lobby. We went into work and I finished up everything I had to do. We ordered in some Thai food for lunch and were preparing to head out to catch our 5:00 flight home. However, the weather in Chicago sucked so, our flight got delayed by about an hour.

With the delay, my co-worker and I stopped in a hotel bar and had a couple of beers. So, I was some-what lubricated as I headed onto the plane which took off at 6:30. We landed at O’Hare and I had to catch the shuttle back to where I parked. I got to my car and eventually navigated my way home and slept my ass off in preparation for a busy weekend.

Netflix'ed Again

Here is a brief rundown of the last five movies I got from Netflix.

The Smoker’s – A bad, bad movie and I mean that in every sense of the word. Dominique Swain stars in this pointless, obvious movie in which every cliché known to man is unearthed in a sea of bad dialogue and a nowhere plot. Stay far, far away from this turkey.

Kinsey – A real good look at Dr. Alfred Kinsey’s life and struggle to get sex to be openly talked about and studied. Kinsey had to break down a lot of walls to get a puritanical country like ours to talk about sex. Liam Neeson does a usual good job and overall I would highly recommend this one if you haven’t seen it.

Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo – I didn’t expect much and got even less. I admit that yes, I liked the first one. Sure it was stupid and sophomoric but I laughed which is the point of comedies. Still there was no reason to make a sequel and this is proof of that. I won’t even bother to get into the story line since it is so ludicrous it is beyond words. All I can say is don’t waste your time with this one.

Overnight – This is a really interesting documentary on the story of Troy Duffy who got a million dollar advance based on a screenplay from Miramax and saw it all evaporate through sheer arrogance and bad luck. Duffy comes off as a total prick in this movie and in the end when you see that he is now back to tending bar, I didn’t feel the least bit sad about it.

Alone In the Dark – Another real bad movie. It stars Christian Slater and Tara Reid and yet for some reason I still rented it. My expectation out of horror movies isn’t high, but this one offers nothing. It is not scary, suspenseful, nor does it have quality kills. On top of that you have the two stars with no chemistry what so ever.

Another Season Down The Toilet

Well, I am waving my white flag early this year. I know the Cubs are one game over .500 but trust me this team is as dead as the phrase you go girl. The boys in the blue currently have three rookies in the rotation, our best hitter is on the DL and won’t be back for at least five more weeks and we have lost five of the last six games by a combined score of 45-5. If that isn’t all you need to hear well then what is?

I often wonder just what I have done to deserve such a fate. As I sit there night after night and watch this teams futile attempts at trying to win, I have to live with the fact that White Sox are 19-4 in their last 23 games. They already won last year, they had their fun, when is it our turn? They have a solid five man rotation and their guys never have shoulder problems or food poisoning. Is it just plain luck or is it something else?

To me it comes down to philosophy. The White Sox management even after winning a World Series went into the off season and re-tooled. They went out and got another starting pitcher and bolstered its offense by picking up Jim Thome. What did we do? We signed the .248 hitting Jaque Jones to a three year deal and kept up the foolish belief that Prior and Wood would be healthy. Well Jones is hitting .239 and Prior and Wood have yet to throw a pitch this year.

The good news is that most Cub fans I know are finally fed up enough to voice their frustration at this nonsense. The booing at Wrigley is getting louder and more constant. It took the White Sox winning to wake up Cub nation but awake we are. I for one am not going to stand for this. It is only May and it is shaping up to be one hell of a long season. I will not accept mediocrity for another year. Our minor league system is running dry and the major league roster is nothing special.

I was reading a Baseball America prospectus ranking the top 25 prospects in the game and there wasn’t one Cub on the list. That is an indictment against Jim Hendry, Andy MacFAIL (yes I purposely spelled his name wrong) and the entire Cubs scouting system. It is time to re-boot folks, because this regime aint getting it done. I call for a complete system upgrade.

I would fire the lot of them. Hendry did not have this team ready for this season. Sure he shored up the bullpen but he didn’t give us an adequate right fielder and he didn’t address the starting rotation. It is not second guessing when most of Cubdom was screaming about both things in the off season. MacFAIl has been here since 1994 and we have one division title and one wild card appearance to show for his time here. I don’t know about you but that is not good enough.

Dusty Baker and his entire coaching staff all need to be let go as well. Baker is the most un-imaginative manager in the game. Wear your wrist bands some where else and take Larry Rothschild and Gene Clines with you. So, now that we have successfully removed the virus we need to get healthy.

I would hire Whitey Herzog to be the President and General Manager. Herzog is a sharp baseball man who knows the game. He would change the philosophy overnight. Being above .500 will no longer be the goal. He will want to win and will do anything to do so. I then hire Lou Pinnela to mange the team. You think Pinnela would tolerate Aramis Ramirez loafing it down the first base line?

Lord knows I could be wrong and this team could some back and salvage this season, but I doubt it. I want the Cubs to win so badly that it kills to me to watch this mediocrity. I am tired of having to hear shit form Sox and Cardinal fans. I think we have been the punch line long enough. It is time to stop getting kicked in the stomach and start doing some of the kicking ourselves. I think for as long as we have suffered we deserve a little happiness.

Women (The Conclusion)

I was no longer dating Jocelyn so I started talking to Jenny again. I guess since I was single again I wanted to make sure those feelings were in fact dead. I quickly realiedI knew that I no longer loved Jenny but I felt the real test would be to spend some time with her and make sure. I mean I was still attracted to her. But that is all it was. There was nothing behind it. I simply didn’t love her. And the more I was around her the more I remembered her bad traits.

I think she is a great person and is really giving when she is in a relationship. With that said I suddenly remembered how sick she always was. In short, she is a hypochondriac. As someone who is rarely sick and hates being so, I have always had little patience for sickly people. Being sick is a mental state. If you believe you are sick, you will be sick. If you decide one day that you are going to be happy and feeling good you will be. She was always stressed out about something and she worried about the smallest things.

Everyone was always out to screw her and her whole act got real old. It was cathartic as I finally saw her in a negative light. I didn’t need all that drama and I sure as hell wasn’t in love with her anymore. On top of all that was the fact that she was still with Eric and I am sure she had no more feelings for me anyways so, at last Jenny was 100% out of my system.

So, with Jenny out of the picture I was back to being happy and single. That year was the first year I was single for an extended period in some time. I remember Christmas of 2000 was like the first Christmas that I was really by myself in years and I liked it. I had a couple of dates here and there but no one was really doing it for me. Then, the strangest and luckiest thing happened. I got back with Jocelyn.

It was not out of loneliness or sexual frustration. I was in a good place at this point in my life. I took reflection and thought about Jocelyn. Our relationship had many problems but as I thought about her I realized I never really gave her a fair chance. Either I was stuck on Jenny or dealing with my fear of commitment. I had to realize that I was no longer in my twenties. I had to stop looking for that perfect girl because there is no perfect girl. Jocelyn got me and loved me despite all of my obvious faults.

I found myself always trying to re-capture that feeling I had when I was sixteen that I had when I was with Nancy, when one day it hit me. Maybe the reason I never felt that way again is because you can only feel that way when you are sixteen. I mean I never really got to know Nancy. I’m sure if I had wound up dating her when I was older I would have wound up seeing a bad side of her. Dating someone when you are in high school and dating someone when you are older and have had life experience are entirely different experiences. I had indeed romanticized my experience with Nancy and I had never really moved on from it. Women came and went and I never gave them a fair shake simply because I was comparing feelings I had for someone that I had built up to an unattainable level.

Once I did some soul searching, I took a look at all my failed relationships. I realized I kept making the same mistakes. I wanted the person I was with to be perfect. I had to wear the pants. I felt that I was a good enough catch but I had an issue with the small things. I would rarely go see a movie my girlfriend wanted to see. While I would drag them to ballgames or some bar, when a girlfriend wanted to go to a play or something like that I would resist. If I did go I’d bitch about it the whole time. I did not like this aspect of my personality and I figured it was time to make a change. Next time I was in a relationship I would try a little harder.

I went months without talking to Jocelyn then one day in January of 2001, I was home and I decided to give her call for no particular reason. I did not like how things ended between us and I guess I was feeling guilty about everything. It was good hearing her voice. We talked a couple of other times and we actually were getting along. We agreed to grab a bite one night as friends. We met downtown after work and we got something to eat. I was going to take the train back when she offered to give me a ride home. I must admit she looked good. I felt just like I did when we first dated.

We got back to my house and I could see that she was still a little pissed about me as she called “dumping her.” I knew I was going to have to mend some serious fences. I knew that if I did get her back this would be it. I had to figure out if she was the one. Was Jocelyn the woman I wanted to marry? All of my years of chasing women, was Jocelyn the one to make me happy? I knew that I could not get back together with her if I wasn’t going to give her a serious try. I owed her that and I also owed myself the chance to be in an adult relationship.

We did get back together. It was rough at first having to work out all of the past issues we had. After years of pressure she finally caved in and became a suburbanite. I got her to move to the Southside and we moved in together in August of 2002. During those months we dated again, I started to realize that I did in fact love her. I loved her more then I had ever loved Nancy or Jenny. Sure she had her faults, but that was it, I didn’t care. They say if you truly love someone you can love then despite their faults. She has a temper, she can be irrational, she has a tendency to nag me but, so what.

These are minor in comparison to all the good qualities she has. She is giving. She would walk over hot coals for me. She never hassles me about where I am going and who I am with. I never have to ask permission to go see my friends and she does her best to get along with my friends. She is no longer jealous and Jenny never comes up anymore. She loves me for me. She lets me be myself and doesn’t want me to be something that I am not. I was pretty happy however I knew once she moved in I was going to have to make a serious commitment to her. The only way to do that was buying her a ring.

I play Fantasy Baseball. I told her if I won the league that year I would use the winnings toward a ring. Maybe it was destiny but, wouldn’t you know it I won the league. I knew I had to buy her that ring. Wither her Mom’s help I went down to Jewlers row on Wabash and I bought her an engangement ring. I proposed marriage to her on October 10^th 2002. She accepted. I realized I was a very lucky man.

Despite all of my personal issues she decided to stick by me and wait for a thirty three year old man to grow up. I did and could not be happier that she waited. We got married on Nov. 8^th, 2003. I hate movies or stories with happy endings so, I don’t want this to get too mushy. We still have our problems. We have very different ways at looking at the world. I think I finally realized that no matter if you agree with that person or not you should at least be open minded. Patience has never been my virtue, but I find myself getting better at it with age.

It is been a long and wonderful journey. There have been many other women in my life that time did not permit me to explore. I am the man I am today based on my dealings first with Nancy. I learned that I needed to gain some confidence and not put women on a pedestal. I look back and cringe with the way I acted when I was with her.

With Jenny, I learned what loving someone is all about. I learned that you don’t know what you have until it is gone. Jenny was my first real relationship. I wore the pants for most of it and I made many mistakes with her and have done everything in my power not to repeat them. Despite everything I know now that my life is better for having known her.

Even, with Kim I learned a lot. I learned not to settle for mediocrity. You cannot change someone and if you are unhappy there is no way you can make someone else content. I also learned to look at that person objectively and see if they make you a better person.

With Jocelyn, I have taken all of those lessons and tried as best as I could to not make the same mistakes. I cannot say that one hundred percent of the time I am successful, but I am getting better. The best part is that no matter what I know that we can get through it together. I am not going anywhere and I know neither is she. I was very thorough in my search for a mate. Forever is a word that still even after I am married scares me. Yet, I am pretty content. I have found someone who lets me be me, loves me in spite of myself, and puts up with all my moods. In return I love her in exactly the same way. You cannot ask for more than that out of a life partner.

Women (Part 1 of Part 4)

In my next relationship I finally got it right but it was not without a struggle. In the end it would all be worth it. I met my wife in July of 1998. It would be my first day at Harris Bank. I was a contractor and was assigned to work on the Y2K project. On my first day I was informed there would be a team meeting where I would be meeting my teammates. One by one they walked in. When Jocelyn walked in I took notice.

She was Asian, Filipino to be exact. She had a beautiful smile and these incredible eyes. I looked at her and was instantly attracted to her. She flashed a smile and to this day everytime she flashes that same smile, my heart just melts. She says now that she knew I was checking her out but, I have my doubts. I soon hatched a plan to try and get to know her and see if I could weasel my way into dating her.

Either by luck or by destiny, I am still not sure, I was still living in my apartment in the north burbs. I would be moving in two weeks but for those two weeks I would be taking the same train with Jocelyn. So, I used that time to talk to and get to know her. One of the first things I learned about women is to listen to them. You would be surprised, but by showing some interest in what they are saying can go a long way. I would ask her open-ended questions and we were hitting it off.

It was obvious we liked each other but as usual there were obstacles. First off, I was moving back to the south burbs. At that time she knew nothing about the area south of Madison. Second, I had just freed myself from the lunacy of Kim. The last thing I wanted to do was have another girlfriend. I wanted to be single for a while. The grass is always greener on the other side and after having a serious girlfriend, (the first one in my life I was faithful with.) I needed to get back into the scene.

The third obstacle, believe it or not were my still unresolved feelings for Jenny. I never really had closure with her and in some deep down warped way I still felt that I might end up with her. The whole time she was still with Scott. In fact they had gotten engaged. I was torn when she told me that news. On the one hand I was happy for her. She deserved to be happy and even though I still did not think Scott was the one to bring her this happiness, it is what she wanted. Also, I knew if she was married it would close the book on ever being with her again. It would be like when Nancy moved away.

On the other hand, I still was carrying my heart on my sleeve and I wanted her back. I guess I felt no one could make her happy but me and she just didn’t realize it. The more I saw her the more I wanted her. It did not help that I was spending more and more time with her. Once, I broke up with Kim, I started hanging out with Jenny again. We were just friends and I reasoned that I would rather have her as a friend than nothing at all. Jocelyn was pretty smart and realized that I might still have feelings for Jenny. It was obvious and she was not about to get involved with someone who was still pinning over his ex-girlfriend.

Yet, another obstacle was that we did in fact work together. I have always had bad luck with work relationships and I knew that if I pursued Jocelyn it might cause some problems. Fortunately, she was an intern at the time and was looking for a new job. I figured I would not ask her out until she did in fact move on to greener pastures. As luck would have it she would not leave Harris until Jan. of 99 and by that time we were already dating.

The last obstacle was that Jocelyn did in fact have a boyfriend. One, who she had been dating for a couple of years. However, I could sense that she was not happy in that relationship. I wanted to wait for her to breakup with her boyfriend first before I made my move. So, I bided my time the best I could the whole time flirting with her and making it pretty obvious that I did in fact dig her.

The sexual tension between us at work was both exhilarating and frustrating. A couple of guys I worked with kept badgering me to go for it but I told them I needed to do things my own way. I had a card game at my new apartment once I moved back to the south burbs and invited Jocelyn. She did come by and we played it like it was nothing. Then, we started going to lunch together every day still pretending nothing was going on. I was determined not to make the first move with her no matter what, until the time was right.

Then sometime in September of 98, we had to work on a Saturday. I had gone out the night before and was pretty hung over. All I wanted to do was make it through the day and go home and crash. We were finally let out and Jocelyn asked me if I could give her a ride home. I was tired and beat and she lived all the way in Rodgers Park but, I didn’t want to say no to her and let her think I wasn’t interested. So, I drove her home and as I get to her apartment she asks me if I want to come in. Normally, of course I would have but I was in no condition to be flirtatious or playful. I just needed to get some sleep. As politely as I could I told her I had to get home. She then asked me if I wanted her to cut my hair as I had kidded her about it all the time at work after finding out she used to cut hair and again I politely told her no thanks.

Here she was all but begging me to come in but I just couldn’t. It had nothing to do with Jenny or me not being attracted to her. I just did not have the energy to do so. As I drove home I was pissed at myself but knew I was powerless to do anything about it.

We finally acted on our flirtations a couple of weeks later. Jocelyn was having an issue with her new computer she bought. I told her I could fix it and she brought it over to my house and I worked on it for about a half hour and eventually got it working. After I got it working, I asked if she wanted to catch a film or something. We went to see Urban Legends on our first “date.” Of course I was still being careful, as I did not want to come on to strong basically because we worked together. I wanted to wait but on the other hand I didn’t want to miss my chance.

At the end of our first date I was a perfect gentleman. Nothing happened that night but it soon would. A couple of weeks later I went to Jocelyn’s house and we went out to a bar, had some drinks and inhibitions were lowered. It was that night when we would first kiss. From the moment I first kissed her I knew she was going to be different. I instantly felt a connection with her. I mean I had kissed a lot of girls in my time but with Jocelyn, I got that special feeling that only comes along once. So, after are first kiss we hit the ground running from that point.

Sometimes you just know. Like I said, when I kissed her it just felt right. Jocelyn quickly broke up with her boyfriend and I was pretty happy that I had her as my girlfriend. We seemed to be very good together and in the first month’s things were going pretty good between us. Then I would be faced with a major test. One that I passed, but one that could have changed the course of my life forever.

I had just started dating Jocelyn when Jenny called me out of the blue. She told me that her and Scott had broken up and wanted to know if she could come live with me. I had just started to put my feelings for Jenny out of my mind when I starting going out with Jocelyn and here Jenny goes and asks me to move in. I knew if I said yes that it would be the end of my relationship with Jocelyn. I also knew that inevitably Jenny and I would probably get back together. I don’t know what her mind frame was but I certainly would not have been able as much as I may have tried to live with Jenny without something happening. I mean we are only human.

I had about twenty seconds to come up with an answer and I went with my heart and told her as much as I would like to help her, I just started going out with Jocelyn and I didn’t think it would be right if she moved in with me just starting out in a new relationship. I am sure Jenny was mad that I told her no, considering I always told her that I would always be there for her. Which at the time I said it, I meant. If she would have had nowhere else to go I might have let her stay on a temporary basis. But, I knew she could always go back to her Mom’s or another friend’s house.

As it turns out she went to live her with her friend Eric who she of course got involved with. The good news at least to me was that I had passed the test. In my mind, there was no surer sign that I was over Jenny than turning her away at her most vulnerable. I was now ready to pursue my new love, Jocelyn. Or so I thought.

From that point on I put Jenny out of my mind and started going out with Jocelyn. It started out great but after awhile we started to have some problems. Jocelyn was still not convinced I was over Jenny. So, she would often wonder, rightfully so about my commitment to her. Also, Jocelyn and I evolved from casual dating to seeing each other everyday rather quickly. We had both just gotten out of long-term relationships and maybe rushed into things. We had formed opinions of each other from work and my personality at work is different from my personality at home.

On top of that our biggest obstacle was the distance between where we lived. After having just gone through the nightmare of living away from my Southside roots, the last thing on earth I wanted to do was hang around on the north side again. Jocelyn felt, rightfully so I might add that she was always coming to my house and I was not going to hers as much. She took this to mean I wasn’t interested in pursuing her. I mean I moved to another part of town for Kim and yet I rarely would so much as spend the night at her house.

The reasons for this were many and none of them had anything to do with my feelings for Jocelyn. I loved her, but I had learned from my mistakes with Kim. I was miserable being away from the south side. Call me a curmudgeon if you want but that is were I was happiest. My friends whom I’ve known forever all lived in the south burbs. I liked being around them again and being able to partake in all of the social events like before I moved. The more I was away from the area the more unhappy I became and it had nothing to do with Jocelyn. Of course she did not see it that way.

She felt that I wanted her to be the one to make all the changes in her life while I just sat back and waited for her to come to me. While, that argument was not without its merit there were a lot of other reasons for me to want to be close to home. I needed to be close to my Grandmother’s house as she routinely calls me to mow the lawn, go to the store for her, and take her to the bank and so on. Since my brother long ago decided to become a north sider, he left most of that stuff to me. As much as I tried to make Jocelyn understand, she just couldn’t.

Of course the Jenny situation was still looming. Jocelyn, like Kim forbid me to see Jenny. I liked having Jenny as a friend. She was happy with her new boyfriend and I was happy with Jocelyn and I didn’t see the harm in being friends with her. While we were friends Jenny and I rarely fought. Which made me realize that maybe being friends is all we could ever be with each other, and that was fine by me. Jocelyn could not come to terms with this. Part of the problem in an effort to be honest, I told her all about my sordid past. Instead of easing her worries this only heightened them.

So as the months went on there started to be some issues in our relationship and we started fighting. Looking back neither one of us was really happy. Jocelyn will claim I broke up with her but I still don’t see it that way. Around March of 2000 things were really bad between us. We fought all the time. Jocelyn wanted me to move closer to her and I was refusing. She wanted more of a commitment from me and I was not there yet. In the back of my mind I still had my doubts. Sure I loved her but didn’t I love Jenny before. That didn’t work out, what made me think this would? I realized I had my own fears to tackle once again.

We had stopped having fun and I wanted a break. I just could not deal with the situation anymore. I wasn’t happy and I cannot believe she was either. Having just gotten out of a relationship in which I was extremely unhappy I was determined not to let that happen again. So, I told Jocelyn that I thought it was a good idea if we stopped seeing each other for a while.

She was not in favor of that plan. This brought up a basic difference of how we were brought up. I was brought up in an environment of divorce. My parents were divorced and I other family members that also dissolved their marriages. For Jocelyn, her parents constantly fought and stayed together. So, while my upbringing taught me to dissolve a bad relationship hers taught her to stay together no mater what. We fought all the time yet she wanted to stay together. I could not understand it.

In some ways I still loved her and it was hard to end it but I did. I thought I was doing her a favor. Deep down Jocelyn knew that we should be together. However at that time I was not in a mind frame to take the next step. So, for the next ten months I was again single. At that point I could have simply moved on and never given my one true love another thought. Sometimes you need to lose something to realize how much you miss it and in the coming months that would be the case with Jocelyn. The conclusion to this tale will come in my next writing.