Nick Out

There will be a lack of blogging (have I mentioned how much I hate that term.) I am heading to Las Vegas this weekend and then will be on vacation all next week. I am flying Southwest Airlines, so please everyone wish me luck. I hate flying Southwest mainly because of the cattle call policy of not assigning seats. Sadly, Southwest is far and away the largest carrier at Midway airport so, if you want to fly out of Midway you are stuck with them. I never thought I would miss ATA but alas I do.

People I Don't Want to Know

Here are people I don’t want to know.

Anyone who bought Wild Hog’s on DVD

Anyone who watches NASCAR on Sunday’s instead of football

Anyone who has a sticker of a guy in one car manufacturer shirt pissing on a guy in a rival manufacturer shirt on their truck

Anyone over the age of 25 who still listen to B-96

Guys who when after taking a leak in the men’s room after just having their hand on their wang don’t see the need to wash their hands

Anyone that chooses to watch Desperate Housewives over The Office on Thursdays

Anyone that would buy a book written by that cunt, Ann Coulter

Anyone that don’t use all their vacation time allotted to them from there place of employment

Anyone who thinks Bennigan's has good food

Anyone who majored in Business

Soups On

With the cold winter months fast approaching that can only mean one thing, it is soup time. I love soup. It makes a perfect meal on a cold day. There is nothing like the feeling of kicking back with a big ass bowl of soup on a January day. It just makes everything right with the world. Here is a list of my favorite and least favorite soups.

Favorite

Cream of Chicken – I could eat this one by the trough. Throw in some rice and I have a meal.

Cream of Potato – Another great cream soup. I like mine with some bacon thrown in. Dominick’s of all places makes a kick ass one.

Tomato Rose Marina – Specifically, Les Brothers version of this soup. I don’t know what they do to it, but it is killer. Used to have it as their soup of the day on Saturday’s and there were many a night I stumbled in and had a 3 AM bowl of it.

Egg Lemon – A Greek soup that I love. I can’t make a trip to Greektown and not have a cup. That creamy lemon mixture is to die for.

Egg Drop – My favorite Chinese soup. I like most of them, but this is my default. I know it is simple, but man I really like this one.

Chicken Noodle – The old stand by classic. For my money my Grandmother used to make a killer chicken noodle with these dot sized noodles. If you are sick in the slightest there is nothing more comforting then a bowl of Chicken noodle.

Matzah Ball – A Jewish delicacy. I highly suggest the Matzah they serve at the Bagel on Belmont. A cup of that and you are done eating for a month.

Pasta Fagioli – My Italian favorite. My Grandma has a friend, who used to make a big pot of it for the St. Joseph table. My wife also makes a killer one as well, after I told her how much I liked it.

Beef Barley – Another one I learned to love thanks to Les Brothers. They make a mean one and I also found a place in the loop that has a pretty hearty version.

Beef Vegetable – An old standby classic. I like it loaded up with potato’s carrots, beans, peas and celery. It is a simple but usually very good.

Least Favorite

Cream of Broccoli – To quote Newman from Seinfeld, “Broccoli you vile weed.” I can not stand it and this soup which seems to be a wedding staple, is horrendous. I get sick at the mere smell of it.

Cream of Mushroom – Another cream soup I am not a fan of. I do like recipes in which cream of mushroom soup is used such as tuna casserole, but the soup itself I am not a fan of.

Split Pea – Another soup that the smell alone we make me ill. After every Easter, my Grandma would use that ham bone to make her split pea soup. And every year I would either have to choke down a bowl or starve. You wonder why I was so skinny when I was a kid.

Clam Chowder – I am not a fish guy so it reasons that I would not a big clam chowder fan. I know it is very popular but, I’ve never been able to get past the clam part.

Cream of Spinach – I don’t hate spinach. I find you can hide it things and it is not too terrible. However in a cream soup it really sucks. Just a bad combo.

Cheddar Cheese – Cheddar Cheese soup just might be the most disgusting thing on this planet. I am not a big yellow cheese guy to begin with and this soup smells and looks wrong. Outside of being on top of a hamburger cheddar cheese should never be consumed.

Lentil – I have tried to like this one, I really have. Lentils are just so bland and tasteless that I have never been able to dig the soup.

French Onion – Another one that I just don’t care for, while it seems like everyone else in the free world enjoys. I think the Lipton mix makes a great dip but the soup itself I am not a big fan of.

Miso – Every time the wife wants Japanese food I know I am in for a bowl of Miso soup. I’m sorry but any soup with tofu in it is going to suck balls.

Cabbage – The diet craze soup that tastes like watered shit. Hey, I like cabbage and sauerkraut. But cabbage soup is atrocious.

Book Report Time

Here is a brief summary of the last five books that I have read.

Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live as Told by It’s Stars, Writers, and Guests by Tom Shales and James A. Miller – I got this book for a quarter at the Oak Lawn Library. It is a very interesting look back at the show’s origins and chronicles all of the ups and downs the show has had. While I personally think the show is in the toilet currently, it has over the years produced some of the biggest comedic stars over the last thirty years. This book has a lot of behind the scenes stories and interviews a ton of people associated with the show.

Savage Love: Straight Answers from America’s Most Popular Sex Columnist by Dan Savage – I have been reading Savage Love online for years. I picked this book up at the Printers Row Book Fair in June for a dollar. Basically the book is just a “best of” of his online column. If you are a fan of Dan’s, like I am then you will enjoy this book. Pretty much every sexual perversion is addressed and discussed in this book which makes this an interesting and quick read.

Where Have All the Leaders Gone by Lee Iacocca – I read Iacocca’s biography he wrote in the 80’s. While I didn’t always agree with the man I did admire him. In this book he basically takes both political parties to the wood shed. He also gives it to the auto industry which he obviously knows a lot about. He brings up some good points even if at times he sounds a little grumpy.

A Futile and Stupid Gesture: How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon changed Comedy Forever – I got this one at the Book Fair as well. I was looking in a booth and saw the book. I started flipping through it when the author came up to me and started talking to me. He was pretty cool and I got him to sign the book. For anyone that is a fan of the films Caddyshack or Animal House this is a must read. Kenney and National Lampoon’s legacy is still felt today. For anyone that reads the Onion, basically National Lampoon was doing very similar things way back in the 70’s. It ends tragically and if you don’t know the story, I urge you to read about Kenney’s short, bizarre life.

The Running Man by Stephen King – I know what you are thinking why, in God’s name are you doing as a thirty eight year old man reading a Stephen King book? I like most teenagers in the 80’s read most of his library when I was in my teens. I never read this book however. I saw the bad Arnold movie based on this short story on cable awhile back and so, out of boredom one day I looked up the film on IMDB. On the site was a thread about how different the book was from the film. After reading the synopsis about the book, it looked interesting. So, I picked up the book and read through it while I was on Jury Duty last week. It is vastly different from the movie. As a matter of fact it ends with the main character flying an airplane into a building. Mind you this book was written in the early 80’s. It is in a word creepy

Ramble On

Here are some brief observations I came to in the last couple of days.

You need to give people something free if you want them to read your pamphlet’s – You can’t walk out of Union Station in the morning without someone hawking something or trying to stick some flier in your face. The only crap I ever take are the ones in which they give you something with it. Either some candy or a pen goes along way to people taking someone’s literature. Washington Mutual has been out by Union Station for over a week trying to hand out pamphlets and no one is taking them because they aren’t giving anything away with them. Just go out and buy some Bic pens and see how quick people will take what you are handing out.

If you are under 18 you have no business being a Christian – I’m sorry when you are young you need to live. You don’t know shit about shit and one needs time to form their religious beliefs over time. When you are that young, you need to be out sewing your oats and living what the Amish call, “The Devil Years.” To spend them adhering to a strict set of non-sense rules all because your parents want to keep you chaste and ignorant is simply moronic. Live your life and then if after experiencing different people and different beliefs you still want to become a Christian then go for it. Just don’t preach to the rest of us in the logical world.

Checking out at a grocery store is a pain in the ass – Basically, at least at the Jewel by my house, you have two options. One is the self checkout. Now, this option is a good one if there is no one else using the thing. However, most times there is some clueless mouth breather who can’t figure out how to do it. Basically anyone with a third grade intellect should be able to figure out how to scan the UPC code, bag the item and then once you’re done pay for your wears. Sadly, most people I encounter in the store can’t figure out this process. Also, self checkout should be used only if you have fifteen items or less, if you have more then go to a cashier.

Of course going to a cashier is not without its complications. Usually the cashier is about as happy to be there as your average zoo cage janitor. They are stuck there no matter what so, they are in no hurry. Even if you get a good cashier you still have a good chance to be behind some old woman (and I hate to generalize here ladies but it is usually a old blue haired woman) who still writes a check to pay for their groceries. In 2007 there is simply no excuse to write checks anymore for any retail purchase. Every bank in America will give you a debit card that is linked to your checking account. Writing checks at the store is about as outdated as a Bob Hope joke. They should have one separate check writing line at Jewel and call it the 1977 line and let the rest of society move in a timely fashion.

Genesis Invisible Touch album is a piece of shit – This album was huge in the mid to late 80’s. So, some considerable time has passed since its release. After having had to endure listening and re-listening of it over and over again, I have come to the conclusion that it just might be the worst piece of music I have ever heard. The sad thing is, I like a lot of the Genesis catalog. In particular the Peter Gabriel years. But even after he left they put out some good records. However, by the time Invisible Touch came out any musical creativity they had was gone. They simply mailed it in making an un-listenable generic pop record that has the all the heart and soul of a corpse. If I ever have to hear Land of Confusion or Invisible Touch again I think I will have to blow my brains out.

I’m Old - I know that is no shocker, even to me. Still, from time to time I get reminded of the fact. I am going to Vegas in a couple of weeks. I also need a new pair of shoes. Anyone that has been to Las Vegas knows, that is no town to break in a new pair of shoes. You do a whole lot of walking in that town. So, I wanted to get a pair to break-in before we go there.

Now, I still wear Vans. I know they are not made for people my age and I should probably wear a more age appropriate shoe. But, I like what I like. Vans are comfortable and I have been wearing them forever, so I see no need to change. So, Joyce and I went out to Orland, and one of the quests at hand was to buy Nick a new pair of shoes. As I was walking in the mall we came across a store that had Vans, called Zumiez. Well, if you want to be reminded of how old you are just walk into this store.

First off I felt like I was at juice bar not a retail store as there was this lame recycled teen angst that passes off as music (and I am not one of these “there is no good current music” snobs There is some new good music out there, this just wasn’t it) blaring over the loud speakers at a decibel level that rivals a sonic boom. As I walked in to look at the shoes, I realized I was the only person even close to legal drinking age in the store. Upon entering, the clerks looked at me as if to say, hey Gramps unless you are buying a gift for your son’s homecoming get your 1980’s ass out of here.

I slowly walked up to the wall where the Vans were looked at them for about ten seconds. I glanced over to Joyce who had a look on her face that meant let’s get the fuck out of here. We quickly high tailed it out of there and got over to a JC Penny’s where we belong. They had Van’s there and I bought a pair learning a valuable lesson. I am way too old to be shopping at any store in the mall that has music playing that was released after 1990.

Some Favorite Websites

Here are ten websites that make life worth living

http://www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com/ - A site created by a pure genius. Basically it is a bunch of pictures of guys that look like Kenny Rodgers. I have often seen dudes who like the Gambler and cursed myself for not having a camera with me so I can submit a picture to the site.

http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/ - For any one that likes to tie one on from time to time comes this gem of a website. Many great links and columns to get a good laugh from.

http://overheardinchicago.blogspot.com/ - A personal favorite. These are actual submissions from people that overheard actual conversations in and around Chicago. I have had a couple of submissions accepted on this site.

http://lebowskifest.com/default.asp - A great site for fans of the Big Lebowski. Every year they have a Lebowski fest and one of these years I will talk Joyce into going with me. They also offer some great Lebowski merchandise.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/ - Where else would I learn the meaning of a Hot Karl or a Rusty Trombone? Another great site that will define almost any slang term you can think of.

http://www.bobanddavid.com/ - The site of the creators of Mr. Show, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross. Both of these guys are extremely funny. The updates sometimes can be few and far between but, the posts are always humorous.

http://www.ctatattler.com/ - A site that allows people to submit amusing CTA stories. Also a great place to vent about the public transportation system in this city.

http://www.theonion.com/content/index - The Onion while not what it once was, is still pretty good and is still the best satirical website out there. Sometimes they are a little too righteous in the AV Club for my tastes but funny is funny and the Onion is still funny.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ - Funny site where they use Chuck Norris for the measuring stick for many amusing things. My favorite is guys aren’t hung like horses. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

http://amiannoying.com – A site where you can actually vote is someone is annoying or not. The give both pro’s and con’s. Take a gander when you really want to kill some time

A Bad Kiss

Sometimes you build things up in your head so much that when they happen you can be let down. I learned that at a young age with a girl I worked with at Kmart. Actually, she was a woman and I was a teenager.

Her name was Jolynn. I first saw her when I started at the Mart and I was all of eighteen. She worked the jewelry counter and was twenty six. This was like a very brief period in my life when I had a thing for older women. (I think I was just sick of having to deal with eighteen year old girls. Any man who has to deal with them can sympathize.) I was hooked the first time I saw her. She was in a word, gorgeous. She had long dark hair and dark features. She was Italian, (which is usually a turn off to me) and had this killer smile. She always wore sun-dresses and she looked damn good in them. On top of all of that she was cool as hell.

It was beyond obvious I was infatuated with her. I mean I made it pretty obvious. She had a boyfriend, (I mean girls like that are never single) and she was so out of my league it was comical. She was in the majors and I was still playing tee ball. Still, I talked to her, a lot. I guess you could say I was hitting on her, but I did it in such an innocent way, that it was not off-putting. Most guys in the store were intimidated by her which was understandable. I figured since hooking up with her was such a pipe dream, I might as well talk to her and find out about what kind of a person she was.

She had a bit of a wall she had built up as a kind of defense mechanism that you had to get past at first. But, once she deemed you cool, she could be a really a nice and funny girl. If I remember correctly she was dating some guy that was giving her the run around and she was always complaining about him. I talked to her, went to lunch with her from time to time and most importantly made her laugh.

As the months went by, we became friends. Not friends that saw each other socially but inside the confines of the store, we were friendly. We joked around and had fun. I had a big time crush on her and she knew it. I knew the odds were against me, I knew she had a boyfriend, I knew she was eight years older then me, but none of that mattered. (Logic and an erection rarely go together.)

Valentine’s Day eventually rolled around. I can’t remember all the details but somehow, I joked with her about making me a cake. To my utter surprise and delight as I came in the store to work that February 14^th she paged me over to the jewelry counter and handed me over a cake she baked, with a frosting inscription that said love, Jolynn. She topped it off with a kiss to my check when she handed it to me.

I was beyond floored. I was walking on air, thinking I might actually have a chance with her. So, I played it as cool as possible and plotted my next move. One Sunday night we closed the store together. We frequently walked out of the Mart together. So, as we were walking out I decided what the fuck, go for it. I asked her what she was doing after work, she said nothing. So, I asked her if she wanted to grab a quick bite, much to my surprise and delight she agreed.

So, I jumped into her Honda CRX, and away we went. We went to the Patio in Bridgeview. I had eaten many lunches with her but this was the first time I ate with her outside of Kmart store hours. I was a tad nervous, but she snaked me a beer when she placed her order, which calmed me a little bit. We ate our meals and she drove me back to my car that was still in Kmart’s parking lot.

She pulled up beside my Buick Skylark, and kept talking. I was nervous and intimidated as all hell. If I tried to kiss her and she pulled back, I would have to face her and the humiliation every time I worked with her. Eventually, as our conversation was ending in the car, we went to hug and without even thinking about it, started making out. And it sucked.

Maybe I had built her up too much in my head. But, she was the worst kisser I had ever kissed. It was awkward as hell. She was all over the place. Sometimes, you just click with a person when you kiss and other times it just doesn’t. For some reason when we started to kiss, we just were not on the same wavelength. I felt absolutely nothing kissing her and just wanted to get out of that car. At one point I finally excused myself and headed home, confused. I should have been on top of the world, but instead I was disappointed.

I would never hook up with her again and in truth we kind of stopped talking after that. Thankfully, shortly after that incident she quit the store and I never saw her again. Thinking back on it, I learned a valuable lesson, sometimes two people just won’t click. I guess I had built up the experience so much in my head that when it finally happened I was bound to be let down. If you don’t have that chemistry, then well it just wasn’t meant to be.

2008 Cubs

Well, the Cubs did it to me again. They sucked me in only to break my heart. I should no better but, I guess I will never learn. They are like the some enchanting siren, that you fall in love with only to have them leave you with a case of blue balls.

Anyway, with the season over let’s take a look at 2008. Let’s start with the position players. These positions are locked in stone in my opinion. Lee at first, De Rosa at second, Ramirez at third and Soriano in left. That leaves short, center, right and catcher.

Shortstop
Ryan Theriot did a very admirable job. I have no problem with him being the starting shortstop next year. Alex Rodriguez has been rumored to be a free agent in the off season and he has a history of playing with Lou Pinella. As much as that would be a wet dream come true, I don’t think it is going to happen, so by all means let Theriot start on opening day next year.

Center Field and Right Field
There are a lot of free agents out there for either position. Jaque Jones has one more year on his contract and my bet is he will still be here next year despite it all. Felix Pie is raw as we all saw. I still don’t think he is ready. He is still young and could use some more seasoning. Matt Murton showed flashes but I am not sure he will be a long term run producer. There is one free agent out there, I like he would could put in RF next year and could hit 5^th, Bobby Abreu. Abreu is a free agent at the end of the season and I don’t think the Yankees are going to re-sign him. I know his numbers have gone down a little, but getting back to the NL would be huge. Plus this guy is a big time on base percentage guy and would really bolster our order.

Catcher
It was a tumultuous year behind the plate for the Cubs. Michael Barrett, Henry Blanco, Koye Hill, Rob Bowen, Jason Kendall, and Giovanni Soto all started games behind the plate. Soto to me looks like the real deal and could be the answer for some time. He and Blanco should make a nice combo behind the plate next year.

Rotation
Ok, we know Zambrano, Lilly and Hill will be there. Marquis is under contract, but I just don’t trust him. He took a crap for the most part the last two months. However, there is nothing out there even remotely interesting free agency wise so, he will be back. As for the fifth spot, I think it comes down to a competition between Kevin Hart, Sean Marshall and if healthy (a big if) Mark Prior. That is unless you can work a trade. The Cubs have a lot of chips for once. You offer someone a Murton, Marshall and Eric Patterson package you might be able to land a decent number two starter.

Bullpen
For the most part the bullpen we saw at the end of the year will be back. Howry, Eyre, Dempster, Marmol, Hart and Wuertz should all be back. Kerry Wood is a free agent and I am all for trying to bring him back. He quietly pitched very well down the stretch. Will Ohman should not be brought back under any circumstances. Aaron Fultz is a nice lefty reliever who is going to be out there. Go sign him to round out your bullpen.

So here is my starting lineup for the 2008 Chicago Cubs

LF Soriano
SS Theriot
1B Lee
RF Abreu
3B Ramirez
C Soto
2B De Rosa
CF Jones

That is pretty solid. You could even have Abreu hit second and move the Theriot down to 8^th. Either way that lineup scores runs. It is up to Jim Hendry and Lou Pinella now. Let’s hope they have a good off season and we can at long last end the World Series drought.

Kmart Softball

I played softball for a number of years. I had some high points and some low in my years of recreational fun. I never took it too seriously and tried to always have fun. I was on some really good teams and some that that were brutal. However, the most fun I had of any team I played on was the Bridgeview Kmart Team.

We were the equivalent of the Buffalo Bills. We would have great regular seasons and then the playoffs would come and we would lose our shit. I mostly played 2B for that team. I also pitched a little (which was a disaster) and eventually moved to the OF.

I remember my first game with that team like it was yesterday. We played the store on 71^st and Pulaski at Currie High School. We lost something like 21-3. (Yet, Jim and I were still able to turn two double plays. Can you imagine if we didn’t turn them what the score would be.) I remember thinking this is going to be a long season. Then all of the sudden we won the next week and we were got confident.

We stormed to an 9-3 record and got our revenge on 71^st when we played them later in the year at New Castle Park (our home field.) That team for the most part was, Rob at first, me at second, Jim Fields at short, Dan the sporting goods manager at third, Paul in left, Wally in left center, Terry White in right center, Chris in right, Bill Miller pitching and we had a number of catchers.

That team was so much fun to be on. Sure it sucked when the playoffs came and we lost to the 111^th and Cicero store. (A team we trounced twice during the regular season.) But, I had some good times drinking in the Kmart parking lot. After every game on Sunday night we would head up to the lot and knock back a couple of coca-colas and chow some White Castles. On top of that it made working there so much better as all the managers were on the team. So, it was almost like an insurance policy if you screwed up at work to be on the team.

All told I think I played five or six season on that team. The last year I was on that team we were a force. We were going to win the whole thing, we were that good. But, of course halfway in, the league was forced to cancel the season. It was an All Star team. I moved to the outfield for the first time in my softball life because I knew on that team if I wanted to play I better learn to play the outfield. For me personally I was having the best year I would ever have.

It probably had to do with the fact I was playing three nights a week. I was on the Kmart team on Sunday’s. I was on Is It Wrong on Wednesday’s and the Peace Frogs on Fridays. (Another legendary softball team I was on.) Playing that much got me in a groove. That team was Rob at first, Jim Fields at second, Vic (an amazing hitter) at short, Scott Woodrum at third, Kirk Boyme in left, Wally in left center, Paul in right center and me in right, Dan Murphy catching and Terry White pitching.

I batted second on that team. All I did that year was hit. I was in a zone that I was never in before or since. I would get on base in front of Vic, Jim and Wally (all guys who could hit the ball a country mile) and just circle the bases in front of them. It was like doing wind sprits. I led the world in runs scored that year. In each game we played not only did we win, we slaughter ruled the other team. It wasn’t even close. I never stepped on a softball field so confident in myself and the team I was on.

Sadly, because Kmart changed its Sunday night hours to compete with Wal Mart the league had to be folded. Thus that would be the last year that league exsisted. It was too bad because in all the years I played softball I never won it all. I came close with the Peace Frogs a couple of times but never got a trophy. Maybe now that I am approaching forty I can join a forty and over league and win one that way.

Dollar Bill

They say you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. I have always believed that if a person was an asshole when he was alive by dying that does not turn him into a saint. I mean don’t get me wrong it is sad when anyone dies. But let’s not use that as an excuse to forget just how that person was when they were alive.

I bring this up because long time Chicago Black Hawk owner Bill Wirtz passed away last week. When he was alive he treated Black Hawk fans like shit. He is the main reason I am no longer a Black Hawk fan today, which is saying something. Back in the mid to late 80’s there wasn’t a bigger Hawk fan or hockey fan around then yours truly.

I still remember my first Black Hawk game like it was yesterday. My Uncle John took me. I couldn’t have been more then ten or eleven years old. The Hawks were playing the Toronto Maple Leafs. We sat in the nose bleeds up in the storied second balcony of the old Chicago Stadium. You had to climb what seemed like an endless set of stairs to make your way up to the top of the Stadium. Maybe that is what made it all the more exciting.

I remember the crowd was way into it and the sound and smell of the game. Hockey is truly the one sport where television does not do it any justice. The game just does not translate well to the small screen. There was nothing like seeing a Hawks game live in the old barn. The national anthem was something that you had to experience for yourself. The crowd would start cheering upon the first note with Wayne Messmer and would reach a crescendo on the last bar. The entire building just shook as he sang it.

For most of the 80’s the Black Hawks actually had a good team. They were in the playoffs every year. The home games were not on television. So, I was forced to listen to all home games on the radio. Pat Foley was the play by play man and he was brilliant. He painted a mental picture and was so good at describing the action on the ice. Denis Savard, Al Secord, Tony Espisito and Steve Larmer where my hero’s back then.

In the early to mid 90’s however the Black Hawks started to tank and it can be traced to the miser Bill Wirtz. Just like in the 70’s when he refused to pay Bobby Hull, he refused to pay for top talent. He traded away Jeremy Roenick (at the time the Hawks top scorer) for nothing. He traded away Ed Belfour (the Hawks goalie who would go on to win a Cup in Dallas.) The reason they were traded away, was simply they were headed to free agency and he didn’t want to pay them.

So, just as the product on the ice started to tank he felt it was the right time to raise ticket prices. So, not only were the home games not on TV, now you had to take out a loan to watch them. I had enough at that point.

On top of all that the United Center as nice as it can be for a Bulls game, sucks for hockey. It just doesn’t have that same feeling like the old Stadium did for a Hawks game. The last Black Hawk game I went to, (which was like in the mid 90’s) the place was half empty and it had the energy of a senior citizen on Nyquil.

When a guy decided to write a book about just how much Dollar Bill was ripping off Black Hawk fans, Wirtz sued the guy and tried to ban him from selling his book outside of the United Center. In 2004 he was a main cog in the lockout which cancelled the entire 2004-2005 season.

I have been reading in the paper how charitable he was and how great he was to his family. Which just goes to show that no person is all sinner or all saint. Wirtz, over the years treated the loyal Hawk fans like his personal ATM and we should not forget that. He has reduced the once great Black Hawks into the laughing stock of the NHL. It has gotten so bad that the minor league Wolves typically outdraw the Hawks. That will be his legacy, no matter how the writers in this town want to distort the true history of the man.

Bernie's and the Nasty

I have always been a bar kind of guy. I am at my most comfortable knocking back a cold one sitting at a local watering hole. Nowadays my thirty eight year old ass usually hits beer and shot joints with the occasional sports bar thrown in there for good measure. When I was a younger man however, there was a period in my life when I used to regularly frequent two bars in Lincoln Park. One was Bamboo Bernie’s and the other was the Big Nasty. This would be the closest I would ever come to going to a club.

I found them because I attended DePaul University. And if you wanted to meet women while you were at De Paul you went to either Bernie’s or the Big Nasty. They were located right across the street from each other on Lincoln Ave. I have some fond and not so fond memories of my times at each.

The Big Nasty was a bar that featured among other things silly string for sale. So, the deal was you bought a can and then sprayed your friends with it. It had two floors and had the usual bad club music blaring in it. The men’s bathroom walls were littered with centerfold cutouts. The oldest person in the bar was usually like thirty. I had some good moments in the place. There was the time I went there with my posse and my friend Brian did a mosh pit dance move to the Roof is on Fire that had us laughing our asses off.

I also had some not so great moments there. The Big Nasty is the only place I ever drank that flat 7UP they tried to sell, called Zima. It was also the bar where I had a bad beer goggling moment. I was hammered beyond recognition. To get to the bathroom you had to cross the dance floor. So, on my way there as I am crossing the dance floor some girl literally grabs me and starts making out with me. Now normally this would be a score, however this was not the case.

I don’t really remember much of it or her, but my friend Rob tells me that she was how shall I say this, kind of a big girl. I swear she wasn’t but the condition I was in my memory is probably not to be trusted. As I continued to make out with Rosie O’ Donnell, her girlfriend came up to us and she pushed me aside and told me, I was going to have to share her, and the two of them then made out. So, being young single and thinking I was on the verge of living out every twenty something’s male fantasy, Rob grabs me and tells me we are leaving. I fought, but Rob was persistent that we leave. Rob swears he was saving me from being the meat in a rather large sandwich, so I guess I should thank him.

Bamboo Bernie’s had pretty much the same crowd. They also had a drink called the Fish Bowl. I don’t know what was in them but whatever it was it packed a punch. It was served in a goldfish bowl and was blue. It came with a plastic shark and a sign said it was advisable if you shared it with others. It came with like, four straws if I remember correctly. I don’t think I ever had a beer at Bernie’s and I never walked out of there sober.

It had an indoor sand volleyball court and usually featured many people dancing on top of the bar. (Which I admit I did, somewhat frequently.) I have a lot of good stories from there as well. My two favorite memories of the place are probably the time Wally and I went there and had this girl flash us her assets as we continued to feed her singles like she was some stripper. Another time I went there with my brother and he got beyond loaded. I left him on a curb outside the place sitting there in his own vomit. (He has a great story of the next day having to help our step-dad clean up a flooded warehouse.)

Both bars are now long gone. I believe Bernie’s is now same lame yuppie restaurant and the Nasty is a different bar. Still, the memories I have from both places that will last a lifetime.