Stop, Using These Expressions

I hereby am asking that the following expressions and sayings be officially retired from America’s vocabulary.

Awesome – It was clever in 1982 when Sean Penn said it in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Now, not so much. It has become beyond over-used. Cheese Fries are not awesome. By throwing it out there so much it de-values of the word. Awesome needs to be reserved for truly awesome events. Example, George W. Bush is an awesomely bad President.

You Go Girl – Really any variation of this lame, un-original banality needs to go. It was never clever or hip. If in 2007 you are still using this term, hand over your Drivers License because you are not equipped to operate a large vehicle.

Happy Camper – Oh, how I loathe this one. First off what the fuck does it mean? You know anytime I am camping and it is not raining, then I am happy. Otherwise why go camping if it doesn’t make you happy. It was never funny or original and needs to go far, far away.

Talk to the Hand – This one was funny for two minutes in 1997. If for some reason you are still using this, put down your Crystal Pepsi, shave your mullet and say hello to the new millennium.

Are We Having Fun Yet – Usually said to try and lighten a mood when things are going bad. Well, you know what, asshole No, I am not having fun and your dip-shit comments are not helping.

Money – Should only be used when describing currency. Swingers was a bad movie in so many ways. One of its biggest crimes was that it led to “money” being used by a bunch of frat boy morons. Stop it. I beg you.

“Not” - Okay, Wayne’s World came out in 1992. That was fifteen years ago. I think it is time we retire using the word, “not” after making a statement to try to emote the opposite effect. So, let me officially retire this one. Using this term shows how cool and hip you are and it shows that you can still relate to teenagers. NOT!!!!!!!!

Don’t Go There – Another in a long line in terms that are no longer funny or relevant. So, I won’t go there and I ask the rest of civilization not to as well.

That’s So Gay – You know what is gay, one man sucking another man’s cock. Now, that is gay. When using it as an adjective to describe something you think is lame or disagree with, well then you are not using the term gay correctly. You are just bashing homosexuals.

Get Drunk and Get Laid

I don’t care how this sounds, underage kids should experiment. That includes with booze and sex. When I say underage I mean like late teens. I know that sounds about as politically incorrect as all hell but I don’t give a shit. We have child proofed, safety helmeted, and over-protected these fucking kids enough. Which as a result has produced a bunch of boring, vanilla, pussy-ass kids.

Kids are going to be curious about many things. Teaching responsibility about the dangers of sex and alcohol is extremely important. Abstinence is a philosophy that is never going to work no matter how much you pray and try to shield kids. Eventually they go to college and I would like to think that parents would want them to have some life experience before they get out on their own.

Sex, is so demonized in our stick up its ass country that, it angers me. There is nothing wrong with sex. We are human beings and as such we have primal urges to Rock the Casbah from time to time. So, to tell teenagers whose hormones are out of control to suppress those urges is ludicrous. Instead of teaching suppression how about we teach them about responsibility.

Open and frank conversations while highly embarrassing between a teen and a parent, hopefully can produce results. Telling kids about condoms and STD’s should not be avoided. There are also emotional issues regarding sex that you don’t learn about until you get older so, it is important to stress them as well. Teaching this shit in school is also a must, because lets be honest, a lot of parents are not going to talk to kids about sex.

They need to get this information somewhere. I always thought, and I now this sounds crazy, school was a place you go to learn things. Learning about sex as dirty and icky as it might seem to the 700 club needs to be taught. Learning about birth control, and the reproduction system is as important and much more practical as learning the quadratic formula.

Also, and this is something that has burned my ass forever, there is a huge double standard between girls and boys when it comes to this issue. Guys screw a bunch of girls they are studs. Girls enjoy sex a little too much and they are whores. To, which I say bullshit. Girls need to be extra careful when it comes to birth control because lets face it, if they aren’t there could be huge ramifications for them. But, if you take those precautions, sex can be a wonderful and beautiful thing.

Demonizing it, only wants to make kids do it more. So, start passing out condoms in high schools, talk about masturbation and let’s get our heads out of our asses and start some serious dialogue about this subject. If one really wants to do something about teen pregnancy and abortion then getting it out in the open is the answer. Pretending it doesn’t exist only makes things worse.

Now, drinking is another matter. I understand the dangers of underage drinking. I understand them because, I drank like a fish when I was underage. Thankfully, I had people who were older around me that taught me about booze. Just to put this all in perspective, the first time I get really drunk in my life was at my Mom and Lou’s wedding. I was fifteen.

So, the first time I got hammered I was around family members who saw it and were able to introduce me to the world of drinking. I learned some lessons that next day as I awoke in my Aunt’s kitchen with the imprint of her linoleum floor on my face. I staggered to the bathroom and voided pretty much everything in my stomach.

That taught me that if you over do things well, there are ramifications. It was pounded into my head that if you are going to drink, never under any circumstance get behind the wheel. Also, if a friend of yours is getting bombed don’t let them drive either. For the most part, my friends and when we drank, were cool about it. We didn’t get behind the wheel or become date rapists.

There is a drinking code that needs to be taught. Sadly, again by teaching abstinence when kids eventually drink they have no idea how to do so responsibly. We have become so over-protective today, that it sickens me. There is no way I would want to be a teenager today. The knee jerk reaction bobble heads have taken over.

I don’t want to live in a society where our teenagers are all virgins and go out to the sock hop and get all wild on Pepsi and milkshakes. Because all that does is lead to a society of a bunch of boring people. Which leads to a very bland general public in which we get a bunch of un-original people. I want these kids to enjoy their teen years. Drinking and screwing are fun. Life experience is a good thing. Getting drunk off your ass playing Quarters should be a right of passage. Losing your virginity to Mary Jane in the back seat of a Pinto is something that should be revered. Sadly, in George Bush’s America we are heading in quite the opposite direction.

Simpsons Movie Continued

Here are my favorite episodes from the Simpsons from season 10-18.

Season 10: Mayored to the Mob – Homer becomes Mayor Quimby’s personal bodyguard. But he soon gets him trouble with Fat Tony. Favorite Quote: Comic Book Guy: How do you feel about 45 year old virgins that still live with their mother? Comic Book Girl: Comb the sweet tarts out of your beard and we are on. Comic Book Guy: Don’t try to change me baby.

Season 11: Beyond the Laughter – A takeoff of the popular behind the music series on VH1. Basically chronicles the rise of the Simpsons warts and all. Favorite Quote: Homer: I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute.

Season 12: Worst Episode Ever – The Comic Book Guy has a heart attack so Bart and Millhouse are left to run the store in his absence. The Comic Book Guy then starts dating Principal Skinner’s Mother. Favorite Quote: Ralph: (as he enters the Adults Only section of the Comic Book Store) Everybody’s Hugging.

Season 13: The Sweetest Apu – Apu cheats on Manjula with the Squishee Girl. Manjula finds out and files for divorce. Apu talks her into taking him back but only if he performs some unusual requests. Favorite Quote: Sqishee Lady: Oh, Apu scratch and win.

Season 14: Large Marge- Marge goes into the Doctor’s office to get liposuction and mistakenly gets breast implants much to Homer’s and most of Springfield’s delight. Favorite Quote: Mayor Quimby: Doctor, my assistant is as flat as ever. Where are the new knockers the tax payers paid for?

Season 15: Bart Mangled Banner - Bart is turned temporarily deaf when he receives a shot from Dr. Hibbard. This causes him to accidentally moon the Flag during a donkey basketball game. Favorite Quote: Skinner: Your child’s behavior appalls me. Not just as a principal but as a veteran of America’s only losing war. Homer: To Date.

Season 16: There’s Something About Marrying - Springfield legalizes Gay marriage. Rev Lovejoy refuses to perform these ceremonies so, Homer becomes a Minister and marries anything to anyone. Patty comes out of the closet as a Lesbian. Favorite Quote:
Homer: Marge, I'd be a lot more worried about me leaving you for a sausage patty than your sister Patty.

Season 17 Girls Just Want to Have Sums – Principal Skinner makes some sexist comments forcing the school to be turned over to a Women’s Educational Expert who divides the school between boys and girls. Favorite Quote: Marge: Women are as smart as men. Why, a Woman invented Liquid Paper. Homer: Well you know what a man invited? Actual paper.

Season 18 The Haw- Hawed Couple – After Bart is forced to attend Nelson’s birthday party, Bart and Nelson wind up becoming best friends. Favorite Quote: Homer: It is time to do what I do best. Lie to a Child.

The Simpsons Movie

On Friday the Simpsons movie will be opening. I tired to pick my ten favorite episodes but that was way to difficult when you consider that there are over 300 of them. So, I will give you my favorite episode from each season. Here are my favorites from Season 1-9.

Season 1: Krusty Gets Busted – This is the first episode where we meet Sideshow Bob voiced by Kelsey Grammar. The first season was very rudimentary and was going through some growing pains. This one is the best of the season. Sideshow Bob robs the Kwik-E-Mart and sets up Krusty for the crime. Bart eventually figures it out and gets Bob arrested. Favorite Quote: Apu: Yes, Yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store you know.

Season 2: Bart the Daredevil – Here we begin to see the genius of the Simpsons. A number of really good episodes but my favorite has to be Bart the Daredevil. Bart after seeing Captain Lance Murdock jump a tank filled with electric eels, a shark, and one Mountain Lion, decides that he wants to become a daredevil himself. He decides he wants to jump Springfield Gorge on his skateboard. Homer in an attempt to stop him winds up on the skateboard and severely injures himself attempting the jump. Favorite Quote: Dr Hibbard: This little boy broke his leg trying to fly like Superman, this boy’s brother hit him over the head with a wrench, mimicking a recent TV wrestling match. I won’t even subject you to the horrors of the Three Stooges Ward.

Season 3: Bart the Murderer – Bart winds up working for Fat Tony, Springfield’s Mob leader. He winds up becoming the bartender for Fat Tony’s social club and makes a mean drink. Bart is late to work because he is in detention thanks to Principal Skinner. This causes Fat Tony some embarrassment with a rival gang. So, Fat Tony pays Seymour a visit. He goes missing and Fat Tony blames Skinners murder on Bart. Favorite Quote: Mr. Burns: Thank God we live in a country so hysterical over crime that a ten-year-old child can be tried as an adult.

Season 4: Kamp Krusty- Bart and Lisa head off to Kamp Krusty for their summer vacation. There they are terrorized by Mr. Black, He recruits Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney to enforce order. Krusty never shows up at the camp causing a revolt in which Bart is the leader. Favorite Quote: Mr. Black: (as he is preparing a toast) Gentleman, to evil.

Season 5: Cape Feare – This maybe the best season of the show so it is hard to pick just one episode. In this one, Sideshow Bob is paroled and decides to exact revenge on Bart. The Simpsons go into the Witness Protection Program but Bob tracks them down and Bart uses some show tunes to escape death. Favorite Quote: Parole Board Member: No one who speaks German can be an evil man.

Season 6: Homer Badman – Homer is accused of grabbing the ass of his baby-sitter. In reality he was grabbing a piece of candy. Homer then becomes the town villain and is saved by a video taken by Groundskeeper Willie. Favorite Quote: Homer: Could you take the wheel for a moment. I have to scratch myself in two places at once.

Season 7: Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in “The Curse of the Flying Hellfish.” – A classic in which Abe Simpson and Mr. Burns are the last two surviving members of a WWII Army battalion the Hellfish. Mr. Burns decides to knock off Grandpa Simpson and Bart learns that his Grandpa was not always a blabbering old man. Favorite Quote: Baron: (Upon seeing Grandpa and Bart hugging) Hey, fun boys get a room.

Season 8: You Only Move Twice – A brilliant episode in which Albert Brooks provides the voice of Hank Scorpio. He recruits Homer to work for him and moves the Simpsons to Cypress Creek. Homer is finally good at his job but the rest of the family is miserable so, Homer is forced to quit and move back to Springfield. Favorite Quote: Hank: By the way Homer what’s your favorite country France or Italy? Homer: Italy. Hank: No one ever says France.

Season 9: The Cartridge Family – Homer decides he needs a gun. After buying one he chooses it over his family forcing Marge and kids to shack up at a seedy motel. Favorite Quote: Homer: You couldn’t be more wrong Lisa. If we didn’t have this gun the King of England could come just walk in here anytime he wants and start pushing you around.

Hey Chicago, What Do You Say

What a difference a year makes. Last July at this time I was counting down days until Bears training camp opened. This year when someone told me it opened in a week, I was floored. I could not believe it was approaching so fast. The explanation for the two vastly different attitudes towards Bears camp, has been the success of my beloved Cubs this year and impending feeling of doom regarding the Bears.

Last year at this time it was like the Bataan Death March watching the Cubs. They sucked and that is an understatement. The team had no passion and played like they didn’t give a shit. With Dusty “Sleepy” Baker at the helm there was not much reason for optimism. He kept running the same sad sack lineup out there day in day out. He never tried to tinker with the lineup or bench someone who underperformed. Nefi Perez was in the lineup wasting away and being a Cub fan was not a whole lotta fun.

Thus, in 2006 at this time while I was still a Cub fan, it did not give me much pleasure. So, my sports attention was focused on the Bears. They had just come off a NFC North title and a playoff appearance. The team on paper looked improved, with the promise of a full year of Rex Grossman fueling our towns hope that maybe it could be our year.

Of course we all know what happened. The Bears came out of the gate like gangbusters and whipped up on the competition to the tune of a 13-3 regular season and their first trip to the Super Bowl since the magical 1985 season.

As Spring Training approached this year, I was cautiously optimistic about the Cubs. They at long last spent some money and on paper were a contending team. Also, the Cubs finally fired Dusty and brought in one of the best managers in the game in Lou Pinella. I had long been wishing that Sweet Lou would be brought in to manage my beloved Cubs and it was a dream come true when it came to fruition.

The season started and the Cubs basically blew a tire the first two months. To say I was disappointed would be a stretch. However, since June no team in baseball has been hotter then my Cubs. Lou tinkered with the roster and the lineup until he got a team he liked. All of the sudden Cub games have become appointment TV. It is so much fun watching this team play, I can not describe it. It is a complete 180 degree turn from last year.

So, with the Cubs gaining all of my focus, I kind of forgot about the Bears. Or, maybe I have just chosen to forget them, as I don’t have a lot of hope for the upcoming season. I could be wrong but, they have made a lot of moves that I just don’t get. Trading Thomas Jones for basically nothing boggles my mind. All this guy has done is go out there and rush for over 1,000 yards two years in a row. While he is no world beater, he is a solid NFL back. The Bears drafted Cedric Benson (AKA the new Curtis Enis) and they have to justify paying him so, they trade away Jones.

Plus, without Tank in the middle and who knows what Lance Briggs is going to do, I don’t see how this years team is better then last years. We got to the Super Bowl and lost. So, instead of going out and improving the team, Bears management made the team worse. God knows I hope I am wrong, and in their weak ass division they still may go 10-6 but I don’t foresee another trip to the big game. But, I could care less if the Cubs keep playing the way they are. Maybe this October could be magical after all.

Some Netflix Reviews

Here are some mini reviews of the last ten Netflix rentals.

Slither – This was a fun horror movie. In the Tremors and Evil Dead mold, it is funny and does not take itself too seriously. If you get a chance give it a whirl as this movie should have had a bigger audience.

The Puffy Chair – An extremely low budget road movie where a guy, his brother and his girlfriend travel to deliver a Lazy Boy to their dad in Atlanta. I kind of liked it in that it didn’t Hollywood up the ending.

Victory – A movie time forgot. A 1980’s WWII film in which Sly Stallone and Michael Caine are POW’s in Germany. The Germans organize a soccer game between the Nazi’s and the prisoners. Stallone organizes an escape during the soccer game. Not a bad movie.

Basic Instinct II – I know what you are thinking, why did you even bother? Well, I wanted to see for myself just how bad this movie really was, and it was bad. Sharon Stone looks good for her age, I will give her that. But if a sequel was going to be made it should have been done like ten years ago.

The Warrior’s – I saw this movie back in the day and really liked it. Had not seen it in years and I must admit time has not been kind to it. Kind of lost a little and was not as good as I remember it.

V for Vendetta – I really dug this flick. I wasn’t sure I was going to like it but I was kind of shocked how much I enjoyed it. If you can get past the main character talking through a mask it is a great film with a ton of political overtones.

Miracle Mile – A 1980’s flick staring Anthony Edwards about a nuke that is about to go off. I have no idea why I ever entered this movie into my queue. One day it showed up, so I watched it. It was pretty much a waste of time.

Spun – A movie about speed freaks. Overall it was decent and bizarre enough with Mickey Rourke giving a great performance reminding us of what a great actor he could be when motivated.

Paradise Lost – A documentary about the West Memphis Three who in my humble opinion have been wrongly imprisoned for a gruesome set of child murders. The more I read about this case, the more pissed I get. A small town assumes three kids did this because the leader of the three likes Metallica and has a book about Wicca. Anyone who, like me thinks the justice system in this country is corrupt, should watch this film and read up on this case.

The New Kids – Another movie that I am not sure how it ended up in my queue. Pretty lame story about a brother and sister whose parents die and they are forced to move to the sticks and work at their Uncle’s amusement park. There the girl draws the attention of James Spader who torments the “New Kids.” In case you are still wondering, yes, it sucked.

Some More Observations

Another weekend and some more meaningless observations from Nick.

When planning the layout of a mall, there should be a sports and porn shop next to every Bath and Body Works. There is no store on earth that turns my brain to mush faster then Bath and Body Works. Joyce and I were at Orland Mall on Sunday and she of course can not pass by that store without going in. I did my usual, look around to any other retail outlet I could duck my head into to kill time. Alas, there was nothing.

To my left was a White Candle Barn, which is more effeminate then Bath and Body Works. To my right was an Abercrombie and Fitch which I way to old to be shopping in. Across from me was a Sbarro and a Build a Bear workshop. I was in hell. So, I sucked it up and went in with her. In reality they should just have a large bowl where all men like me can hand over their nut sacks, upon entering.

I looked around and I saw that they sold men’s shaving cream for the low price of $10 bucks for a bottle that you might get two shaves out of. For the good of all man kind I implore you, mall builders of America put a store that has some semblance of masculinity in close proximity to all Bath and Body Works and for that matter you can throw Express in there are well.

There is no better smell in the world then Twizzlers in a movie theater. Joyce and I were sitting in Marcus Theater waiting for Ratatouie, (which by the way, rocks) to start and someone close to us opened up a package of the red delicious Twizzlers. Instantly, I wanted some for myself.

Joyce and I were sharing a tub of popcorn that could have fed a small third world nation, so I wasn’t really hungry at that point. Still, I wanted to get up and hit the concession stand after smelling those licorice delights and down an entire bag. I have long had a love affair with licorice. Most people love chocolate, but give me some red or for that matter black licorice any day of the week.

Jenifer Aniston hasn’t made a good movie other then Office Space. Okay, She’s the One is ok but that is it. Be it Rumor Has It, Along Came Polly, The Object of My Affection, Rock Star, Picture Perfect, or ‘Till There Was You they have all pretty much sucked. So, I ask why does she still get to make movies and why would anyone in their right mind go out to a movie theater and spend their good hard earned money on anything she stars in?

For that matter, really have any of the Friends alums done anything noteworthy? Seriously, it has been a ton of crap put out by those six. Need I mention Joey, The Pall Bearer, Lucky Numbers, or Almost Hero’s? I was a never a fan of that show, and the choices those actors have made have been pretty bad.

I am addicted to Freeze Pops. A couple of months ago, I was in Menards to buy my allotment of grass fertilizer and light bulbs, when I saw an end cap that had 100 count cases of Pop Ice freeze pops on sale for $2.50. So, I bought one and put them in the freezer. Now, I have always had an affinity for the freeze pops but, I hadn’t bought any in years. But, much like a heroin addict all it took was one hit and I was instantly hooked again. I quickly went back to Menards and this time bought two cases. Those lasted awhile but eventually, I was running out of them. So, I again went back to Menards to get my fix. The end cap was gone. I started to panic, but with Joyce’s help we were able to navigate through the store and find a couple of cases stashed away in the food aisle they have there.

I bought two more cases. I should have bought more, but foolishly I was under the impression that you can buy these things anywhere. Yesterday I noticed my stock was getting low again. So, after going to the movies I went to Menards. They were all out. I even went to the unthinkable action of asking a stock boy if they had any left.

After that, needing my fix, we went to Kmart. When I used to work there the freeze pops were a staple of the store. I was always stocking them. But, I looked around and nothing. I was now at Defcon 2. I was in such a withdrawal state, that my wife talked me into going to Wal-Mart. Now, the level for which I hate that store can not be measured. I hate it more then George W. Bush hates Charles Darwin. But, I was jonesing.

So, I hold my nose and enter Wal-Mart. Now they did have the freeze pops but they only had the giant ones. I really don’t care for those. I like the small version for some reason. Maybe the thought of going down on something that phallic unnerves me. But, I digress. I passed on the Giant freeze pops, got the hell out of there and headed to the old reliable Jewel.

Jewel also, only had the giant variety. At this point sensing defeat, I bought a 24 pack to tide me over and headed home to the wonder of the internet. There I found a site that had the small freeze pops I like. I ordered two 100 count cases of them. That should get me through the summer.

Wal-Mart parking lots consist of nothing but mini-vans and SUV’s. Next time you find yourself in the parking lot, take a look at how many regular cars are there compared to Mini-Vans and SUV’s. It is a blowout. I am not sure what this means, but it was something that I observed as I headed into the un-holiest of unholy stores yesterday.

Some Observations

Here are some observations I have made over the last week.

Babies R Us is a great place to meet chicks. Since Joyce was working on Saturday she left it up to me to pick up a gift at Babies R Us for a shower we were attending. I have never been in the place. I went there and noticed I was the only guy there by himself. Sure, there were some preggo’s in the storte but there were also some single women looking to by gifts like me.

This got me to thinking, that this place is like Spanish fly. I point this out to all my single friends, the Babies R Us Franchise is a chick magnet. On top of the availability of said women, you also got them thinking about babies. Women, have this maternal instinct that gets intensified when they are in this store. So, basically it is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Joe Buck and Tim McCarver are twins spawned from the seed of the demon. I was forced to have to listen to their inane banter for three hours during the All Star game. These guys don’t have an original thought between them. Joe Buck is the most obnoxious broadcaster working. If he wasn’t Jack Buck’s son he would never get work. He over reacts, over dramatizes and thinks whoever is playing is the greatest. He gave more blow jobs during the broadcast then a groupie backstage at a Metallica concert.

Just how Tim McCarver keeps getting hired is beyond me. I don’t know anyone who thinks this guy is knowledgeable in the least. He is a bore and adds noting to a broadcast. There are so many better analysts out there that it boggles the mind how he keeps his job. I don’t know who he has pictures of but they must be incriminating.

The Taste of Chicago is for tourists. I love my wife. I must because every year she talks me into going to the taste. I hate going. Let me set the scene. There are a bunch of rhino’s chowing down on turkey legs and fried dough at alarming rates. The smells are worse then that of the elephant cage of Brookfield Zoo. People walk like zombies, unaware of others all in the pursuit of chicken wings and turtle soup. Add to that, it is usually hotter then the surface of Mars and you can see why I hate it.

Eating Raisin Bran in the morning gives me plenty of ammunition in my cheese cutting contests at work. I work with two other guys. We share a large office which has three desks. We really need a woman in our little area because we let em rip whenever the feeling hits. I don’t drink coffee and my co-workers do. So, each morning I was getting blown out of our room in a barrage of flatulence that brought tears to the eyes. It was a war and I was losing.

So, I deiced to fight back. I bought a big old box of Raisin Bran and now each morning I have a nice big bowl with some 2% milk. This enables me to add some pungency to the battle. There are more tunes coming out of our asses in the morning then at the Chicago Symphony orchestra.

Working in Downers Grove turns your brain to mush. At least at my company it does. It is like a cult there and each person is more of a dullard then the next. Maybe it is having no choice but to eat Fuddruckers or Olive Garden for lunch. Or maybe it is being stuck inside an Office Space type environment for eight hours a day. Whatever it is these people need to get out more. I really can’t describe the scene adequately. It is something one needs to experience for themselves. Whenever I am forced to have to go to our office there, I brace myself for the worst and usually receive it as it becomes a parade of dumbass after dumbass asking questions at a third grade level.

Die Hard

I saw Live Free or Die Hard and wound up liking it a whole lot. It was exactly what an action movie should be. It was exciting, funny, kept you on the edge of your seat and Tim Olyphant was a great bad ass. Okay, so it is not Citizen Kane, but for a summer blockbuster, popcorn movie I could not have asked for more. I have loved all four of the Die hard flicks. I have defended the films for years. Name me a franchise that has been able to put together four good movies? This may be the lone exception. Here are my rankings of the four.

Die Hard (1988) – I saw this at Ford City Mall and was blown away by it. From the first ten minutes of the flick on you are on the edge of your seat. Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber, was perfect. They say imitation is the highest form of flattery and this movie has been ripped off a million times. For my money it doesn’t get any better then this one for an action flick.

Live Free or Die Hard (2007) – As I stated above, this one really blew me away. I admit I was skeptical going in and was surprised how much I enjoyed it. This movie is fun. Justin Long and Willis work well together and again mad props to Olyphant as the villain.

Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995) – I know a lot of people who don’t like this one but, I really do. Here we have McClane back in New York on the outs with his wife and about to be fired. In comes Jeremy Irons as Simon Gruber and he starts blowing shit up. Samuel L. Jackson and Willis have a nice banter throughout the film and again, you are on the edge of your seat the entire film.

Die Hard II (1990) – A good movie but it is the weakest of the bunch. Takes place mostly at an airport and does have a nice appearance by Denis Franz playing a dumb ass local cop. The plot was kind of weak but we do get a lot of quality kills to offset everything.

The Police: Tonight

Well if you happen to run into me today please excuse the large bulge in my pants, for you see today I am going to see the Police. This is the culmination of having had to wait twenty-three years for this day.

I have read some not so good reviews of the shows so far, but at this point so what. I am seeing the Police. For years whenever I would be asked, which band that you haven’t seen live would you pay any amount of money to see, my answer was always the same, the Police. Now I have to come up with another band.

I have seen the Who, The Stones, Peter Gabriel, AC/DC and Paul McCartney. Now that I will be able to add the Police to that list, here is a short list of acts that I would love to see live, some of which I know I will never have the chance.

The Clash – When Joe Strummer was alive a reunion tour was in the works according to rumors. When he died suddenly there went any chance of seeing the mighty Clash.

Talking Heads – I have been a fan forever and Stop Making Sense is one of my favorite concert videos. They played at the Rock and Roll Hall fame ceremony when they were inducted and sounded better then ever. Maybe it is time they re-group for a tour.

Nirvana – I had a chance to see them for the In Utero tour and didn’t want to spend the cabbage, thinking I would have plenty of chances to see them. Kurt would be dead months later.

Genesis w/ Peter Gabriel – Not the Invisible Touch, Phil Collins monstrosity that they are touring with this year. I want a Gabriel led Lamb Lies Down type tour.

Spinal Tap – Would there be anything cooler then seeing this fictional band actually play live?

Neil Diamond – OK, I admit this is kind of geeky, but so what. I realize I would be unique, in that I am a man and I am under fifty years old. Still I know Neil puts on a hell of show and I would love to say I saw him.

The Ramones – Sadly, I never got off my ass and saw these guys when I was young enough and Joey and Johnnie were still alive.

Van Halen w\ Roth – The thing is even if they did bury the hatchet and reunited for a tour I am not sure I would want to see that. I would have liked to have seen them in the early 80’s when they were clicking on all cylinders.

March Pictures

Well it was a successful march in that we made it. It turned out to be chance to celebrate my friend Wally getting engaged to his long time girlfriend Jonna. Anyway, here is a link the pictures we took of the carnage. See if you can tell just where the worm turned and I got drunk taking these.

http://new.photos.yahoo.com/nafran/album/576460762404788747